IF THEY DON'T USE IT, THEY'LL LOSE IT!

    Am I the only one who doesn't get this whole Pokemon Go craze? It makes me sick to even mention it, but it's so dumb! Why are we doing this to ourselves, people? Okay, I got that out. Now, do you ever wonder if your grandparents lose their sex drive? Good! Because I don't like thinking about my grandparents doing it either, considering I only have one left. Well, a nursing home in the Bronx is allowing their patients (Oh my God! I almost called them inmates!) to get it on in the privacy of their own rooms. 

     That's right! When Audrey Davison met someone special at her nursing home, she wanted to love her man. Her nurses and aides at the Hebrew Home at Riverdale did not try to stop her either. They allowed her to stay over in her boyfriend's room with the door shut under the Bronx home's stated "sexual expression policy." One aide even made the couple a "Do Not Disturb" sign to hang outside. 85-year-old Davison said, "I enjoyed it and he was a very good lover. That was the part of how close we were; physically touching and kissing." 85? How do these guys still get it up? 

     Ms. Davison is among a number of older Americans who are having intimate relationships well into their 70s and 80s. Some cases get the help of Viagra and some a more tolerant societal attitude towards sex outside of marriage. These aging lovers have challenged the traditional notions of growing old and in some cases, raised logistical and legal issues for their families, caretakers and the institutions they call home. 

     Nursing homes in New York and around the country have loosened the daily regimens to give their residents more choices like what time to bathe or what time to eat dinner. The next step for some is to allow residents the options of having sex and to provide support for those who do. The Hebrew Home has stepped up efforts to help residents looking for relationships. Staff members have organized a happy hour and a senior prom, and they even started a dating service called "G-Date" for dating Grandparents. There are currently 40 of the 870 residents involved in a relationship.

     The nursing home came up with the sexual expression policy in 1995 after a nurse walked in on two residents having sex. Today, the sexual expression policy is posted on the home's website and reviewed the staff members. The policy is intended not only to encourage intimacy among those who want ti, but also to protect others from unwanted advances to set guidelines for the staff. For example, the policy stipulates that even residents with Alzheimer's can give consent for a sexual relationship under certain circumstances. To date, the home has never been sued over the policy. 

     Relationships also mean more drama for the staff, which tries to keep up with who is together and who is not. The dining room can be a land mind. Sometimes, one member of a couple will get jealous when the other pays attention to someone else. Other couple become too amorous, prompting calls to "keep it in your room."

     I guess it seems the older we get, the more things stay the same. Only it happens in a nursing home. As for the sex and relationships, like a wise man (my father) once told me, "If you don't use it, you're going to lose it!" I guess these old folks live by that motto! I don't know whether to be grossed out or be happy that the sex drive never goes away! I guess as long as I don't visualize, I can't be grossed out, right?  
     

BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TINDER, GUYS.....

     Before I give you the funny, I need to ask, "What the fuck is going on in this world?" My heart goes out to the families of the officers slain in last night's shootings in Dallas. Are we that messed up as a country that now we're killing each other? Shouldn't we be saving this anger and hate for the ones who really matter like ISIS or Al Qaeda? Now, people are back to killing cops and cops killing civilians? When and how does this end? Because this sucks! 

     Okay, like I always say, I like to keep the serious stuff out of this blog to make you laugh, so even though we're a nation upset about last night's shootings, I hope I can make you laugh or at least disgusted. So, this is 47-year-old Fiona Bloom from New York City. When she needed an air conditioner installed in her Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, apartment three weeks ago, she found a guy on Tinder. Wait! Isn't Tinder the dating site where people find other people to bang? 

     Bloom, who has been dating in NYC for the past 20 years, decided to put the app to use after being repeatedly disappointed by the city's dating pool. She told the New York Post, "I've tried speed dating and all the dating apps, but every time I put my real age, all I get are idiots and losers. I figured, why not make them useful and have them help me around the house?" That is hilarious! 

     One afternoon, Bloom, a publicist, swiped on a 40-something bachelor. His default photo showed him wearing overalls and holding a hammer. That's when the light bulb went off. She said, "I wasn't attracted to him, but he was very forthcoming." She messaged him, saying she was looking for someone to come over to install her air conditioner, making it abundantly clear it wasn't a date. After he came over, opened her window and set up her AC, she said thank you, and promptly kicked him out. He later messaged her asking her out on a proper date, but she never replied and doesn't regret it. Man, she is a cold woman!

     Bloom told the Post, "Men are hard-wired to feel strong and be a provider. I don't feel guilty using them for a little help." Bloom isn't the only single woman in the city using Tinder to her advantage in getting her chores done, and experts say that's okay, as long as women are upfront about their intentions. One writer from a dating blog in LA said, "If a man thinks waxing a woman's floors will get him some action, why not? This could be a great starting point for both parties to get to know each other." Another dating expert called it "transparently selfish" and equated it to "the guy who has sex with a stranger and never calls her again." I guess I can see that point too. The expert continued that it could also be dangerous if the guy feels rejected and after he tried winning her over by doing chores. "You get the wrong guy on the wrong day, and he has anger issues, it could be a bad situation."

     It seems this could be a one way street, however, because as men can't expect to find women to do their dishes using Tinder because as the dating experts have said, "No single women in NYC would ever do a man's chores." That's the truth! As for Bloom, hey if this works for you, it's the men who are stupid enough to do the chores for you after you told them there would be no nookie or cookie after their chores were done. 

THE PUBIC HAIR DRESS.....THAT'S ALL!

      Am I the only one gagging at the site of this dress? This British woman whose goal was make a dress more hair-raising than Lady Gaga's infamous meat dress may have succeeded beyond anyone's expectation. This is Sarah Louise Bryan. She recently unveiled a bra and skirt outfit made from pubic and head hair donated to her via her Twitter page. 

     The 28-year-old designer was inspired to create a design to outdo Lady Gaga's infamous outfit at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards. She said, "I really wanted the world's most unique and disgusting design, so when someone sees a design they know it was me instantly.
  
     According to Bryan, she got the donated hair mostly from British men, "plus the odd American," who sent her the hair in envelopes. The hair came mostly from brunettes, but there is a red and grey pubic hair in the mix as well. She claims that she sterilized the hairs before applying it to a pre-cut bra and skirt with hot glue. Oh my God! I'm gagging at what these hairs must have even just smelled like. I wish all of you can see my face right now as I type this story. It's definitely a look of disgust. 

     It took Bryan six months to get enough pubic hair to create the dress. She kept the donated strands wrapped in a cling wrap in her 13-year-old son's bedroom. She said, "I didn't tell him the truth but he has the whole second floor of the house so it's a big area. The hardest part was keeping all of the hair in one piece." 

     When it came time to put the outfit together, things got a little hairy. She even started gagging while working on the dress. She said, "I set to work with my eye mask, breathing mask and thickest gloves I could find, because who want to eat pubic hair?" I've had a few hairs stuck in my teeth back in the day. What's wrong with that? 

     Bryan said, "I thought of the design because of how gross it is. I thought, 'What would be the worst thing to have on your dress?'" This isn't the first time Bryan has created an outfit that has grabbed the fashion world by storm. Last year, she created a dress made from 3,000 Skittles worth $6,500 that became a viral sensation until the dress melted earlier this year while being transported to Los Angeles. Talk about tasting and wearing the rainbow. 

     Bryan is willing to sell her pubic dress for the right price and to the right person. She says that she would only sell the dress to a high profile celeb like Gaga or a museum. I have to admit that Bryan has a decent sized rack, so she might have to resize the top portion for anyone who want to buy this disgusting dress, though it will be unique. 

     Bryan said she has other ideas she's working on that may be just as shocking if this recent Twitter post is any indication: 

     She already has 300 offers....I'm sick to my stomach! Time for lunch!

BEST RESIGNATION NOTICE EVER!

      First off, I'll never talk politics in this blog, but Hillary-gate yesterday? Come on! This country is doomed! All I will say is that I am appalled by this judicial system and anyone who votes for Sillary should be ashamed of themselves. Then again, those people probably voted for the same lying clown who is in that White House right now. Okay, I'm done! No more politics!

     How many of you have wanted to tell your boss to "take this job and shove it!" Well, Sarah Childers, a nurse in Lakewood, Washington did it the sweetest way possible with the words "I quit" written in frosting atop a Walmart sheet cake. Childers chose to tell her employers at Western State Hospital that she would not be taking their dough anymore. 

     Childers said the delicious, if unorthodox, resignation notice is her way of giving her employers a piece of her mind, even as she gives them a piece of cake. The cake may have been sweet, but Childers said the seven months she spent working at the hospital left a "sour" taste in her mouth. She told a TV news channel, "It could do so much good, and it's just one of the worst places right now."

     Childers said the pay is low, the hours are long and the hospital staff aren't given any training whatsoever. Hmmm.....Sounds like my job! She also went on to say that management spends too much time writing up employees' mistakes and handing out punishments. She told the TV station, "How do we control the population with such little staff and so many patients? You can't have individualized treatment that way."

     So, how did the hospital respond to these allegations? Well, with an official statement that some might call sugar-coated, of course! A communications manager from the Washington state Department of Social and Health Services wrote: "This was quite likely the most unique 'letter' of resignation ever submitted to Western State Hospital. Meanwhile, we thank the 2,000 dedicated staff members who do come to work day and night because they find it both challenging and rewarding to help our patients on their journey to recovery." Yeah, but if you can't feed your family because of it, it's not so rewarding! I'm sure that's what Childers was going through and I totally get it!

     One thing is definitely for sure! Childers is a contender for the prestigious title of "Person To Quit A Job In The Most Awesome Way Possible!" Some other contenders included Charlo Greene, who left her job as a TV newscaster in Anchorage, Alaska, by announcing on the air, "Fuck it, I quit!" Then there was Marina Shifrin, who quit her gig as an animator by making a video of herself doing an interpretive dance to Kanye West's "Gone." And then there was this guy, who quit his job at an insurance agency by dressing as a banana and hiring a mariachi band to perform in his office: 

ORAL AND SOME COFFEE?

     So, I'm going from donuts falling on the floor yesterday to coffee and a BJ today. Is there a theme here this week? And yes, I said "coffee and a BJ," as if it was a thing. Well, in Switzerland, it is a thing now, apparently. 

     A cafe in Switzerland that's shooting to open in Geneva later this year plans to combine two things that are popular and legal there: coffee and prostitution. The java-and-jollies joint is going to be appropriately called the Fellatio Cafe, proving there is 'truth' in advertising. For about $61, guys can order a steamy beverage and some oral sex from an on-call licensed sex worker who stops by the establishment to perform the service. 

     While within the limits of the law, sex-for-sale is strictly controlled in the country known for neutrality. Fellatio Cafe is still awaiting approval, but appears to be within guidelines. The business is the brainchild of the Geneva-based escort service Facegirl and inspired by similar Thai businesses. Speaking for the Fellatio Cafe, a spokesman has hailed the proposed spots' user-friendliness, noting "In five or ten minutes, it's all over."

     When asked if there would be a sister business to similarly jump-start a woman's day, the spokesman said there were no plans right now because then they'd have to instate a bottomless cup of coffee policy. 

     I have to say that this coffee and a BJ idea is brilliant! Who doesn't like coffee? Who doesn't like great oral to get their day started? All I can say is that if they brought this business plan to the U.S., Starbucks better watch out because they could lose their make demo. 

TIME TO DROP THE DONUTS!

     As if you needed a reason not to eat Dunkin' Donuts, here's another reason. I mean their coffee is pretty good, but it's no Starbucks! Anyway, a former Dunkin' Donuts employee leaked a video this week that showed another employee dropping a tray of donuts on the floor, then calmly putting them back on the tray and then putting the tray out for sale. That's right! So gross! 

     Eating any food not grown in your own garden and cooked yourself only means you're putting a certain amount of trust in the people who handle and prepare your food. When you eat a donut, which cannot be washed, you trust that it hasn't been anywhere other than a fryer, the tray and the bag. 

     The former employee shared the video, which was taken back in November, on Facebook, where it went viral. He also shared unrelated grievances against that particular DnD on Facebook. The clip showed footage of the donut shop's surveillance camera system, and it does fast-forward through a significant chunk in the middle, during which some viewers suspected the tray could have been swapped out for a different one. Dunkin' Donuts, however, did confirm that the events in the video happened as shown, and the employee was reminded that this is not a good idea. 

      Dunkin' Donuts released in a statement: "We are aware of the video and we take matters like this very seriously. The actions in the video at a franchised Dunkin' Donuts restaurant are absolutely inconsistent with our strict food safety standards and requirements. According to the franchisee, upon hearing of this November incident, he investigated the matter and met with the employee to discuss the fact that the donuts should have been immediately disposed of in keeping with our standards."  

      The real question is, did this lady get fired? If not, she should have. My blog doesn't really do this story justice. You need to see this video to really be disgusted!>>VIDEO

WOMAN WAKES UP WITH A BRITISH ACCENT

     Can you imagine having surgery and waking up with a foreign accent? That's what happened to this lady!

     This is Lisa Alamia. She's a Texas woman who went into jaw surgery to correct an overbite, and while she got her new smile, she got something she didn't plan for...A British accent! When Alamia underwent lower-jaw surgery back in December and returned home with a British accent, her three children thought she was kidding. She told ABC News, "I was very shocked! I didn't know how to take it. I was very confused. I said 'Y'all' all the time before I got this accent. Once I got it, I started noticing I'd say, 'You all.'"

     Alamia was diagnosed with foreign accent syndrome, an extremely rare speech disorder that alters a person's speech so that he or she seems to speak with a foreign accent. Doctors estimate that the speech disorder has affected fewer than 100 people in 100 years worldwide. The condition is most often caused by a brain injury, but Alamia's neurologist said everything came back normal after a full range of tests. 

     Alamia said, "I've never been outside of the country, except for a mission trip to Mexico. That's not where my accent came from." There is no known cure for the condition. Although, the accent can diminish over time, it can be permanent. Alamia, who feared people wouldn't believe her, is planning to start speech therapy and says she has come to realize the accent doesn't define her. 

     Am I the only one dying here? How can this happen? I will say, however, that my mother-in-law has broken out into a British or an Australian accent out of nowhere, but could never understand why. My wife's cousin's husband broke out into an amazing Indian accent this weekend and sometimes breaks out into this horrific New England accent. I have to say that if either of these two ever got stuck with these accents permanently, I may have to move far away from them.