STORAGE WARS.....IN HER VAJAY-JAY!

     My friend Scott sent me this story via Facebook yesterday saying, "I thought this story was right up your alley." Sadly, Scott was 110% right! I mean I was going to write about the Bridgeton, NJ police officer who shot a man to death even though his hands were raised in the air, but why give in to the media telling the public that our police forces are not safe. Some might be total pricks, but I have lots of friends who are those total pricks and I would trust my life in any of their hands. Why this officer shot him? Who knows? Besides, this story is so much more entertaining! 

     So, a red-faced Texas woman ended up in an ER after a meth pipe she tried to hide in her vagina during a drug bust got stuck up there. This is Christina Searcy and she stuffed the tube into her vajay-jay after the van she was traveling in with three pals was pulled over by a Montgomery County deputy on Friday night. 

     The quartet, all from Cleveland, Texas, were arrested after a coin bag containing several baggies of cocaine and a marijuana joint were discovered inside the van. According to reports, they'd been stopped after reports that they'd committed some sort of fraud. Those allegations were later dropped due to the drug treasure the police found. 

     Searcy, driver Kevin Gene Hales, and other passengers Kimberly Kinn and Melinda Robertson were all taken into custody. They were warned while they were being booked into jail that they'd face additional charges if they didn't declare all of the drugs on them. Kimberly Kinn revealed that she had a pipe in her bra, which later tested positive for methamphetamine. Searcy would admit to having a pipe hidden in her vagina, but when she tried to remove the apparatus, she realized that it was lodged into what is normally her "love canal." Aren't those pipes usually made of glass? Wasn't she afraid that it would break in her vajay-jay? Nasty!

     The 36-year-old was rushed to Kingwood Emergency Room where doctors successfully took out the tube, which later tested positive for meth as well. It should have tested positive for dirty snatch too! According to a police report, all four suspects are facing drug possession charges. I have to admit though, even though this is freaking nasty; woman are lucky that that have that hole to hide things in. What do we have as guys? The only thing we can hide down there is doughnuts or rings or anything that can wrap around that thing. My point is there is no hiding things when you're a guy! So, this experience might have been nasty and embarrassing for Searcy, but she is pretty lucky that she had the ability to even do it. Just saying!

A PLANE ALL TO HIMSELF

     Anyone miss me? I'm baaaaack! It's a new year of buzzkill ramblings! I am now someone's husband and eventually, I see myself writing a blog about the whole wedding planning process, but for now, I want to get back to writing and entertaining those of you who actually read my silly ramblings.

     So, upon returning home from my honeymoon Monday morning spending all day Sunday traveling on a plane (and missing the Cowboys game, which I'm still upset about), I'm sure many of you can relate to the trials and tribulations of flying from screaming babies to the passenger in front of you having no manners whatsoever and just pushing their seat back to knock your drink over to people behind you talking the entire flight in your ear. That is why you fly first-class any time it is available. 

     This is why I chose to write about Brew York editor, Chris O'Leary today. He had the opportunity of a lifetime to fly on a commercial Delta flight with only one other passenger. So, basically, he had the whole entire plane to himself. You cannot get anymore first-class than that! How jealous was I after reading this article?

     Anyway, hours of delays on a New York-bound Delta flight from Cleveland led to O'Leary and another passenger getting the entire plane to themselves, with O'Leary happily live-tweeting the desolate departure. Chris O'Leary, editor of the beer news site Brew York, tweeted with a smiling face a selfie from the empty 76-seat plane around 2 p.m. Monday with this explanation: "They rebooked everyone but me on another flight to LGA, so I am literally the only person on this plane."

      After two hours and a few more Tweets like "No, I'm not joking. I'm the only one on this plane," the Brooklyn resident tweeted his update with a crying emoji at the end: "The thrill is gone guys. Just as we were about to push back, they reconnected the jet bridge to let a second passenger on the flight." According to O'Leary, the other passenger slept all the way to LaGuardia and the two didn't even speak. He explained that he left the airport for several hours due to multiple delays on his flight home,  and when he returned later in the day, all of his would-be passengers were already rescheduled on an earlier flight. 

     Before being treated to the travel-for-two flight, O'Leary fired off several Tweets complaining about his 7:15 a.m. flight getting repeatedly rescheduled. He wrote three hours before boarding, "I'm sure @delta's doing all they can, but this still sucks." After the flight became a personal one for him, he was singing a different tune! What a lucky guy! A flight from Cleveland to New York was probably only two and a half hours, but still, to have that whole plane to yourself? That must've been something else. I was wondering if the flight attendants actually gave him the hot food they normally give the first-class passengers or did they just give him a bag of nuts like they give you in coach? Again, either way, who cares? This must've been awesome!

DON'T FEED THE HOMELESS.....IN FLORIDA ANYWAY

     What happened to us as human beings that now we can't feed the homeless? I mean, yes, some homeless people are drunks and drug addicts, but there some who were just displaced because they couldn't find a job and possibly had no family as a support system. If they can't afford food, why shouldn't they be able to accept food from kind-hearted citizens? 

     Of course, this can only happen in Florida as a senior citizen and couple of clergymen in Fort Lauderdale are facing up to two months in jail for feeding the homeless. That's right! Two months in jail for feeding the homeless. A group of volunteers with nonprofit charity Love Thy Neighbor in Broward County face up to $500 in fines and 60 days in jail because they were feeding the homeless this past Sunday. 

     World War II veteran Arnold Abbott, founder of the interfaith organization, and members of a local church were confronted by Fort Lauderdale's finest because they had reportedly been in violation of these new laws against food sharing, a law that was enacted on Halloween, a night reserved for sharing candy. So, as I was saying about how dumb of a state Florida is. I mean seriously! When my fiancee and I lived in New York City, we used to hand our doggy bags from restaurants to homeless people in hopes that it would at least put in a smile on their face for a few minutes, which is what I'm sure Abbott was trying to accomplish himself. 

     Trays of hot food intended to be distributed to the lines of homeless people on the street were instead thrown directly into the trash by officers, who ordered Abbott to "drop that plate right now." In total, four police cruisers and a half-dozen uniformed police officers arrived at the scene. Abbott and two clergymen were issued citations and are due to appear in court. The state of Florida is an absolute joke and an embarrassment to the rest of the United States. Who does this to upstanding citizens just trying to feed those less fortunate? If it wasn't for Universal Studios and Disney World, I would never step foot in Florida because this is an absolute joke!

      These new laws come on the heels of an announcement from the city in January about restrictions on camping, panhandling, food sharing and other "life sustaining" activities. Hey Florida, if you don't want these "life sustaining" activities to happen, then build a homeless community for people without homes to live. Keep them off the streets yourselves! When we were in Cleveland, we wanted to give our leftover food from dinner to a homeless person, but we couldn't even find one. Take a lesson from Cleveland, Florida! Anyway, not to be deterred, Abbott, who has been feeding the homeless for years, said, "I went through World War II. I fought in the Civil Rights movement. This won't stop us. All this did was move us to court earlier than we had planned."

     I say, "Good for you, Arnold Abbott!" I don't get how these lawmakers can pass a law like this. People need to eat to live. If they can't afford it, they need people like Abbott in their lives who takes his own money and feeds them out of his own pocket. These cops literally took the food that he bought and made for them and threw it in the trash. I see dollar signs getting thrown in the trash as well. If I was Abbott, I would sue the city for being a bunch of assholes. Besides, who arrests an old man and clergymen? I'll tell you who. The trash in Florida does!

THE NEW HOUSE OF HORRORS

Okay, I will drink the Kool-Aid this time. I didn't want write about the Cleveland kidnappings since it's on every news site known to man, but something about this story really bothered me and since this blog is my own ramblings, it's time to ramble! So, for those of you who haven't been paying attention three women escaped a house in Cleveland, Ohio, Monday evening, where they'd been held captive for a good part of a decade from the attic to the basement. Chains, tape and other devices of bondage were reportedly found inside this rundown looking house confirming the fact that the victims endured a decade of torture while being locked away from the outside world.

Kidnapped as teen, Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, and Michelle Knight grew into adults as sex slaves with at least one of them chained to a wall as if they were some kind of trophy. The three women spent years chained by the waist and neck, mostly kept separated in bedrooms in the attic and brick basement, which was more like a dark dungeon. Windows were boarded up or covered on the inside with plastic bags while others were blackened by shades. In the backyard, the women were reportedly kept on leashes, but the yard was designed to shield prying eyes with trees and bushes and an eight foot fence made of chicken wire and blue tarp. Who would do this to these three girls? Well, three psychotic middle-aged brothers, Ariel, Onil, and Pedro Castro. Neighbors say that the three brothers never used the front door and would always go in through the back, which was always very suspicious. 

Okay, now that I've told you the story, here's what pisses me off! These girls could've been saved way sooner than ten years. They were kidnapped between 2002 and 2004. There have been suspicions of some strange happenings at this house and Cleveland police decided to turn a blind-eye to it? That's right! Between 2004 and 2011, police have banged on the door of the two-story home a total of three times and never followed up on uncovered the nightmare that was going on behind those doors. According to neighbors, the police never took the calls seriously enough. According to police, there were only two calls on record shown with that particular address, meanwhile, neighbors have said they've called on numerous occasions like when they saw a lady carrying a baby and banging on the window, which is kind of creepy, and numerous neighbors called when they saw the girls naked with dog chains and leashes around their necks in the backyard. Why weren't these calls logged? Why didn't the Cleveland police take these calls seriously? Also, if these girls were kidnapped back in 2002, did they just give up on the investigation? Did their families just assume that they were dead? 

My bottom line is this; when you become a police officer, you make a pledge to protect and serve and it sounds like the police in Cleveland are doing anything but protecting and serving. The minute that they had a clue about the three kidnapped girls, there should've been a search warrant issued to take a look at this suspicious looking house where no one ever answered the door. There should have been more attention paid to the complaint calls about women shackled up in the backyard naked. How can they just let that go? This is just absolutely sick! I know this is not all police because I know many and they are all amazing cops! But come on Cleveland PD, wake the hell up!