PENIS ENVY

     Knock on wood, I've never had to go under the knife for anything my entire life, so far. For those of you who have, however, have you ever thought about what happens when you're under anesthesia? Do the doctors and nurses mess with you? Or do they actually do what they're supposed to do. Should cell phones be outlawed while these nurses are on duty? After I tell you what this moron did, you will say "yes" to all. 

     This is 27-year-old, Kristen Johnson, an upstate New York nurse, who surrendered her licence this week after she was convicted of taking photos of an unconscious patient's penis with her iPhone. Yes...she did that! Can you imagine being knocked out on the operating table and they're taking photos of your naked body with their iPhones? Terrifying isn't it? 

     Johnson, of Fulton, NY, "did' not contest the charge of moral unfitness in practice," according to the state Board of Regents. She pleaded guilty in November to disseminating of unlawful surveillance photos, a misdemeanor. She took photos of patients in 2014 while working in Upstate University Hospital. 

     The Onondaga County District Attorney's office began investigating after Johnson's co-workers complained that she captured images of two patients and sent them to friends via text message, according to authorities when she was arrested in May of 2015. I mean what kind of sicko does that? She takes photos of naked sick people and sends them out to her friends?

     Syracuse.com also reported that Johnson used her iPhone to take a video of another nurse cleaning an incapacitated female patient's gastrointestinal blood clot. First of all, ew! Secondly, has going viral become that important that you feel the need to take video of something so disgusting? 

     Johnson initially faced a felony charge, but it was later reduces. As part of the plea deal, she was forced to give up her license and is required to spend three years on probation. I hope that penis envy was worth your future, honey! You were about to make some good money. Now, you can enjoy flipping burgers at McDonald's. They make $15 an hour now. Idiot!

A BRAWL AT THE MALL.....WITH THE EASTER BUNNY?

     With Easter coming this Sunday, I felt this story was more than appropriate for today's blog, and go figure, it happened at the Newport Center Mall in Jersey City, NJ, my old stomping grounds. I used to work upstairs from this mall when I worked at dance station WKTU. 

     Anyway, the spirit of Easter came to a screaming halt Sunday evening after a mall bunny found himself tangled up in a brawl at the mall. In a video posted on Twitter from Newport Center Mall, an Easter bunny was seen exchanging punches with a customer waiting online to have photos taken. At the beginning of the video, the bunny, without his floppy eared mask on, is seen being separated from a man wearing a brown shirt, but seconds after they are taken away from one another, the bunny throws his gloves off and approaches the man again.

     No word on what caused the incident as police could not be reached for comment, but come on people! It's Easter! Can't we all get along? Besides, how low can you be to pick a fight with a fluffy white-tailed bunny taking photos with your kids? What would have made this video even more hilarious is if Santa Claus came out of nowhere to save the Easter Bunny from being pummeled. I was also wondering, how the hell do you fight in that costume? This feet would have made me trip all over the place. That would have a been a bad situation all-around! Only in Jersey!

Check out the video posted on Twitter this past Sunday: 

NOW YOU SEE HER, NOW YOU DON'T

     I've seen some crazy videos in my day, but this insane. Well, at first glance it was anyway, and the Internet has gone crazy about it. Now, that I know what happened it totally makes sense and I'm not as freaked out about it. 

     So, as you can see in this video, a woman appeard to vanish into thin air during a live news report on Danish TV....But did she really? The video, which has gone viral, shows the blonde woman standing in the background of the shot as a man was being interviewed at an airport's baggage claim for TV2's Sports Center show. Another woman walks past her, pushing a trolley, and then she seemingly disappears. 

     Some viewers have speculated that the seemingly magical woman was a ghost. Others claimed her vanishing act was down to "alien activity." Unfortunately, if you look closer, and I mean really close, you can actually see what really happens. The woman just coincidentally happens to move off at the same exact time as the trolley-pusher. 

     Her blue jeans are visible through the gap between the other woman's arm and body. You can also see traces of her blond hair, just slightly behind the brunette's head. Yes, this was very creepy, but it's not any sort of paranormal activity. The clip was featured on TV2's late night talk show, The Night Shift on Wednesday and ended up circulating around the Internet on Thursday. The show confirmed that the man being interviewed was Denmark's national women's handball head coach, Klavs Bruun Jorgensen.....Um, national women's handball head coach? Did anyone else catch that? Denmark has a national handball team? What the hell? That makes two things that blew me away in this story! The woman, who appeared to have vanished was handball expert Trine Jensen. Wait! There's a handball expert too? I think I'm giving up on life now that I know handball is a national sport in Denmark and women are disappearing on national TV!
     

WHAT.....THE.....HELL?

     I always thought that when I passed away, Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home" or Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" would be playing in a loop at my funeral. If I know my wife, she'll make that happen for me too. Is that a strange request? Maybe, but nothing more stranger that Fernando de Jesus Diaz Beato's request. 

     The 26-year-old was shot and killed in Puerto Rico earlier this month, and his family honored his memory in the oddest way I think I've ever seen. Well, next to being buried in a tree pod, but that was an older blog. Beato, who suffered 15 gunshot wounds, was embalmed to look like he was still alive at his own funeral. Yes! In these photos, he's actually already dead. Can I get a united "WTF"?

     Beato frequently wore a black cap and smoked cigars, which is exactly how Marin Funeral Home in San Juan made him look. How creepy is this? VERY! His sister even told one news source, "Some people say it doesn't look good. They prefer something more traditional. But if that's something that the family wants, why wouldn't you do it?"

     The sister added that her mother was very emotional prior to the funeral, but calmed down once she saw her son embalmed, sitting up in a char from her home. She said, "That was his way of being. We wanted to remember him as he was. Everyone in the neighborhood loved him. Everyone remembered him." Hey, honey! If you want to remember him put together a collage, don't sit him there in a chair, and if everyone loved him so much, he'd still be alive, right? This is just so creepy! Now, what happens with the body? Does he just sit there in the chair forever? Or does he finally get put in a casket and get buried? Or does the family put him by a window in the attic and start killing people as they dressed like him? 

     Beato's mother always kept the plastic on the chair, as most Puerto Rican mothers do, and never let him sit on it. She did this time. This was also not the first time Marin Funeral Home, who kept Beato's eyes open as a surprise for his loved ones, has hosted this type of funeral. Damarus Marin, the establishment's director, told the New York Daily News they began these "non-traditional" funerals back in 2008. He said, "Since then, we have done 9 non-traditional funerals, according with what our clients have asked us to do." By the way, police still don't have anyone in custody for Fernando's murder. 

      I have to say that if this becomes the new norm, I'm not sure that I'll be able to go to funerals anymore. I can see the person sitting up like this in a chair with his eyes open. It's just too freaky. I'd rather stick to pictures and videos to remember the person. I can't be the only one here.... 

AND THEN THERE'S THIS....

     In any sport, it's always suggested that you wear a cup to protect your package since those are some valuable jewels you are carrying. One rugby player refused to wear one and what happened to him makes me cringe. 

     This is Haydn Peacock (I swear that's his real name!) He recently spoke out about suffering from a torn penis during a rugby match. The injury required about 11 stitches to put it back on. So, basically, he should change his name to Haydn Nocock! 

     23-year-old Nocock, I mean Peacock, who plays for the French team AS Carcassonne, posted a dramatic photo of him being pulled down by his privates as he screamed in agony during a February match against St. Esteve Catalans Dragons. The picture wasn't the real shocker, though, that came in the locker room. 

     Peacock told one news source on March 11, "The pain was all right and then at halftime I was like, I've got to have a look. I checked on it and the skin was half ripped off and I was like, 'Shit, where's the doctor? Where's the doctor?'" The doctor sent him to a clinic that night to be treated. Peacock showed his teammates his new Frankenpenis to laughs all around the locker room and said he had to "strap it up" for the next game. Did he really mean strap it on? 

     He wrote in an Instagram post, "#rugbyleague is definitely not a sport I recommend. 11 stitches later for the little fella, but she'll be right." So, he called his dick a "little fella" and then called it a "she"? They must've given him some good drugs for the pain!

     Despite the close call, Peacock still refuses to play with a protective cup because it impedes his ability to run. What a moron! Next time, I hope the whole thing gets ripped right off your body, you idiot! I wore a cup in every sport I played in high school and post high school. Screw that! I remember one time fielding a bad hop at first base that hit a ditch and bounced up and hit me right in the groin area. All I heard was "pop"! My balls would have burst if I wasn't wearing a cup since the ball was traveling so fast. That cup protected by future children! Don't be like Haydn Nocock!

FATHER KNOWS BREAST

     When you're a child, you would like think that you can trust your father with anything. He's supposed to be your rock. Especially, if you're a girl. Unless, of course you're this guy, who ruins it for all the great dads out there. 

     So, a perverse upstate New York dad recently admitted in court that he posed as his teen daughter's texting boyfriend to manipulate her to send him nude photos of herself. He then used the photos as leverage to begin sexually abusing the 14-year-old. 

     The sinister 41-year-old dad from Herkimer County, who remained nameless to protect the girl, pleaded guilty in federal court on Monday to 12 counts of enticing a child to produce child pornography and receiving and sending child porn. The man faces up to 250 years in prison for his crimes when he is sentenced later this year. He told the U.S. District judge, "It is very emotional. I'm giving away many years of my life." Um, yeah, about that. You're getting 250 years, buddy! You're giving away more than many years of your life! You're giving away you're whole damn life! Unless, you know something that I don't know and you're living for 300 years? 

     The man used a fake name, set up accounts with Instagram, AOL, and a texting service in 2013. He posed as a 16-year-old boy from Watertown and began chatting with his daughter. At first, the girl resisted his requests for her nude photos, but eventually relented. She later tried to break up with the "boyfriend." She wrote to him, "All you talk about is sex, sex and more sex. Honestly, that is not what a relationship is about." Well, she's 50-percent correct. Anyway, he responded with "Then I will send these to your dad and then I won't have to worry about anyone else having u." This is pretty sick!

     After she broke up with "the boyfriend," the father conjured up the scenario that the boy committed suicide, but sent him the graphic images before he died. The sexual abuse came to an end when the girl reported it to a school nurse. Authorities later tracked down the girl's text partner, discovering the texts had been sent from inside her own home. Wow! Now, that's something you only see in movies! What the hell? That's some pretty creepy stuff! Well, regardless, the guy is going away for 250 years. I think we really need to warn the girl about making any new friends who say they are writing her from prison. 

THAT LITTLE SON OF A GUN

     Okay, so if you read this blog, you know that I have my opinions, but I'll never take a political stance on anything. That being said, this whole right to bear arms issue, I am for. I think the "right" be people have a right to bear arms for their own protection. I always felt that just like a driver's license a test needs to be taken in order to get permit, and I think that all gun owner's should be registered. Yes, I know there are illegal gun sales and yes, I know dumb people can pass tests also, hence the dumb drivers out there. I'm not saying it's the best idea, but this is America, the land of the free; so we are free to have certain rights and owning a gun should be one of them.

     Okay, now that you know my stance on the right to bear arms, this is Jamie Gilt of Jacksonville, Florida. Yes, we're back in Florida. Jamie is also pro-guns, but she is so pro-guns that she even has a Facebook page advocating the the right. Well, that came back to bite her on Wednesday when she told deputies that her 4-year-old son shot her in the back while he was sitting in the back seat of her pickup truck. Now, why would you put a gun anywhere near a child in your car? I don't care how much you love guns or how much you are pro-guns, why would you put a gun near a child? Someone like this does not deserve to pass that test I was speaking of. 

     A Putnam County Sheriff's Office news release stated a deputy saw the 31-year-old behaving frantically inside the truck on Tuesday and quickly realized she'd been shot. According to the release, she told the deputies that her son accidentally shot her. He wasn't harmed and was reunited with family members. The Department of Children and Families is currently investigating. 

     Deputies found Gilt with a bullet wound inside her truck with a horse trailer on the back stopped in travel lanes on a highway. She was on her way to pick up a horse. Deputies also said a .45-caliber handgun was on the truck's floor. I mean that's where all responsible gun owner's put their guns--On the floor of their cars! Gilt was taken to Gainesville hospital, where she was in stable condition later on Tuesday. The situation is currently being investigated and a Facebook page has since been taken down that adorned the image of the Putnam County mother holding a gun drew worldwide attention. The page received numerous comments from around the world after Gilt's story of getting shot by her son spread. The page then started to get filled with comments about gun control and gun laws. 

     Well, if you want to support something then don't act stupid! I mean, leaving a gun on the floor in your truck is pretty stupid, especially if you have a child in the car. Why wouldn't you have it holstered in the glove compartment and why wasn't the safety on? What if your son didn't accidentally shoot you in the back and accidentally aimed at your head? What if he put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger? This story would have been a lot worse! Again, I say, stupid people don't need to have guns. I am for the right to bear arms, but for the right people!

NEW YORK CITY SEX SPA? WHAT?

     Can it be that after all these years, one of my dreams has finally become a reality in New York City? A sex spa? Well, kind of. You see, the Spa Castle in Queens has been billed as a sprawling, 22-pool Disneyland of soaks and steams, but some patrons have kept this place anything, but Disney-oriented.

     Apparently, on Sunday mornings, an army of exotic dancers getting off their Saturday night shifts descend on the complex, and allegedly, it isn't to do laps in the pool. One employee told the New York Post, "We open at 6 a.m. and lots of strippers come here after work to unwind. There's lots of skinny-dipping and the girls are making out with each other and partying. It looks like the set of a porn movie." That is hilarious!

     After doing some investigating of their own, the New York Post found patrons in their birthday suits , groping each other, making out and having what appeared to be underwater sex, on two different occasions. Last weekend, the clientele ranged from toddlers to octogenarians, but that did not stop a group a five heavily tattooed twenty-somethings from engaging in splashy sexcapades in the 2-foot-deep, heated wading pool on the second floor. 

     House music pulsing, one of the women stripped naked and cheerfully played with her breasts while a woman in a yellow-fringed bikini and a man looked on. A few minutes later, the nude woman stood in front of the seated man while her hand jerked in and out of the water. Another couple made out a few feet away. It was not even 9 a.m. yet. 

     One staffer said, "There is a big problem with customers having sex in the pools, and the management doesn't know how to handle it. Practically every day, couples are caught having sex in the indoor and outdoor pools. They think they are being sly about it, but they're not. When you see somebody on someone's lap bouncing up and down and the jets aren't turned on, you know what's happening." Um, ew! Can you imagine your kid swimming in this pool and accidentally swallowing some of that jizzed up pool water? I literally just gagged. 

     The Spa Castle in College Point is the brain-child of South Korea native Steve Chon, who built the spa in 2005. Today, it is New York City's largest spa, with 300,000 annual visitors and sales of more than $20 million in recent years. He opened a second Spa Castle in Texas in 2012 and a third spot on East 57th Street in Manhattan in 2014. The $25 million, 100,000-square-foot complex offers 21 spa pools, a wading pool, hydrotherapy baths, high-tech steam rooms, 10 gold-tiled saunas and services like facials and body wraps. 

     City law states that "no establishment shall make facilities available for the purpose of sexual activities" and that "such facilities shall constitute a threat to the public health." Between 2014 and 2015, the Health Department cited City Spa for 49 violations, including failure to post signs prohibiting discharge of bodily fluids in pools. The Spa Castle was closed down recently for not following safety standards.

     Like I said, this place is not what it really sounds like. It's not really a sex spa. It's technically a spa with pools. It's just that it's patrons are treating it like it was The Vault! Only my 40s crowd of readers from the NYC area will get that reference. 

CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR.....

     It looks New York is becoming the new Florida. There's another story that I was going to write about where a kid is looking for his biological father because he was conceived at a K-Rock Festival in Upstate New York. It turns out, his mother met this dude at the festival concert, had sex with him, never saw him again after their encounter, got pregnant, and 20 years later, the kid is looking for his dad using social media. Good luck with that kid! Rest assure, I'm not him. 

     Anyway, I chose to write about another dolt from Upstate New York, who decided to create her own license plate and actually tried to get away with it. 28-year-old, Amanda Schweikert from Upstate New York, was arrested by the Erie County Sheriff's Office after she was caught driving around town with a hilariously awful handmade cardboard license plate. Schweikert was nabbed on Wednesday after police noticed a vehicle with no front license plate, which is illegal in the state of New York and New Jersey, but not in Pennsylvania, and an obviously fake back plate. 

     After pulling the vehicle over, a deputy discovered that Schweikert had a suspended license and no insurance. Priceless! The Sardinia resident was charged with one felony count of possession of a forged instrument, a misdemeanor count of driving with a suspended license and three other traffic infractions. Unreal! 

     Police posted on Thursday that she was being held at the Erie County Holding Center in lieu of $400 bail. The sheriff's office seized the fake plate and posted photos of it on Facebook with a caption that read: "In case, you are wondering, homemade cardboard license plates are NOT legal." That is hilarious!

     Some Facebook commenters thought the felony charge was a little harsh, but others were thoroughly amused by the attempt in artwork. One person wrote, "Can you tell me how you did NOT laugh when pulling this individual over? This made my morning!" Another posted, "I am going to make you a Vermont plate out of maple syrup and bacon."

     The funny thing is that this not the first bad fake license plate attempt in New York. In 2015, a Queens man with repeated license suspensions was collared after he was caught driving with a license plate made out of cardboard and crayons. When the NYPD pulled the man over, he said, "I am an Amir and I don't need plates to drive." What the hell is an Amir? Well, that Amir was arraigned on a felony charge of aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. 

     I have to say these attempts to create a fake license plate get a "A" for effort in my book. I mean this one that Miss Schweikert tried to get away with looks so bad, she might have gotten away with it in a fourth grade art class. I mean, it was a valiant effort, but come on....Let's get real here! At least make it out of metal!

STORY ABOUT A TEACHER, BUT NOT THE KIND YOU THINK.....THIS IS A CROCK!

     Today, I have a story about a teacher and a student, but it's not the type of story that you're used to reading about here in my blog. I have to take the teacher's side on this one. 

     This is Leigh Anne Arthur, a South Carolina teacher who has been forced to resign after a student stole her phone and shared her naked pictures with his classmates. Yes, I said, "He stole her phone and shared her naked photos with his classmates." This kid sounds like a total douche, doesn't he? And now the teacher has to suffer because of it. Arthur said that her school district bosses in Union County told her to quit her job after the unidentified student found a semi-nude photo she had taken for her husband. 

     The district's David Eubanks told one news source that the 13-year teaching veteran was at fault because she left her phone unlocked on her desk when she went out of the room, making the photos available to her students. He went on to say that the engineering teacher's actions may have contributed to the delinquency of a minor. That's a crock considering the phone is her property and whether she left it on HER desk unlocked and unattended, it still belongs to her meaning there should be some sort of respect for people's property, whether she has semi-nude photos of herself on the phone or not. It belongs to her!

     The student reportedly took a picture of Arthur's snap with his own phone before saying that he would send it along to any of his classmates that wanted to see their teacher's private image. The photo also surfaced on social media. Arthur maintains that what happened was not her fault and that the student should be expelled. She's damn right he should be! Number one, he stole a teacher's property. That should not be tolerated! Second, he made her private photos public! That is an invasion of someone's privacy! This kid should be expelled from the school. 

     Eubanks told The State that he was not sure if the student would face any discipline at all. That's a crock too! The student must be the son of someone on the Board of Ed because only a spoiled little brat would get away with something like this. In fact, the unidentified pupil told Arthur after the incident that her "day of reckoning was coming!" Are you kidding me? She went on to say, "The whole premise of my privacy being invaded is being ignored and that's what's wrong!" Damn straight! This is a crock!

     Arthur says that she forgives the student who ended up costing her her job. A petition to reinstate "Mrs. Arthur" praised her dedication to her students and had received 818 signatures as of early this morning. That kid has a set of balls!

LEZ IS MORE

     In case all of you were wondering and I know you were, popular porn site, Pornhub has announced that it's users search the keyword "lesbian" more than any other word throughout the 50 states.  According to the site, not other keyword came even close. 

     Here's the best part, within 30 states, including New York and California, "lesbian" was the most desired type of porn. In the Cali, "lesbian" was searched on PornHub a massive 187,000 times in one month.

     The site worked with Vocativ, who helped them analyze search terms by state in the month of January. Behind the "lesbian" searches, trends hit closer to home and got more incestual as step mom and step sister were most searched in ten states from Alaska to Maine. Rhode Island PorhHub users were especially shallow.....Hey!.....as "MILF" (My favorite) was the most sought after genre. 

     In the deep south, tip searches were more race based. The words "ebony" and "black: finished on top in Louisiana, Mississippi and Georgia, as well as Delaware. I am blown away since back in the 60s, those were some of the most racist states. It's great to see they've become a bit more accepting. In Vermont, Nebraska and Arkansas, "cartoon" porn had a firm grip on the top spot. Trust me, that explains a lot! Sickos! Obviously, back in line with regional realities, "Asian" was most searched in Hawaii. 

     Lebisan adult videos blew away the competition last year also, as it was the most searched type of videos on PornHub in 2015, as well. I guess when it comes to fantasies, some things never change. Men love to be in a room with two women going at it. I, personally, like the one on one older woman stuff. Am I saying too much? Do I have mommy issues or something? I think I just made myself sick! Take a look at the PornHub map below. What category did your state search more of?