WHAT BAGGAGE FEE?

     My wife and I, we travel a lot. More so my wife, since she travels for work, but when we travel, we like to pack light. We'll travel with one carry-on and a backpack, which never incurs any extra charges since most airlines allow that as a minimum per person. 

     Well, this is my new hero because he attempted something that I've only seen Joey Tribbiani accomplish on an episode of Friends! So, this British man was prevented from boarding a British Airways flight from Iceland to London after he attempted to wear 10 layers of clothes to avoid paying a baggage fee. Yes, 10 layers of clothing! I'm sweating just thinking about it. 

     This is Ryan Carney Williams. He goes by the name Ryan Hawaii on social media. Ryan put on every article of clothing that was in his luggage while at the airport in Reykjavik last week after he was told he'd have to pay $125 to check his bag. Williams said on Twitter that he didn't have the funds to pay for his bag. So, we did what any intelligent poor person would do! He tried to beat the system and eliminate the bag and put on all of his clothes. Brilliant!

     Ryan Tweeted, "I couldn't afford the fee as a result of being left homeless in Iceland for over a week." In a video he posted online, Williams said that the airline employee told him he'd be able to get on the flight if he put on all of his clothes, which he did. Williams said in the video, "They're really having me dress like this to go on, and they won't even let me go on." It turned out, bundling up didn't get him on the flight either. 

@British_Airways hi being held at Iceland Keflavik airport because I had no baggage put all the clothes on and they still won't let me on. Racial profiling? Or..... pic.twitter.com/NKgpe1cPFP

— Ryan Hawaii (@RYAN_HAWAII) January 10, 2018

     The next day, Ryan tried to board a flight on easy Jet, which normally charges fees for carry-on and checked bags, and they didn't make an exception for Ryan, even when when he again tried to wear all of his clothes. An easyJet spokesperson said in an email, "The Captain and the ground crew were concerned about reports from the previous day, so we provided a refund and he traveled with another airline." 

     Okay, so what did we learn here today? We learned to always have money on us when traveling, so we can pay our baggage fees. And we cannot  wear 10 layers of clothing on an airplane. They get really mad! I have to commend Ryan for even attempting this to beat the system! Bravo!

DON'T SEND THIS WOMAN PHOTOS OF YOUR PENIS....

     I have to be honest, I, personally, never sent any girls photos of my penis. I was always too afraid it would somehow show up on the Internet for its pure beauty, but that's just me. Don't be jealous, fellas. If I did send a photo out, it would be of someone else's junk. Either way, I would never do it. That being said, it seems like the "in" thing to do especially in this "Tinder World" we live in.

     Well, an English woman decided to fight back against unwanted pictures of the male genitalia. 30-year-old, Samantha Mawdsley, of London, received an unwanted photo of a penis from someone she's never met and decided she would "fight fire with fire."

     In a blog post, Mawdsley wrote, "I've heard about these mystical happenings, but since I've been in a loving, pre-Tinder, three-year relationship, I never thought I'd witness the horror first hand. My initial thought was to ignore it, as we females are taught from such a young age. But.....Nah! I decided to mess with him and call him out on his ridiculous behaviours and double standards."

     Mawdsley, apparently replied back to the man, who went by the name James, with a barrage of photos of penises before she decided to post his censored photos to Facebook, as well as the entire conversation. After she fought back, Mawdsley's account was deactivated and she was banned from the popular social media site. 

     The reason the man sent her the photo of his manhood? He, allegedly, found a review she wrote months ago about a cafe. Um, so what? Mawdsley mentioned, "I wanted guys to know that not ever girl is going to be silent; you do run the risk of being exposed; that you can't do this." In one of the response messages, James wrote, "I'm not gay and you're a girl so you should like it." I have to tell you, this guy has game! What a moron!

     Mawdsley received thousands of messages from women who said they are sick of the same kind of unwanted messages. She said, "I feel like Beyonce. I've had messages from all over the world including Germany, Netherlands, and even Aruba. People have been saying, 'You're my inspiration' and 'You won the internet.' I've also had guys saying sorry on behalf of men. I'm so shocked." 

     After posting the images, Mawdsley said the unlucky guy asked her to "please stop" and that he was going to puke. Why would he want to puke? Wasn't it him who decided to send this chick his penis photo? Own up to what you did! Oh yeah, she's a woman and you're not gay and she should like it. That might be the dumbest thing I ever heard in my life. 

     Mawdsley continued, "If he tried to contact me, I would be scared but I don't feel like I've done anything wrong. I've just pointed and screamed." She also said it was unfortunate that this one man became the "poster boy" for this pattern of behavior, but there is a more important cause.

     The lesson here, for all my brothers reading this, stop sending cock shots to women! Not all women like it! The element of surprise is the best quality to have. I don't think I've ever seen a woman get turned on because you sent her a photo of your junk. Have you ever seen the male genitals? It's rather ugly! I mean mine isn't, but for the most part, they all are. 

SHE BURNT HIS JUNK!

     Talk about a hot and cold relationship! This is Kenya Alozie from Nigeria. She's been jailed for nine years after burning a man's junk with an iron while they had sex. Okay, guys are you done wincing? She also attacked the man with a broken bottle during the assault this past May. 

     Why would she do such a thing? Well, according to British police, the 31-year-old's attack was "calculated and pre-planned." No word on exactly why she attacked the man, but according to the Detective Constable from Greenwich Police, "She ensured she had a broken bottle to hand and a hot iron to strike the victim and seriously harm him."

     The victim suffered multiple burns and deep cuts, and he has undergone several operations as he continues to recover. Following an investigation, Alozie was arrested at Heathrow Airport as she prepared to fly back to her family in Nigeria. She was found guilty of grievous bodily harm with intent at Woolwich Crown Court in London. 

     All I can say is "Wow!" What would possess someone to do such a thing unless this guy raped her in the past or cheated on her or something like that. Nothing has been revealed other than the fact that she planned this attack, but why? If someone burnt my package, you can bet that there would be a natural reaction meaning this woman should not even be alive right now. Then again, she must've burnt this guy pretty badly. There are some really sick people in this world. 

PRICASSO?

     I've heard of artists using different media to create their artwork, but have you ever heard of artists using their anatomy as tools to create their artwork? And I don't mean people putting paint on their naked bodies and rolling around on a canvas. I mean there is an artist from the U.K. who uses his penis to paint actual portraits. Funny enough, they call him Pricasso! 

     It looks like Pricasso, whose real name is Tim Patch, will be returning home in all his glory. The penis painter has never exhibited his talent in his native U.K. until now. Patch will appear at London's Sexpo November 13 - 15 and says he's thrilled to visit friends and relatives. Is this guy for real? Painting with his penis? As I'm writing this, my head keeps shaking in disbelief that I'm actually writing about this.

     Patch said, "I am pretty sure I am the first person to be naked in the Olympia venue in London as they have a no-nudity policy, but I have to thank Sexpo for getting a special art concession license from the powers that be." Organizers say that they hope his portraits will be "well-hung." Um, what? Sexp managing director Lee Schofield told the Mirror Magazine, "There are no other artists in the world like Pricasso and even I'm suffering from a very serious case of penis envy right now." Again, I say, "Um, what?"

     Patch, who is an art school reject from London during the 1960s but relocated to Australia, discovered his "special talent" of painting with his penis and his testicles many years ago. He said, "The idea popped into my head after seeing Puppetry of the Penis. I did try it but found it really hard in every sense of the word! It took a couple of years to get good enough to perform in public." His talent caught the attention of his eventual benefactor, Sexpo Australia, where he featured his work and the making of it, leading most to call it performance art. He sometimes has to masturbate to get the best out of his paint brush and keep it stiff. 

     How does he do it? Patch says, "First, I grab my penis and testicles and plunge the whole lot into a pot of paint. The combination of balls and dick holds a lot of paint, so then I just scrub them them all over the canvas, which I hold in one hand until the canvas is sufficiently covered." I don't even want to tell you how he signs his name to the artwork because it's too painful. I will say, however, I am not opposed to him doing a portrait of me and my wife for our living room. His portraits are actually pretty good! I can only do color by number with my penis at home. If you want to see how he does it, take a look: 

THIS CONDOM WILL NEVER LIE

     I remember back in the day, we were pretty much playing Russian roulette when we were having one night stands with girls we didn't really know. A lot of those one night stands would end up in sexually transmitted diseases. I'm happy to say, I was one of the lucky ones who never had that happen to me. I wrapped that thing two or three times before I went in on a girl I didn't know.  Well, a bunch of British teenage boys have found a cure for that. They've presented an idea for a condom that changes color based on whether its wearer has an STD. So, basically, a condom can glow yellow if the wearer has herpes? That is fantastic!

     Muaz Nawaz, Daanyaal Ali and Chirag Shah from London's Isaac Newton Academy shared their concept for the shade-shifting sheath at Teen Tech London. The modern day science fair challenged students to create technology that would make life simpler, better or easier. The teens said that the condoms would contain molecules that attach to the STD bacteria and shine with a fluorescent glow. The concept is called S.T. EYE, a play on the abbreviation for sexually transmitted infections that it is intended to recognize. The finished product might glow green for chlamydia, yellow for herpes and blue for syphilis!

     The boys said, "We wanted to make something that made detecting harmful STI's safer than ever before, so that people can take immediate action in the privacy of their own homes without the often-scary procedures at the doctors. We've made sure we're able to give peace of mind to users and let people act even more responsibly than ever before."

     For now, the innovative condoms remain just a concept in the mind of three teenage boys. Teen Tech has said, though, that a condom manufacturer has expressed interest in bringing the teens' colorful idea into a reality. The only thing that wasn't addressed was dealing with that awkward moment when you notice a fluorescent glow under the sheets. "Um, yeah! These condoms glow in the dark when they know you're really good in bed!" Hopefully, you have a really dumb girl, or guy, who doesn't read the news, or this blog, in the sack with you.

FORGET MATCH.COM, LET'S GO TO A PHEROMONE PARTY!

     Here in the States, many single people rely on sites like Match.com to find a mate. Well, London has found a new way for single people to find a partner and no the women in this photo are not getting high from sniffing the contents in this bag. I'm about to tell you why she's laughing her ass off. 

     So, in a bar in trendy east London, dozens of singles mill about, sniffing plastic bags. There are no drugs inside, just slightly stinky t-shirts. These adventurous single men and women are at a "Pheromone Party." That's right! It's the alternative dating trend based on the idea that smell plays a key role in the choice of a sexual partner. I mean, this has to be true. There's no way someone with my looks can land the woman I'm about to marry. She's definitely way out of my league, as my comedian friend Don Jamieson says. So, my scent must've attracted her to me. 

     Anyway, each attendee at the party agreed to wear the same cotton T-shirt for three nights in a row, sans deodorant or perfume, and then they were instructed to bring the shirt to the party. The clothing, infused with the pure scent of the wearer's body, are placed in transparent plastic bags with numbers on colored labels--Pink for women and blue for the men. Organizer Judy Nadel encouraged the partygoers, "Smell as many bags as you like, have fun!" 

     At first there was some nervous laughter, then there was a sudden rush for the bags, which were laid out on a big table in the middle of the room. Some people opened the bags carefully, taking a timid sniff, while others plunge their noses right inside. Those who get a sniff of their dream partner, snap a photo of themselves with the bag. The images are then projected onto the wall and the lucky owners of the chosen T-shirts have a chance to meet their admirers. Nadel says, "It's such a weird concept. It's a huge ice-breaker because you are smelling a stranger's T-shirt. You can't be cool or pretentious. The idea was inspired by a 1995 experiment by a Swiss scientist, Claus Wedekind and the belief that pheromones, chemicals that are fundamental to the sexual behavior of animals, can also be picked up by humans. 

     I have to admit that this is a pretty interesting concept and with sites like Match.com so popular, I can see this happening here in the States. I can imagine these parties happening in New York City, especially in Brooklyn. I'm just happy that I'm no longer single. If I had to go to a party like this....Actually, I don't think I would go to a party like this. If I did, I would wear that t-shirt for the three days, while I ate Indian food for every single one of those days so that my T-shirt smelled like curry so bad that when anyone smelled my bag, they would run to the bathroom to vomit. To me, that's more fun! 

JERSEY CITY KNOCKOUT

Seriously, what makes people do what they do? Yesterday, on Facebook, there was video of a group of kids from Jersey City, NJ going around knocking people out for fun in a game they call "Knockout!" Apparently, the idea of the game is to walk up to an unsuspecting, defenseless person on the street and try and punch them out with one blow. That is ridiculous! If one of these kids tried that on me, they better hope they knock me out because if I get up, I will be the one going to jail! 

Anyway, three of the teens who play this game have been locked up on murder charges after they allegedly punched a man to death during a game of "Knockout." The three teens, all from Jersey City, followed a homeless Hoboken man, Ralph Santiago, down a street back in September. One of the boys punched Santiago, causing him to fall back from the knockout blow and collapse onto an iron fence, where he died after his neck was wedged between two posts. After police released video of the teens near the scene of the crime, the teens eventually turned themselves in and are being held at the Hudson County Youth Detention Center. Ironically, Santiago was disabled from a similar attack 20 years ago in the Bronx.

While there is no data showing exactly how many people have died as a result to this stupid game, many similar cases have made national headlines in the past like in 2011, when a St. Louis man was killed after being attacked in a game of "Knockout." His attacker was convicted of second-degree murder charges. Then in London, a 16-year-old girl was viciously punched from behind in 2012. The attack was caught on camera and when the judge asked the attacker why he did it, he responded with "she didn't have a friendly face." That guy sounds like an asshole and belongs in jail. 

 I have to admit that I'm a little concerned because I have many friends in Jersey City and if this is an ongoing game out there, I want them to be aware and vigilant. They need to know that if they see a group of teens just hanging around and not doing anything, they should be on their guard. This is such a stupid game! As if we all didn't have our own things to worry about, no we have to worry about these thugs?

See video footage below:

NO T.P. FOR YOUR PEE PEE

Can you imagine going on a 10-hour flight across the pond from San Francisco to London only to find out there was no toilet paper on the plane? Well, it happened, and once I read which airline did this, I have to admit that I wasn't shocked. No, it wasn't Southwest Airlines! I don't even think they fly to London. It was United Airlines. In the past, I've had nothing, but problems with this Airline from its unprofessionalism to their lack of sincerity for their paying customer. I remember one time they booked us on a connecting flight to Las Vegas. We were supposed to have a half an hour layover in Denver, only that half an hour turned into ten minutes due to our delayed flight. Then we get to the layover airport only to learn that the gate we have to get to is across another terminal. There was no way we were getting to our gate. Needless to say, we missed the connecting flight. We complained to United about it and they did absolutely nothing for us. Since it was late at night, that was supposedly the last flight to Vegas and the next one won't be until 6 am. After much groveling, they finally agreed to give us a hotel room to sleep for a few hours, which was nice, but I shouldn't have had to grovel since it was their mistake. Number one the flight was delayed for no reason at all and who puts a connecting flight out of reach for connecting passengers to get to? Well, United does and we will never fly with them again. Unless, all of the airlines go out of business anyway. 

Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent there! So, back to what United Airlines did this time. Apparently, passengers flying to London via United got a real bum deal after the crew forgot to stock the plane with toilet paper. Horrified flyers on this past Sunday's 10-hour flight from San Francisco to London were told to use what they'd brought on board themselves if they wanted to clean up after a bathroom break. Can you believe this? It sparked outrage among many of the customers who'd paid hundreds of dollars for their seats. This is so typical of United. Use something you brought with you to clean up after yourself? Um, everything I have is packed in my suitcase underneath the plane. Unless, I can wipe my ass with my iPad? One customer stated, "That's disgusting, that's just so terrible! If I'm paying for a ticket, that should include the price of toilet paper I would think."

Flight attendants later gave in and passed around tiny cocktail napkins, which read "Fly by the tips of your fingers." Are these guys serious? The airline has since apologized for the blunder and in a statement said they would like the opportunity to welcome these customers back, which is exactly what we heard with our snafu. Why would we ever fly them again? A spokesperson for the airline later said that stopping to restock the supply would have delayed the flight. Wait! Was that an excuse? I think I'd rather have a flight delayed rather than have to hold this huge dump I have to unleash for 10 hours. That is just unsanitary and unhealthy. I think restocking toilet paper would have set them back 10-15 minutes at most. This why no one should fly this airline anymore! Morons run this ship! Flight delayed? Or no toilet paper? I think I will choose a delayed flight every time, especially, if it's a direct one! United Airlines should be kissing these passengers asses right now and not making up excuses that restocking the plane would've delayed the flight! Now, I will never fly them ever again! I'll drive or cruise over taking a United flight.