'VACATION BOOBS' MAY BE HERE BY 2016

     It's no secret that all women with mediocre-sized breasts has thought about getting breast implants. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Do really you think that guys with small weiners are content with their sizes as well? Hello, penis pump? Anyway, ladies, what if you had the chance to try these fake boobs on for size before you went ahead had them implanted inside of you? 

     Well, plastic surgeon Norman Rowe is offering women the ability to test-drive breast implants before they buy them. Rowe is the inventor of InstaBreast, a "lunchtime lift" which offers women instant breast enlargement that last 24-hours. Rowe is now hard at work on "Vacation Breasts." The New York City doctor expects that his new augmentation will last at least two to three weeks, which will allow the user to enlarge her breasts for a vacation or a special occasion.

     Rowe isn't revealing the chemical makeup that would be injected into patients, but he did reveal it's a saline solution with an additive that's already used in medical circles for other reasons. Although, Rowe is able to increase women's breast sizes a whole cup to a cup and a half using the InstaBreast procedure, he wanted to prolong the experience for his patients. He says, "24-hours is great, but it's still just 24-hours." He claims it wouldn't just appeal to women considering bikinis for their next cruise or sending in their RSVP to a wedding or class reunion. He says that it would help women who are thinking of getting permanent augmentation to see what the weight will actually feel like and what it will be like to live with new breasts. I mean why not? Like I said earlier, most women think about getting implants. Some don't because of how much it cost to get them. Others don't out of fear because it will totally change their appearance, but I think it changes their appearance in a very good way. It can make an ugly girl much more attractive. Wait! I'm sorry....That was Shallow Tim speaking. This is absolutely weird!

     Rowe says he's been in touch with the FDA and anticipates getting the procedure on the market by 2016. He also went on to say that Men might be able to take advantage of the procedure as well; they can use it to benefit their pecs and calves. What? That's it? If a guy wanted to enhance their pecs and calves, they would just go to the gym and work those parts out. He needs to help find guys a temporary fix for their girth. Oh wait! There are pills for that, right? Nevermind! Let's just stick to 'Vacation Boobs!' 

MEDICARE WAS HERE TO "PUMP" YOU UP!

Does anyone know what this is? No, it's not a bong! It's a penis pump. Men use it to make their penises bigger. Isn't there a pill for that now? Anyway, a new study about the penis pump has made our government look stupid once again. 

It turns out; The Medicare program has been overpaying for penis pumps spending a total of around $172 million over six years for the male enhancing devices, which is more than twice as much as necessary, according to a government watchdog's report. 

The devices, which are said to help men get erections, are one of the few alternatives when drugs like Viagra cannot be prescribed or simply don't work. Here I thought the penis pump was used for recreational use. Um, or that's what my friend told me. From 2006 to 2011, Medicare, the government health insurance program for seniors, paid for nearly 474, 000 penis pumps, spending an average of $360 per pump. What the hell are they buying? The Ron Jeremy or John Holmes model? 

By comparison, the Department of Veterans Affairs paid $185 each for the pumps, "known as vacuum erection systems," for each man suffering erectile dysfunction. Yearly claims for the devices nearly doubled from $20.6 million in 2006 to $38.6 million by 2011. If Medicare shrunk the size of the payments, the U.S. government would have saved an average of $14.4 million for each of the six years, and Medicare beneficiaries would have saved nearly $4 million each year. The report advised Medicare officials to establish a special payment limit for the pumps, or implement a competitive bidding program for the devices. The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services said it agreed that its payments for the devices were a bit pumped up, but Congress was to blame. Only they have the authority to designate which medical devices and services can be supplied through competitive bidding, where the Medicare program has not such authority. 

I still don't get how they get away with charging so much for these penis pumps? Unless, they're buying the Mandingo 5000. You used to be able to buy these pumps in the back of porno magazines. Um, at least, that's what my friend told me. I always thought these things were ridiculous anyway. You're better off sticking your penis in a vacuum cleaner. It does the same thing.....Um, again, that's according to my friend.