GETTING A RISE OUT OF THE BOMB SQUAD

     It's sad that in this day, we have to be terrified of every little thing being a bomb or something that will harm us in some sort of way. When I say "little," now I'm talking about penis rings? 

     A gambling hall in Germany wasn't taking any chances. An employee of the Spielothek casino in Halberstadt, Germany, heard ticking and humming noises from a men's bathroom trash bin on Tuesday and called police, who evacuated dozens from the casino and adjacent shops, blocked off the street and called in the bomb squad.

     The bomb squad eventually found something not-so-explosive in the trash...Yes, they found a penis ring that was still vibrating. One official told a German publication that the department had to react to stay "on the safe side." As for the battery-powered sex toy that created the widespread panic. No one knows how the device got there. 

     The official said, "This is something I have never seen in 36 years on the force, that just tops everything." Here's the hilarious thing, this isn't the only emergency response to penis ring activity in Germany as of late. Back in March, firefighters had to remove several penis rings from a fetishist in Munich. I have to say, it seems they love their cock rings in Germany. Here in the U.S., we love our pills, but at least, Viagra can't cause a bomb scare. 

THE NATIONAL POO MUSEUM?

     Well, those who know me, know that I have this poo obsession. For those who didn't know, I even wrote a book about pooping in your pants called S**t Happens, which is available on Amazon.com. 

     Anyway, a newly opened museum in Great Britain is promising to get to the bottom of the bowel movements. The National Poo Museum opened last week at the Isle of Wight Zoo, where visitors can see excrement-oriented exhibits like feces from more than 20 different animals including elks, lions, and a human baby. They even have fossilized poo (or coprolites or as I call them crapolites) dating back 140 million years. 

     Nigel George, on of the crap curators, says the reason for doing a museum dedicated to doody is simple: "Poo provokes strong reactions." George went on to say in an interview, "Small children naturally delight in it but later we learn to avoid this yucky, disease-carrying stuff, and that even talking about poo is bad, but for most of us, under the layers of disgust and taboo, we're still fascinated by it." 

     To make sure the museum's poo didn't stink, the curators had to build a special dung dryer, according to co-poo-curator, Daniel Roberts, who also said, "A stick insect poo can be desiccated completely in an hour or so, but a lion poo can take a fortnight (two weeks) to dry out."

     The National Poo Museum will be at the Isle of Wight Zoo through the summer before going on tour. Although, it's billed as the first-ever museum to "number two," that statement may have been made in the flush of publicity. Turns out, Italy opened one last year in a small town of Castelbosco. In addition, back in 2012, the city of Suwon, South Korea, opened Mr. Toilet House, a museum and park that features statues of humans and animals going to the bathroom. 

     Either way you want to flush it, I still think it's awesome that there even is a museum dedicated to poop. Maybe with any luck, my book S**T Happens will make it into the museum dedicated to the one thing I seem to be obsessed with. I hope this crappy museum hits our neck of the woods because I will surely be there. 

SHE-ROBOT

     Although, I realize that we're getting into an age where robots will be replacing human beings in the workplace, I never thought I'd see the day where robots will be replacing human beings! I mean this is crazy!

     A graphic designer in Hong Kong has constructed a life-sized robot from scratch on the balcony of his home. Ricky Ma grew up watching cartoons featuring adventures of robots and dreamed of eventually building one of his own one day. His childhood dream was realized at the age of 42.

     The fruit of his labors of a year-and-a-half, and a budget of more than $50,000, is a female robot prototype he calls Mark 1, modeled after a Hollywood star whose name he wanted to keep under wraps. I think we can all guess who she resembles. Ahem...Scarlet Johansson? The robot responds to set of programmed verbal commands spoken into a microphone. I wonder if he sculpted her to be anatomically correct? Better yet, I wonder if her month "only" talks. Okay, I'm starting to creep myself out now.

     Ma said, "I figured I should just do it when the timing is right and realize my dream. If I realize my dream, I will have no regrets in life." Besides simple movements of its arms and legs, turning its head and bowing, Ma's robot, which has dark blond hair and liquid eyes, and wears a grey skirt and cropped top, can create detailed facial expressions. In response to the compliment, "Mark 1, you are so beautiful," its brows and the muscles around its eyes relax, and the corners of its lips lift, creating a natural-seeming smile, and it says, "Hehe, thank you."

     A 3-D printed skeleton lies beneath Mark1's silicone skin, wrapping its mechanical and electric parts. About 70 percent of its body was created using 3D printing technology. Ma, who believes the importance of robots will only grow, hopes an investor will buy his prototype, giving him the capital to build more, and he wants to write a book about his experience, to help other enthusiasts. 

     The rise of robots and artificial intelligence are among disruptive labor market changes that the World Economic Forum projects will lead to a net loss of 5.1 million jobs over the next five years. Yeah, that's not good! Am I the only one who finds this a little bit creepy?
  

PENIS ENVY

     Knock on wood, I've never had to go under the knife for anything my entire life, so far. For those of you who have, however, have you ever thought about what happens when you're under anesthesia? Do the doctors and nurses mess with you? Or do they actually do what they're supposed to do. Should cell phones be outlawed while these nurses are on duty? After I tell you what this moron did, you will say "yes" to all. 

     This is 27-year-old, Kristen Johnson, an upstate New York nurse, who surrendered her licence this week after she was convicted of taking photos of an unconscious patient's penis with her iPhone. Yes...she did that! Can you imagine being knocked out on the operating table and they're taking photos of your naked body with their iPhones? Terrifying isn't it? 

     Johnson, of Fulton, NY, "did' not contest the charge of moral unfitness in practice," according to the state Board of Regents. She pleaded guilty in November to disseminating of unlawful surveillance photos, a misdemeanor. She took photos of patients in 2014 while working in Upstate University Hospital. 

     The Onondaga County District Attorney's office began investigating after Johnson's co-workers complained that she captured images of two patients and sent them to friends via text message, according to authorities when she was arrested in May of 2015. I mean what kind of sicko does that? She takes photos of naked sick people and sends them out to her friends?

     Syracuse.com also reported that Johnson used her iPhone to take a video of another nurse cleaning an incapacitated female patient's gastrointestinal blood clot. First of all, ew! Secondly, has going viral become that important that you feel the need to take video of something so disgusting? 

     Johnson initially faced a felony charge, but it was later reduces. As part of the plea deal, she was forced to give up her license and is required to spend three years on probation. I hope that penis envy was worth your future, honey! You were about to make some good money. Now, you can enjoy flipping burgers at McDonald's. They make $15 an hour now. Idiot!

A BRAWL AT THE MALL.....WITH THE EASTER BUNNY?

     With Easter coming this Sunday, I felt this story was more than appropriate for today's blog, and go figure, it happened at the Newport Center Mall in Jersey City, NJ, my old stomping grounds. I used to work upstairs from this mall when I worked at dance station WKTU. 

     Anyway, the spirit of Easter came to a screaming halt Sunday evening after a mall bunny found himself tangled up in a brawl at the mall. In a video posted on Twitter from Newport Center Mall, an Easter bunny was seen exchanging punches with a customer waiting online to have photos taken. At the beginning of the video, the bunny, without his floppy eared mask on, is seen being separated from a man wearing a brown shirt, but seconds after they are taken away from one another, the bunny throws his gloves off and approaches the man again.

     No word on what caused the incident as police could not be reached for comment, but come on people! It's Easter! Can't we all get along? Besides, how low can you be to pick a fight with a fluffy white-tailed bunny taking photos with your kids? What would have made this video even more hilarious is if Santa Claus came out of nowhere to save the Easter Bunny from being pummeled. I was also wondering, how the hell do you fight in that costume? This feet would have made me trip all over the place. That would have a been a bad situation all-around! Only in Jersey!

Check out the video posted on Twitter this past Sunday: 

NOW YOU SEE HER, NOW YOU DON'T

     I've seen some crazy videos in my day, but this insane. Well, at first glance it was anyway, and the Internet has gone crazy about it. Now, that I know what happened it totally makes sense and I'm not as freaked out about it. 

     So, as you can see in this video, a woman appeard to vanish into thin air during a live news report on Danish TV....But did she really? The video, which has gone viral, shows the blonde woman standing in the background of the shot as a man was being interviewed at an airport's baggage claim for TV2's Sports Center show. Another woman walks past her, pushing a trolley, and then she seemingly disappears. 

     Some viewers have speculated that the seemingly magical woman was a ghost. Others claimed her vanishing act was down to "alien activity." Unfortunately, if you look closer, and I mean really close, you can actually see what really happens. The woman just coincidentally happens to move off at the same exact time as the trolley-pusher. 

     Her blue jeans are visible through the gap between the other woman's arm and body. You can also see traces of her blond hair, just slightly behind the brunette's head. Yes, this was very creepy, but it's not any sort of paranormal activity. The clip was featured on TV2's late night talk show, The Night Shift on Wednesday and ended up circulating around the Internet on Thursday. The show confirmed that the man being interviewed was Denmark's national women's handball head coach, Klavs Bruun Jorgensen.....Um, national women's handball head coach? Did anyone else catch that? Denmark has a national handball team? What the hell? That makes two things that blew me away in this story! The woman, who appeared to have vanished was handball expert Trine Jensen. Wait! There's a handball expert too? I think I'm giving up on life now that I know handball is a national sport in Denmark and women are disappearing on national TV!
     

WHAT.....THE.....HELL?

     I always thought that when I passed away, Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home" or Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" would be playing in a loop at my funeral. If I know my wife, she'll make that happen for me too. Is that a strange request? Maybe, but nothing more stranger that Fernando de Jesus Diaz Beato's request. 

     The 26-year-old was shot and killed in Puerto Rico earlier this month, and his family honored his memory in the oddest way I think I've ever seen. Well, next to being buried in a tree pod, but that was an older blog. Beato, who suffered 15 gunshot wounds, was embalmed to look like he was still alive at his own funeral. Yes! In these photos, he's actually already dead. Can I get a united "WTF"?

     Beato frequently wore a black cap and smoked cigars, which is exactly how Marin Funeral Home in San Juan made him look. How creepy is this? VERY! His sister even told one news source, "Some people say it doesn't look good. They prefer something more traditional. But if that's something that the family wants, why wouldn't you do it?"

     The sister added that her mother was very emotional prior to the funeral, but calmed down once she saw her son embalmed, sitting up in a char from her home. She said, "That was his way of being. We wanted to remember him as he was. Everyone in the neighborhood loved him. Everyone remembered him." Hey, honey! If you want to remember him put together a collage, don't sit him there in a chair, and if everyone loved him so much, he'd still be alive, right? This is just so creepy! Now, what happens with the body? Does he just sit there in the chair forever? Or does he finally get put in a casket and get buried? Or does the family put him by a window in the attic and start killing people as they dressed like him? 

     Beato's mother always kept the plastic on the chair, as most Puerto Rican mothers do, and never let him sit on it. She did this time. This was also not the first time Marin Funeral Home, who kept Beato's eyes open as a surprise for his loved ones, has hosted this type of funeral. Damarus Marin, the establishment's director, told the New York Daily News they began these "non-traditional" funerals back in 2008. He said, "Since then, we have done 9 non-traditional funerals, according with what our clients have asked us to do." By the way, police still don't have anyone in custody for Fernando's murder. 

      I have to say that if this becomes the new norm, I'm not sure that I'll be able to go to funerals anymore. I can see the person sitting up like this in a chair with his eyes open. It's just too freaky. I'd rather stick to pictures and videos to remember the person. I can't be the only one here....