HIGH TIMES IN SAN FRANCISCO

     Finally! After years of advocating the legalization of marijuana, I can't believe that I'm actually witnessing it all happening! And supposedly with this new dolt as Governor in New Jersey, we're supposed to legalize it here to, though I still believe he only said this to get voters, but I guess we'll see. 

     Anyway, San Francisco too a huge step in the legal marijuana age with a dispensary that was more like an Amsterdam-style cafe lounge. The Barbary Coast Dispensary's marijuana smoking lounge is a darkened room that resembles a steakhouse or upscale sports tavern, which it probably was before, with its red leather seats, deep booths and high dividers, and hardwood floors. 

     "There's nothing like this in Jersey," grinned a visitor from Atlantic City, NJ, as he was getting high with his cousins. To be honest, there's nothing like the Barbary Coast lounge almost anywhere in the United States, a conundrum for many marijuana enthusiasts who find it increasingly easy to buy pot but harder to find legal places to smoke it besides their own homes. 

     Only California permits marijuana smoking at marijuana retailers with specially designed loungers. But it also allows cities to band those kinds of shops. It's no surprise that San Francisco is the trail-"blazer." It's the only city in the state to fully embrace the Amsterdam-style coffee shops, the iconic tourist stops in the Netherlands where people can buy, eat, and smoke marijuana in the same shop. I mean come on...The home of Haight-Ashbury? Are you really surprised? You can drive through that neighborhood and get high. It smells like Patchouli the minute you walk into it. 

     San Fran's marijuana "czar" Nicole Elliot said her new permits will be issued once the city health officials finalize regulations designed to protect workers from secondhand smoke and the neighborhood from unwelcomed odors. The lounges are required to install expensive heating, ventilation and air conditioning systems to prevent the distinct marijuana odor from leaking outside. Other California cities are warming up to this idea. Oakland and South Lake Tahoe each have one smoking lounge. 

     The city of West Hollywood has approved plans to issue up to eight licenses, the tiny San Francisco Bay area town of Alameda said it will allow two and Oakland and South Lake Tahoe each have one. Sacramento, L.A. and other cities are discussing the issue, but have not authorized any lounges yet. The city of Los Angeles' business development manager said residents and cannabis businesses complain there is "no safe place, no legal place, to use it." She continued to say that Los Angeles officials envision smoking lounges to be set up like traditional bars, but for now the idea is more concept than plan.     

     In Colorado, one of the first states to broadly legalize, lawmakers failed in a close vote to make so-called "tasting rooms" legal. However, cities may do it, and Denver has authorized loungers where consumers bring their own marijuana, issuing permits so far. Nevada has put off a vote on the issue until next year, while lawmakers in Alaska and Oregon have considered and rejected legislation. 

     The Barbary Coast, which received its state license in January, first opened as a small dispensary in 2013. It expanded and opened its smoking lounge to medical users last year. On January 11, the shop opened to all adults when it received its California recreational use license. The state started issuing those on January 1 and continues to approve dozens of applications a month since voters broadly legalized the use and sale of marijuana. Man....moving to California is looking better and better every day!

BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU PEE

     I was never a fan of peeing in public, but I have friends who do it all the time. Apparently, it's an epidemic in San Francisco. So much that San Fran's Department of Public Works recently announced that it will be coating nine walls around the city with hydrophobic paint to help combat public unrinators. Basically, be careful where you pee if you're in San Francisco. The pee might bounce back at you.

     The Ultra-Ever Dry paint is a waterproof pain that works as a repellant of liquids. It can coat any surface and it has been used before on paper and fabrics. The DPW coated walls located around the Mission and SOMA districts, but is looking to expand he paint job if the pilot program was a success. Unfortunately, coating these walls costs several hundred dollars. 

     According to SFDPW chief Mohammed Nuru, "The team that did the testing were excited because the liquid bounces back more than we thought it would. We will send people to see, visually, if there are any wet signs to indicate urination has happened."

     San Francisco is not the first city to implement urine-repelling paint. The city of Hamburg, Germany has also used the paint and saw a decrease in people who use the streets as a bathroom. Nuru said, "Based on Hamburg, we know this pilot program is going to work. It will reduce the number of people using the walls. I really think it will deter them. Aside from the wall coating, San Fran is also introducing Pit Stop stations to offer public, portable toilets and sinks during certain hours. 

     I'm not sure this will work in New York City. Bums who don't care that pee will splash on them will continue to pee on the walls. Have you smelled a NYC bum? They smell like urine and body odor anyway. People who are bar-hopping and drunk will also not care about piss splashing on their pants. The only people this will deter from pissing on a wall in NYC is the average man who can't hold it. Then again, they're doing this in San Fran and not in NYC. 

DO YOU MISS YOUR EX THAT MUCH?

     Now, I've never used Match.com and with my upcoming nuptials, I doubt that I will ever need a site like that. I will, however, have to admit that Match.com is one of the most popular dating sites on the Internet with Ashley Madison coming in at a close second. Yes, that's the site that urges you to have an extramarital affair. Anyway, the reason that I bring Match.com up in today's blog is because I just read a story saying that the popular dating site is now offering an option that will help find you a date that looks just like your ex. Why would anyone want to do that?

     According to the story, soon certain Match.com members will be given the option of upgrading their account to include Three Day Rule's matchmaking service, which can help you find a a doppelganger of your former beau. The L.A. based company has clients send in photos of their exes and uses facial recognition technology to find lookalikes, but of course, everything comes with a price. A six-month Three Day Rule package costs around $5,000. Again, I ask why would anyone want to date their ex? I mean there was a break-up for a reason, right? Unless, you were the one who was dumped before you were ready to be dumped, but then again, if you were dumped, why would you still want to be with that person? I still don't understand the concept. 

    The hefty $5,000 price tag also includes in-person coaching from a professional matchmaker who may even go on screening dates with potential matches to make sure they are the real deal. Three Day Rule uses the technology to identify a person's type based on facial structure. Matches are then selected with appearance, personality, and interests in mind. One source says that Match.com users in L.A., San Francisco, New York and Chicago can join Three Day Rule's database for free and be paired with the service's clients, but those want a matchmaker to find them a compatible man or woman who also resembles their ex needs to pay for a membership. If you ask me, which I'm sure that your not, it's not worth it! Exes are exes for a reason. Why would you ever want to go back and date them again? In hopes of finding a better version of them? Screw that! Move on and find someone who you are more compatible with. Finding someone who looks like an ex just equals more trouble for you and at the end of the day, you spent $5,000 to find them. Big thumbs down on this one!

NO T.P. FOR YOUR PEE PEE

Can you imagine going on a 10-hour flight across the pond from San Francisco to London only to find out there was no toilet paper on the plane? Well, it happened, and once I read which airline did this, I have to admit that I wasn't shocked. No, it wasn't Southwest Airlines! I don't even think they fly to London. It was United Airlines. In the past, I've had nothing, but problems with this Airline from its unprofessionalism to their lack of sincerity for their paying customer. I remember one time they booked us on a connecting flight to Las Vegas. We were supposed to have a half an hour layover in Denver, only that half an hour turned into ten minutes due to our delayed flight. Then we get to the layover airport only to learn that the gate we have to get to is across another terminal. There was no way we were getting to our gate. Needless to say, we missed the connecting flight. We complained to United about it and they did absolutely nothing for us. Since it was late at night, that was supposedly the last flight to Vegas and the next one won't be until 6 am. After much groveling, they finally agreed to give us a hotel room to sleep for a few hours, which was nice, but I shouldn't have had to grovel since it was their mistake. Number one the flight was delayed for no reason at all and who puts a connecting flight out of reach for connecting passengers to get to? Well, United does and we will never fly with them again. Unless, all of the airlines go out of business anyway. 

Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent there! So, back to what United Airlines did this time. Apparently, passengers flying to London via United got a real bum deal after the crew forgot to stock the plane with toilet paper. Horrified flyers on this past Sunday's 10-hour flight from San Francisco to London were told to use what they'd brought on board themselves if they wanted to clean up after a bathroom break. Can you believe this? It sparked outrage among many of the customers who'd paid hundreds of dollars for their seats. This is so typical of United. Use something you brought with you to clean up after yourself? Um, everything I have is packed in my suitcase underneath the plane. Unless, I can wipe my ass with my iPad? One customer stated, "That's disgusting, that's just so terrible! If I'm paying for a ticket, that should include the price of toilet paper I would think."

Flight attendants later gave in and passed around tiny cocktail napkins, which read "Fly by the tips of your fingers." Are these guys serious? The airline has since apologized for the blunder and in a statement said they would like the opportunity to welcome these customers back, which is exactly what we heard with our snafu. Why would we ever fly them again? A spokesperson for the airline later said that stopping to restock the supply would have delayed the flight. Wait! Was that an excuse? I think I'd rather have a flight delayed rather than have to hold this huge dump I have to unleash for 10 hours. That is just unsanitary and unhealthy. I think restocking toilet paper would have set them back 10-15 minutes at most. This why no one should fly this airline anymore! Morons run this ship! Flight delayed? Or no toilet paper? I think I will choose a delayed flight every time, especially, if it's a direct one! United Airlines should be kissing these passengers asses right now and not making up excuses that restocking the plane would've delayed the flight! Now, I will never fly them ever again! I'll drive or cruise over taking a United flight.

THE GREAT JERK-OFF!!!....MASTURBATE-A-THON 2013 IS HERE!!!!

 One of my best buds, Scotty O, sent me this story yesterday afternoon and I couldn't believe what I was reading! Someone had actually organized a fundraiser for something that my friends and I used to have contests for just for fun. I'm talking about Masturbate-A-Thon 2013 and if you haven't started yet, you better get pumping because you're already a couple of days behind. Anyway, the story that Scotty sent me was that Philadelphia, the city that is not too far from where I'm living these days is celebrating National Masturbation Month with Masturbate-A-Thon 2013. First of all, when did they deem the month of May "National Masturbation Month"? Do I live under a rock or something?

Apparently, back in May 1995, a San Francisco based sex toy shop called Good Vibrations (love it!) declared May to be "Masturbation Month". Since then, they've encouraged people to get sponsors as a fundraiser for charities with a sex-positive focus. In 1999, the Masturbate-A-Thon was originated by the collective Open Enterprises, which operates Good Vibrations, and the slogan "Come for a Cause" was coined by Rachel Venning, the founder of the sex toy shop Babeland, formerly Toy in Babeland, which branches in Seattle, Brooklyn and two in Manhattan. The annual events are used as a public-health-education device to increase awareness of self-pleasure as a strategy for safer and healthier sex to de-stigmatize self-love.

 

The fundraiser is actually a "stroke" of genius! Philadelphia's first Masturbate-A-Thon began this past Wednesday (5/1) to mark the beginning of National Masturbation Month and won't finish until May 27. Apparently, those who are participating are pretty excited, so stay away! Sponsors can donate money for every hour participators spend spanking their shank. All proceeds go to local sex education groups in the area like ScrewSmart and Pleasure Rush!

If you'd like to participate in the fundraising aspect of this event, you need to log onto Crowdrise.com. Throughout the event, the site hopes to ignite conversations that reduce the stigma around expressing sexuality, promote sexual health, and emphasize the importance of pleasure. On May 30, a few days after the even ends, everyone involved is invited to attend, and I don't know why they decided to call it this, "Creamium", which will be a game show and dance party where prizes will be handed out for "Most Creative Fantasy", "Most Pleasure Connections" and "Most Money Raised". 

What the article forgot to mention was some of the other awards, which includes some World Record holders during their Masturbate-A-Thon! The "Longest Time Spent Masturbating" world record was broken last year by porn star Sonny Nash, who pleasured himself for an impressive 10 hours and 10 minutes last May. That's it? I mean, um....Wow! That's a lot of money he raised! There were other categories too like "Longest Time Masturbating a Male co-worker"...um, what?...."Most Orgasms/Male and Female" and my favorite, "Men's Distance Record". I know that this might be a little T.M.I., but if a guy can go a month without masturbating or having sex, he might be able to beat the record of shooting it 5 feet 4 inches. I know I sure as hell would have a good chance! This is crazy! Anyway, if you act now, you should be able to catch up in the Masturbate-A-Thon! I'm already two in the hole! T.M.I?

WORLD'S LARGEST PENIS STOPPED BY TSA

Today, I just didn't feel like writing about something serious, nor did I feel like rambling about something just to ramble because that's all I do. I am, however, disgusted with the Knicks for not matching the Rockets offer to keep Linsanity in New York, but that's a whole other blog post! Anyway, I saw this story and haven't been able to stop laughing since because the story reminded me of that scene in "This Is Spinal Tap" when they went through airport security and found a cucumber wrapped in tin foil down the bass player's pants.

 This story is about Jonah Falcon from Brooklyn, New York. His "package" ended up drawing the attention of airport security recently when he was flying from San Francisco to New York. To be honest, if the security would've let this "package" through, that would've been some pretty slack security! So, what "package" am I talking about? Well, apparently, Mr. Falcon is the owner of the world's largest recorded penis. The TSA stopped him last week in San Francisco when he was going through a security checkpoint, and one of the TSA noticed something odd in his pocket. Just an FYI, the 41-year-old Falcon measures up to over a foot soft. 

Falcon says he wasn't too excited over the unwanted attention, but TSA guard’s suspicions were 'aroused' over the appearance of a possible security threat. They went as far as using a body scanner, a metal detector, and even patted his pants down with a powder to check from bio-weapons. One agent even asked if he had "some sort of growth"! How can you not laugh at this story? Wouldn't it have been easier if they just asked what he was concealing? Wouldn't it also have been easier for Falcon to divulge the information to them to save him from further embarrassment? I mean I guess that would be embarrassing to tell the TSA that they're detecting my enlarged penis. When I have these problems, I just tell them straight out! I'm sure every guys wishes they had mine and Mr. Falcon's problem!