HAS ANYONE SEEN MY VIBRATOR?

     Who would have thought that being constipated could have led to this? So, apparently, an un-named California man who complained to doctors that he was constipated, later found out that he had a running vibrator stuck inside his large intestine. Now, I'm not sure how true this story is, but it is absolutely nuts nonetheless. I mean why would a man have a running vibrator inside of him? I mean I could understand if it was a woman or something. And then if it was running as they say it was, how did he not feel something vibrating inside his body? Did he just think that his stomach was rumbling, but he couldn't shit?  It makes no sense!

     Anyway, the red-faced patient unsurprisingly failed to tell medics the whole entire story when he showed up at the ER in Fresno, California, but an X-ray soon revealed that a sex game with his wife allegedly got wildly out of hand. What the hell does that mean? They were playing a sex game, so she had to shove her vibrator up his ass and it got stuck in there, so they decided not to tell anyone about it? Gee, that was brilliant! Nurse Stevey Pope, who treated the man, said, "We could see, perfectly, a large object that was lodged in the large intestine. This is the first time I've ever encountered a running vibrator still inside somebody." Yeah, no kidding! That's because no one in their right mind would leave running vibrator shoved up their anal cavity!

     Pope went onto say that had they not removed the gadget, the man could have suffered serious injuries. You think? The guy couldn't crap! That's some serious blockage. Pope said, "It could lead to internal bleeding, infection and major abdominal surgery, colostomy bags and feeding tubes. I have to admit, this all seems a little far-fetched, but really funny. There was a recreation of this event on the TLC channel, who also revealed last week a woman being hospitalized for putting Pop Rocks into her vagina during sex to create an explosive performance for her lover. Come on! I mean, I don't work in the ER, and I'm sure they see crazy things like this everyday, but seriously? Pop Rocks in the va-jay-jay and a running vibrator stuck in a man's intestines? It sounds to me there are some pretty creative writers out there looking for ratings and viewership. What does everyone else think? 

THE CRAIGSLIST BARTER

     Say hello to Stan Syring. This sicko did something on Craigslist that I have not been able to stop laughing about all morning. First, I'd like to explain the term to barter. Back in the day, bartering was a system of exchanging goods or services to obtain other goods and services without using a medium of exchange, such as money. Now, that being said; Syring, who's from Iowa, was in need of a 16-foot trailer for a flat-bottom boat, so he went on Craigslist and posted an ad proposing a "barter" deal on the site's "For Sale/Wanted" section. 

    What Syring offered to barter is what got him into trouble and still has me cracking up over here. The 37-year-old married father's Craigslist post, noted that the boat trailer was needed asap and that he "will trade sex if need be." What? Apparently, Syring could not afford the boat trailer outright, so he decided to offer himself as an extra bonus. My apologies if you just spit your breakfast all over your monitor. 

     After the Marion Police Department learned of the online ad, they exchanged emails with the Craigslist poster (Syring) discussing whether the offered act would be oral or anal sex. The parties agreed that that detail would be discussed in person when they met. During the alleged meeting with the undercover male officer, Syring offered his services as a partner in a sex act in exchange for the boat trailer. It was never uncovered if he was going to allow oral or anal, but the officer did say that Syring also agreed to give him an extra $25 in addition to the sex act for the used 16-foot boat trailer, which typically sells for several hundred dollars.

    Needless to say, Syring was arrested and charged with prostitution, which by the way is my favorite part of this story. This big husky guy was arrested from prostitution. That is hysterical! He was booked on Monday at the Linn County jail on the misdemeanor account and was released the following day. Seriously, though; Can you imagine this guy offering sex for a boat trailer? Can people be that desperate? All I have to say is be careful with that Craigslist. You never know what kind of sicko your going to find out there.