ORAL AND SOME COFFEE?

     So, I'm going from donuts falling on the floor yesterday to coffee and a BJ today. Is there a theme here this week? And yes, I said "coffee and a BJ," as if it was a thing. Well, in Switzerland, it is a thing now, apparently. 

     A cafe in Switzerland that's shooting to open in Geneva later this year plans to combine two things that are popular and legal there: coffee and prostitution. The java-and-jollies joint is going to be appropriately called the Fellatio Cafe, proving there is 'truth' in advertising. For about $61, guys can order a steamy beverage and some oral sex from an on-call licensed sex worker who stops by the establishment to perform the service. 

     While within the limits of the law, sex-for-sale is strictly controlled in the country known for neutrality. Fellatio Cafe is still awaiting approval, but appears to be within guidelines. The business is the brainchild of the Geneva-based escort service Facegirl and inspired by similar Thai businesses. Speaking for the Fellatio Cafe, a spokesman has hailed the proposed spots' user-friendliness, noting "In five or ten minutes, it's all over."

     When asked if there would be a sister business to similarly jump-start a woman's day, the spokesman said there were no plans right now because then they'd have to instate a bottomless cup of coffee policy. 

     I have to say that this coffee and a BJ idea is brilliant! Who doesn't like coffee? Who doesn't like great oral to get their day started? All I can say is that if they brought this business plan to the U.S., Starbucks better watch out because they could lose their make demo. 

TIME TO DROP THE DONUTS!

     As if you needed a reason not to eat Dunkin' Donuts, here's another reason. I mean their coffee is pretty good, but it's no Starbucks! Anyway, a former Dunkin' Donuts employee leaked a video this week that showed another employee dropping a tray of donuts on the floor, then calmly putting them back on the tray and then putting the tray out for sale. That's right! So gross! 

     Eating any food not grown in your own garden and cooked yourself only means you're putting a certain amount of trust in the people who handle and prepare your food. When you eat a donut, which cannot be washed, you trust that it hasn't been anywhere other than a fryer, the tray and the bag. 

     The former employee shared the video, which was taken back in November, on Facebook, where it went viral. He also shared unrelated grievances against that particular DnD on Facebook. The clip showed footage of the donut shop's surveillance camera system, and it does fast-forward through a significant chunk in the middle, during which some viewers suspected the tray could have been swapped out for a different one. Dunkin' Donuts, however, did confirm that the events in the video happened as shown, and the employee was reminded that this is not a good idea. 

      Dunkin' Donuts released in a statement: "We are aware of the video and we take matters like this very seriously. The actions in the video at a franchised Dunkin' Donuts restaurant are absolutely inconsistent with our strict food safety standards and requirements. According to the franchisee, upon hearing of this November incident, he investigated the matter and met with the employee to discuss the fact that the donuts should have been immediately disposed of in keeping with our standards."  

      The real question is, did this lady get fired? If not, she should have. My blog doesn't really do this story justice. You need to see this video to really be disgusted!>>VIDEO

WOMAN WAKES UP WITH A BRITISH ACCENT

     Can you imagine having surgery and waking up with a foreign accent? That's what happened to this lady!

     This is Lisa Alamia. She's a Texas woman who went into jaw surgery to correct an overbite, and while she got her new smile, she got something she didn't plan for...A British accent! When Alamia underwent lower-jaw surgery back in December and returned home with a British accent, her three children thought she was kidding. She told ABC News, "I was very shocked! I didn't know how to take it. I was very confused. I said 'Y'all' all the time before I got this accent. Once I got it, I started noticing I'd say, 'You all.'"

     Alamia was diagnosed with foreign accent syndrome, an extremely rare speech disorder that alters a person's speech so that he or she seems to speak with a foreign accent. Doctors estimate that the speech disorder has affected fewer than 100 people in 100 years worldwide. The condition is most often caused by a brain injury, but Alamia's neurologist said everything came back normal after a full range of tests. 

     Alamia said, "I've never been outside of the country, except for a mission trip to Mexico. That's not where my accent came from." There is no known cure for the condition. Although, the accent can diminish over time, it can be permanent. Alamia, who feared people wouldn't believe her, is planning to start speech therapy and says she has come to realize the accent doesn't define her. 

     Am I the only one dying here? How can this happen? I will say, however, that my mother-in-law has broken out into a British or an Australian accent out of nowhere, but could never understand why. My wife's cousin's husband broke out into an amazing Indian accent this weekend and sometimes breaks out into this horrific New England accent. I have to say that if either of these two ever got stuck with these accents permanently, I may have to move far away from them. 

WE SHOULD BUILD A BORDER FOR THIS MORON....

     Since my wife and I love to travel, we like to visit some of the national parks this great country has to offer, which covers almost 20 percent of the U.S. These national parks like the Grand Canyon, Red Rock Canyon and Yellowstone are absolutely beautiful and breathtaking when you see them in person. Why would anyone in their right mind want to vandalize in a national park? It makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever!

     This is 23-year-old Casey Nocket drawing on a rock formation in one of the national parks like an asshole. Don't worry! She's been banned from all national parks and federally administered land, which, like I said, is more than a fifth of the U.S., after defacing rock formations with graffiti and posting evidence of her crimes on her social media pages. Besides being banned, Nocket was also sentenced to 200 hours community service and will pay a monetary fine to be determined at a hearing in December. 

     The San Diego native documented her art on the rocks using social media as she traveled across the U.S. Over a 26-day period in 2014, she damaged formations at seven national parks by drawing or painting on them with acrylic paint and markers, signing her works with her social media handle, 'Creepytings.' Technically, it should be 'StupidBitch.' Just sayin'!

     According to on U.S. Attorney, "The defendant's defacement of multiple rock formations showed a lack of respect for the law and our shared national treasures. The National Park Service has worked hard to restore the rock formations to their natural state, completing clean-up efforts in five of the seven national parks. They expect to complete clean-up efforts at Death Valley and Crater Lake national parks as weather permits."

     After proudly posting her work on Instagram like an idiot, she provoked outrage on social media and was later arrested. Some of the vandalism proved difficult to remove as sandblasting and chemical stripping techniques used to remove paint can cause irreplaceable damage to natural features. 

     Yesterday, Nocket appeared at a federal court in Fresno, California, where she pleaded guilty to seven counts of defacing national parks. Nocket's Instagram account has since been deleted following an outcry, but not before various media outlets got a hold of it, publishing exchanges in which she shamelessly defended her work: "It's art, not vandalism. I am an artist!"

     The case also prompted a White House petition demanding she be prosecuted with more than 10,000 people signing the document. After Nocket admitted causing damage in the national parks, a chief law enforcement officer for the National Park Service said, "This case illustrates the important role that the public can play in identifying and sharing evidence of illegal behavior. It is clear that the public cares deeply for the special places that the National Park Service represents, and the resolution of this case sends a message to those who consider such inappropriate behavior going forward."


     How about about the fact that you should have caught her, Mr. Chief Law Enforcer? How did nobody catch this girl in the act? Aren't there park rangers in these parks? Weren't there other tourists there who could have talked some sense into this girl? And no, honey, you're not an artist! You're an asshole for using these million year old rock formations as your canvas! No artist would ever do that! Idiot!

THIS GUY HAS SOME BALLS ON HIM....

     We've all seen things we didn't want to see on the subway before, right? Some have been intentional and some unintentional. Well, the NYPD is currently investigating an incident involving an older gentleman who had his balls dangling on a subway seat. My only response was that 'he was was just trying to air them out on such a hot day!' 

     Wrong! The Gothamist post an unsettling photo from a tipster that showed a man in what looks like unusual cut-off shorts reading a newspaper with his balls grazing the seat of the train. The tipster wrote: "I photographed the man so I could report him to the police. He apparently noticed me taking pictures, and lowered his unusually baggy t-shirt to partially cover his exposed genitals while they were remained out of his shorts. It could be inferred that he wore this long shirt so that he could cover himself when standing, and while seated if he chose."

     When the tipster attempted to report the man to a precinct, police felt a report was unnecessary since the man wasn't masturbating or anything. Although, the ball hanger's face was blurred out in the original post, NYPD Transit officials have gone ahead and exposed the man in order to spread the word in hopes of identifying the culprit. According to the Gothamist: "The police sent a Request for Media Attention asking the public if they have seen this individual riding a southbound 4 train approaching the 14th Street-Union Square station on June 12th. The suspect, who is now sought by the NYPD for public lewdness, is described as being 55-65 years old." 

     If you've seen this man: 

     Help by calling the NYPD's Crime Stoppers Hotline (1-800-577-TIPS) or at nypdcrimestoppers.com. Come on, though. Did he really commit a crime? He was just letting the boys out for some air. Can't he just me scolded and charged a fine? Does he really need to be charged as a criminal? Then, again this photo is a little jarring and a little hilarious!

SAUSAGE WITH YOUR WAFFLES?

     So, an odd thing happened at breakfast a few mornings ago. Well, not for me anyway. In Sandy Springs, Georgia, a man is facing public indecency charges after allegedly trying to force his way into a Waffle House while he was completely naked. I guess he read my blog from the other day about the naked restaurant in Tokyo. Um, the Waffle House is not one of those restaurants, buddy!

     36-year-old, Bashir Rasheed was arrested on June 7 after he drove his BMW to a Waffle House in Sandy Springs, got out of his car and tried to enter the restaurant with not a stitch of clothing on. Witnesses told police that Rasheed began stroking his penis after exiting the car and walked up to the entrance, where he allegedly, and I quote, "pressed his sex organ against the glass entry door." I am crying with laughter right now. I wish you readers can see me here in my office. That is some funny stuff! 

     A Waffle House employee immediately called 911 to explain the situation: "The is Waffle House. A gentleman just got out of his car and is naked standing in front of my door. He just peed on my door and now he's walking inside. 'Sir, you cannot come in here.'" That...Is...Hilarious!

     One witness, Derwin Rodgers said he was attempting to eat when he saw the brazen display of flesh outside his window. Instead of eating what was on his plate, Rodgers decided to go viral by live streaming the incident. Rodgers said, "It kind of shocked me as a customer, ruined my meal. I immediately went to video. I didn't know what he was going to do. He was saying a lot of different things. He's hot, he's burning up. Apparently, he was. It must have been Death Valley out here. He was butt naked." 

     The incident presented a challenging parental moment for Rodgers as well. He continued, "I wouldn't know how to tell my kid what was going on at the time, to see a grown man. He was built like a potato." Eventually, Rasheed retreated to his car and was arrested a short time later. Officers said he was just coherent enough to identify himself to authorities since he obviously didn't have pocket for his wallet. 

     However, Rasheed was unable to explain to officers why he was even naked. Even worse, officers said the suspect grabbed himself and began to urinate while they were talking. I am literally dying right now! Poor police officers. Rasheed was medically evaluated at a nearby hospital before being cited for public indecency and released. 

      I am literally laughing out loud about this story, though, it's a sad one because this guy clearly has some mental problems. I couldn't help thinking about the waiter or waitress asking, "Would you like a sausage with your waffles?" And then seeing this disgusting view! If you really need to see a clip of the live feed posted by Rodgers, click on this link.>>http://www.cbs46.com/clip/12528365/video-man-strips-naked-outside-waffle-house

DON'T SEND THIS WOMAN PHOTOS OF YOUR PENIS....

     I have to be honest, I, personally, never sent any girls photos of my penis. I was always too afraid it would somehow show up on the Internet for its pure beauty, but that's just me. Don't be jealous, fellas. If I did send a photo out, it would be of someone else's junk. Either way, I would never do it. That being said, it seems like the "in" thing to do especially in this "Tinder World" we live in.

     Well, an English woman decided to fight back against unwanted pictures of the male genitalia. 30-year-old, Samantha Mawdsley, of London, received an unwanted photo of a penis from someone she's never met and decided she would "fight fire with fire."

     In a blog post, Mawdsley wrote, "I've heard about these mystical happenings, but since I've been in a loving, pre-Tinder, three-year relationship, I never thought I'd witness the horror first hand. My initial thought was to ignore it, as we females are taught from such a young age. But.....Nah! I decided to mess with him and call him out on his ridiculous behaviours and double standards."

     Mawdsley, apparently replied back to the man, who went by the name James, with a barrage of photos of penises before she decided to post his censored photos to Facebook, as well as the entire conversation. After she fought back, Mawdsley's account was deactivated and she was banned from the popular social media site. 

     The reason the man sent her the photo of his manhood? He, allegedly, found a review she wrote months ago about a cafe. Um, so what? Mawdsley mentioned, "I wanted guys to know that not ever girl is going to be silent; you do run the risk of being exposed; that you can't do this." In one of the response messages, James wrote, "I'm not gay and you're a girl so you should like it." I have to tell you, this guy has game! What a moron!

     Mawdsley received thousands of messages from women who said they are sick of the same kind of unwanted messages. She said, "I feel like Beyonce. I've had messages from all over the world including Germany, Netherlands, and even Aruba. People have been saying, 'You're my inspiration' and 'You won the internet.' I've also had guys saying sorry on behalf of men. I'm so shocked." 

     After posting the images, Mawdsley said the unlucky guy asked her to "please stop" and that he was going to puke. Why would he want to puke? Wasn't it him who decided to send this chick his penis photo? Own up to what you did! Oh yeah, she's a woman and you're not gay and she should like it. That might be the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life. 

     Mawdsley continued, "If he tried to contact me, I would be scared but I don't feel like I've done anything wrong. I've just pointed and screamed." She also said it was unfortunate that this one man became the "poster boy" for this pattern of behavior, but there is a more important cause.

     The lesson here, for all my brothers reading this, stop sending cock shots to women! Not all women like it! The element of surprise is the best quality to have. I don't think I've ever seen a woman get turned on because you sent her a photo of your junk. Have you ever seen the male genitals? It's rather ugly! I mean mine isn't, but for the most part, they all are. 

NAKED DINING ANYONE?

     I've heard of nude beaches, nude hotels and nudist colonies, but a nude restaurant? Um, hmmm....I'm not sure if this will go over well, here in the U.S., but let's see what it's all about. 

     The menu is still fairly unkown at this new Tokyo restaurant, but the rules of the establishment are already leaving a bad taste in people's mouths. Japan's first "naked restaurant" will be opening it's doors in late July and it's not the thought of dining naked with strangers that's the off-putting part. The Amrita has some fairly offensive rules for entry that make it pretty clear that they only want a certain type of clientele in their restaurant. 

     Their website lists restrictions on entry, including weight, age and even body ink. Adult diners over the age of 60 won't be welcome in the restaurant because of their upper age limit, and neither will people who are more than 33 pounds over the average weight for a person of their height. No tattoos are allowed in the restaurant either. Um, wow! Considering tattoos are a major trend and the majority of the world's population are overweight (Okay, I made that up), it sounds to me this restaurant might not last too long. Besides the prospect of being turned away for your height and age, the restaurant will require everyone who enters to wear disposable underwear that they will provide. This keeps getting worse and worse. 

     The restaurant does, however, promise hunky waitstaff who will be nearly naked. Oh, great! I was looking for a restaurant with a hunky waitstaff! I guess I can mark The Amrita off as one of my places to go to in Tokyo. I don't fit their clientele. The tattoo part anyway. The tickets for the opening weekend are going for over 10,000 Japanese yen, which is $94 USD. But wait! There's more! Don't send you hard-earned dollars over their just yet to make your reservation. Adding insult to injury, those who do not meet the requirements I just listed for you, will not get a refund. So, make sure you fit those requirements! Yeah, no thanks Japan! You can keep this one!

THE REAL DELIVERY MAN

     Anyone remember that movie with Vince Vaughn, where he donated his sperm and fathered like 400 kids or something like that? I believe the movie was called Delivery Man. Well, my bud, Les sent me this story out of the New York Post about the real Delivery Man! 

     His name is Ari Nagel and he's a 40-year-old math professor from CUNY Kingsborough in Brooklyn. On a busy night last week at the Target on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, Nagel emerged from the men's bathroom looking a little flushed and quite pleased with himself, exclaiming, "It's better when it's fresh!" What...The...Hell? 

     Apparently, Nagel's semen is in high demand. He's served as a sperm donor for dozens of locals, siring 22 kids over the past 12 years with 18 women of various backgrounds. You can't make this stuff up! He's done it for lesbian couples and single ladies looking to have a baby without the expense of going through a sperm bank, which can run in someone thousands of dollars. It looks like Nagel is the number one dad! 

      Nagel says, "This isn't time-consuming, and I'm doing it anyway. It's very easy for me to do." His oldest child is now 12 and was conceived with a woman he was in a committed relationship with, but all of his offspring since, have resulted from his donations. 

     About half the time, he plants his seed the old-fashioned way. Sometimes, a lesbian couple looking to conceive will have her partner in the bed for moral support while she and Nagel engage in intercourse. This is all so unreal to me. Wow! He says, "She never slept with a guy before, so the partner's in bed, holding her hand. Sometimes, it could be a little painful, then after a few times, they're comfortable to do it on their own." What the hell? 

     For the most part, Nagel supplies his goods in a cup, which he prefers. He often uses public bathrooms, like those at Target and at Starbucks shops, to procure his samples and hand them off to ovulating woman. Like my friend Les said, "I wonder how Target and Starbucks feels about this going on in their stores?"

     He will also offer his services in his home near Downtown Brooklyn, but wannabe mamas are often more comfortable meeting in public. Once a location is chosen, Nagel will go into the bathroom, pleasure himself while watching porn on his iPhone and ejaculate into an Instead Softcup, a type of menstrual cup. He then delivers the specimen to the woman, who goes into the ladies' restroom and inserts in into her cervix. I have to admit, I'm kind of speechless right now. 

     Women, who have used Nagel's services, which he provides for free by the way, say his good looks, personality and high sperm count are a draw. As for his own motivations, Nagel insists he just likes spreading his seed. Unfortunately, it's not all sunshine and babies for Nagel. The first five women he worked with successfully sued him for child support, and nearly half of his paycheck is garnished for his offspring. He said, "I don't know what's ore surprising: that five sued or that 17 didn't. They were all well-aware there was no financial obligation on my part. They all promised in advance they won't sue." That is one trustworthy fella. 

     Despite the court cases and child-support payments, Nagel says he has not regrets. He's open to more kids and says he's in talks with several women looking to conceive, although he admits he's getting a bit old for the job. I am still blown away by this whole thing. Where does he advertise his services? Is it all word of mouth? I mean, God Bless this guy, but really? I have no other words....I'm speechless.  

HAVING A CRAPPY DAY?

     Just when you thought you were having a crappy day, nothing beats what this moron did. This is 23-year-old Colin Murphy from Cincinnati. He's facing charges of disorderly conduct and public indecency after he allegedly pooped on the scanner at a Kroger grocery store. Yes, I said he pooped on the scanner. 

     Police arrested Murphy on Sunday after a store employee accused him of stripping naked and allegedly sitting on the scanner of a self-checkout register and crapping right on the scanner, according to TheSmokingGun.com. 

     Prior to the incident, witnesses saw Murphy stumbling around the store slurring his speech and reeking of booze. He was charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct and taken to the Hamilton County Jail, where he was later released on $2,000 bail. Um....Yeah.....I'm a little speechless on this one. If his mugshot didn't make him look like a mess, I might've had a hard time believing this to be true, but all I can say is "what a mess!" I don't think alcohol was the only thing to blame here. 

DON'T LOSE THIS PENIS-MEASURING COMPETITION!

     So, remember that time you measured your penis size up against your best bud's penis size? Yeah, me neither because that's just something you just don't do! I mean, not that I know of anyway. You definitely don't want to measure your penis up against this guy either...

     A two-day binge drinking session among two childhood friends in Urals in Bashkortostan, Russia, ended up in a fierce argument about the size of their 'manhoods'. They then proceeded to measure their penises in competition, and it didn't end well for the winner. 

     The man who lost the competition was so pissed that he hacked off his friend's junk with an axe after hitting him on the head with it first. According to the Daily Mail, police spokesperson said, "When words were exhausted, the attacker pulled out an axe and first struck the opponent on the head, then cut off his manhood."

     The unidentified men have been friends since childhood and are natives of the village Nikolsk. As for the extent of the penis injury, the doctors said it is not possible to reattach the severed penis. That sucks! The attacker has been charged with inflicting a 'grave injury' on his friend and could face up to eight years in jail if convicted. 

     Only eight years in jail? Dude! He cut the guy's dick off and is only getting eight years in jail? The doctors couldn't reattach it and now this guy has to live like Caitlyn Jenner? I think this guy should be charged for attempted murder. Eight years is clearly not enough! I know one thing, I wouldn't want to lose a penis measuring competition to this guy. Then, again, I'm Asian....I shouldn't have any problems losing. 

ADULT BREAST FEEDING? THAT'S A THING?

     Did you miss me? I'm baaaaaack! Well, for today I am, anyway. This story kind of gave me the creeps and instead of sharing a link on my Facebook timeline, I figured I would just share this with you from my perspective since many of you seem to like reading what I have to say about the stupidity around the world. 

     So, this is Jennifer Mulford and Brad Leeson. Jennifer has taken time off from her job as a bartender to breastfeed her boyfriend. Um, what? This comes 20 years after she's had any children. Mulford has been inducing the breastfeeding because she wants to start an adult breastfeeding relationship, or ABR, with Leeson. She wants to start a what? What the hell is an adult breast feeding relationship? I mean we're all adults here, right? It's no secret that us guys suck on those beauties to stimulate, not drink milk out of! That is so unnatural and stupid!

     Because Mulford has not given birth to a baby recently, she and Brad, who is 36, need to "dry feed" every two hours to fool her body into thinking she is feeding a child, so she can start producing milk. Can I get a unified, "WTF?"

      Mulfored was single when she came across a website about ABR. She said, "When I read about the bond breastfeeding could create between two people, I was envious. I have always enjoyed my breasts being touched during sex more than anything else, so I knew I would enjoy it." Touched is one thing, but she's feeding milk to a 30-year-old man! What is wrong with this picture? 

     Mulford, from Atlanta, started looking for men who would be open to the idea of adult breastfeeding. She said, "When I read about the pure joy it brought others, I was desperate to seek out a partner and share an emotional bond with. I used dating sites, put messages on ABR forums and even put an ad on Craigslist, but drew a blank. I started to think I'd never get to try adult breastfeeding." Yeah, that's because no one is really as psychotic as you are!

     One night, she started chatting about the idea with Leeson, who was an old boyfriend from school. Mulford said, "We were talking and Brad told me he had a thing for big-breated women, and that size had always been a factor in his relationships. I thought it was the perfect time to bring up adult breastfeeding, and see if he'd be interested. It was like a light switch flicked in his head. I could tell from his voice that he was curious and excited." Okay, so maybe one person was as psychotic as she was. 

     Leeson started doing his own research on ABR and the couple became more than just friends. Mulford continued, "A that moment I knew that I had a life partner. We both wanted the same thing out of the relationship, a magical bond that only breastfeeding can achieve." I'm absolutely blown away by this story. I cannot seem myself purposely trying to suck on my wife's nipples to drink her milk. That is just straight up nasty! For a baby, it's nourishment, but for an adult, what nutritional value does it bring? It's just straight up gross! I wonder if she breastfeeds in public?