I got a call from Dice wanting to promote the show a couple of weeks ago, and I wanted to share the interview with you. Growing up in the late 80s and early 90s, there was a rock star of a comedian who single-handedly changed the way me and my high school friends spoke to each other when we hung out, he changed the way we smoked our cigarettes, he changed the way we dressed, and he even changed the way that we read our nursery rhymes. His name was Andrew “Dice” Clay, and he didn’t only change our young and easily manipulated minds, but he also changed the face stand-up comedy to the way we know it today. Yeah, there was Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby, but Dice’s brand of comedy became legendary. I remembered memorizing Dice’s whole HBO stand-up special word for word when I was in high school, and my friends and I would laugh for hours repeating his lines, almost wanting to be him! This man was a comedic legend, but one question remained. What happened to Dice?
In 2002, real life stepped in for Dice, where he went through a really bad divorce, leaving him no choice, but to step away from show business to focus on raising his sons, Max and Dillon. Though, he was busy being a dad, show business was never too far away for Dice, as he became a regular on the Opie and Anthony Show, Sirius Satellite radio gave him his own radio show in 2005, and in 2007, he made his attempt at reality TV with Dice: Undisputed. Here in 2011, Dice is happily remarried to Valerie Vasquez, who is 24 years younger than he is. As most of you already know, he’s also landed a recurring role on the final season of Entourage playing a washed up version of himself. And on October 1, he will be making his return home to Brooklyn with a one night only show at MCU Park. The Diceman is back, and he was more than happy to talk about it…….
TL: So, Dice, I have to tell you that when I was in high school back in the late 80s, you heavily influenced the way my friends and I spoke to each other, the way we smoked our cigarettes, and the way we dressed…..
ANDREW “DICE” CLAY: I’ve always been the type to know what goes on in my life, almost like looking in from the outside, and I would see all of that. I would see the guys in motorcycle jackets, the Zippo lighters, and the attitude, and I was like, ‘That really affected people!’ In fact, when I went back to MTV (VMA’s) the other night, they were asking ‘why do you think they lifted the lifelong ban?’ I said, ‘You know what? You’ve had supermodels, you’ve had superstars, there was never a supercomic, and I’m that guy! I’m the first supercomic ever, and that’s why! I survived it all! The funny thing about show business is that they look at guys like me and say he won’t even make it through the rough times and I did! That’s what it is to be a supercomic! I said I’m gonna take on the world. I’m the guy who is gonna change things, and I’m the guy in the world that I was living in, stand-up comedy, who’s gonna really give people big bang for their buck! I wanted to create something really exciting for people and the effect is what you were just telling me; the way people smoke their cigarettes, the way they wore their jackets, the way they acted. That’s a pretty cool thing to have affected so many people like that, and now it’s come full circle.
TL: Everyone’s asking where Dice has been? And I feel like you’ve always been there. You were just a little under the radar. You were on shows like Opie and Anthony, you had your own radio show on Sirius, and then there was your reality show, Dice: Undisputed…..
ADC: I was under the radar, though, because that was like far and few between. I love O and A, I love Stern, I love all those shows, and I would do them when I can, but I was living a really stressful life at the time; me and my wife broke up, my kids were only seven and eleven years old. And I am from Brooklyn, and there is another side to me. There is that side of family and taking care of them! I’m not the Dice onstage when I’m offstage. I’m the guy that takes care of his family first, and they needed me, and I was there for them. I don’t want a pat on the back for doing what was the natural thing, and being the kind of father that kids can come to and talk to and hang with and share a million great moments and memories since they were babies. My son, Max, who goes by the name Max Silverstein as a comic; he’s doing the comedy now, and he just turned twenty-one yesterday, and if I wasn’t there for him all these years, I just would’ve felt like shit going ‘my kids like twenty-one, where was I all these years?’ That’s what I’d be thinking instead of how great it’s been and how close we are. Just at the house last night, he went out with his comedy friends. Of course, they went to The Rainbow in Hollywood, and this is how responsible he is, he told me, ‘I’m going to take a cab home tonight, dad.’ So I’m driving him to Hollywood, so he doesn’t have to drive himself, I go, ‘Just try to pace yourself, I know that your twenty-one and you’re gonna have your party tonight.’ Then I come into his room to see how his night was, and he was getting sick in a garbage can. (laughs) I’m like, ‘You ok?’ He was like, ‘It was a great night, but I’m a little sick right now!’ I said, ‘Well welcome to the real world!’ The fact that all these little things that you teach your kids when they’re growing up, and that they listened to me and they respect what I taught them, that’s what I’m happy about. So, yeah, I was under the radar. I never disappeared! I did the clubs, I worked on my act, but there was really no time for that if I was going to raise them properly, and that’s what I’ve been talking about a lot. Not that the parent thing ever ends, but now that my boys are a little older, I mean, my son Dillon, who’s not even seventeen yet, his body look like The Trepidation or The Situation, obviously not as developed, but the kid is on two water polo teams, colleges are after him to play on their teams, he just won a silver medal in the junior Olympics, and that’s because I was there to talk to about things they want to do and being at the games and supporting them. So, I never really went away, but I went away enough that in the public’s eye, I disappeared because I was just going out trying to hustle and make a living while I take care of my sons.
TL: Has the world, the way it is today, changed your act at all?
ADC: Definitely, between technology and what absolute slobs women have turned into. They’re the biggest whores ever since I’m alive, and nobody appreciates it more than me because I always understood sexuality, and I always understood that when you’re with a woman, let her be exactly like the pig that she really needs to be with a guy that she really fuckin’ digs! I’m not saying that every chick in the world digs me, but the ones that are with me, sooner or later they all learn to hate me because I’m a very creative and high-strung guy. I mean my brand new fuckin’ wife now that I just got, she’s the first girl to come along in many, many years that really just gets who I am, and she’s a lot younger, she’s like twenty-seven, twenty-eight years younger than me, yet I wasn’t looking for a young girl, it’s just the way it went down. The maturity in her, the street instinct, and she’s just really smart when it comes to what I do. She really helps me with my business. Her name is Valerie. We met at The Playboy Mansion, and I never gave a fuck about going to The Playboy Mansion. I’ve been there twice in all the years, so I go up there with my son for Super Bowl Sunday, and the minute that I laid my eyes on my wife, I was in love, and she was in love. That was that, there was the zebra thong, and I was hooked! Years ago, when I used to tell the audience, ‘Treat me like the pig that I am!’ There was always someone that would go, ‘Oh, I don’t like that!’ Today, if you don’t treat them like the pigs that they are, they get offended! Women, today, are the aggressors! I can’t even take credit for kissing my wife first because the minute we were in my house, she started making out with me! I’m like, ‘You’re fuckin’ kidding? This is how it is?’ I’m gonna marry this girl, and I did the following Valentine’s Day! I’ve been married to her a year and a half, and she’s always with me. That’s what I needed! I like that support, having my chick next to me! She’s my world! She’s gorgeous, she’s fun, and I’m with her 24-7! Every night we go to bed between 4 and 6 because my bedroom is an absolute nightclub at night! My son, Max, does a whole bit on me in his stand-up act, and he talks about the closet being the V.I.P. room. It’s fuckin’ hysterical! The music’s going every night, the look of the room changes from the lights I had installed. It’s crazy, but that’s the way life should be! I don’t like boredom. I get bored easy. I like my sex red hot! I like it on fire! I don’t like mediocre sex. I don’t like the ‘I get on top of you, oh ma ma ma, here’s a little kiss, a little insertion and then blast off!’ That bores the fuck out of me! It bored me when I was eighteen and it bores me now! I’ve been with my wife two and half years and we go toe-to-toe like Ali and Frazier! She’s the fuckin’ best thing to happen to me!
TL: So, you’re coming home to Brooklyn to perform at MCU Park, what are your feelings about this?
ADC: My feelings were, you see, Brooklyn never had a big place for me to perform. I started out at Pips, which isn’t there anymore, but over three hundred sold-out arena shows, obviously, The Garden, the most famous, and the biggest show that I ever did, but it wasn’t alone, was with Guns ‘N’ Roses and Metallica at The Rose Bowl out in L.A. My point is I played every arena over and over and over, but Brooklyn has never had a big place, and when this resurgence happened, I said that I want to play Cyclone Stadium. That’s my home, that’s where I’m from. I never lost my feel for Brooklyn. As a matter of fact, the last time that I had to come into the city, I took my wife into Brooklyn, and we went to Kings Plaza, we went to Coney Island, and Spumoni Gardens. I said that this is where I’m from. This is why I am the way I am! Brooklyn people are the best people in the fuckin’ world! I thought why not just come back there and show them I’m still your Brooklyn guy! That’s why even in Entourage, I wore a sweatshirt that said ‘Brooklyn’s Son’! I always felt so connected to Brooklyn, and when I did the show, I wanted them to see that! My father, who is very sick now, said to me, ‘You’re going to climb up there again. It’s who you are. That’s why you call yourself the Rocky of stand-up comedy because no matter what’s been done to you, you don’t fall!’ Then I asked, ‘But how do you know I’m going to climb up again?’ And he goes, ‘Because you always had the talent! You just had no way of fighting back because there was no internet!’ Today, the fans will fight back for you! Years ago, I couldn’t fight back. What am I gonna do? Go to a newscaster’s house and give him a smack? Believe me, there were many times that I wanted to do that. Like the problem with the guy on CNN that time. I was playing a sold-out show at the Beacon Theater, and this guy wanted to ask me about a gym? I mean, the biggest news network in the world and this guy is not prepared to interview a comic that has sold more seats than most rock bands ever, and you’re asking me if I work in a gym, assholehead? What a stupid fuck! Forever, he’s the guy that fucked with Dice! Why would you do that? (It’s on youtube!)
TL: How did the Entourage part come about?
TL: It definitely put you back on the map, Dice! I gotta tell ya, people are talking about you again from being on that show….
ADC: You know every newspaper in the world is saying everything from ‘Dice Dominates the show!’ to ‘He should win an Emmy for it!’I mean, it’s just complete resurgence! It’s exciting and I’m thankful for it! Believe me! So, I really want to go out there and give the people what they want. I’m probably gonna do a special for Showtime because I only want to do one more stand-up special because I really want to get into movies. Maybe do another reality thing called The Real Entourage, using these characters that I’m friends with. We’re even talking about doing a Ford Fairlane sequel, and that’s it! That’s what’s going on. I’m not gonna make up shit. We’re talking to book publishers about my life story. There’s plenty going on for right now. So, to come to Brooklyn where Dice Rules again, I gotta do it! The best whores are in Brooklyn! You walk around and they got the white shorts creepin’ up their ass with the six inch fuckin heels with their fuckin’ tits stickin’ out with the lips on, the shiny lips, like ‘lips by MAC’ that it looks like they took four loads in the face before they even leave the house. Thank God I didn’t have a daughter! But first, it’s time to tour. It’s time to get back out there. We’re living in a world of chaos now, and that’s when people really need to laugh. To be the only supercomic ever, I’m the guy to go out there to make people laugh harder than any fuckin’ comic walking earth!
TL: Are you kidding me Dice? You’re the rock star of all comics, and as a fan of comedians, we missed you on stage!
ADC: And I’m looking forward to being there, and I am getting a Nathan’s hot dog! First, I wanna watch my wife eat one because it looks kind of sexy! (laughs) Remember, the only reason Dice can rule, is because Brooklyn rules!
Catch Andrew “Dice” Clay’s return to Brooklyn at the MCU Park, where the Brooklyn Cyclones play, on October 1. Log onto andrewdiceclay.com for all of your ticket info!