SHE SQUEEZED THEM TO DEATH!!!

I so wanted to write about that Romney intern who was arrested for coaxing over 15 women to email him nude photos of themselves and then using the to blackmail them for more nude photos of them. There is so much comedy right there, but then this story came up and it made me sick to my stomach! To all my male friends, I'm giving you the warning now that you don't have to read forward if you don't want to. Let's just say, the photo is a big hint on what the story is about. 

So, apparently, a 42-year-old woman is on trial for allegedly grabbing a man's testicles after he told her not to park her electric bike in front of his store. Now, this wasn't just a normal grab. She squeezed and crushed those poor little balls and the man later died from shock. Um, ow! First of all, what the hell is an electric bike? Is that another word for a scooter or a moped? Second of all, wouldn't a nice kick in the nuts have sufficed? Why did this woman have to go to extremes and squeeze them until she crushed them? Who does that other than someone so evil!

According to witnesses, as she called on her brother and husband for back -up, she yelled at the man, "I'll squeeze it to death, you'll never have children again!" The 41-year-old victim went into a state of shock as his boys were being crushed and died before paramedics could even treat him. The incident happened a little more than a year ago in the Meilan District of Haikou City, Hainan. Don't worry, I had to Google it too; It's in China! You would think I would've known that. Anyway, that makes this story even worse! How did she even find his balls? Just kidding! The woman goes to trial this week and could face the death penalty if convicted. The final outcome depends largely on the interpretation of the woman's statement of "squeeze it to death."

A urologist and director of San Diego Sexual Medicine has said that it's quite possible for that squeeze to have killed the man. He said, "The testicles are exquisitely sensitive to touch and there is a huge release of adrenaline when there is excessive force applied to these organs." He also added that it could have even brought on a heart attack. I'm starting to think that maybe I shouldn't have written this blog. Women who read this might actually get the upper hand now and literally have us by the balls!