I WAS STUPID

     So, for my last blog of 2016, I figured I'd go out with a bang. I apologize to those who read this regularly. I didn't blog as much as I'd like to in 2016 because I am in the middle of writing my thesis for my Master's Degree and it's been quite consuming. Anyhow, thank you for reading whenever I do post something silly.....or at times, serious! 

     To end 2016, I'd like to leave you off with this gem.....So, a New Jersey man accused of sexually abusing a woman on board a Newark-bound flight from India wrote the woman, "I was stupid," in an apology note, according to authorities. 40-year-old, Ganesh Parkar moved from his assigned business class seat on an Air India flight from Mumbai to Newark Liberty International Airport on Wednesday and sat next to a woman in the center row of the economy section soon after the flight took off where he allegedly groped her. Why doesn't this stuff ever happen to me when I fall asleep on the plane? 

     The remaining seats in the center economy row were empty and the woman had only engaged in limited conversation with Parkar. According to authorities, the two did not know each other before the incident. The woman fell asleep and when she awoke, she noticed the blanket she had on her had been pulled down. She then pulled it back up and went back to sleep again. Soon after waking up, she found that Parkar removed the blanket, and allegedly had his hand inside her shirt, groping her left breast without the woman's consent. She shouted at Parkar, "What the hell are you doing?" and she immediately rushed to inform the airline crew of the incident. Parkar then followed the woman down the aisle and the crew instructed him to go back to his assigned seat.

     Once he was seated, Parkar demanded the crew to let him speak with the victim, which his request was denied. So, instead he wrote two noted to the woman apologizing and that he "was stupid." Um, no shit! Who does that to a stranger when they're sleeping? Who is dumb enough to think that she was going to be okay with a total stranger groping her? Again, why doesn't anyone grope me when I'm sleeping on a plane? 

     Parkar, who is of Indian decent, is being charged with one count of abusive sexual contact on a plane. He appeared in Newark federal court on Thursday afternoon and if convicted, could face up to two years in prison and a $250,000 fine. I hope that left breast was worth it, Ganesh! I just can't get over the nerve that someone can have to even try to pull a stunt like this off. I mean the woman wasn't dead, so she obviously was going to feel you groping her. And what did he expect? For her to be like, "Oh wow, you grabbed my boobs! Let's do it!" What an idiot!

PLASTIC QUACK

     Yeah, I know. This guy kind of looks like Negan from The Walking Dead, but he's a actually a plastic surgeon who is being accused of causing a woman's death, but here's the kicker...When they were trying to arrest him, they walked in on him getting a surgery to extend his penis. Yes, he was in the middle of penis enlargement surgery at the time of his arrest. 

     48-year-old Carlos Gustavo Arzuza was arrested in a private clinic in the city of Mendoza, in the western Argentine province of the same name, known for their Malbec wines. It was in the same clinic that Arzuza is said to have performed liposuction and bottom implant on Beatriz Gattari, 49. Gattari died shortly afterwards of reported organ failure. 

     After an autopsy on the woman, prosecutor Claudia Rios told police to arrest Arzuza. Officers were shocked to discover Arzuza in the middle of undergoing penis enlargement surgery when they went to the clinic where he worked. After being arrested, Arzuza was transferred to a hospital It is not clear whether he was performing the surgery on himself or what stage his operation was at when police arrived or whether police allowed the operation to finish before actually detaining him. 

     Arzuza's assistant, 39-year-old Laura Dutta, was also arrested and the clinic was closed. Both suspects are being accused of "simple homicide." There's such a thing as "simple homicide"? Prosecutor Rios added that the private clinic was not registered and did not meet hygiene standards. Surgical tools were seized by police, who are also investigating whether illegal abortions were carried out there. 

     Arzuza was also investigated in 2013, along with a colleague and friend, Carlos Gassibe for "simple homicide" following the death of businessman Roberto del Barco, who underwent abdomen liposuction in July of 2013, but it was alleged that he did not receive proper anesthesia for the operation. After being badly anesthetised, it was alleged, Del Barco suffered cardio-respiratory failure and died. Arzuza was arrested, but released on bail and the case has not yet gone to court.

     Here's what I don't get....If you've been arrested for something you weren't supposed to be doing and you murdered someone, why would you go back to doing what you were doing as if it was business as usual? I hope this newly enlarged penis doctor goes away for a long time. He's nothing but a threat to society. But it is kind of funny that they walked in on his penis enlargement surgery to arrest him!

THE BEST PART OF WAKING UP IS CANNABIS IN YOUR CUP!

     I've never made it a secret that I was always for the legalization of marijuana. When I was in high school, I joined the New Jersey chapter of NORML, a nonprofit organization working to legalize marijuana. Today, it seems I got my wish as many states have legalized the recreational use of marijuana and the medical use of it. This opened the doors to many other products like edibles like brownies, lollipops, and gummy candies. I'm not going to lie, but I tried the gummy candies and if you eat the right dosage, you're in for an amazing time! 

     This morning, I found a story that just made mornings a million times better! Coffee lovers will soon be able to combine their cuppa Joe with Mary Jane for an extra morning buzz. Talk about a pick me up that can put you to sleep! San Diego-based company Brewbudz plans to debut single-serving coffee pods that also hold cannabis. Each cup will contain 10 milligrams of the marijuana chemical THC for the recreational users and up to 50 milligrams for people who need it for medical reasons, plus a jolt of "West Coast Roast" coffee so you can literally "wake and bake."

     The pods, which will cost around $7 a piece, are designed to fit in Keurig coffee brewers and will be completely compostable. So, the company boasts on it's website that the pods are therefore "good for you" and "good for the Earth." Hey, let's just say this is "Very Good!" Brewbudz Vice President Jeffry Paul says, "It's an opportunity to bring together two different rituals in life." 

     The company is due to launch sales in Nevada and Colorado in January and plans to expand to Washington, Oregon, California and Arizona by March. The product is the latest to benefit from the increasing number of states legalizing medical and recreational use of the drug. Nearly a quarter of the U.S. population now lives in a state that has legalized marijuana. 

     Though California legalized medical marijuana 20 years ago, voters only approved it for recreational use last month. The state hopes to make $1 billion in sales tax revenues from the pot business. The federal government still considers the drug illegal and classifies pit as a Schedule I drug alongside heroin. Yeah, I'm not sure why that is. I've never had any of my friends die or overdose because they smoked pot. I can't say the same of the big H. The federal government needs to recognize that marijuana is no worse for you than having a few drinks. It should not be in the same category as heroin and anyone who's smoked pot will agree with me. President Obama signaled that he would lay off state marijuana laws as long as certain requirements were met, like keeping pot businesses far from schools. The Department of Justice Issued guidelines for states to follow. 

     It's unclear how tolerant President-elect Donald Trump will be about the state laws concerning marijuana since his pick for attorney general is Jeff Sessions, who is strongly opposed to legalizing marijuana. State Treasurer John Chiang has already reached out to Trump and California's congressional delegation for guidance on how the state should regulate finances for the industry since banking is a problem for outlaw organizations. Trump has yet to comment publicly on the matter. State Attorney General Xavier Becerra said that his response to Trump would depend on how much the federal government is "trying to intrude on California's sovereignty."

     To be honest, at the end of the day, Mr. Trump is a businessman and I strongly believe he knows that this marijuana industry is big business that could help the nations deficit. I mean anyone with a brain can see that. I am, however, curious to see how this all plays out. Politics aside, though, "weed and coffee!" The best part of waking, or baking up, will be cannabis in my cup! This could be the greatest thing ever!

SHE WON'T TAKE "NO" AS AN ANSWER

     So, it looks like I haven't blogged in well over a month. For those who read this blog regularly, I'm terribly sorry! Life just got busy last month with a trip to Las Vegas slipped in there. I will try to do better. I promise!

     Anyway, have you ever had that ex that just won't go away. Like the Motley Crue song said, "Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!" Well, this story takes place in Ocala, Florida....Yes, I said Florida. I can't really make fun of Ocala, though, since we have family that live down there. So, a man in Ocala got more than he bargained for when he decided it was time to end his relationship with his girlfriend of three and a half years. 

     According to Ocala police, the man broke off his relationship with the woman near the end of November. On December 3, the man returned home from work only to find that his ex-girlfriend, later identified as 22-year-old Melissa Ostrander, had made her way into his home and was waiting for him. Reports say that Ostrander's sole intention was to argue with the man about leaving her. Dude! Just move on! 

     The man told police that he did not want to argue or discuss the relationship with her. Instead, the man left his residence and drove to his sister's house to get away from Ostrander. While visiting with his family at his sister's, he heard a car pull up in the driveway. Seconds later, Ostrander barged into the house and began to yell at the man about their break-up. Wow! I have to say.....This is nuts! Ostrander then grabbed the man by his shirt and attempted to pull him to the floor. That's when the man's sister grabbed Ostrander by her throat, and shoved her outside. It must be cool to have a sister who is an MMA fighter! The family said it appeared that Ostrander was going to leave, but she ran toward the house and again tried to regain entry when an unidentified person then pushed Ostrander, which kept her from entering the house. It must be cool to be related to a WWE wrestler too!

     Ostrander went back to her vehicle, and thinking she was leaving and the coast was clear, the man exited the residence and began talking with someone at the rear of his vehicle. That's when Ostrander positioned her vehicle in their direction, revved her engine, and accelerated toward them. The man, along with the person he was speaking with, were able to jump out of the way before Ostrander slammed into the man's car. The impact caused the man's car to propel forward and hit the residence. Ostrander then "threw" the car in reverse, accelerated again, and struck another car that had arrived at the residence and then fled the scene. What is it with women thinking it's okay to use their cars to play smash up derby? Wasn't there video of this on Black Friday too? 

     Police said there was a juvenile sitting in the passenger seat of one of the vehicles, but he was not injured. Police found Ostrander at her residence a short time later because that's the place I would have went to if I committed a crime and acted like an asshole. No sarcasm there whatsoever. 

     Ostrander told the police that she argued with her ex because they "have to raise a child together," and got upset that he had broken off the relationship. Ostrander was arrested and charged with Burglary, Domestic Battery, Domestic Aggravated Assault, Aggravated Assault, and Felony Criminal Mischief. She was released on an $11,000 bond with a court date set for January 3. Here's the kicker....Back in April 2014, Ostrander was arrested for Domestic Battery. Five months later, she was arrested a second time and charged with Domestic Battery and two counts of Domestic Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon. Now, based on my math skills, if Ostrander was with this guy for 3 and a half years, that means it was "him" that she beat up back in 2014 as well. Why would you stay with someone like this? How many times does she have to get arrested before she finally kills someone? I say put her away for good! The world would be a better place without this "Grimace"-looking piece of crap in it. 

GRANNY'S VAJAZZLE

     So, anyone into the GILF revolution? Me neither! Is there really a revolution? Yuck! Unless, the grandmother was Alyssa Milano or Jennifer Aniston or something....Otherwise, yuck!

     You're going to love this story! So, an elderly woman was hospitalized after "Bedazzling" her vagina with her granddaughter's arts and crafts kit. Yes, she was "tricking out" her va-jay-jay with her granddaughter's Bedazzle kit. How'd that vomit taste going back down? 

     According to family members, the granny, only named as Vandorsum in the article, had signed up for an online dating service recently, where she met a 36-year-old male who asked her out on a date after seeing her eHarmony profile pic (above.....don't ask!). The family tried to convince the great-grandmother of 22 to reconsider, mainly because of the age of her newly discovered beau. However, they said Vandorsum was persistent and "ready for an adventure."

     Everything took a horrible turn on Saturday evening when Vandorsum began complaining of shortness of breath, nausea and dizziness. Her daughter, Ruth, insisted on taking her to the hospital and when they arrived, Ruth explained to the ER doctor that her mom had been on a date with the younger man the previous night and it may have been a bit much on her. But that's when Vandorsum interjected and confessed to the doctor the real story. 

    She confessed, "Oh, I don't think it was the date itself, sweetie. I think it might have been that damn Bedazzle kit I stole from Lizzie's room before my date on Friday. I decided to bling out my goodies, you know just like those rap stars do to their teeth. And I did just that. And boy was he surprised. I laid on my side and lifted my leg in the air, and said, 'Hey Yum Yum, do you like my new smile? It's VaJazzled!' I was blinged from front to back. He said it looked more like a frown. But that didn't stop him!" Okay, I literally just threw up a little. I'm not even kidding!

     After the examination by the doctor, he found that several of the gems had been forced up into Vandorsum's uterus. Additionally, she had used superglue to attach the gems to her vaginal area, causing the poison to get into her system. The superglue and gemstones were settled into her vaginal wall for over 24 hours causing swelling, infection and lesions. I seriously just threw up again! 

     Vandorsum was treated and released the following day. Doctors said this is not the first time they have seen somebody come into ER for trying to spruce yo their feminine parts. However, they did say this is the first time they had ever seen anybody above the age of 50. What.....the......hell? Why would anyone in their right mind put superglue or gems anywhere near their 'goodies'? I wonder if any of the super glue was mistaken for man juice. Either way, I cannot unsee this, I cannot unread this, and if I can't, neither can you! Enjoy the rest of your day!
     

TOPLESS SELFIES WHILE DRIVING....A NEW TREND?

     I hate people who talk on their handheld cell phones while they're driving, or texters who have to text while they're driving. I mean, why can't it wait? You put the lives of everyone around you at risk. Then there's this stupid idiot, a 19-year-old Texas A&M student, who chose to take a topless selfie while driving and slammed into the rear of a stopped police car. Winner! Yes, she was arrested last Thursday! Maybe the topless selfie, just couldn't wait? 

     Miranda Rader also had an open bottle of wine in a cup holder next to her, according to the Bryan Police Department. The accident happened on Wednesday near the university about 100 miles northwest of Houston, causing the airbag to deploy. Police said that when the officer whose car was hit approached Rader, she was trying to put her blouse back on. So, she wasn't texting, but she was taking topless selfies and she was drunk? This girl is in big trouble!

     The arresting officer wrote in an affidavit, "I asked her why she was not dressed while driving and she stated she was taking a Snapchat photo to send to her boyfriend while she was at a red light." Oh, that's even better! 

     Rader was arrested on suspicion of driving while intoxicated and released on a bond of $2,000. Please, people! No topless selfies, or texting while you're driving. It can wait! I hate it when people take selfies while they're driving or take videos of themselves in traffic. More attention should be paid to the road when you're driving. Chalk this up to another reason why I hate people. 

THE WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER

     Is this really the face of a wedding photographer that you would hire? Um, yeah, no thanks! This is Mario Antoine of Raymore, Missouri. He's a former wedding photographer who is facing multiple charges after allegedly tricking dozens of women into having sex with him, then blackmailing them to ensure their silence. First of all, who the hell would have sex with this moron? Secondly, who would have sex with this moron? 

     Antoine was indicted on Monday before a federal grand jury on 21 counts, and was accused of luring dozens of Kansas City-area women to fake pornography auditions. The women of Kansas City must be desperate. Antoine, who is 33, was the subject of multiple investigations for allegedly defrauding brides and grooms out of wedding photos and services, and following a recent conviction, he served a jail term that a judge ordered after he violated probation in late 2015.

     The latest allegations against him claim that he posed as a talent manager, photographer and videographer for fake companies with names like "Playboy Worldwide", "Playboy Asia" and "Dash Agency." According to court papers, he claimed to manage private overseas porn websites, and the beginning of 2011, he auditioned victims, telling them he was scouting models for the fake websites. Based on the investigation, Antoine searched on Google for "rape by deception", "rape by deception Kansas" and "Illegal to trick girls into sleeping with you." He's said to have looked at law journals to investigate the criminal aspect of rape of fraud or deception.

     The U.S. Attorney's Office says he promised to pay tens of thousands of dollars when victims agreed to contracts where they performed for modeling shoots and engaged in sexual activity, which he shot and recorded, but then never paid them. When they complained about the non-payments, he's accused of sending lewd images of the victims to their employers and significant others. 

     Antoine was also accused of forging and falsifying documents, including tax forms and checks made out to other models, to make his operation appear to be real. The federal indictment says that he would communicate with prospective victims online while using an alias, and used photos of other victims he shot as proof of his legitimate photo shoots. 

     In one case, where a victim wasn't paid for shoots between 2011 and 2012, he allegedly told the victim she could either pay him $9,000 in exchange for not selling or distributing the images, or she could have sex with him. The news release says the victim had sex with him in order to keep him from releasing the images. In another case, where the victim pressed him for payment, he allegedly sent nude images of her to her employer that he recorded when they had sex. This guy is a savage! Wow!

     Antoine faces 12 counts of wire fraud, two counts of cyberstalking, two counts of online enticement, two counts of making false statements to federal law enforcement agents, one count of obstructing justice, one count of extortion and one count of falsely registering a domain name. 

     I have to say, "Unbelievable!" This guy had a plan to get laid. Unfortunately for him, his plan to get laid included many illegal things. I mean look at the guy. Would he get laid under normal circumstances? I'm sure even he couldn't get laid using Tinder. Sometimes you need to do what you need to do to have sex. This is what he needed to do. I don't agree with it and I find him to be an animal, but my question is how the hell did he get away with it for so many years? And are the women of Kansas City that desperate that they would even bang him? He looks like Igor! Just sayin'...

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE?

     And these are the stories we love in my Buzz Kill Ramblings! So, apparently, doctors in Honduras had to amputate a man's penis after it became trapped in a bottle he was using as a sex toy. Yes, he stuck his penis in a bottle! I mean, who hasn't, right? 

     For four days, a 50-year-old man attempted to use the bottle for sexual stimulation, but it wasn't until his penis turned black when he sought our medical attention. Why wouldn't you use a little lube for easy in and out? Just sayin....

     The urologist who conducted the operation said that the man was unmarried and didn't have a girlfriend. In attempting to ease some sexual frustration, "he put his penis in a bottle, and this caused the death and necrosis of the penis." What the hell is necrosis? Necrosis is a condition in which the cells in a portion of the body die and cannot regenerate. It often ends with amputation, as in this case. 

     The doctor said, "When he arrived four days later, we had to amputate the penis completely because it was completely dead. This is an embarrassing emergency. The situation with this patient is that he didn't the medical attention in time, and this caused the penis to begin to decay. It had gone completely black and had begun to decay. The necrosis was very severe."

     Okay, all kidding aside, why would anyone stick there penis in a bottle? Shouldn't they be putting their dick in a box? Sorry, I couldn't resist. This might be one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard. Note to self....No bottles when the wife is away!

TAKING A TACO STAND

     When did this sense of entitlement in this new generation of kids come about? When I was younger, I worked for everything that I earned. I had a paper route, worked odds and ends jobs, and did what I could so that I can buy what I wanted to with my own cash without ever relying on my parents. Now, kids are beating up their parents for not giving them money for Taco Bell? That's what this young Tennessee man did. He knocked his mother out cold, striking her in the head with a hockey stick because she could not pay for his Taco Bell dinner. This is why I hate people! Really? Get a job and pay for your own damn Taco Bell!

     Logan Badgley, 22, decided he wasn't going to take his mother's sauciness any longer. The Lakeland man has been charged with aggravated assault after a neighbor saw him beating up his mother, Melanie Badgley, with something initially thought to be a golf club. Sounds like someone's been watching too much of The Walking Dead! 

     An argument between mother and son started after Logan said he wanted his mother's debit card to go buy food at a local Taco Bell on Saturday night. Melanie said she couldn't pay for his food, because the card had a zero balance. According to a police report, Logan "took the card anyway and left the residence."

     It wasn't long before Logan returned home and, as Melanie told police, he "was angry" with her because "there was no money" in the bank account. Um, well, she did tell him, didn't she? Kids just don't listen these days! The two were in the garage when the young man grabbed a hockey stick and started hitting a freezer. He then struck his mother on the left side of her head, knocking her out.

     The neighbor who witnessed the argument through their opened garage door called the police. She said that she could not see the attack, however, she did see Logan shut the door before hitting his mother. According to police, Melanie "suffered an approximately 1 laceration on the head, behind her left ear." Logan confessed that he had "consumed a few alcoholic beverages during the night", but also did not provide his side of the story to police. 

     All I can say is, "What a piece of shit!" First of all, who hits their parent? Especially, at the age of 22. Secondly, go out and get a job! Why would your mom have to pay for your Taco Bell! Thirdly, Taco Bell? Really? Isn't it like a dollar for a soft taco? Like I said, where is this sense of entitlement coming from? We seriously are doomed as a society if this sense continues. Then again, is it sense of entitlement or just poor parenting? 

UNSAFE AIRWAYS?

     Don't worry! No Walking Dead spoilers here! But if you didn't watch it last night, shame on you! And shame on you American Airlines for allowing two passengers on your plane without a boarding pass!

     With a wife who flew out of Philadelphia International this morning for work and the two of us flying out of there next Friday, this news doesn't sit too well with me. So, you know that feeling you get when you realize you've left the car unlocked overnight? Well, that the feeling that American Airlines allegedly felt like after two passengers apparently walked onto an unlocked plane sitting at the Philadelphia International Airport without even showing anyone their boarding passes. This is a post 9/11 world we're living in still, right? Why would this be allowed to happen? 

     American Airlines is calling it a case of "unauthorized access." I don't care what they're calling it, someone needs to pay because people's safety was was risk. What if those two passengers left a bomb on that plane and half the terminal blew up because it. No way! A case of "unauthorized access" is unacceptable if you ask me. According to reports, a man and his 21-year-old daughter simply walked onto the plane, stowed their luggage, then went back out to the gate area to wait for their flight to Boston. As I'm writing this, why would any passenger in their right mind think it was okay to walk onto the plane and stow their luggage before they got on anyway? Why couldn't they just be patient and wait like everyone else? I don't get it! They have to be from Florida!

     The father told one news channel, "Someone went through the door first. We just followed him." Oh well, that guy just jumped off a bridge. Why don't you just follow him? Another passenger told the station that the captain of the flight said the plane was open all night. He said, "The pilot said the jetway door was open overnight. The plane was not secure." Yeah, that makes me feel really safe! How is American Airlines, one of the largest airline companies in the world, allowing this to be okay and passing it off as an "unauthorized access"?

     American Airlines later this morning issued a statement, "Two passengers gained unauthorized access to one of our aircrafts earlier this morning. Out of an abundance of caution, we are utilizing a different aircraft for the flight to Boston. We apologize to our customers for the inconvenience." Investigators are now looking into how the passengers were able to open a secured door, but foul play is not suspected. Still, this is one safety hazard that never should have happened in a post 9/11 world.

HAPPY HOUR!.....WEED WINE

     Anyone who knows me, knows I do not drink, but I do love my herbals. Now, they've combined something that I love with something I cannot do. I mean, people have been mixing weed with booze for as long as both have even been available. 

     Well, a couple of marijuana pioneers are making it easier than ever to feel the relaxing effects of alcohol and pot together. Verdad Wines owner Louisa Sawyer Lindquist and marijuana dispensary owner Lisa Molyneux have created a weed-infused wine called "Canna Vine" which will soon be on the market soon. 

     Like a lot of cannabis-related news, this comes with stipulations. It's only legal in California for residents with medical marijuana license. It's illegal to infuse alcoholic beverages with marijuana almost everywhere in the U.S., even in state like Colorado and Washington, where recreational use of marijuana is allowed. 

     Rock 'N' Roller and cancer survivor, Melissa Etheridge, who has her own line of Molyneaux's cannabis wine called "Know Label." She spoke to the LA Times about the benefits of this sweet green wine and said, "I couldn't smoke or use a vaporizer, and I was never really an edibles eater. I didn't want to be out of it. Molyneaux's tincture seemed to solve some of these issues. It lands in a really beautiful place." 

     If you happen to be a California resident with a medical marijuana card that permits you to use medical marijuana, all you need is $140 to get your hands on what has to be one of the best medicines ever invented and make sure you send an invite this way for your wine and munchies Very Happy Hour. Looks like it might finally be time to pack up and move out to California. 

DO YOU TAKE YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?

     Normally, I would start a story like this with "Only in Florida!" But this story is so out there, that I don't even think I can use that quote, though, it did happen in Florida. 

     So, a 68-year-old man from Miami's Golden Beach neighborhood has reportedly had a 'terrible shock' after discovering that his new bride of three months, a 24-year-old woman from Jacksonville, is actually his own biological granddaughter. Is that still considered incest? I mean, I guess it is, right? 

     The couple made the discovery while looking through a photo album belonging to the 68-year-old, who has requested that both he and his partner not be named by the media. In the photo album were photos of the 68-year-old's children from his first marriage, and one of the children was the bride's own father. That.....is......hysterical!

     According to the 68-year-old, he had become estranged from the children of that marriage after his spouse left him, taking the children away and moving to an undisclosed location. He said, "All these years, I was never able to find her," claiming that he'd hired several private investigators who had all failed to locate his ex-wife and children. As the years went by, the man remarried and had several more children with a second wife. That relationship ended in divorce in 2009 and had a serious impact on his finances. However, in 2011, the man received an abrupt change in fortune after a Powerball syndicate he was involved in won a jackpot prize. 

      With this unexpected jackpot, which totaled 'several million dollars,' he was able to move from his small apartment into a waterfront property in Golden Beach. Life was good for a while, but being single made him lonely and yearn for a companion. He said, "The only people who wanted to see me were my ex-wife and kids, and they were always asking for money." 

     In 2015, the mad decided that it was time to try and find a new wife, and he set out on a search for a suitable partner. He signed up with a local dating agency that specializes in matching older men with women. As he browsed the dating site, he came across the profile of the 24-year-old travelling down from Jacksonville to meet with him. He said, "We just hit it off right from when she walked into the restaurant." Over the next few weeks, the couple would have several more dates, but at no time was the topic of family discussed in great detail. He said, "At some point, she mentioned that her family lived in Montgomery, but that she hadn't been in contact with them for years due to a dispute. She said she'd fooled around a bit in high school and ended up getting pregnant, and her father, who I later found out is actually my eldest son from my first marriage, kicked her out of the family house." The couples' dates led to a 2015 New Year's Eve proposal on the shore near his Golden Beach property. 

     Despite their shocking discovery, the couple vowed not to divorce, and are committed to  making their marriage a success. They claim that if they never found this news out, they would've lived their lives happily together, regardless. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. I mean considering they didn't know, doesn't that make them distant relatives? Then again, they are already bound by blood since he is the biological grandfather. I'm torn....

HOT FOR STUDENTS

     Here we go....It's a new school year and you love reading stories about teachers and students having sex! Here's my first one of the school season! Isn't this exciting? 

     So, a substitute in Georgia has been arrested for allegedly inviting two make students to have sex with her at her suburban home. 38-year-old, Laura Rich, who worked as a teacher at the Ace Academy in Canton, GA, between January 2015 and this past August, was charged with several counts of sexual assault by a teacher on Friday. 

     Her victims? A 16-year-old and an 18-year-old boy, who were both of age at the time to legally consent, based on Georgia law, but it didn't matter in this context, according to police. Cherokee County's Sheriff's office said, "It's the relationship she had as a teacher-student that made it a crime." Once again, I ask...."If everyone (students and teacher) kept their mouths shut, there would be no crime right now!" You know it was the boys who were bragging about it and the story got out. 

     Rich allegedly invited the two students to her Actworth home for sex on multiple occasions over the course of a few months last year. The Sheriff's office said, "My understanding (is the relationship with) the 16-year-old lasted a little longer, maybe a couple months. The 18-year-old happened later in the year, which was not as long of a relationship." No word on whether the two boys were in her house at the same time for some DP action or not, but maybe she was using the 18-year-old to get the 16-year-old jealous. Who knows? Georgia is close enough to Florida to qualify them as crazy.

     Rich was released on a $22,400 bond mere hours after she was booked at an area detention center. The Cherokee County School District said it has severed all ties with the perverted teacher. The district said in a statement, "Our School District has zero tolerance for inappropriate relationships between students and any adults serving in any capacity in our school." And so it begins.....Don't you just love when school is back in session? I get more teacher-student sex stories!

BURGLAR SEX

     There is no way that I am writing about the debate last night. If that's what you were looking for, you can get off this page right now. I didn't even watch it! After reading some of the reactions from the debate, it was a good thing that I didn't. 

     Now, that I got that out of the way....I've heard of some pretty crazy fetishes in my day, but this one is a first. A couple was caught having sex in the Tennessee home they just burglarized. Breaking and entering just got a whole new meaning when the Bonnie and Clyde duo naked and in the act. Hilarious! 

     After a weekend getaway, Jamie Barnes, of South Memphis was met with a shocking surprise after she opened her front door and found a man and a woman bumping uglies on her couch in the middle of her ransacked home. She told a local TV channel, "I walked in and they're having sex on my couch!" She also added, "It's horrible in there. It's absolutely horrible in there. It's like they just had a big old nasty party." 

      Barnes said that when she saw the butt-naked thieves, she immediately picker up her broom to defend herself and claiming she wanted to the man really badly. According to Barnes, the man yelled repeatedly, "I don't know nothing!" while the woman reached for one of Barnes' dresses. Well, at least, we can come to the conclusion that the man didn't know how to speak English since he "don't know nothing!" Barnes said, "She tried to grab one of my dresses and put it on and I snatched it from her and asked, 'What are you trying to do?'"

     Eventually, the couple took off running and Barnes gave chase, but stopped once the man reached an alley. The police nabbed the woman, identified as Tonka Barnes (no relation), on a charge of aggravated burglary. They swiped Barnes' jewelry, appliances and clothes. Barnes, who is looking to move, told the news channel, "I don't feel comfortable at this house, so in my eyes, I'm homeless."

      As if being burglarized wasn't bad enough, these thieves decided to add fuel to the fire by having sex on the couch. That is truly incredible! Was the act of thievery turning them on? What couldn't wait until you got away? I'm not really sure what can cause two people committing a crime to get all horned up for each other. Can someone explain?  

RAT-HEAD-A-TOUILLE

     I know that I've written about something similar to this in the past, and this story actually came out on Monday, but it was too disgusting to pass up. 

     So, a New York woman may be too "chicken" to eat at Popeyes ever again after finding what she claims is a rat head in her meal. Um, claims? That is a rat head!

     Rosemary Thomas, of Clifton Park, NY, on Sunday posted an unappetizing photo of her meal on Facebook and said it came from Popeyes in Harlem, where she was eating with her family. She wrote on her Facebook post, "This is clearly a rat and they have the nerve to have a 5 rating by the Department of Health?"

     According to Thomas' Facebook post, she took her daughter to an urgent care clinic because the experience made the girl sick to her stomach. She wrote, "Yesterday, she ate nothing all day. All she said she could think of was that rat head after she consumed the crispy part." She also continued that she still had the rat head. Why? Why would you want to keep that? Evidence? The photo was evidence enough. I hope all of you finished eating your breakfast. 

     A spokesperson for Popeyes said the company is aware of the woman's experience and that the owner of the franchise has reached out to Thomas to get to the bottom of the incident. The spokesperson said, "He's meeting with Thomas as soon as she is able. In the meantime, he ordered a health department inspection and they found nothing out of the ordinary. We checked with suppliers and they feel it is most likely chicken organ meat. We will work with the guest to recover the product and test it to confirm that." 

     This isn't the first time Popeyes has been accused of serving deep-fried breaded rat to customers. Back in July, a woman in Louisiana, reported seeing a rat inside a chicken breast and posted it on Facebook. I mean, hey, you can't help what falls into the deep-fryer once you get that thing going. It could be a mouse or a rat or a hand. Either way it's disgusting! Although, I like Popeyes better than KFC, it might be time to just fine my own recipe for fried chicken. This way I know it will be chicken....or cat, at least! Just kidding about the cat. 

THINK BEFORE YOU BLOW AND DRIVE

     Who doesn't like great road head, right? You and your girl taking a little ride. You decide to get a little frisky while driving and she puts her head down by your lap. You know what's about to go down. You're enjoying it and you close your eyes for a second when suddenly, there's a deer in the middle of the road and you swerve to avoid hitting it, but your girl clenches everything including her teeth and there goes your manhood. (Yes, I winced too!)

     Well, that's what happened in Austria recently. A young woman, who was sitting in the passenger seat, was giving her partner oral sex on a quiet country road not far from Krems in northwest Austria when a deer suddenly crossed in front of the car, causing the driver to suddenly brake. 

     The young woman was taken by surprise, and accidentally bit into his penis. (Yes, I winced again!) The emergency services were surprised to get a call saying that an ambulance was needed because of a "penis bite after a car crash," and didn't know quite what to expect when they arrived. 

     The couple was taken to a hospital, where the man received some minor surgery. Guess he was a little guy! Surgeons told him that the would was only superficial (What the hell does that mean?) I guess all of the damage was on the surface and she didn't bite all the way into his Oscar Meyer Weiner? They also told him that his "joystick" should soon be back in full working order. That's good news for both the guy and the girl, but let this be a lesson to all of us. Lollipopping on the road can be hazardous to all of us. So please be careful!

NEW POTATO CHIP SEASONING.....ANTS!

      Before I allow you to continue reading, you might want to finish your breakfast first. Blog posts about food never go down well while eating. Okay, you've been warned, right? 

     So, a high school student in Beaverton, Oregon, (Yes, I said Beaverton! God, I'm such a child!) was really "bugged" out by her lunch this past Tuesday. She said what looked like pepper on her potato chips was actually a bunch of dead ants. I told you to finish your breakfast!

     Emily Wagoner went to her local Pita Pit (what the hell is that?) and purchased, among other things, a bag of Miss Vickie's salt-and -vinegar-flavored chips. Wagoner said she ate a few chips before she took a close look and almost lost her lunch. She noticed there were ants all over her chips. Ah, it's protein! She tweeted, "I thought it was seasoning."

     When Wagoner complained to the Pita Pit manager, she was offered a new bag of chips for her trouble, but not a refund on her $14 meal, nor was she given an apology! I am laughing as I write this. People are ridiculous! Needless to say, Wagoner wasn't happy and vowed to never eat at Pita Pit ever again. 

     After a tweet of the bug-infested chips went viral, Wagoner finally heard back from the Pita Pit headquarters. The company sent Wagoner a text saying they were looking into the issue with the location and with Frito-Lay, who makes Miss Vickie's brand of chips. I never heard of those either. The company did offer Wagoner a $50 gift certificate, but she turned it down because she didn't like how she had been treated before. 

     Patrick O'Dell, Pita Pit's marketing director wrote in a statement: "Pita Pit is investigating what led to this isolated incident. Through our communication with the customer it became clear that the initial response to her did not meet our expectations of customer service. We hold our food to the highest quality standards, including pre-packaged items like chips from third-party vendors we partner with, and the health and safety of our guests remains Pita Pit's highest priority." Frito-Lay was nowhere to be found for a comment. 

     This story reminded me of my own incident with ants. I must have been 18 or 19 and hanging out at my "aunt" and uncles house with my cousin in their basement with his friends. My uncle had this fully stocked bar in his basement equipped with actual soda fountains. My cousin and his friends were all drinking and I was just hanging out with them drinking glasses of soda from the soda fountain. Root beer, I believe it was. With every sip I thought I felt bubbles in my mouth as they went down with every sip. I'm not sure what happened, but for some reason I took a look in my glass and it was full of dead ants. Those weren't bubbles from the carbonation I was washing down. Those were dead ants. I almost threw up! My cousin and his friends were drunk, so they started cracking up. We later found out that those nozzles on the soda fountain needed to be cleaned because when they're not, they full of sugar, which attracts ants......Lovely!

THE PEOPLE WALKER

     Well, after the shit-storm I created yesterday on my Facebook page with the NFL players who disrespect our nation in protest, I decided to bring us all back together with nice story about humanity. Now, dog owners will get where I'm coming from with this. If you have to be away from home for long hours at a time with your dog at home, if you're like me, you'll have a dog walker come to your house and walk them, so they're not peeing all over your house because you left them at home so long, right? 

     This bearded fellow is Chuck McCarthy. He recently auditioned as a homicidal biker for a TV show, and is finding glimmers of fame, and possibly a business franchise, with another role he's created for himself.....Los Angeles's first People Walker. That's right! You probably wouldn't hire Chuck as you would a dog walker because we can all hold our urine.....sometimes. 

     Chuck walks humans for $7 a mile around the streets and park near his home, pioneering an alternative to dog walking that requires no leash, just an ability to walk, talk, and, above all, listen. The idea struck the underemployed actor several months ago as a joke, or an imaginary way to make extra cash, until it became real. Chuck said, "The more I thought about it, the less crazy it seemed" as he drained a bottle of water. He now takes hydration seriously with all of the walking he is doing. 

     A homemade T-shirt declared him The People Walker. Now, that's low-budget, mobile advertising at it's finest. He says, I've been doing walks almost every single day for the past week and I'm even getting repeat clients, which is what you want." A stroll with this soft-spoken, hulk seems to be what much of LA wants, based on the response on his Facebook page and homemade flyers, which read: "Need motivation to walk? Scared to walk alone at night? Don't like walking alone at all? Don't want people to see you walking alone and just assume you have no friends? Don't like listening to music or podcasts but can't walk alone in silence, forced to face thoughts of the unknown future, or your own insignificance in the ever expanding universe?" That one made me chuckle. See what I did there? Chuck made me "chuckle."

     Well, it seems the answer to these questions is "Yes." Chuck is fielding hundreds of emails a day from the lonely, the curious and the adventurous, all seeking a stranger's ambulatory company. He said, "I try to listen more than talk. Conversations with clients are seldom confessional, but I respect their confidence."

     So many requests have been coming in that Chuck has recruited five other walkers to serve different parts of LA, though he will not take any cut from their earnings until he figures out a professional business model. The business could grow fast. A woman in Israel has already copied the idea, someone in Britain wants him to do it there, and a guy from NYC asked him to walk his eight-year-old son to the bus stop each day. 

     Chuck is amused and excited by the attention he's receiving and is considering a crowdfunding to hire techies to design an Uber-style app. The app would let walkers and clients rate each other for personability and walking speed. I applaud you, Chuck, for being a humanitarian and for really trying to bring human interaction back into a world that is digital. I think this is a brilliant idea....a funny idea....but brilliant, and will really work in cities like LA and New York. Humanity is not lost yet! But you still need to stand and honor America! See what I did there? 

M.I.L.F. - MOTHER I'D LOVE TO.....WAIT, THAT'S MY MOM!

     Incest is best, but your mother to the test? No, this didn't happen in Florida, but close. Welcome to North Carolina! If you've ever seen a Taboo porno from the 70s, this blog might even turn you on. I mean this lady was no Kay Parker or Nina Hartley, but you get the point. I have to be honest, I don't even get the point.

     This is 44-year-old, Melissa "Missy" Kitchens and her 25-year-old son, Shaun Thomas Pfeiffer, from North Carolina. Both were arrested for having sex with each other and now face felony charges of incest. Incest is a felony charge? Who knew? Kitchens was arrested last week on September 7 and her son, from Weaverville, NC, was arrested a day later. 

     According to the arrest documents, the mother and son had sex in August. Pfeiffer, who is self-employed, also faces charges of indecent liberties with a child, communicating threats and being intoxicated and disruptive. His Facebook page shows that he is the father of a baby boy. Pfeiffer, apparently, lives with both his mother and his wife Shannon Roman. He appears to have posted a photo of his mother online as recently as last month. It is unclear whether Kitchens is married or not. It is also unclear how the allegations came to light. Um, how about a scorned wife who caught the two getting it on? 

     In one comment of a photo with Pfeiffer and his son, Kitchens wrote: "Can't get over how handsome you are." She also hinted to family drama in the long-winded comment. She wrote: "Just trying to Brighten The Mood---Things are Very Stressful and I Love You and I Respect Any Decision---As Long as your Happy and Safe.......I miss you& wish I had more time w you.....Your Very Valuable and Hopefully The Stresses---Will get better." I think someone needs to go back to school and learn how to write. Someone (Kitchens) apparently never learned when to capitalize letters and punctuate. 

     Pfeiffer's wife, Shannon Roman, also took to Facebook last month, sharing a post that said: "When you truly care for someone, their mistakes never change your feelings because it's the mind that gets angry, but the heart still cares." So, it sounds like she's forgiven her husband for banging his mom, but I can almost guarantee that she was also the one who leaked to the police that her husband was laying the pipe to him mom. Just sayin'!

     According to the Buncombe County Jail's website, Pfeiffer is being held on $70,500 bail, while his mom is being held on $30,000. Their next court dates are September 29 and 30. Incest in North Carolina carries a sentence of between 10-41 months in prison. You see the rack on that mom, though? I would have tried breastfeeding on those yam bags until I was at least 21! How is that incest if I was just breastfeeding? I needed my nourishment. Okay, this is getting out of hand. I'll stop now. This is disgusting!

RISE AND SHINE

     Okay, ladies! This blog is for you. You can thank my bud, John B. for bringing this story to my attention. It's the alarm clock to end all alarm clocks!

     If an orgasm won't get you up in the morning, nothing will. This is the Little Rooster S is a vibrator-alarm clock that you slip under your panties, but keep outside your lady parts (if you really want to), to "wake sexy," according to the gizmo's website. 
     
     The device gently begins to shake at a set time every morning, and then vibrates with gradual, increasing intensity to turn your Z's into Big O's. At first, I thought this was a joke, but after visiting the Little Rooster S site, LittleRoosterStore.com, I learned that the $77 clock tease crows that you'll "wake slowly. Sensually. Pleasurably," with 27 intensity levels to choose from. 

     According to inventor Tony Maggs, "It is made for anyone who wants to wake up feeling turned on." He invented the feel-good gadget after noticing how much he and his girlfriend hated her alarm clock. He said, "When you feel great first thing, you feel awesome all day." 

     The original Little Rooster got a lot of buzz in 2011 after Howie Mandel introduced the gadget on the "Jimmy Kimmel Live" show. That device has been sold out, but upgraded to the "S" version, which will ship in October with a quieter and more powerful motor and travel lock. Oh, and a snooze button because sometimes it takes a while to wake up. Isn't that right, ladies? 

     Will this be a weekend only gadget or an everyday gadget? According to Maggs, "Some people do find they can only use it at the weekends." Hey, if it wakes you up and makes you feel great all day, why not use it every day? I mean, I guess this beats me sleeping with my iPhone in my underwear every night to get the vibration first thing in the morning? My iPhone 6-Plus was getting a little bit heavy. You're welcome, ladies!    

9/11 THE WAY I REMEMBER IT....AND WILL NEVER FORGET.

 I posted this entry on my blog for the last few years to commemorate 9/11 and it always receives a very positive response. So, I've made the decision to post this blog entry every year on 9/11, so new readers and new friends can read what I went through on this horrific day. Since 9/11 falls on Sunday this year, I'm posting this today. Here is "9/11 The Way I remember it": 

      In my 5 years of writing this blog, I try to be entertaining and for the most part, funny. Today is not one of those days. In the years prior, I realized that I never shared my 9/11 experience with you in this blog because quite frankly, who wants to re-live that day of horror for New York City and this great nation? Today, I want to share with you, how my day went 15 years ago, which by the way, I cannot believe it's been 15 years already!

      Anyway, I remember driving into Z100 in Jersey City, NJ the morning of 9/11/01. The sun was just rising and was looking like it was going to be a gorgeous day out. I remember it like it was yesterday. The air was crisp. Not too hot and not too cold. It was perfect! For some reason, I remembered driving down the New Jersey Turnpike from my Bergen County home and just looking at that beautiful skyline. Little did I know, it would be the last time that I would be enjoying that skyline with the twin towers standing tall. 

       Our morning was your typical morning of comedic banter among the morning show, which consisted of host Elvis Duran, Christine Nagy, John Bell, Danielle Monaro, Skeery Jones, David Brody, Greg T., Scotty B., a guy named Stick, myself, and our morning show consultant Dennis Clark. I happened to be screening phone calls for the show that day and right before 9 a.m., I received a strange one from a caller saying, "A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center. I'm not sure if it was one of those little Cessna planes, but the North Tower is on fire." I swear to God, those were his exact words. It's weird how some things just stay with you. Now, mind you, the only thing separating where our studios were in Jersey City and the World Trade Center was the Hudson River. We were up on the 36th floor and were literally that close. Also, at the time, the sun was still making its rise, so we brought the blinds behind us down so that we can see our computer screens. So, after I received this call, I turned my chair around and raised the blinds to see one of the most horrific sites I have ever seen in my life. It was clear that this plane that crashed into the North Tower was not a little Cessna because a little Cessna would not have caused damage like that to these strong towers.

      I quickly ran into the studio and told Elvis, who was in a commercial break, about the call and what I saw. The whole show literally ran out to take a look outside our window. Elvis made Christine and I stay in the studio to break the news. He interrupted commercials and asked me to go on the air to explain what had happened and what I saw, while Christine explained what she was reading on the news sources. As I ran back to the call screen area, the hotline rang and it was MJ, one of our promotions girls, and she explained to us that it was a commercial airliner that crashed into the tower. Elvis put her on the air and let her explain. People from different departments in our office showed up to watch from the window, when Stick noticed something flying really low over Staten Island, which was to our right. We literally watched this plane quickly pick up speed and as if it happened in slow motion, it slammed into the South Tower with such an impact, we felt our building shake. We all could not believe what we just saw. A plane used as a weapon as it slammed into the World Trade Center, I just remember seeing a fireball and paper shooting out the other end. I was baffled and confused and it all became clear when I heard Danielle Monaro crying, "Oh my God! We're being attacked by terrorists!" 

        We were forced to evacuate the building and at the time, all I could think about was trying to get home to my family because if there were any more attacks, I wanted to be with them. Elvis and John Bell stayed up in the control booth like true radio men to stay on the air. To this day, I truly commend them for their bravery and loyalty to our listeners. Elvis told us all to go home and be with our loved ones. He and John ended up staying on the air for the majority of the day taking phone calls from listeners as Dennis Clark helped screen the phone calls. Me? I high-tailed it out of there and at the time there was no cell signal. I could not call home. Driving through the streets of Jersey City that day was an absolute mess! People walking the streets like zombies with a "what the hell just happened" look on their face. I remember sitting in traffic and looking in my side view mirror only to see the South Tower collapse. I literally almost threw up when I saw this. I couldn't believe it. I asked the guy in the car next to me, "Did that tower just go down?" He said it did and we sat there stunned! 

      It took me about two hours but I finally got home only to find out that my cousin Michele's fiancée, Arnold Lim, was missing. Arnold and Michele had gotten engaged a month before, and the eerie thing is that one of the last pictures I remember of them, was at their engagement party in Edgewater, NJ and the Towers stood behind them. Anyway, Arn used to work at Lehman Brothers in Jersey City a few floors below me at Z100. We used to meet for lunch all the time. It was right around the time of their engagement that Arn took a job at the Trade Center with a company called Fiduciary Trust. When I found out that no one was able to get in touch, I began calling him every hour only to get his voicemail. The last person to speak to him was my Aunt Barbara, who called him to tell him the towers were on fire. He told her that he knew and he was actually watching it, but the building told everyone on the PA to stay where they were and that they were safe. My aunt told him that she didn't care and to get the hell out of the building. He told her he was leaving and that was the last we heard from him. My guess is that he was making his way down the stairwell when that second plane hit, which is the one I saw. They never found his body. 

      The weeks to follow would be about rebuilding and Memorials. I've heard so many different stories from people who were actually down at the Trade Center and survived. I've also heard stories about people seeing bodies fall around them. I've also heard stories from people who overslept and never made it to work in the Trade Center that day. Then there's the story of my wife, who never made it to the PATH station because her new kitten needed her attention. Everyone in that PATH died underground. With all of these stories and families of the victims, how can we ever forget what those scumbags did to us as a nation? Sure, there are so many other stories! This one was just mine....

And now here stands what looks like the big middle finger to the terrorists....The Freedom Tower!