MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE?

     And these are the stories we love in my Buzz Kill Ramblings! So, apparently, doctors in Honduras had to amputate a man's penis after it became trapped in a bottle he was using as a sex toy. Yes, he stuck his penis in a bottle! I mean, who hasn't, right? 

     For four days, a 50-year-old man attempted to use the bottle for sexual stimulation, but it wasn't until his penis turned black when he sought our medical attention. Why wouldn't you use a little lube for easy in and out? Just sayin....

     The urologist who conducted the operation said that the man was unmarried and didn't have a girlfriend. In attempting to ease some sexual frustration, "he put his penis in a bottle, and this caused the death and necrosis of the penis." What the hell is necrosis? Necrosis is a condition in which the cells in a portion of the body die and cannot regenerate. It often ends with amputation, as in this case. 

     The doctor said, "When he arrived four days later, we had to amputate the penis completely because it was completely dead. This is an embarrassing emergency. The situation with this patient is that he didn't the medical attention in time, and this caused the penis to begin to decay. It had gone completely black and had begun to decay. The necrosis was very severe."

     Okay, all kidding aside, why would anyone stick there penis in a bottle? Shouldn't they be putting their dick in a box? Sorry, I couldn't resist. This might be one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard. Note to self....No bottles when the wife is away!

SHE SQUEEZED THEM TO DEATH!!!

I so wanted to write about that Romney intern who was arrested for coaxing over 15 women to email him nude photos of themselves and then using the to blackmail them for more nude photos of them. There is so much comedy right there, but then this story came up and it made me sick to my stomach! To all my male friends, I'm giving you the warning now that you don't have to read forward if you don't want to. Let's just say, the photo is a big hint on what the story is about. 

So, apparently, a 42-year-old woman is on trial for allegedly grabbing a man's testicles after he told her not to park her electric bike in front of his store. Now, this wasn't just a normal grab. She squeezed and crushed those poor little balls and the man later died from shock. Um, ow! First of all, what the hell is an electric bike? Is that another word for a scooter or a moped? Second of all, wouldn't a nice kick in the nuts have sufficed? Why did this woman have to go to extremes and squeeze them until she crushed them? Who does that other than someone so evil!

According to witnesses, as she called on her brother and husband for back -up, she yelled at the man, "I'll squeeze it to death, you'll never have children again!" The 41-year-old victim went into a state of shock as his boys were being crushed and died before paramedics could even treat him. The incident happened a little more than a year ago in the Meilan District of Haikou City, Hainan. Don't worry, I had to Google it too; It's in China! You would think I would've known that. Anyway, that makes this story even worse! How did she even find his balls? Just kidding! The woman goes to trial this week and could face the death penalty if convicted. The final outcome depends largely on the interpretation of the woman's statement of "squeeze it to death."

A urologist and director of San Diego Sexual Medicine has said that it's quite possible for that squeeze to have killed the man. He said, "The testicles are exquisitely sensitive to touch and there is a huge release of adrenaline when there is excessive force applied to these organs." He also added that it could have even brought on a heart attack. I'm starting to think that maybe I shouldn't have written this blog. Women who read this might actually get the upper hand now and literally have us by the balls!