WOULD YOU LIKE A LITTLE CREAM WITH YOUR COFFEE?

     To kick off this short week, I found this story rather interesting because it was so close to home and I've frequented this particular Starbucks on many occasions. It turns out; a top New Jersey police officer has been busted for masturbating in the popular coffee spot. 

     Lieutenant Benito Gonzalez, Jr. allegedly pulled down his shorts at the Route 70 Cherry Hill coffeehouse on May 7. The story did not state whether he did this inside the shop or in the parking lot, but seriously. You couldn't wait until you were alone and not in front of people? What was it about the coffee that made you want to whip your dong out and start touching yourself? I don't quite understand public masturbation. 

     The decorated 17-year veteran of the Camden County Police Department was off-duty at the time, but was spotted by a Starbucks employee who called police. Cherry Hill officers put out surveillance images of Gonzalez shortly afterward. The narcotics officer was arrested and charged with public lewdness. Both police departments (Cherry Hill and Camden County) have launched criminal and internal investigations into Gonzalez's alleged actions. I mean I guess, I can see where officer Gonzalez was going with this. Sometimes there are some pretty good looking women (or men if that's what he was into) hanging around Starbucks or even stopping in to pick up coffee on their way to work, but where I don't see where he was going with this is 'have some self-control, man!' If you see someone who you thought was attractive, take a mental picture and take it to your car or something. Why would you do it right there in the middle of the store? That just says that there might be some mental problems involved in this case, but that is a whole other issue. 

     Camden County Chief of Police Scott Thomson said, "We're deeply troubled by the allegations of this off-duty conduct. A swift and thorough investigation is being conducted. The officer has been removed from duty and suspended without pay. Gonzalez, who is from Deptford, NJ, is due in court on June 4. To be honest, this world and the people in it are so crazy that nothing surprises me anymore. There are some sick people out there and because they are out there, you never know when events like this will happen, which makes my job as a blogger more fun when these stories come out. I know this much, I won't be asking for a little cream in my coffee at Starbucks anytime soon.

BITE THIS!

Don't you hate it when you're at the mall and looking for a parking space, you find one, and then someone else swoops in and steals that space from you? You want to kick that person's ass, don't you? Of course, you do! Well, what if that other person bit your fingers off? That's what happened to Tonya Knight-Joseph!

According to police, there was a race for a parking space recently at the Cherry Hill Mall in Cherry Hill, NJ that turned ugly when an angry woman bit off another driver's fingers. Police were called to the mall's parking lot Saturday afternoon shortly after the bloody dispute between the motorists. Knight-Joseph claims that she had just parked her car up by Aisle 18 at 4 p.m. after circling several times when the two women approached her. They accused her of stealing their spot. Knight-Joseph said that as soon as she got out of her car, one of the women started calling her all type of B-Words. I mean how many times can you use the word "Bitch"? Knight-Joseph added that the woman got so close to her face that their noses touched. The other woman continued yelling and screaming at her, and then hit her in the face. 

A little scratched up, Knight-Joseph put her hands up in defense, but that was when one of the women bit her fingers off. She said it was just hanging there by a piece of skin. I seriously want to throw up as I am writing this. Who the hell would do this to someone over a parking space? Is the zombie apocalypse really coming or am I watching too much Walking Dead? 

After dialing 911 with her remaining digits, she was advised by dispatchers not to chase the suspect, but instead report to Cooper University Hospital, where she was treated with tetanus shots and tested for HIV. She is still waiting to find out if part of her finger will need to amputated. In the meantime, police have released an image of the suspect, whom they are saying are desperate to track down. According to the Cherry Hill police, "This is a very big deal, beyond assault. She went through to the bone, the bone is actually fractured and the finger was nearly severed. This is an aggravated assault and it's something very serious. You're always concerned with bites with infections."

The suspect is described as a black, heavy-set female in her mid-30s with bushy hair. Queen Latifah? Nah, she's too young to be Queen Latifah! The woman was also driving a dark-colored Audi sedan. Anyone with information should call the Cherry Hill Police Department at (856) 488-7828. There might even be some sort of reward for reporting this big black zombie. I mean, seriously! Who does that? So, much for the sausages I just ordered. I'm not hungry anymore.