AND THEN THERE'S THIS....

     In any sport, it's always suggested that you wear a cup to protect your package since those are some valuable jewels you are carrying. One rugby player refused to wear one and what happened to him makes me cringe. 

     This is Haydn Peacock (I swear that's his real name!) He recently spoke out about suffering from a torn penis during a rugby match. The injury required about 11 stitches to put it back on. So, basically, he should change his name to Haydn Nocock! 

     23-year-old Nocock, I mean Peacock, who plays for the French team AS Carcassonne, posted a dramatic photo of him being pulled down by his privates as he screamed in agony during a February match against St. Esteve Catalans Dragons. The picture wasn't the real shocker, though, that came in the locker room. 

     Peacock told one news source on March 11, "The pain was all right and then at halftime I was like, I've got to have a look. I checked on it and the skin was half ripped off and I was like, 'Shit, where's the doctor? Where's the doctor?'" The doctor sent him to a clinic that night to be treated. Peacock showed his teammates his new Frankenpenis to laughs all around the locker room and said he had to "strap it up" for the next game. Did he really mean strap it on? 

     He wrote in an Instagram post, "#rugbyleague is definitely not a sport I recommend. 11 stitches later for the little fella, but she'll be right." So, he called his dick a "little fella" and then called it a "she"? They must've given him some good drugs for the pain!

     Despite the close call, Peacock still refuses to play with a protective cup because it impedes his ability to run. What a moron! Next time, I hope the whole thing gets ripped right off your body, you idiot! I wore a cup in every sport I played in high school and post high school. Screw that! I remember one time fielding a bad hop at first base that hit a ditch and bounced up and hit me right in the groin area. All I heard was "pop"! My balls would have burst if I wasn't wearing a cup since the ball was traveling so fast. That cup protected by future children! Don't be like Haydn Nocock!

HE RIPPED OFF HIS OWN WHAT?

Sorry, guys! This one is going to hurt. Can you imagine ripping off your own penis? What the hell? That's what a man from Ohio did this past Tuesday morning during a drug-fueled high after taking magic mushrooms, according to police. I don't know. I have this friend who has taken these magic mushrooms on many occasions and he says that it's never made him want to rip off his penis. If anything it made me, I mean him, laugh uncontrollably at stupid things. 

Anyway, this unidentified 41-year-old man was found naked, covered in blood and screaming outside Ypsilanti Middle School in Ypsilanti Township, Michigan at 1 a.m. this past Tuesday morning. Parts of his genitals lay on the ground beside him. Okay, I literally just threw up in my mouth as I wrote that last line. Police sergeant Geoff Fox said, "He really wasn't saying much at all. There was a lot of yelling and screaming. He wasn't making sense. Officers couldn't really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation."

The man from Columbus, Ohio, and his gored privates, was taken to St Joseph Mercy Hospital in Superior Township where he continues to be treated. He late reportedly explained to investigators that he'd picked up hallucinogenic mushrooms from a friend's house earlier in the day. Toxicology reports are now pending as to whether the shrooms were laced with something else. I don't really know much about these magic mushrooms, but aren't they grown in cow dung? I thought that my friend told me that they were supposed to be a natural high. Now, they're adding chemicals to it? As if these mushrooms weren't strong enough naturally? I think that this guy was just having a bad trip and he wanted it to end so badly that he started harming himself. Unfortunately, that led to ripping off his junk. Then again, he was 41-years-old wasn't he? What the hell is a 41-year-old still doing mushrooms for? My friend is 40 now and I think that my, I mean his, days of taking magic mushrooms are long over. I don't care what drug you're on, it's never a good reason to rip off your own penis!