THE COOKIE MONSTER

I don't know why this story cracks me up, but it just does. I didn't want to write about a riot in Brooklyn or about how a bunch of celebs were hacked because honestly? Who cares? I'd rather inform you about a 58-year-old prison guard who recently got busted for trading homemade cookies for cookies, better known as sexual favors from a female inmate. You read correctly! Prison guard Abner Canda is being accused of handing over the sweet treats to a 22-year-old convict who is being locked up in Snohomish County Jail in Everett, Washington. In exchange, she allowed him to touch her breasts, grope her no-no area and perform oral sex on her in her cell. 

In a sworn affidavit back in May, the alleged victim admitted to showing Canda her breasts willingly for food. Seriously? How hungry was she to be that desperate to flash her boobs for food? The only reason why she could've done this was because she wanted some action too. I don't think the prison guard was all to blame here. It doesn't make sense that she flashed her goods just for food unless the prison starved their inmates. Anyway, she was soon released from the jail after the incident, but returned in October, when another illicit encounter took place. 

In another statement, she said that he came into her room with a tray of homemade cookies; he came up behind her and started kissing her. Then he groped her breasts like a wild animal and then he proceeded to put his hand down her pants and place his finger inside her cookie jar, which lasted a couple of minutes. Is it me or is it getting hot in here? I feel like I'm writing for Penthouse Forum here. 

 Then, in January, Canda, who began working as corrections officer back in 2007, is being accused of having performed oral sex on the inmate in her cell quite a few times. When asked why she told prison officials, she claims she felt guilty for doing what she did and also at one point; she did certain things because he'd bring her homemade cookies. She also revealed that she was sorry and that she was trying to be a better person now. YEAH right! A person who was in jail in May and was thrown back in in October had a sudden morality check? This chick is full of crap! It is clear as day what this woman is trying to do. She is trying to make it look like she was taken advantage of in jail by a prison guard, while the whole time she was actually fulfilling her starving sexual appetite, and when it came time, she decided to blow the whistle to make herself look like the victim, so that the jail feels sorry for her and lets her out early. I call "B.S."! The minute this woman is released, she'll be back to her old criminal ways.

Canda, who has no criminal history, was put on unpaid administrative leave in January and has been charged with custodial misconduct. Should he be charged with this if the inmate kind of enticed him to act this way by flashing her breasts for food? Any hot-blooded male would've acted this way if "free boobs" were involved because they do have the power to hypnotize. Unfortunately for Canda, two other female inmates have come forward and have claimed to have also had a sexual relationship with him. To me, that just sounds like two more women want to get released from jail earlier. Did he do wrong? I think so, but the court system has to remember, it takes two to Tango! These women never said they were raped by him. They did it for the cookies.