HE RIPPED OFF HIS OWN WHAT?

Sorry, guys! This one is going to hurt. Can you imagine ripping off your own penis? What the hell? That's what a man from Ohio did this past Tuesday morning during a drug-fueled high after taking magic mushrooms, according to police. I don't know. I have this friend who has taken these magic mushrooms on many occasions and he says that it's never made him want to rip off his penis. If anything it made me, I mean him, laugh uncontrollably at stupid things. 

Anyway, this unidentified 41-year-old man was found naked, covered in blood and screaming outside Ypsilanti Middle School in Ypsilanti Township, Michigan at 1 a.m. this past Tuesday morning. Parts of his genitals lay on the ground beside him. Okay, I literally just threw up in my mouth as I wrote that last line. Police sergeant Geoff Fox said, "He really wasn't saying much at all. There was a lot of yelling and screaming. He wasn't making sense. Officers couldn't really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation."

The man from Columbus, Ohio, and his gored privates, was taken to St Joseph Mercy Hospital in Superior Township where he continues to be treated. He late reportedly explained to investigators that he'd picked up hallucinogenic mushrooms from a friend's house earlier in the day. Toxicology reports are now pending as to whether the shrooms were laced with something else. I don't really know much about these magic mushrooms, but aren't they grown in cow dung? I thought that my friend told me that they were supposed to be a natural high. Now, they're adding chemicals to it? As if these mushrooms weren't strong enough naturally? I think that this guy was just having a bad trip and he wanted it to end so badly that he started harming himself. Unfortunately, that led to ripping off his junk. Then again, he was 41-years-old wasn't he? What the hell is a 41-year-old still doing mushrooms for? My friend is 40 now and I think that my, I mean his, days of taking magic mushrooms are long over. I don't care what drug you're on, it's never a good reason to rip off your own penis!