VAGINA COOKIES!!!!

     My friend Brendan, also known as Golden Rod, knows what kind of sick and warped mind I have. So, yesterday morning, Brendan texted me this awesome story about a mother who baked vagina cookies for her second grader's class, but freaks out when the teacher says NO to them. By the way, yes, I said vagina cookies! Just look at them. They look amazing! I heard the only way to eat these cookies is by licking them. Okay, I made that part up and should be spanked for that. 

     Anyway, the story is about a woman who wanted to teach her second grader that vaginas come in all shapes, colors and sizes. Some might say this is also a story of questionable parenting. I'm sorry, every time that I try to continue writing, I get distracted by these colorful vagina cookies. So, back to the story; Autumn (not her real name) looking to empower female children, signed up to bring baked goods into her child's second grade class. When Autumn (not her real name) arrived, tray in hand, the teacher noticed that every single cookie was shaped like a vagina. The teacher noted that every kind of vagina was represented, including "small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald and even a fire crotch." They were all frosted accordingly. Sorry, I'm still a little distracted and to be honest, a little aroused. 

     When the teacher told Autumn (you get it by now) that the cookies were inappropriate, the mother began yelling about the importance of young children learning about sexuality. Autumn left the cookies and stormed out. Now, I'm not sure that second grade is the time for children to learn about sexuality, but that's just me. Then again, I learned about it by sneaking into my uncle's closets and reading their Playboys and Penthouses, but like I said, that's just me. 

     Later that night, the teacher received an email rant that may go down in history as one of the most anti-feminist pieces ever written. I guess you have to read it to believe it, especially the part where Autumn wishes domestic violence on the teacher. No word on how Autumn was dealt with, but here are a couple of excerpts from Autumn's email, so you get an idea how epic it was: 

     --"You are one of the most closed minded women I know. You settled for less when you became a teacher because that is known for a women's job. Why teaching because you are a woman?"

     ---"We as women should stand together and inform people about the vagina and how to please it. I will no longer be participating on Fridays due to the lack of respect I was shown today. We should celebrate the vagina not be embarrassed by it."

     --"I will be taking my child out of your class due to your cliche role in life in being a teacher and not wanting to empower women. I hope you end up with an abusive husband that beats on you every night." 

     Okay, so she might have been out of line on that very last line, but come on. Is she wrong? We really should be celebrating the vagina. If it wasn't for the vagina, women would really have no power over us. Think about it. All you women out there reading this might think my comment as sexist, but try getting your man to do something just because he wants to. Not going to happen. Then try getting him to do something and coaxing him with sex as a reward. It will done sooner rather than later. This lady isn't to far off her rocker, but second grade might be a little too early. Unless you were me.

DESPERATE BASEBALL HOUSEWIFE

How low do you have to stoop to get your ex-husband's attention? Apparently, you have to put on a bulletproof vest and hold him at gunpoint. That's what Anna Benson did. She's the spitfire ex-wife of former Mets pitcher, Kris Benson. Apparently, she was busted on Monday after she allegedly burst into his Atlanta apartment wearing a bulletproof vest and tried to rob him at gunpoint. Man, has this chick hit rock bottom. Look how hot she used to be! According to TMZ.com, Anna Benson also reportedly whipped out an expandable metal baton and threatened to beat Kris with it on Sunday.

Benson, apparently, got his whacky ex-wife to leave by promising to bring her some money. The minute she left, he was on the phone with police. The 37-year-old former "Baseball Wives" star was arrested and charged with two counts of felony aggravated assault with a weapon, one count of criminal trespass, and one count of possession of a weapon during the commission of a crime. Kris Benson, who filed for a divorce only last year and has been paying child support of up to $4k a month, told investigators he believed his soon-to-be ex was wearing the vest because she figured he was armed. 

Anna Benson, a former FHM model, met the ex-Met while she was working the pole as a stripper in Atlanta. Her presence in the Major Leagues was polarizing even before Kris pitched his two seasons with the Mets in 2004 and 2005. She did a jaw-dropping butt-naked spread in Penthouse when Benson was a budding star for the Pittsburgh Pirates and she even shocked the locals by revealing that she and Kris had sex in the stadium parking lot while autograph-hungry fans waited just outside their tinted window SUV. She went on to admit that they planned on having sex in the lots of every baseball stadium in America before his games. When Kris Benson was traded to the Mets, his busty brunette raised more eyebrows by showing up for the Mets' 2005 Christmas party in a sexy Mrs. Claus suit. He was then traded to Baltimore not long after that stunt by his whacky ex-wife. And a year later, it was reported that their marriage was on the skids after Anna caught him fooling around with one of her friends. Only a couple of years ago, I even blogged about this, but Anna Benson threatened on Howard Stern that she would have sex with everyone one of his teammates if she ever caught him cheating on her again. Apparently, she was joking and the couple reconciled. 

Anna Benson starred in the short-lived "Baseball Wives" series on VH1 before it was cancelled last November. Last July, it was announced that she and Kris were splitting up for good. Okay, here's where the lesson is to you women. You cannot just be stay at home moms. You need to make your own money somehow because in an instance like this, you don't want to be left with nothing. Then again, from what I read, Anna Benson wasn't exactly left with nothing and her net worth was somewhere near $18M. So, what baffles me is why did she stoop so low as to hold her ex at gunpoint to rob him? It makes no sense, but what a shame and what a waste of such beauty! Well, not if you look at her mugshot!