WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

     First there was the one night stand after a drunken night in bars and then nine months later....Surprise! Your result from that one night stand. Now, there's a new way to find that one night stand without the awkward drunkenness or the surprise of a baby bump. 

     If you look at Internet dating sites, they promise you that they'll find "the one." Today, some women are taking to the Internet to find "the one" who will impregnate them. Instead of relying on sperm banks, a rising number of people are using donor sites to arrange to have sex with strangers to reproduce. Donors and hopeful mothers turn to "natural insemination" because they believe getting pregnant is more likely the old-fashioned way. 

     So, the strangers find each other on sites devoted to co-parenting and Facebook groups like Free Sperm Donors. The deal is an alternative for men who want to father children without any strings attached and a way for women to use donors at a much lower financial cost, although the cost of sexually transmitted infections and abuse could be high for all parties. One girl, who remained anonymous, found natural insemination while searching the Internet for "free sperm" options and decided on the method for its lower costs and fresh sperm over the frozen kind. 

     Men, who post ads to donate via sex, insist that it's not about scoring. One guy named Joe said, "People might want to have millions of dollars in the bank, and then, you know, some of us might want to have dozens of children out there. I'm unable to have as many children as I want in my relationship, and that would be unreasonable to ask a woman to give birth to 30 children." Joe is a star! By the way, Joe's slept with more than 100 women in seven years for natural insemination. He travels the country to impregnate women in what looks like his "Superhero" life. Unbeknownst to his wife and three teenage children, who are part of his "Clark Kent" life. He hopes to have as many children as possible. Didn't they make a movie about this with Vince Vaughn? 

     There were so many more stories like Joe's in the article, but I think that you get the idea on how this works. Sperm banks can cost a pretty penny and are often $700 for one vial of sperm. But sperm banks also screen for diseases, genetic history and physical characteristics, which strangers on the Internet often cannot. The only thing they can show you is photos of their kids on their iPhones. This way you know their kids look healthy. That is so ghetto, though. 

     I wonder how it works if the donor and the girl end of having a physical attraction to one another? Does the donor leave his "Clark Kent" life to be with this new girl? I mean this new method definitely has it's ups and downs, but I'd like to know what you think about this. Please feel free to leave comments. 

     

WHAT THE....AN AUTOMATIC SPERM EXTRACTOR?

     My friend Chuck sent this story to me on Facebook last night and I'm totally obsessed with it. All I could think was "Only in China can we see this!" Even though, I was really thinking, "How do I get one of these for my house for when my fiancee is not in the mood or has a headache? Wait till you read what I have here for you today. 

     So, a Chinese hospital in Nanjing, a capital of Jiangsu Province, has introduced a new machine that makes sperm donation even easier. They've created an automatic sperm extractor. That's right! Guys, we might never need to use our hands again! The Chinese have created a machine that will do it for you. Have they gone to far? Hell no!

     The effortless machine, which has been around for a few years now, features a massage pipe that can be adjusted to the height of the user. Since this was in China, I'm sure all of the machines were short and the massage pipes were small tubing. Something they will have to fix if they bring this machine to America. It's okay! I can say it since I'm of Chinese decent. Anyway, all the gentleman has to do is plug in the frequency, amplitude and temperature, then plug himself into the massage piping and they're off to the races. The machine is also fitted with a small screen for those feeling a little uninspired and can use a little coaxing. In other words; yes, you can watch porn while this machine is stroking your little ego! I have to say; whoever invented this was pure genius! 

     According to the director of the urology department of the hospital, the machine was designed to help individuals that are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way with a jar of Vaseline, a few tissues and good ol' Mary and her five sisters. The director said, "We're not entirely convinced that standing in a room shared by many other people and being milked like a cow is going to help, but their efforts are commendable." Screw that! First of all, I would get this machine for private use for those lonely nights. I would not use this in a sperm bank. Second, just wow! Where has this machine been all my life? I might have to ask my fiancee for this as a wedding gift, though, I doubt that will go over too well. But it's not cheating because it's a machine, right?

     Take a look at this video. It will all make sense and you GUYS will be asking me where to get one: 

FDA TO SHUT DOWN ONE-MAN SPERM BANK...

Do you know this man? He could be your father! I can't help it, people; sometimes these jokes write themselves. Here's the deal; the Food and Drug Administration is looking to shut down a one-man sperm bank in Fremont, California. Yes, I said one-man operation! Like I said, sometimes they write themselves.

36-year-old, Trent Arsenault, donates his semen to low-income and same-sex couples, who have a hard time acquiring semen on their own at licensed sperm banks. Arsenault looks at it as helping people in need. Better yet, helping childless couples have children. He makes no money from it because he doesn't actually charge them anything. Wait a minute, does this mean he masturbates into a cup for fun? Now, why should this be public knowledge?

Anyway, the FDA disagrees with Arsenault's non-profit business and had sent him a Cease Manufacturing letter last year stating that his business "recovers and distributes semen and therefore,  is a manufacturer of human cells, tissues, and cellular and tissue-based products. An inspection of Arsenault's house found, among other alleged health violations, that he didn't take the legally required precautions to prevent the spread of disease or provide sufficient documentation. The FDA ordered Arsenault to shut down his renegade operation until he followed the rules, but Arsenault contended that as a sole donor he should not have to comply with laws established for sperm banks that operate as a business.

The dispute has lingered for the past year, and Arsenault continues to donate his sperm while he waits for his hearing. He also seems to be meeting a demand, as he's received around 20,000 email inquiries, and has fathered 14 children since his first sperm donation to a teacher in 2004. The FDA has estimated that Arsenault has dealt out about 328 semen donations to 46 recipients between 2006 to 2010. To market his free sperm, Arsenault created a website, TrentDonor.org, which is loaded with information about sperm donation and his organization for those of you who might be interested.

I am still speechless over this whole ordeal. So, this guy fathered 14 children and he's donating his sperm for free. What? Either this guy is really dumb or he's absolutely brilliant! It will be pretty interesting to see how this whole thing turns out. I, of course, am rooting for the little guy!



World's Largest Sperm Bank says NO to Redheads

Nothing can be more hilarious than this story that came across my desk a couple of days ago. Apparently, the world's largest sperm bank, Cryos, has officially stopped taking sperm from red headed men. According to Gizmodo.com, despite the overall increase in donations the demand for red headed sperm just isn't that high. Sorry, Carrot Top, being a 'Ginger' is just not the 'in thing' these days!

It turns out, sterile couples just don't want to make red headed babies anymore, but did they really ever want to? I mean I always thought that red heads were made on accident or were only adopted or even inherited, hence the term 'beaten like a red headed stepchild!'

Cryos director, Ole Schou, went on record to state that 'unless a woman's partner was a "ginger" or she had a preference for red hair, he didn't see many people choosing red hair over other types of hair.' In fact, Schou says, "The only country where the specimens are flying off the shelves is Ireland." Which makes sense to me since many of the "gingers" that I know are predominantly Irish, and any red head who isn't Irish is usually a fake red head, but then again, why would anyone want to fake being a 'ginger'?

Cryos ships sperm to more than 65 countries around the globe. Donors can score up to $500 a pop for their semen. Schou also noted that men with brown hair and brown are are their top-sellers. Hmmmmm....$500 a pop? I have brown hair and brown eyes. This might be something to think about when things get really tough financially. Sorry, redheads! Once again, you're S.O.L.

Read this story here: http://gizmodo.com/5841329/worlds-largest-sperm-bank-says-they-dont-want-your-ginger-sperm

or

http://www.inflexwetrust.com/2011/09/18/worlds-biggest-sperm-bank-tells-redheads-we-dont-want-your-semen/