SOUTH JERSEY STRIKES AGAIN! THIS TIME IT'S PIZZA!

     Many of you have already read my post on Facebook and many, many of you have chimed in on last night's ordeal, but you have no idea what I went through last night at Bertucci's in Sicklerville, NJ, which, by the way, is the worst pizza on planet earth. I mean it can't get any worse than this. 

     So, let's go back six months, I had just gotten done working out in my kung fu class, so I stopped at Bertucci's in Sicklerville to pick up a Margherita pizza and some wings for my wife and me for dinner. When I got home, I was horrified by what the pie looked like when I opened the box. It was deformed in shape and had no basil. Growing up in North Jersey with some real Italian families, you don't fuck with our pizza! I was so annoyed, I wrote to Bertucci's corporate and did not even receive a response. I let it go and my wife and I decided to ban Bertucci's from our list of "go-to" places, because there was a time when their pizzas were, what we thought was the best we could get in South Jersey. 

     Now, mind you, many restaurants down this way close around 9:30-10:00, so the pickings are slim when it comes to late night dining. Last month, on my way back from Kung Fu again, I decided to lift the ban and give Bertucci's another shot. This time, my experience with them was a pleasant one and the girl at the counter, even showed me the pizza before I left with it. I showed her a photo of the one I got last time and even she was mortified. I said to my wife, "Okay, maybe they got their shit back together." 

     So, now, last night, on my way home from Kung Fu again, and I was running late, so I called Bertucci's to place my order for a large Margherita pizza, a Caesar salad, and Tuscan wings. It sounded like the same girl as last time, so I figured we were in good shape. I arrive at the restaurant and there was no one at the counter. In fact, it looked like they were cleaning up the kitchen. I waited there literally for 10 minutes. I even saw my pie sitting there in the box with the box open. WHAT? Who does that? I stuck my head in by the bar and it took a patron to say, "You have someone waiting over there." The bartender comes over and asks if I'm ordering or picking up. I told him that I already ordered and he asked what I would like? Um, what? 

     Once he realized I was there to pick up, he went to get me a waiter to check me out. The waiter got my order together, but at first, was reluctant to show me the pie. I nicely asked if I can see it and showed him a picture of what I got the last time. He looked at me and said, "Oh we wouldn't give you a pizza like that" and then opened up the box to show me another deformed Margherita pizza with no basil on it. I quickly said, "Are you kidding me?" It's not even round. He responded, "Not all of our pizzas are perfectly round." I said, "But this is not even close! And where's the basil?" He told me, "We put the basil on the side so that it won't wilt on the pizza." Um, what? For those who know me, do I really look like a moron? Don't answer that! It was rhetorical! The waiter said to me that he was going to get his manager and she would tell me the same exact thing. 

     A guy named Dave was standing behind me and asked me if I ordered yet. I told him that I did and proceeded to show him my pizza. Dave was mortified because he too ordered a Margherita pizza. I can see the look in his face. It was look of "Uh-oh! What did I just get myself into." Poor guy! I wanted to say, "Run and save yourself!" 

     The manager finally came out after a 5-minute wait. I showed her the pie and she looked a little shocked that I was making a big deal about it. I told her, "If you came into my pizza shop and I tried to send you home with this, would you take it?" She understood and said, "I can make you a new one." This was the trick question of the night. Do you allow these cooks who just cleaned their kitchen and whose pizza you just insulted to make you another pie without spitting in it or putting something gross in the pie? I didn't trust it and I even told her that, but she assured me that she doesn't run a place like that. I thought to myself, "But you run a place that makes deformed looking pizzas?" I took my chances and let he make me another pizza. 

     As I waited, they brought Dave his pie and he, too, asked to see his pie. They opened the box and his was folded a quarter of the way and deformed also! I was starting to think that these cooks seriously never saw what a pizza looked like before. Dave reluctantly paid for his $22 pie, but then the waiter noticed there was no basil on the side and said he would go and get it. Dave turned to me and asked, "What do you think? Should I get my money back? I just paid for a $22 pie that looked like this." I told him that I would. That is messed up! The problem was we were both hungry and this point didn't care, but come on, Bertucci's! Show that you care a little!

     Dave asked for his money back and out came the manager again, but this time she even said, "What happened? Another deformed pizza?" So, now she even knows they're deformed. She told him the pizza was too big to fit in the box, so sometimes they have to fold it in. Um, what? Am I the only one who hasn't been to a pizza place that folds their pizza to fit it in a box? When Dave asked for his money back again, she said that she would make him another pizza. He said he didn't trust her cooks and she assured him too that nothing would happen because their kitchen was out in the open. Here's the problem....No one was in the restaurant but us! Dave reluctantly agreed and we both sat their an waited as we made fun of Bertucci's. 

     My new pizza finally came....deformed again! At this point, I didn't care! I just wanted to go home. So, I just said it was fine. I grabbed my food and was going to pay, but the manager said, "No way! It's on us!" Did that mean, "Enjoy your loogie Marghertia Pizza?" Or was she just really embarrassed? Either way, we got a free dinner. Dave texted me later and he got some free sodas. But this will be the last time we order from that shit-hole. What aggravated me was the fact that they were trying to tell me that all pizzas were not round, they didn't want the basil to wilt, and that they couldn't even get a Margherita Pizza right! Who messes that up? My mother-in-law and brother-in-law make a way better pizza on Easter than these clowns. It's the mentality down here. These morons think they can get one over on everyone down here. You can't mess with someone who knows food! Bertucci's R.I.P.

SOUTH JERSEY DRIVING STRIKES AGAIN!

     So, normally, I write about silly stories that happen around the world, but today, I am so furious about the drivers here in South Jersey, that I feel the need to blow off steam in writing. Personally, I really wanted to blow my steam off of another driver's face, but that would have only created legal problems for me and hospital bills for him, therefore, I am taking the high road and complaining about it on here. So, lucky you!

     Since my wife and I moved down here, I always said the driver's in this part of Jersey are total assholes. Now, I know the driving in North Jersey isn't great either, as we are more aggressive up north and much more disrespectful, but down here, they are just dumb! I mean, how stupid can you be to drive 45 MPH in the fast lane of a 66 MPH two-lane highway, which is technically the passing lane? Hey, asshole! If you're going to drive that slow, stay in the right lane (the slow lane) so people can pass you! 

     Also, down here, why put the "no texting while driving" laws into place? No one listens to them. When I'm stuck behind a driver, who is driving super slow and swerving, I would think they were drunk. Nope! When I finally get to pass them, they are nose deep in their phones. HOW IS THIS OKAY? 

     Down here, there is no regard for any other drivers. When people drive down here, they're the only ones on the road. It's like they have tunnel vision, which brings me to today! I was driving to work on Route 73 in the middle lane of a 3-lane section. This SUV started merging into my lane, with no blinker, as if I wasn't there. When I became aware of what he was doing, I signaled right and got into the next lane. This idiot kept on coming and totally cuts in front of me! Asshole! So, just like any North Jersey/New York driver would do, I laid on my horn as I followed him for a 1/4 of a mile. Would you believe that I saw this driver throw his hands up in the air as if to say, "What are you honking at?" I felt my blood start to boil. My wife told me I should have taken a photo of his license plate and posted it on Facebook, but as I grabbed my phone, the asshole turned off and was gone. My next reaction was to follow him and continue honking to put the fear of God into him, but would it be worth all the trouble? 

     Then, only yesterday, I was merging onto Route 295 to go to class, and I was ahead of this silver Camry in the slow lane, and all of a sudden, he speeds up so I couldn't merge in. So, I sped up and cut him off. Who the hell does that though? It's called courtesy. I was ahead of you, so let me in! Don't speed up! I mean, I get that you had the right of way, but I was two car lengths ahead of this car. The driving mentality down here is ridiculous!

     Where do these people come from? Why do they give just anyone a license? Meanwhile, I abide by the driving laws after taking many driver's safety classes for insurance purposes, I mean I speed every now an then, but I'm the one who gets pulled over for speeding while my cruise control was on and set at 55 MPH. I guess that's irony for you. The shitty driver's cause accidents, while the good drivers pay heavy fines. I know I just pinned South Jersey for this, but I'm sure there are bad drivers in every state. This particular one just happened to piss me off. 

DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL

     I originally wanted to write about that transgender soldier that hid her sexuality for years and has recently come out as a woman, but this story pulled me in like a night train. I didn't even scroll down any further to see if there was any better story because this one was taking the cake no matter what! 

    Anyway, a Great Lakes teen loves her father so much that she is allegedly going to walk down the aisle with him...as his bride! WHAT? The story was actually in a tell-all interview with New York Magazine. The 18-year-old, who chose to remain anonymous, dished out how a rekindled relationship with her once estranged biological father led to an almost two-year love affair with plans to wed and have children here in New Jersey. I'm sure it will be down here in South Jersey, where the inbreeding is second to none. She told the magazine, "There's a reason I lost my virginity to him....Because I'd never felt comfortable with any other man." Um, hello? That's because he's really your DAD!

     It was after 12 years of separation that the teen says a Facebook friend request led to the pair uniting at the age of 17. Her parents had only dated for a few months when she was conceived during their high school's prom night. After she was born, her father was scarcely in her life before being cut out all together when she was only 5. When they finally reunited, she explained that it was like they never spent a day apart. She went on to say, "The idea of 'getting to know him' seemed strange because we were so much alike." Um, hello? That's because he's really your DAD! Even stranger, she admitted, was the fact that she found her father "attractive." Yeah, that's not supposed to happen when you reunite with your parent. They're just supposed to be parents and that's about it!

     The father was living with his girlfriend in a town about 30 miles away when she went to spend a week with him. At first she said she slept on the floor, and he slept on the couch. But after a few nights, he got on the floor with her. In the interview, she said, "When we woke up, we were spooning. I didn't know this but later, after we admitted our feelings, he told me he had 'morning wood' and had gone to fix it." Play wrestling between them led to biting and eventually both admitting their unusual feelings for one another. She said, "We discussed whether it was wrong and then we kissed. And then we made out, and then we made love for the first time. That was when I lost my virginity. It was insanely sexual. It lasted for about an hour and there was a lot of foreplay. We both had orgasms. We are so similar, so it's so easy to sexually please each other. For example, we both love neck-biting. I've never been in a more passionate, loving, fulfilling situation." Um, hello? That's because he's really your DAD!

     Here's something coincidental and screwed up; so, their relationship only grew stronger from that moment. She even took her father to her high school prom, the very event she was conceived at. I have no words after that. The father eventually moved out of the girlfriend's house and moved into a home with an ex-girlfriend of eight years and the daughter moved in with him. The older woman didn't know about the father-daughter relationship until she overheard the two having sex one night in the bedroom. Instead of freaking out, the woman "really didn't mind," according to the teen. 

     One person who has yet to learn about this disgusting relationship is the teen's mother. The teens said, "She acts like there's something up, but doesn't know what the hell it is." The odd couple plan to keep it that way, at least until they're able to move to New Jersey, where adult incest is apparently legal, just not the father-daughter marriage. WHAT THE HELL? I lived in Jersey my whole life and never heard that incest was real! Then again, that explains a lot down here in South Jersey! All I have to say is, "Ew!"

     She says once they reach the shores of New Jersey, she will tell everyone....At least those who don't already know. That excludes her grandparents on her father's side who in her words: "can't wait for us to have babies." That's one goal she said they plan to get to work on, never minding fears of genetic problems their kids could inherit. Okay, I've had enough. I am totally grossed out right now. There is a Chicago-based organization for adopted children who says that this happens more often than we expect, but I'll just let you Google that one. The father is a child-molesting psycho and the daughter has some really daddy issues. That's what I see here! The whole thing is just absolutely SICK! I guess she'll always be DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL!

IS THIS WHAT HAPPENS IN PINEY LAND?

I have to admit something that I'm not sure that I've ever admitted in this blog before. I'm officially a "Piney"! What is that? It's a nickname for people who live in the Pine Barrens region of Southern New Jersey. Apparently, I've been a Piney for the past four years new since moving down to this region. Here's the problem, though I'm from the Northern region and am technically a New Yorker, we don't seem to fit with the lifestyle down here. I'll give you an example. A teacher down here recently found two 5-year-olds naked and having sex in the bathroom. WHAT? And now she might lose her job over it!

That's right! The rural South Jersey school district of Mullica Township seeks to remove kindergarten school teacher Kelly Mascio after two 5-year-old students, a boy and a girl, were found naked in the bathroom of her classroom on September 30. The two younger students told the teacher they were "having sex." Okay, what 5-year-old speaks like that and how is this any fault of Mascio's except that the kids were under her supervision? Shouldn't their parents be the ones to blame for teaching them about sex at the age of 5? I am telling you, these Pineys get married early, probably have sex at age 5 or 6, and are divorced by the age of 12. By the time they're 20, they've been married three times. Elizabeth Taylor could have been a Piney! Almost every person we're friends with down here has been married at least once. I'm still on my first, thank God! I'm telling you it's a different culture here.

Anyway, Mascio, a teacher in the district for 15 years, actually reported the incident to her supervisor and police were called immediately. The teacher was then suspended with pay and no criminal charges filed. Wait a minute! How is this her fault if the kids sneaked into the bathroom to do this? She reported the incident. How can she lose her job? And why would criminal charges even be brought up. It's not like she put them in the bathroom naked. The Mullica Township Board of Education voted Wednesday to bring charges against the educator through the state to seek to remove her from her position. I still don't understand why?

Luckily the Mascio has a lot of support in the community as 200 people showed up to support her at the meeting. President of the Mullica Township Education Association, Babrbara Rheault stated, "Our main concern is that the administration has completely forgone all traditional disciplinary avenues available in handling the incident. The administration has selected a disciplinary route that resulted in enormous emotional and professional turmoil and has strained the confidence and trust of school staff, parents and community members." The Mullica school board did not state why Mascio was placed on leave or why they are moving forward with the possible termination. The only way that I can see Mascio being terminated is if she stripped the kids herself and told them they had to have sex in the bathroom, but if that were the case, why would she report the incident? It makes no sense whatsoever, which leads me to believe that once again am witnessing a South Jersey organization overreact to something when they don't have their facts together. Being a Piney is now what it's cracked up to be. Is it cracked up to be anything at all? 

NOW THIS IS MY KIND OF REAL ESTATE AGENT!

This story came out a couple of weeks ago, but a friend just told me about it last week and it is awesome! We were discussing how the ethics of real estate agents up in North Jersey are different than the code of ethics in South Jersey. Now, I'm not going to pass judgment, but this story makes North Jersey real estate agents look pretty bad....Or should I say, pretty smart!

You see, a real estate agent from Wayne, NJ is being sued for purposely keeping buyers away from a Wayne home so he could use it for his "sexual escapades," which was caught on hidden cameras. Are you laughing your ass off yet? A lawsuit filed by a Denville, NJ couple is claiming that former Coldwell Banker agent Robert Lindsay used the house, which he was hired to sell, for a series of 10 sexcapades with fellow agent Jeannemarie Phelan from the period of December 27, 2011 to January 23, 2012. The couple claims that Lindsay intentionally listed the home above market value to keep buyers away.

Video footage of all 10 visits was captured on security cameras and show Lindsay and Phelan banging away. Am I the only one who would love to see this video footage? I need proof! Anyway, during the last encounter on January 23, the owner of the home saw the couple on a live feed and called police. When officers arrived at the house, they walked in on Lindsay pulling up his pants and he told them that he was preparing for an open house.

According to Coldwell Banker, they ceased any affiliation with both agents after learning of the sexcapades. The homeowners are seeking compensatory damages for invasion of privacy, infliction of emotional distress, breach of contract, trespass of land and other civil counts. No word yet on whether Lindsay and Phelan will be losing their real estate licenses, but I'm sure that is in their futures. What also was not disclosed was whether or not, Lindsay or Phelan were married and that this was an extra-marital affair, in which case this story could've have ruined both marriages. I mean if you seriously had to use a house you were selling to have sex, you were obviously hiding something, so my guess is that this was extra-marital. One other thing; if you were going to pull something shady like this, wouldn't you check for cameras first? Just wondering. Unless they meant to get caught? Either way, Lindsay looks like a sleazebag, but Phelan? She wasn't bad looking. I still need to see proof if this actually happened!

DRIVING IN THE DIRTY JERZ

Many of you would think that I have no business talking about the way people drive since I live with a stereotype that Asian people are bad drivers, but as I drive down here in lovely South Jersey, I've discovered that there are plenty of bad drivers down here and guess what? They're not Asian! The problem is that people down here aren't mindful of others down here nor do they follow the NJ driving laws. It's ridiculous how the people drive in this state. Sometimes when I'm late for something, I tend to tailgate until a lane opens to two lanes, then I will pass them thinking that an old person is in front of me, but then as I pass them, it's a young kid! Are you kidding me? If you're that scared to be behind the wheel then you have no business being behind it. When I first got my license, I was a speed demon and pretty reckless as some of my high school chums can tell you. 

Another thing that pisses me off is when you might've pulled out too far on accident causing another driver to slam on his breaks, but instead of stopping and then going, they'll sit there and stare you down. What the hell is that going to do other than piss me off? Just last week, I accidentally pulled out too far at an intersection and some guy saw me at the last second because I'm sure he was texting and driving and then he slams on the breaks just to curse me out. Really? Did our cars hit? Then why are you stopping and yelling? I was about to get out of the car and slap this little bitch of a man around, but I took the higher ground and just waved him a long. There was no reason to just stop in the middle of the road to yell at someone when there was no damage done. It's just plain stupid!

Oh, and there's the drivers who think they're doing everything right on the road and when they do something wrong, they blame you! What the hell? Only yesterday, which is actually the reason behind this buzzkill rant; I was a car length behind this guy in his Audi. I was following the 2-second rule and everything. Mind you, I was on a highway with restaurants on it and this guy apparently wanted to make a right into the parking lot. He must've thought I was too close, which I wasn't, and he slammed on his breaks in the middle of the highway and then signals right. Now, if I wasn't following the 2-second rule, I might've slammed right into him, but there was a lot of room. As I was passing him, I noticed him cursing me out as I drove by. What the hell did I do wrong? Just another case of bad drivers here in South Jersey!

And don't get me started on the whole texting and driving thing! You have no idea how many accidents I had to avoid because the other driver was texting and driving! In Massachusetts, you can be heavily fined for texting while driving now. That's something that should be incorporated in all states if you ask me. Anyway, I know most of you like the news stories, but today, I needed to get something off my chest and that was originally what this blog was for! Do I think the driving down here will get any better? Hell no! But maybe the state should incorporate a 5-year retesting clause, this way we can weed out the bad drivers!

COURT JESTERED!!!!

 

Since it's a slow news day, and I could care less about the Occupy Wall Street evictees and Penn State's drama; today, I'm choosing to gripe about a problem that I had just this morning! You see, a few weeks ago, my girlfriend got a traffic ticket for wrongfully making a left turn onto a local street. She was on her way to a new office within her company, which was closer to our house, but she was unfamiliar with the street signs on the main road and accidentally made the left, where there were actually 'no left turn' signs posted. Unfortunately, instead of paying attention to the street signs, she chose to pay attention to her GPS, and as we all know, steered her the wrong way and she got pulled over by an extremely nice police officer (sarcasm), who gave her the moving violation, which would include 3-points on her license. The points didn't sit well with my girlfriend, so she decided that she wanted to fight the ticket, to maybe lessen the charge and erase the points.

Growing up in North Jersey, I had plenty of traffic tickets and a plethora of points, which I worked back down to zero, I might add, but my point is that it's not secret that if you go to your appointed court date, you speak to the prosecutor, he works out a deal, gets you a lesser charge with no points, and you walk out just paying a hefty fine with no points on your license. Well, let's make our way to South Jersey, where my girlfriend's offense took place, and let's take a look at the summons above. Take a look at the "notice to appear" court date, which says "11-16-11, 8:30 AM". Mind you, I've been through this many times myself, and you just show up at the court, sit with the rest of the cattle, and wait for them to call your name. No phone calls! Nothing!

Well, today is 11-16-11, and at 8:30 AM, we walked into the Municipal Building only to find out that there was no judge there, nor was there court today. WHAT?????? Did anyone else see the "Notice to Appear" court date above??? Why would the nice cop (sarcasm) set a court date that he knew the judge wouldn't be at? It didn't make sense! The clerk told us that if we were pleading guilty, we had to call 7 days in advance to set a court date. WHAT????? Does anyone else see the "Notice to Appear" court date above??? That is the court date! You don't call 7 days in advance to schedule a court date when the court date is on the front of the ticket. She claimed that was only the date to pay the ticket by, and at this point, I'm pissed now, so I politely pushed my girlfriend to the side, and asked the lady, then why does it say 'court date' instead of 'pay the ticket' by this day? She said, "I'm sorry, those are the rules!" It took a lot to bite my tongue because I didn't want my girlfriends court date to go sour when it actually does come, so we left the municipal building, but what a crock of shit!

What is the reason of the phone call 7 days in advance to set a court date? So, that the judge gets notified that he actually has to work? And if the date that is inserted where it says "Notice to Appear" court date is the date the ticket is to be paid, then it should say so. I have to tell you, my experience living in South Jersey hasn't been a good one yet between this and their Unemployment Office, it seems nobody wants to work, yet I'm the one unemployed! Everything seems ass-backwards down here and so lackadaisical. We're really starting to second think our move down here! If it weren't for our lovely home and the peace and quiet around us, I think we would've been out of here already! Wake the "F" up, South Jersey!