ENDANGERED FECES

     I have a family trip to Disney World happening this November and after reading this story, I really can't wait to go! So, apparently, Disney World is "dropping" a new dish onto the menu of an Animal Kingdom shop....It's animal poop!
Well, it's chocolate animal poop anyway! 

     There are four varieties of the edible excrement for sale right now at the Florida theme park selling for $3.99 a pop, or shall I say a "poop"? The desert dung are not labeled as such at the park's new Zuri's Sweets Shop. Instead, the scat snacks are named after the animals they're based on. For instance, elephant is a chocolate peanut butter fudge with oats and coconut flakes. Hippo is a fudge caramel brownie with oats and peanut butter. Giraffe is pellets of chocolate fudge with caramel. And cotton-top tamarin is a chocolate-covered pretzel pearls. I swear I will never taste peanut butter, fudge and caramel the same ever again.

     One report noted that their receipt clearly called the item they purchased: "Poo, Giraffe!" Man, I love Disney now! Orlando travel bloggers Kim and Currie tried a few pieces of the feces and wrote in their post: "I can't say they are the best treats I've ever eaten at Disney, but they are a conversation piece." For Disney visitors who are less adventurous, Zuri's also serves Rice Krispies treats, lollipops and wine. How can you not want to try these? I totally cannot wait to get Animal Kingdom to put fake poop in my mouth! That really did not sound as great as it did in my head!

POOP SMEAR

     I'm not sure why I think this is so ridiculously funny because it's kind of sad. I mean all who know me, know I write about poop. That's just what I do. So, this story should be no different, only the woman involved suffers from a mental illness, which makes this story pretty sad. 

     Anyway, an unnamed Connecticut woman who smeared poop all over her naked body and trashed a motel room before begging police to shoot her has been hospitalized for a mental evaluation. The woman allegedly stripped off all her clothes and splattered herself in her own excrement inside her Motel 6 in Windsor Locks last Thursday. This story might have been a bit more disturbing if it was a Westin or a Hyatt or something, but it doesn't shock me that it was at a Motel 6. 

     Police were called to the scene and when she saw them at her door, she sprinted out the door and away from the building as she clutched small dog. She ran into a nearby Subway restaurant naked and covered in poop. I'm sure that Subway shop owner was ecstatic about that! Now, he had to sanitize the whole shop because of the poop that might have fallen off her body as she ran in. The distressed woman locked herself in the bathroom as officers arrived and tried talking her into coming out, but she refused. 

     Police finally managed to barge their way into the bathroom, where she lashed out and tried to kick the arresting officers and repeatedly asked them to shoot her. The puppy was also caused some pain as she'd placed it between her thighs and started to squeeze, but the officers eventually managed to free the pup, wrap the "incoherent" woman in blankets and remover her from the eatery. 

     The woman was loaded into an ambulance and taken to the hospital for evaluation. So, I'd like to say that my mom is doing fine. Just kidding! The current condition of the woman is unknown at this time, but what the hell? Something must've happened to this woman to really make her react like this. I mean who would want to smear poop all over themselves? I get scared to even drop my phone in the toilet after pooping, let alone smearing it all over my naked body. There's definitely something not right upstairs, which makes this story a sad one. Sorry if I ruined your day!.....Not really!

URINE SOME DEEP S**T!

     When you're a tourist, you never know what you're going to get from the natives or who you can even trust when you're visiting a foreign land. Last week, my new bride and I were in St. Lucia and the natives were asking her to try their rum. Luckily, the natives in St. Lucia know that the majority of their income comes from tourism, so most of them would not mess with that. So, the rum that she tasted was actually rum. 

     If we were visiting the Blackpool area of England, we wouldn't have been as lucky. You see, this British con man sold bogus bottles of booze that were actually just water laced with urine and human waste (otherwise known as shit!) His name is Nicholas Stewart and he told tourists visiting Blackpool that the one-liter bottles he was selling for a bargain $15 were only filled with a new concoction of Jack Daniel's whiskey and Smirnoff vodka. First of all, ew! Second of all, the bottles were, in fact, filled with pee and excrement, making that a double ew!

     The 35-year-old was arrested and pleaded guilty to fraud at Blackpool Magistrates' Court on Friday. Prosecutor Victoria Cartmell said that the lab tests proved that the bottles contained no alcohol at all. She said, "They were purported to contain whiskey and vodka, but were water laced with urine and feces, probably to give the so-called whiskey color. They were totally unsuitable for public consumption. They were hazardous and contained dangerous E. coli bacteria."

     Stewart ended up getting a 70-day jail term suspended for 12 months. Prosecutors are now trying to prevent him from selling anything in the Blackpool area and have applied to subject him to a Criminal Anti-Social Behavior Order. To be honest, Stewart is getting away with no real punishment at all. He tried to sell people piss and shit as a drink for crying out loud. That would not fly here in America. At least I hope that it wouldn't. It also scares me to know that their are some really sick people out there. I mean, what if St. Lucians hated tourists? My wife would have drank this same concoction after being told it was rum. Like I said, we got lucky that those islanders really rely on tourists to live. The lesson here is to be careful when you travel and trust no one! 

MOM HELPS TEEN VANDALIZE HOME

Trust me, I looked everywhere for those uncensored nude Snooki shots to share with everyone, but I've had no luck, which leads me to believe once again.....Publicity stunt! Anyway, enough of Snooki, she's already wasted enough space in blog! Now, back to the "What the hell is wrong with people?" file. I can't believe this one! 

So, a So Cal mom has been charged with helping her daughter and two other teenagers draw swastikas at a nearby home drawing the attention of "Saturday Night Live" Hall of Famer, Jon Lovitz. Catherine Whelpley has been accused of driving the teens to a former friend's home, where the girls smeared human feces on the property, and poured syrup on a car as part of an April 3rd vandalism. Whelpley's daughter then supposedly used the syrup to draw swastikas and the word "Jew" near the front door. Once the deed was done, Whelpley drove her daughter and her two girlfriends home. The vandalism was actually captured on a neighbor's surveillance camera and was called to attention by Jon Lovitz, who would later Tweet a photo of the swastikas in between the word "Jew". Lovitz tweeted to his 40,000-plus followers back in April, "Swastikas (in excrement) left on my friend's front porch were done by three 14-year-old girls, driven to the house by one of the girl's mother."

 Whelpley is also accused of driving the same teens to a second home where they are accused of vandalism and defacing the property. This past Monday, the 44-year-old mom was charged with three counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, two counts of vandalism, two counts of trespassing, and two counts of tampering with a vehicle. Wait a minute! Did they forget about the feces? That's just gross! I know I wrote about taking craps in your pants, but those are accidents. These girls purposely left their crap on this person's fronts step and smeared it all over the house! That is just plain disgusting, and as a homeowner, there should be a bigger charge for that as well!

Though, the teens did not commit a hate crime here because all of the materials used were easily washed off with a hose, but prosecutors found a way to hold Whelpley legally responsible! Once again, you’re not born a bigot, you learn how to be one, and this is a prime example of that. I think that as part of Whelpley's punishment, she should have to live with a Hasidic family for a month to make her appreciate the way other people live. That's just a thought! I have to say once again, "What the hell is wrong with people?"