FOR THE LADIES....YOUR BIONIC MAN IS HERE!

     I really don't understand these sex robot fascinations. I get that it can be lonely, and for men, I get it, but at the end of the day, it's women who have the prize that us men fight for every day! That being said, why do women need a sex doll? Isn't it easier for them to go out to hook up? Plus, same for men, isn't banging a robot a little creepy? 

     I got this story from my friend Chrissy, who thought this would be perfect for my blog! Well, she was right! So, apparently, male sex robots with bionic penises will be rolled out this year according to the pioneer of pleasure behind the popular female versions that dropped last year. 

     Matt McMullen, founder of Realbotix, is the man who created Harmony, an artificial intelligence app that syncs up with a robotic head system. The app enables users to match an A.I. personality with a humanoid robot head, to create the most realistic sex doll imaginable. Again, I ask why? And how many of you really would buy one of these? 

     Harmony allowed the android companions to talk, learn and satisfy customer's sexual desires. Currently, there are only female versions of Harmony avatars and robotic heads available and they cost around $15,000, but Matt thinks there is a demand for the male versions. He said, "We're working on a male version of the robot A.I. We'll eventually have a male and female platform."

     McMullen, whose firm is based in San Diego, previously revealed he had blueprints to create a male sex robot with a bionic penis. He said customers will be able to plug the robot in so that it can go as long as the user wants. I'm going to leave room in this blog for all of those poor souls who will be getting electrocuted because they're plugged into something that is plugged into a wall where there will eventually be moisture. Anyway, that's a future blog waiting to happen. On the size of the manhood of this robot, Matt said the male sex robots will come in all shaped and sizes. So, if she wanted a square one, she can get one? 

     McMullen says, "There's rebuilding that need to happen on both fronts to create a male platform. We're working on that and that's one of the next big things we're looking to get up and running." The world's leading A.I. researcher, Dr. David Levy says that the male erotic cyborgs could be more popular than sex toys like vibrators and dildos. How? Who would do this? 

     Levy stated, "I'm sure women will find robots equally appealing as men. If women are that interested in getting satisfaction from a vibrator, imagine how the same women will feel having a robot they can put their arms around them and having the robot squeeze them." Am I the only one who finds this creepy? 

     McMullen was scrutinized for objectifying women after he created a female sex robot with "big breasts" and "porn star features." No kidding! What do people think men are masturbating to? The every day women? Yeah, right! The CEO said he considers his creations more than sex dolls, and refers to them as companions. Well, I guess it takes a psycho to create something so psychotic and creepy!

BAD CASE OF BLUE BALLS?

     This is a very sad, yet disgusting story, but am I evil from getting a chuckle about it? Anyway, this is 59-year-old David Worsley. He was recently left in agony when his privates swelled to ten times its normal size before his left testicle (be prepared for this, fellas!) "exploded like a volcano" as he took a bath. That's right! Yuck! But Haha! 

     Worsley caught African salmonella, a strain of the infection which was confined to his genital area, in Tunisia, North Africa. This grandpop was in agony as his privates swelled to ten times their normal size when he got home. His left testicle then burst as he bathed, and he is now taking legal action against tour operator, TUI. 

     Worsley said, "I was told that I had a rare form of salmonella called African salmonella. After the holiday, my testicles had swollen to the size of a grapefruit and it was so heavy it was like it was made of glass. The pain was so bad I thought I was going to die. When it finally exploded I felt fantastic. It was such a relief. The doctor said I was highly contagious and that I wasn't allowed to sleep with my wife. I was walking around holding them all the time, it was so heavy. A few days later, I woke up at about 5 am with the most excruciating pain in my left testicle. I could barely move and I was in tears from the agony."

     I know this is such a horrible story, but is Worsley sure that this just wasn't a bad case of Blue Balls? Maybe Mrs. Worsley didn't put out as much as she should have while they were on holiday! David, who is from Bolton, England, went on to you say, "It literally went bang. When the doctor saw it later she said that it was like a volcano exploding. But it was such a relief because the pain had been so bad. It has definitely affected me psychologically. It's a big part of being a man that was gone." 

     The security guard was with wife, Joanne, at the Rui Marco Polo Hotel in Hammamet when David fell ill. Despite sickness and a high temperature, he claims a TUI rep said he was only suffering from sunstroke. Back home, he spent ten days in hospital but the burst came a day after he was discharged. Wait.....So, he discharged after he was discharged? How is this not funny? 

     Representing Worsley, Hannah Crosby, of law firm Slater and Gordon said, "This is one of the worst holidays from hell I have ever seen." TUI said it would be "inappropriate to comment" because of the legal proceedings. 

By Dr Carol Cooper, Sun Doctor 

AFRICAN salmonella is a newer type of bacteria.

It’s not clear where it comes from in the first place. It spreads easily to other people.

It is more resistant to antibiotics and it’s also more liable to pass from the gut into the bloodstream and cause sepsis.

So it can easily be deadly, especially to older people.

PUT A RING ON IT?

     What age do you stop experimenting when it comes to sex? Or self-love for that matter? I mean, I guess there is no real age limit to it, right? It seems these days men are always up for some weird experiments with their junk (not me!). I'm not sure why, but one such incident includes a laser procedure for whitening their genitalia. Yeah, no! 

     This particular incident took place in Lanarkshire, Scotland, and had a disastrous outcome. A 67-year-old man, who remained nameless, had seven curtain rings stuck on his junk, needed to be rushed to a hospital. It was revealed that the retiree had taken some Viagra and was apparently experimenting with the plastic rings as sex toys. Unfortunately, for the old man, when he decided that there was nothing fun about the curtain rings, he found that they were "jammed" on his privates and he found himself trapped. I guess he forgot to use some sort of lube like Vaseline? 

     Although, the ambulance was called, the paramedics failed to remove the rings. The fire crew was also called to try their luck with their special cutting equipment, which also sadly failed. When the crew arrived on the scene, the Viagra was at full strength according to one of the crew members, who stated, "He was in a lot of distress as he couldn't get them off!" Get it? He couldn't get them off or himself! The crew reassured the man that these things happen, but the 67-year-old was terribly freaked out. His penis was swelling and turning purple. People feared what would happen next. 


     The man was taken to the Wishaw General Hospital and the rings were removed using lubricants. Neighbors witnessed the whole episode and claimed that the man was indeed in pain, but as per reports, he wasn't hurt too badly. How do you face your neighbors after that? I would move out of the neighborhood! He's going to be known as the "Cock-Ring King" around Lanarkshire now! Forget going to a local pub! He is screwed! 

     These tales of woah are not the only incidents to happen recently. In November 2017, a 31-year-old man was rushed to the hospital after a small lock got stuck in his bladder when he tried pushing it up through his urethra. Ouuuuch! He had to be operated on, but he deserved that one! Moron! In London on December 2017, a man tried jumping over barriers to avoid paying and his genitals stuck, which left him in a compromising position. The man was eventually rescued by police officers. And in Germany, a man got his penis stuck in the hole of a 2.5 kg dumbbell plate in his gym. Firefighters used a hydraulic saw to actually cut the plate. Um, yeah, no! The point is, men (not me!) have some weird fascinations!

FLYING THE S**TTY SKIES!

     Happy New Years, everyone! And with that I give you my first buzzkill of the New Year for those of you who love traveling like myself! It turns out, passengers on a United Airlines flight from Chicago, or shall I say "Shit-cago", to Hong Kong, will probably say they had a "crappy" flight....Literally! 

     The United Airlines flight from Shit-cago to Hong Kong had to be redirected to Alaska because one of its passengers was "smearing feces everywhere," according to a report on KTVA. United Airlines flight 895 was diverted to Anchorage on Thursday when an adult male passenger smeared poop within a couple of bathrooms on the plane. The man also took off his shirt and tried to stuff it into one of the toilets. What's that saying? If you see something, say something? In this case, if you smell something, say something! And quick!

     Following the incident, the man was reportedly pretty co-operative with the flight crew and remained seated when the flight touched ground in Alaska. He probably couldn't stand the smell of himself. I want to throw up just imagining the stench!

     FBI agents and airport police met with the passenger, who had to be interviewed by both agencies. No charges have been filed against the "crappy" passenger, but he was taken to the hospital for a psych evaluation. The incident is under investigation by both airport police and the FBI. The flight was unfortunately grounded overnight for maintenance. No shit! 

     I have to admit that I might have started a chain reaction of vomit on the plane if I was on this flight. Though, I love writing about poop, the smell of other people's poop, makes me want to vomit. And if it were smeared all over the walls on an enclosed plane for a long flight, forget it! I'd be done! The flight crew would be cleaning up feces and vomit. What a crappy way to end a vacation!

BEST WEDDING PHOTO TO DATE

     My wife and I married on New Year's Eve 2014. We hired a great wedding photographer, who had an artsy feel to her, and since we didn't want traditional wedding shots, she seemed to be the best option. Then again, less than a year later, we ran into my friend, Mark "Weissguy" Weiss at a concert, who told us that he would have loved to have shot our wedding. Mark was the guy who shot the album covers for Twisted Sister and Bon Jovi, as well as legendary photo shoots with Motley Crue, Ozzy Osbourne, Kiss and Skid Row. Anyone who knows me, knows that would have made our wedding more than a dream come true than it already was. Needless to say, I got the death stare from my wife after hearing those words come out of Mark's mouth. 

     Anyway, back to wedding photos. If you watch a lot of cheesy sitcoms, you'll understand that the mother-in-law is always out to destroy you. They're often characterized as the shrill women who are difficult to cooperate with, but once you get out there in the real world, you'll notice that most of the time, mothers-in-law are just looking out for their son or daughter, and are not actively looking to destroy you. In fact, my mother-in-law is the absolute best! She always takes my side against my wife's. Some mothers-in-law might actually be quite fun like this one in the Netherlands.

     Ahead of this Dutch couple's upcoming nuptials, their extended family wanted this wedding to be extra fun and memorable, which included the wedding photos. For their shoot out in the forest, one of the couple's mothers suggested to the photographer, Michael Klooster, that the happy couple engage in some good ol' oral sex. THAT.....IS......AWESOME! 

     Klooster posted the photo of the sex act online on his page, unsurpisingly, the photo went viral. In the caption of the photo, he wrote: "Some newlyweds cannot wait for the party to be over, so they can quietly retreat to their suite for a smashing wedding night. Luckily, they already exchanged their wedding vows and they are officially married."

     Klooster was, obviously, joking. The whole shoot was staged, and the bride was not, in fact, giving her new husband a blowjob at their wedding. This was just a simulated sex act requested by one of the couples' mothers. According to Klooster, "All parties involved were pretty happy to pretend to get to third base. I don't want private parts visible on the picture, but everything creates the impression is interesting. They were anyway very cheerful people. A nice and casual wedding, at which everything did not have to be so formal."

     As I said earlier, we did not want traditional wedding photos either, but we did get some really great shots thanks to the backdrop of the city of Philadelphia. However, as non-traditional as we wanted to get, I'm not sure my wife or our parents would have been cool with a fellatio shot as one of our wedding photos. I, certainly, would have been okay with it, but there are others involved.But it's all in fun and that seemed to what Klooster, the photographer was shooting for. 

THEY DON'T CALL HIM THE DICKMAN FOR NOTHING! 3000 PENISES FOUND IN HIS HOME

     Yes, so last night, one of my idols died peacefully of, basically old age, in his Los Angeles mansion. I'm sure he was surrounded by his bunnies when he went, but it's true Playboy icon Hugh Hefner has left us with his legacy at the age of 91. Rest in peace, Hef. 

     By the way, Hef's death definitely has nothing to do with the story I'm about to share with you. So, this is 54-year-old Dave Murray....No not from the band, Iron Maiden! Murray was an employee of the Harris County Morgue, and was recently implicated by the FBI in an organ trafficking network. 

     After investigating several reports of missing organs and body parts, dozens of agents raided Murray's residence on Wednesday morning in hopes to find his involvement in the crimes. They did not expect to find what they found. Not that I think they did anyway. What they discovered was "shelves everywhere, filled with hundreds of glass jars. Each of them contained a penis floating in formalin, better known as formaldehyde.

     According to FBI spokesman Andy Ramirez, the accused Murray rapidly confessed everything as soon as he was arrested. Ramirez said, "He explained in great detail, how he had been cutting off dead men's genital organs and collecting  them for more than ten years." It took the FBI more than seven hours to gather all the organs (3000 penises in total) and pieces of evidence that were found at the site.

     A total of 53 criminal charges have already been filed against Murray and hundreds more could be filed over the next few days. And anonymous FBI source said that the number of charges could reach over the number of penises he had in jars. Murray will remain in custody for the moment as a psychiatric evaluation has been ordered to determine if he's even fit to stand trial. If he's considered fit, he should appear in court in October for the beginning of the procedures. 

     Here's what I'm not understanding since the article said nothing about it....why? Why did he feel the need to cut off 3000 penises and pickle them in a jar? Was he keeping them as souvenirs? Was he selling them? Or was he just that sick in the head? What was the motive here? Then again....Take a look at that mugshot. Do I really need an answer?

9/11 THE WAY I REMEMBER IT....AND WILL NEVER FORGET.

      I posted this entry on my blog for the last few years to commemorate 9/11 and it always receives a very positive response. So, I've made the decision to post this blog entry every year on 9/11, so new readers and new friends can read what I went through on this horrific day. Here is "9/11 The Way I remember it": 

      In my 6 years of writing this blog, I try to be entertaining and for the most part, funny. Today is not one of those days. In the years prior, I realized that I never shared my 9/11 experience with you in this blog because quite frankly, who wants to re-live that day of horror for New York City and this great nation? Today, I want to share with you, how my day went 16 years ago, which by the way, I cannot believe it's been 16 years already!

      Anyway, I remember driving into Z100 in Jersey City, NJ the morning of 9/11/01. The sun was just rising and was looking like it was going to be a gorgeous day out. I remember it like it was yesterday. The air was crisp. Not too hot and not too cold. It was perfect! For some reason, I remembered driving down the New Jersey Turnpike from my Bergen County home and just looking at that beautiful skyline. Little did I know, it would be the last time that I would be enjoying that skyline with the twin towers standing tall. 

       Our morning was your typical morning of comedic banter among the morning show, which consisted of host Elvis Duran, Christine Nagy, John Bell, Danielle Monaro, Skeery Jones, David Brody, Greg T., Scotty B., a guy named Stick, myself, and our morning show consultant Dennis Clark. I happened to be screening phone calls for the show that day and right before 9 a.m., I received a strange one from a caller saying, "A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center. I'm not sure if it was one of those little Cessna planes, but the North Tower is on fire." I swear to God, those were his exact words. It's weird how some things just stay with you. Now, mind you, the only thing separating where our studios were in Jersey City and the World Trade Center was the Hudson River. We were up on the 36th floor and were literally that close. Also, at the time, the sun was still making its rise, so we brought the blinds behind us down so that we can see our computer screens. So, after I received this call, I turned my chair around and raised the blinds to see one of the most horrific sites I have ever seen in my life. It was clear that this plane that crashed into the North Tower was not a little Cessna because a little Cessna would not have caused damage like that to these strong towers.

      I quickly ran into the studio and told Elvis, who was in a commercial break, about the call and what I saw. The whole show literally ran out to take a look outside our window. Elvis made Christine and I stay in the studio to break the news. He interrupted commercials and asked me to go on the air to explain what had happened and what I saw, while Christine explained what she was reading on the news sources. As I ran back to the call screen area, the hotline rang and it was MJ, one of our promotions girls, and she explained to us that it was a commercial airliner that crashed into the tower. Elvis put her on the air and let her explain. People from different departments in our office showed up to watch from the window, when Stick noticed something flying really low over Staten Island, which was to our right. We literally watched this plane quickly pick up speed and as if it happened in slow motion, it slammed into the South Tower with such an impact, we felt our building shake. We all could not believe what we just saw. A plane used as a weapon as it slammed into the World Trade Center, I just remember seeing a fireball and paper shooting out the other end. I was baffled and confused and it all became clear when I heard Danielle Monaro crying, "Oh my God! We're being attacked by terrorists!" 

        We were forced to evacuate the building and at the time, all I could think about was trying to get home to my family because if there were any more attacks, I wanted to be with them. Elvis and John Bell stayed up in the control booth like true radio men to stay on the air. To this day, I truly commend them for their bravery and loyalty to our listeners. Elvis told us all to go home and be with our loved ones. He and John ended up staying on the air for the majority of the day taking phone calls from listeners as Dennis Clark helped screen the phone calls. Me? I high-tailed it out of there and at the time there was no cell signal. I could not call home. Driving through the streets of Jersey City that day was an absolute mess! People walking the streets like zombies with a "what the hell just happened" look on their face. I remember sitting in traffic and looking in my side view mirror only to see the South Tower collapse. I literally almost threw up when I saw this. I couldn't believe it. I asked the guy in the car next to me, "Did that tower just go down?" He said it did and we sat there stunned! 

      It took me about two hours but I finally got home only to find out that my cousin Michele's fiancée, Arnold Lim, was missing. Arnold and Michele had gotten engaged a month before, and the eerie thing is that one of the last pictures I remember of them, was at their engagement party in Edgewater, NJ and the Towers stood behind them. Anyway, Arn used to work at Lehman Brothers in Jersey City a few floors below me at Z100. We used to meet for lunch all the time. It was right around the time of their engagement that Arn took a job at the Trade Center with a company called Fiduciary Trust. When I found out that no one was able to get in touch, I began calling him every hour only to get his voicemail. The last person to speak to him was my Aunt Barbara, who called him to tell him the towers were on fire. He told her that he knew and he was actually watching it, but the building told everyone on the PA to stay where they were and that they were safe. My aunt told him that she didn't care and to get the hell out of the building. He told her he was leaving and that was the last we heard from him. My guess is that he was making his way down the stairwell when that second plane hit, which is the one I saw. They never found his body. 

      The weeks to follow would be about rebuilding and Memorials. I've heard so many different stories from people who were actually down at the Trade Center and survived. I've also heard stories about people seeing bodies fall around them. I've also heard stories from people who overslept and never made it to work in the Trade Center that day. Then there's the story of my wife, who never made it to the PATH station because her new kitten needed her attention. Everyone in that PATH died underground. With all of these stories and families of the victims, how can we ever forget what those scumbags did to us as a nation? Sure, there are so many other stories! This one was just mine....

And now here stands what looks like the big middle finger to the terrorists....The Freedom Tower!