THINK BEFORE YOU BLOW AND DRIVE

     Who doesn't like great road head, right? You and your girl taking a little ride. You decide to get a little frisky while driving and she puts her head down by your lap. You know what's about to go down. You're enjoying it and you close your eyes for a second when suddenly, there's a deer in the middle of the road and you swerve to avoid hitting it, but your girl clenches everything including her teeth and there goes your manhood. (Yes, I winced too!)

     Well, that's what happened in Austria recently. A young woman, who was sitting in the passenger seat, was giving her partner oral sex on a quiet country road not far from Krems in northwest Austria when a deer suddenly crossed in front of the car, causing the driver to suddenly brake. 

     The young woman was taken by surprise, and accidentally bit into his penis. (Yes, I winced again!) The emergency services were surprised to get a call saying that an ambulance was needed because of a "penis bite after a car crash," and didn't know quite what to expect when they arrived. 

     The couple was taken to a hospital, where the man received some minor surgery. Guess he was a little guy! Surgeons told him that the would was only superficial (What the hell does that mean?) I guess all of the damage was on the surface and she didn't bite all the way into his Oscar Meyer Weiner? They also told him that his "joystick" should soon be back in full working order. That's good news for both the guy and the girl, but let this be a lesson to all of us. Lollipopping on the road can be hazardous to all of us. So please be careful!

JOGGER KNOCKS UNCONSCIOUS BY A FLYING DEER?.....PRANCER?

27-year-old, Krystine Rivera might run like a deer, but she is certainly no match for one. It turns out; Rivera, from Ashburn, Virginia, was on the final leg of a 7-mile run near her home when an airborne deer allegedly knocked her unconscious Thursday evening around 6 p.m. Okay, now I'm not saying not to go jogging, but by 6 p.m., isn't it too dark out at that point to go jogging? Ever hear of a gym with a treadmill?

Rivera was apparently a sitting duck when an SUV struck the buck and in a stroke of bad luck, sent him flying toward the young athlete beside Claiborne Parkway. All she remembers is running one minute and then coming to in an ambulance the next minute. She says, “I was running, then I was on the ground and then I was listening to the paramedic. I'm surprised I made it out alive." 

The gigantic mammal cut the 5-foot tall runner's run short at five miles, slashing her scalp, bruising her right know and giving her a concussion. Sounds to me like Prancer kicker her ass! Rivera, an administrative analyst, started running around five years ago and participates in marathons and leads runs for local fitness clubs. She thought a run after a stressful day at work might help cheer her up. While she was on the ground, a passerby called 911 and used her cell phone to contact her family and boyfriend. 

Rivera and the 71-year-old driver, who struck the deer, were both treated at Inova Loudoun Hospital and released. Unfortunately, the deer died on the spot. Rivera intends to continue running the route, though she admits that she will have to keep her eye open for more flying deer in the future. Talk about your freak accidents, huh? Let this be a lesson to those who jog at night. You have to be aware of your surroundings at all times! You never know what will jump out at you!