Keeping up with my theme of scandalous sex stories this week, I knew Florida wouldn't let me down. Don't get me wrong, I love visiting family and friends down there, but there is some real trash down in the Sunshine State. For example, the sight of a half-naked man thrusting into a woman against a parked truck in a Florida parking lot gave police more than "reasonable suspicion" that sex was happening! Only in Florida!
I'm talking about 20-year-old Brandon Tinyes and 42-year-old April Newcomb. The Manatee County Sheriff's Office busted the fornicating duo with their pants down to their ankles after they were caught doing it in front of people who were going in and out of a Bradenton pub called Beef O'Brady's. By the way, yes, she is twice his age. Maybe he was Milf-hunting?
Anyway, witnesses saw Newcomb performing oral sex on Tinyes and when deputies arrived at the parking lot at around 6 p.m., they heard Newcomb moaning and saw her legs wrapped around Tinyes. Her only defense, as she told deputies, she and Tinyes "were friends and having sex." So apparently she wasn't trying to hide it. Seriously, though! Get in a car or take your sex home or to a bed or something. Why would you do it out in public like that? Oh, I forgot. They live in Florida and that's where trash lives.
The duo were arrested on lewd and lascivious behavior and exposure of sexual organs charges during their alleged sex act on August 12. This is actually the second publicized incident for Newcomb. She was arrested back in 2010 on child abuse charges after a video showed her cheering on her teen daughter fighting another girl over a boy, as opposed to pulling the girls apart to break the fight up. In the video, Newcomb screams at her daughter to not "f**ing stop" and "punch her in the F**king body!" The child abuse charge was later reduced to a misdemeanor. I mean come on! Can Newcomb get anymore Florida than this? When you think about it, the only good things to come out of Florida are Disney World, Universal Studios, oranges and some of its beaches. Other than that, it's such a trashy state. I'm sorry to my family and friends who live there, but these are the people you live with!