GENE SIMMONS WHO?

     The legend that is Gene Simmons from Kiss might be getting put to the test this week as Gerkary Bracho from Ocala, Florida shows off her lengthy licker on YouTube. I guess Florida is not only full of dummies. They have some freaks too! 
      All kidding aside, licking your own elbow is supposed to be one of life's impossibilities, but not for Bracho, who can do it with no problems at all. The Venezuelan native can be seen performing some bizarre tongue-twisting tricks via YouTube and they're tricks that might even make Gene Simmons from Kiss blush. The Demon from Kiss has a legendary tongue that is said to have pleasured many women in his time. I'm sure Bracho's boyfriend is very pleased as well. Wow! 

      In one video she opens her mouth and extends her tongue way below her chin. She then turns to her side and curls her muscle up to lick the tip of her nose. Then she shows that she can pick her nose, stuffing her tongue up both her nostrils. The contortionist then pulls her tongue out as far as it can go with her hand, showing it is as stretchy as it is long. 

     She then touches both ears with the tip of her tongue before extending it so far that she licks her own eye. I'm gagging just thinking about trying it. Bracho must have amazing gag reflexes. And for her finale in the video, she licks her own elbow before sexily winking at the camera. 
      Bracho has not published the exact length of her tongue and she currently does not hold the official record. Gene Simmons doesn't even hold the record. According to Guinness Book of World Record, the longest tongue belongs to 26-year-old Nick Stoeberl from Salinas, California, who's tongue measured in at 3.97 inches from the tip to the middle of the closed top lip. That record was recorded back on November 27, 2012. 

     These photos don't do Bracho's tongue any justice. You have to see her tongue in action through the YouTube video. I'm still in awe! Check it out!

KRYSTAL KREME DONUTS?

     As if "the dumb" couldn't get any worse in Florida, now the police are joining in the fun. So, Daniel Rushing, of Orlando, treats himself to a Krispy Kreme doughnut every other Wednesday. He used to eat them in his car. Well, not anymore. 

     Not since a couple of Orlando police officers pulled him over, spotted some tiny flakes of glaze on his floorboard and arrested him, claiming the pieces of frosting were crystal methamphetamine. The officers even did two roadside drug tests and both cam back positive for the illegal substance, according to the police report. Sounds to me someone didn't clean their test vials good enough. Then again, Krispy Kreme is pretty addicting, so it's possible that they coat their donuts with crystal meth. 

     Rushing was handcuffed, arrested, and taken to the county jail where he was strip searched. A state crime lab, however, did another test several weeks later and cleared him of all charges. Rushing said, "It feels scary when you haven't done anything wrong and get arrested....It's just a terrible feeling." Yeah, no shit! Not to mention embarrassing! 

     Rushing, who is 64, was arrested around 1 p.m.on December 11 at Robinson Street and Parramore Avenue. He had just dropped off a neighbor at the hospital for a chemotherapy session, which is something he did every Friday, he said. Then he went to the 7-Eleven store on Colonial Drive to give another friend, an elderly church lady, a ride home. Sounds to me this guy is a good samaritan and not a drug addict. 

     The officer who made the arrest is an eight year department vet who staked out the 7-Eleven because of complaints about the drug activity. She pulled Rushing over because he failed to come to a complete stop (who the hell comes to a complete stop anyway) before pulling out of the convenience store parking lot and because he was driving 42 in a 30. When Rushing opened his wallet, she saw he had a concealed weapons permit. He told her that he had a gun and she asked him to step out of his small Chevy. That's when she spotted a "rock like substance on the floor board where his feet were." She asked for permission to search his vehicle, which he agreed to since he had nothing to hide. 

     The officer and her partners spotted three other pieces of the suspicious substance in his car. Rushing said that he kept telling the officers, "That's glaze from a doughnut, but they tried to say it was crack cocaine at first, then they said, 'No, it's meth, crystal meth.'" The report does confirm that he tried to tell the officers that. 

     Rushing was booked into the county jail on a charge of possession of meth with a firearm. He was locked up for about 10 hours before he was released on $2,500 bond. An Orlando crime lab did not try to identify what the officers found in his car. They only checked to determine whether it was an illegal drug and confirmed that it wasn't. Three days later Rushing was free of all charges. 

     I don't know about you, but it sounds to me that Rushing has a strong case of defamating of character here against the Orlando police department. They arrested him in broad daylight and charged him of drug possession and possession of a firearm. Didn't the report say he had a permit to carry that firearm and the drug was doughnut frosting. Talk about a pie in the face to the O-Town PD. Wow! If I was Rushing, I would sue the pants off of the police department. Then again, Florida is known for it's stupidity, so I guess it's just "a day in the life..."

HE MAKE PEE PEE IN YOUR FACE!

     Many of you, I'm sure, have been to a Japanese steakhouse where you can watch the chefs cook hibachi-style, right? Do you remember when they make that volcano out of onions and make smoke come out of it? Do you remember when they cut the shrimp tail and flip it into the top of their hats? Do you remember when they make their little pee-pee doll squirt in your face? Yeah, I don't remember the latter either, but it's all in good fun, right? Not for Isabelle Lassiter from Murfreesboro, Tennessee! 

     It turns out, Lassiter has a beef with a Japanese steakhouse, where the chef sprayed her in the face with a pee-pee doll, just like this one, in what her husband is calling a "sexual-style assault." WHAT? Lighten the hell up, people! It's a toy and it was done out of fun!

     Lassiter said she and her family were dining at the Wasabi Japanese Steakhouse in Murfreesboro on Monday when a chef produced a plastic doll resembling a little boy and pulled down its pants. A thin stream of water spurted from a hole located in the doll's genital area and hit Lassiter in the face. Needless to say, she wasn't happy. She told a Fox News show, "He pulled his little shorts down and it had a wanger and he squirted me right in the face." Yeah, I'm sure that wasn't the first time that happened, lady! Just sayin'!

     Restaurant manager Johnny Huang said the doll is common part of the show patrons get at dinner. Chefs use it to control the flames on the hibachi. He said, "The kids like it, they think it's a water gun" while Lassiter's husband called the spraying "a sexual-style assault on my wife." The couple called the police and filed a report. Oh, please! 

     The incident happened "in front of our minor children and grand children," Mr. Lassiter told another news source. Lassiter added, "It really didn't have a wiener, but you got the point." Mr. Lassiter added that the lack of genitalia isn't the issue. What is the issue then, Mr. Lassiter? If it was a regular squirt gun, would you have called the police? Oh, was it the thought of getting peed on in a fake manner? Come on! 

     Police haven't filed any charges, as they shouldn't or they would be a laughing stock, but even if they did, it's unlikely the charges would stick. There was no sexual assault actually made by the obnoxious yet marginally entertaining toy at the hibachi restaurant, nor should any humans be found criminally responsible. The restaurant wants to avoid "pissing" their patrons off, so they've instructed employees to ask permission before spraying people with the pee-pee doll. 
 
     People need to lighten up. This is obviously a toy and was done out of fun. Then, again, if I showed you a photo of Isabelle Lassiter, it would explain a lot. Oh, hell! Here's what she looks like! Doesn't she seem the type to have no sense of humor what-so-ever? I mean it's a toy for crying out loud! Might as well call the cops on your sex toys for sexually assaulting you too!
 

COCKROACH MILK?.......NOT THANKS!

     I'm going to guess that my wife will not be reading this blog mainly because of the photo, but if she reads on, she will not be happy either. So, babe, don't read on. 

     Anyway, we all know this disgusting critter as the cockroach, right? The scurry around kitchens feasting on scraps and whatnot. Well, a new research could see humans turning to cockroaches as a source of food. Yeah, no thanks!

     An international team of scientists have found that crystals found in the stomachs of a particular type of cockroach are a highly nutritious source of protein. I hope none of you are eating breakfast or lunch while reading this. The Pacific Beetle Cockroach is found in Asia and Pacific islands including Hawaii, and is the only known viviparous cockroach, which means it gives birth to live young, just like mammals do. Also like mammals, they have to feed their offspring with a "milk" containing protein crystals. 

     According to the research conducted by scientists from India, Japan, Canada, the US and France, a single mile protein crystal from the cockroach's stomach is estimated to contain more than three times the amount of energy found in an equivalent amount of dairy milk. Also, their crystalline nature means the crystal releases protein at the same rate the protein is consumed. 

     One researcher from India said, "It's time-released food! If you need food that is calorifically high, that is time released and food that it complete, that is it." Um, not to sound racist or ignorant, but aren't cockroaches a delicacy in India? Of course, he would say that. Another researcher from Australia went on to say that even the very idea of cockroach milk sounds "really out there," it has a lot of promise. He also said they wouldn't go and kill lots of cockroaches for it. They would isolate the gene for this protein from the cockroach and then express it and grow it up in a yeast system in very large microbiological vats and produce large quantities. The Aussie researcher continued by saying he was curious to see where this takes us. Yeah, I'm out! I mean why not kill a bunch cockroaches anyway. Who cares about their milk. I think we have enough protein on this earth to survive without drinking cockroach milk. Sorry, just not for me. Maybe for you? 

WHO YOU GONNA CALL?

    Okay, I don't normally get the creeps when I write this blog, but this story gave me the chills a little bit. I know some of you like the sex stories that I tend to write about a lot (you perverts!), but this story needs to be shared after seeing this photo. 

     So, this haunting photo of a deadly crash scene had gone viral because of the image it appeared to capture. If you look closely at roadside photo showing a crowd gathered around a motorcycle crash victim, but above the first responders' heads hovers a transparent shadow eerily resembling a human figure. 

     Yeah, some of you might say it looks like a Photoshop job, but truck driver, Saul Vazquez, allegedly posted the photo right after he drove by the scene of the accident after he saw the image of the shadow. Vazquez said he rolled down his window before snapping the scene along the Highway 15 near Stanton, Kentucky, last Tuesday afternoon. He wrote, "Zoom in and pay attention to the shadow just off the top of the state trooper hat."

     At the time of his post, he suggested that he didn't know what happened to the victim, writing, "I hope everyone involved is okay." Shortly after, however, Lex 18 News reported that the crash victim was pronounced dead at the hospital. Vazquez swore to the TV station that his photo had not been altered, and had been shared on Facebook by more than 7,600 people as of last Thursday. Some commenters called it "freaky" and "amazing," and even suggested it shows the victim's spirit or some other supernatural entity like the Virgin Mary looking over the body with outstretched arms.

     Vasquez did not return any requests for comments, but I have to say that if this photo was not altered at all, it's a pretty amazing photo. I'm sure Ghost Hunters would find a way to debunk it, but still an amazing shot and a bit creepy. It could be the site of another bad car accident and the spirit of a past soul who was killed there. Either way, this photo is pretty creepy. 

THE VIAGRA OF SHORTS

     Too young to take Viagra? Well, now there are shorts coming to market that may help with that! However, even if they do work, these shorts are so ugly that they might make some potential partners decide against having sex with you. 

     These boner-building biker-style shorts are the creation of VylyV, or vill-live, a start-up company that plans to raise funds soon by way of Kickstarter. According to an article in Huffington Post, the shorts supposedly work by recording your movements throughout the day and sending that info to an app that designs workout plans and guidelines to improve your pelvic floor muscles doing butt-squeezing kegel exercises. Yes, men can benefit from doing kegels, too! Don't sit there and tell me you're not doing kegels right now. 

     Strengthening those pelvis muscles improves blood flow to the sex organs. But of course, not everybody thinks these underwear will turn you into an instant porn star in the bedroom. Dr. Paul Turek, a board-certified urologist with offices in L.A. and San Francisco, says the claims made by the shorts' manufacturer are "dubious science at best." He continued, "There is a relationship between pelvic muscles and incontinence, but there's no evidence of a clear benefit between strong pelvis muscles and strong erections." 

     According to the Huffington Post, the company never responded to their questions as to when the shorts will hit the market, how much they will cost, and most importantly, if they think they will ever be stylish? The company is, however, attempting to around interest with the below YouTube video that features the model saying totally studly things like "Yeah, babe, just put your seatbelt on, we're going for a ride" to an attractive female in red stilettos.

     Am I the only one who noticed the camel toe on the front of those shirts? Is making your balls look like a camel toe supposed to help your erections? I don't get these shorts and yes, they are hideous! They only way these things will sell at this point is if you tell people there's a Pokemon character hidden in them. 

POKEMORONS

    Call me a hater all you want, but this Pokemon Go, has to GO! It's a cool game for the kids, but when adults start playing it, nothing good can come out of it. Notice, I said it's a cool game for the KIDS!

     First of all, how about not playing Pokemon go while you're driving. A 28-year-old man crashed his car into a tree on Tuesday night in Auburn, NY, because he was apparently distracted while playing the popular app while he was driving. Come on, people! According to Auburn police, the crash crumpled the front of the car. The driver was not seriously injured and was "extremely lucky." In the wake of the crash, the Auburn Police Department released a list of reminders to those playing Pokemon Go while on the go including "Do not use the application when you are operating a motor vehicle or bicycle", "Beware of your surroundings when walking and do not stare down at your phone not knowing hazards around you, like roadways, drop-offs, waterways, etc." and "Use caution when sharing your location as strangers can see your location information."

     I have to be honest, this does not sound like a game I'd like to play. Some of these reminders had to be created because in Indiana a registered sex offender was recently arrested for playing Pokemon Go with a teenage boy. Randy Zuick of Greenfield, Indiana, was on the county courthouse lawn brazenly catching Pokemon with a 16-year-old boy when two probation officers spotted him in action. The courthouse is a landmark in the game and has been attracting dedicated players ever since the app's release last week. After spying on the Pokemon-playing pervert, one officer ran inside and asked a security officer to take Zuick into custody. Last October, Zuick was accused of fondling a child his girlfriend was babysitting. He pleaded guilty in April to a felony charge of child molestation. Since then, he's been on probation and banned from interacting with kids.

      The mishaps don't end there for Pokemon Go, which was released in early July. A Wyoming teenager found a dead body on Friday morning while trying to catch a water Pokemon. Another teen was shot in North Carolina for trespassing on someone's private property chasing a Pokemon. And in Missouri, armed robbers lured players to  remote  locations to trap them and steal their phones and rob them. 

     Again, this doesn't sound like a game I would want to play. I might not want to play it, but I encourage my fellow adults to please be careful playing this dumb game. If you walk in front of my car because you're chasing a Pokemon, I will not be happy! If you hit my car because you were chasing a Pokemon, I will not be happy! This game is not worth your life and the lives around you.....All Lives Matter! See what I did right there?