MILE HIGH CANADA

     This story took place last January, but trial only started this week, so it's still so relevant and still so appropriate for this blog! You have to love this.

     Anyway, according to a flight attendant, a Canadian couple on a Toronto-to-Halifax flight tried to hide their mid-flight sex acts by putting a coat over their laps. 39-year-old, Jason George Chase and 25-year-old, Alicia Elizabeth Lander were each charged with indecent acts after the alleged January 2014 mile-high incident on an Air Canada flight. 

     Lander's trial began this past Wednesday after she pleaded not guilty to the charges. Chase, on the other hand, changed his original not guilty plea to guilty, is due in court on March 27. After a year of investigating the incident, it's still not clear if the two knew each other before the frisky flight. The service director on the January 24 Air Canada flight, John Dunn, gave a graphic testimony of the whole encounter during Lander's trial on Wednesday. 

     He testified that about halfway through the two-hour flight, another passenger told Dunn that there was a couple going to "join the Mile High Club." The flight attendant found Lander and Chase in their seats with a coat covering their laps. Lander's hand was in Chase's lap and making an up-and-down gesture. He was went on to say that Lander's thighs and pink thong were also exposed. He said in court, "Her pants were down around her ankles. I said, 'I want you to stop this now. It's inappropriate.'" Dunn then demanded Lander to get dressed and asked her to put her breasts back inside her bra once she pulled her pants up. Dunn had to separate the couple for the rest of the flight. Un-be-lievable! 

     When the captain found out about the lovers' shenanigans, he had Mounties meet the landing plane at the gate. When police tried to escort Lander through the airport to an interview room, she became violent, which I'm sure did not help her case any. She knocked down a sliding door, hit a police officer and knocked some holes into the wall. The Mountie said she also reeked of alcohol and at one point even lunged at him as if to bite him. I have to say, I have no words on this incident except for AWESOME! I love ending the week with stories like this. 

     On top of the indecent acts charges, Lander was charged with assaulting an officer, committing an act of mischief and causing a public disturbance. Her trial will continue on March 3. From the sounds of it, the couple might not have known each other and I'm sure after Lander sobered up, she probably asked, "I did what?" That's what makes stories like these so awesome! 

DR. MOLESTER

      I always wondered about these doctors who work with women's privates. I mean at the end of the day, they're still guys, right? They obviously love vagina as much as you or I. They just love it a little more. That's why they got into the business they got into, right? 

     Well, Dr. Roger Ian Hardy, a fertility doctor in Reading, Massachusetts, is in the middle of an investigating that is accusing him of sexually molesting his patients. Well, he recently turned in his medical license. Is that like throwing your cards in and folding in a Hold 'em Tournament? Anyway, investigations into Hardy, who practiced at the nine-office Fertility Centers in Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Maine, go back to 2004. One patient came forward and said, "I was afraid something criminal had been done to me," as she described how Hardy tried to stimulate her sexually while she was half sedated during a procedure in December of 2003. Hardy denied any wrongdoing at the time saying that there were three "professional assistants" in the operating room with him and the case was dropped. 

     The woman then wrote a letter in protest saying the board hadn't done its job properly. Since then, staff have reportedly witnessed the reproductive endocrinologist inappropriately touching women under anesthesia, as well as touching a sedated patient's breast while she underwent egg retrieval and an employee's breast. I have to admit; this might sound wrong, but this guy is kind of sounding like a hero to me, but if he ever did this to my wife, I may have to kick his ass. 

     A whistle-blowing female specialist, who remains anonymous, reported Hardy last October and told the medical board investigators she was 'horrified' and felt "awkward and difficult, but had to tell someone." She said a longtime patient in her 40s confided in her that 55-year-old Hardy touched her sexually and rubbed her genitals during an un-chaperoned 2011 examination. Hardy told her extensive sexual touching was 'part of her fertility treatment.' This guy is a star! How did he not get reported sooner? Unless, he was threatening these people that if they said anything, he would kill them?

     During this investigation, Hardy was set to be suspended as 'an immediate and serious threat to health, safety and welfare of the public." Eighteen witnesses including nurses, colleagues and fertility experts all gave information to the board. One physician told investigators that nurses had been afraid of losing their jobs. Hardy resigned on the eve of the meeting on January 21, but stated he'd done nothing wrong and complaints were stirred by competitors. I guess until this investigation is complete, Dr. Hardy, it looks like your a sexual predator. Like I said, I always wondered how doctors who work with women's privates were able to control themselves. That's why I always felt that those doctors should always be women. Obviously, men cannot control themselves. Trust me, there are many more Dr. Hardys in this world. He's not the only one. He's just the only one we've heard of in the news. 

IT'S OKAY TO BE HOT FOR THIS TEACHER

What would you do if you found out that your Spanish teacher once posed for Playboy? I know what I would do and it involves some alone time, some tissues, and a jar of...well, you know what I mean! Anyway, a high school Spanish teacher in Texas is under fire after it emerged that she once posed in the nude for Playboy. 

21-year-old, Cristy Nicole Deweese has become the talk of Townview Magnet High School in Dallas, TX after students found out she'd taken her clothes off for the very popular men's magazine. As an 18-year-old, Deweese was featured as "Coed of the Month" in February 2011, where she went full-frontal for her fans. Word is she also donned winter bunny gear and lingerie and even simulated lesbian sex with another model. "My butt looks great in jeans, panties, or nothing," was her quote in the magazine. She went on to say in the popular men's rag, "My legs are long. But my favorite thing about my body is my breasts. They're small, but real, nicely shaped and I don't have to worry about back pain, bras, men staring or anything." Screw alone time! I might not make it! Besides, I'd like to see her breasts for myself to be a judge of that! Thank God for Google!

All of her shots are still online to see, which also means her teen male students have most likely been checking out what their senora was up to in her heyday. One outraged parent asked, "Are her male 16- and 17-year-old students looking at her without picturing her nude?" I say who cares? They didn't need Playboy for that! I know I'm going to catch a lot of flack for this from my old classmates, but I used to picture all of my female teachers nude all the time and they never posed for Playboy. With a teacher this hot, she would have been a pleasure to fantasize about. Another parent questioned, "For female students, is this someone they can respect as an educator, someone that they can look up to?" Um, yes? Let's see. I bet because of this photo shoot, she grossed more from this shoot that this parent in would earn in five years. Does that make for a smart business woman or not? She found a way to make quick money. Why wouldn't a young female student look up to her? 

The Dallas school district has not commented on the hot photos yet, which were taken when she was not even employed as a teacher yet. They did say it is a personal matter, though. I think these parents need to lighten up. If she's a good teacher, she's a good teacher. I bet all of their sons have not missed a Spanish class since school started. I know that if I was one of her students, I would be there every class, creepily gawking at her. Yeah, she might be naked online somewhere, but that just leaves little to the imagination now. Imagination is what makes life fun!

THE BREAST IS YET TO COME!

In the day of same sex marriages, this business idea is absolutely brilliant! Go figure that it had to be started in France, but you can bet your ass this will make its way here to the U.S. Anyway, a Paris woman recently posted an offer on a French website to breast-feed babies of homosexual male couples, because obviously men cannot breast-feed, for 100 Euros a day. That's a $130 a day! The post stirred up some crazy media interest, as it should've, just weeks after a divisive same-sex marriage law was passed in France. 

The post, which the website said it was verified as genuine and legal, read: "I am a young mother in perfect health, a trained nurse of 29, and I am renting my breasts to milk-feed infants." I say this is a brilliant marketing idea! Gay men, who are married, will either have to adopt or look for a surrogate mother, right? Well, they will have to breast-feed eventually or use formula. Why not use the same process to find a surrogate mother to find a surrogate breast for breast-feeding? This woman is definitely onto something here! The offer, addressed to male homosexual couples who can marry legally in France since May, promises up to 10 breast-feeds a day. She is mobile and based near Paris. 

Alexander Woog of the e-loue website where the offer was posted said that his staff had contacted the person and had no doubt about her identity and the seriousness of the proposal, nor the legality of the service proposed. Woog went on to say, "Our legal advisers are sure of this. It's illegal in France to sell maternal milk but this is a person proposing a service, not selling the milk in flasks." 

France had recently joined more than a dozen countries to legalize marriage and adoption of children by same-sex couples. It does not, however, permit surrogacy or assisted reproduction for gay and lesbian couples. So much for that idea! The woman who posted the offer could not be reached or confirmed, but she has responded via the website that many couples have replied to her proposal. She said, "I've received more than a dozen requests, but only half of them were serious. The rest were from perverts."

Woog stated that his website, which was created in 2009 as a platform for users to offer or hire anything legal online, checks any posts that raise an eyebrow. The breast-feeding offer was the second major eye-catcher since the website was founded. The other was a user offering to rent out two goats as lawn-cutters. I think the breast-feeding offer is a little bit more legit. Here's the question, though; would you trust some stranger to come to your house to breast-feed your baby? It's not like she's coming in to walk your dog. Her bodily fluids will be going into your baby's mouth. Another question is how sanitary will it be if she has more than one customer? How many babies’ mouths were on that breast before yours? These are just some things to think about, but I still say a BRILLIANT idea!

WHAT A BUNCH OF BOOBS!

There's nothing like waking up to a nice set of boobs in the morning. That's what I always say! Blushing bosses at the University of Kansas are less likely to agree. They've recently busted a Twitter feed that shows off some its coeds' best cleavages. The Twitter handle @KUboobs gets students to send in self shots of themselves in low-cut Jayhawks t-shirts. The handle has more than 58,000 followers and its own line of merchandise. This is genius! I mean I'm sure the only reason why I love this so much is because I'm a guy, but hey, women were the ones sending in the photos of their boobs, so how sexist can I be?

Anyway, school officials have apparently had enough of the so-called "boobment" (Ha! I get it! Instead of 'movement'?), and they fired off a cease-and-desist order to the page owner, Ken Soap, this past Tuesday. Seriously, University of Kansas? You have nothing better to do? Soap posted on the micro-blogging site soon after, "KU Boobs has been ordered to cease and desist by The University of Kansas by June 12, 2013. If you have ever wanted to submit a #kuboobs pic and never have, this is your last chance!" This last statement was a brilliant move on Soap's part because not only did his call to action lead to a surge in followers, but he was soon inundated with students' boob shots submitted with the #SaveKUboobs hashtag! This kid has a bright future in marketing! He had two brilliant ideas. First the Twitter page and then he drew in more people by calling out the school. It's absolutely amazing to see! And I'm not just saying this because it's about boobs! It could have been about hats...Okay, boobs help a lot. 

KU staff later revealed that they had no problem with the page, which is in no way associated with the Lawrence-based state university, but felt that Soap crossed the line by selling merchandise to promote the page because it violates KU's Federal trademark, which the University needs to protect. One KU staffer says, "We've asked them to stop selling that merchandise, not shut down the Twitter account. 

The trend actually started when a KU student, Tiffany Kent, tweeted a snapshot of her cleavage, with the hashtag #kuboobs, in a Jayhawks shirt as the basketball team struggled during an NCAA tournament game last year. After the photo was tweeted, the Jayhawks turned a 19-point deficit into a 1-point lead over the Missouri Tigers, and the new 'boobment' was born! About 30 colleges have since jumped on the bandwagon with fans setting up similar accounts. I have to admit the idea is brilliant. How can anyone hate boobs? They're nice to look at, the word boobs is funny, and they're nice to look at...Oops! Did I say that twice? Anyway, now I wonder if there is a Twitter page for Rowan boobs. I have to go check. Talk to you guys tomorrow!

THE COOKIE MONSTER

I don't know why this story cracks me up, but it just does. I didn't want to write about a riot in Brooklyn or about how a bunch of celebs were hacked because honestly? Who cares? I'd rather inform you about a 58-year-old prison guard who recently got busted for trading homemade cookies for cookies, better known as sexual favors from a female inmate. You read correctly! Prison guard Abner Canda is being accused of handing over the sweet treats to a 22-year-old convict who is being locked up in Snohomish County Jail in Everett, Washington. In exchange, she allowed him to touch her breasts, grope her no-no area and perform oral sex on her in her cell. 

In a sworn affidavit back in May, the alleged victim admitted to showing Canda her breasts willingly for food. Seriously? How hungry was she to be that desperate to flash her boobs for food? The only reason why she could've done this was because she wanted some action too. I don't think the prison guard was all to blame here. It doesn't make sense that she flashed her goods just for food unless the prison starved their inmates. Anyway, she was soon released from the jail after the incident, but returned in October, when another illicit encounter took place. 

In another statement, she said that he came into her room with a tray of homemade cookies; he came up behind her and started kissing her. Then he groped her breasts like a wild animal and then he proceeded to put his hand down her pants and place his finger inside her cookie jar, which lasted a couple of minutes. Is it me or is it getting hot in here? I feel like I'm writing for Penthouse Forum here. 

 Then, in January, Canda, who began working as corrections officer back in 2007, is being accused of having performed oral sex on the inmate in her cell quite a few times. When asked why she told prison officials, she claims she felt guilty for doing what she did and also at one point; she did certain things because he'd bring her homemade cookies. She also revealed that she was sorry and that she was trying to be a better person now. YEAH right! A person who was in jail in May and was thrown back in in October had a sudden morality check? This chick is full of crap! It is clear as day what this woman is trying to do. She is trying to make it look like she was taken advantage of in jail by a prison guard, while the whole time she was actually fulfilling her starving sexual appetite, and when it came time, she decided to blow the whistle to make herself look like the victim, so that the jail feels sorry for her and lets her out early. I call "B.S."! The minute this woman is released, she'll be back to her old criminal ways.

Canda, who has no criminal history, was put on unpaid administrative leave in January and has been charged with custodial misconduct. Should he be charged with this if the inmate kind of enticed him to act this way by flashing her breasts for food? Any hot-blooded male would've acted this way if "free boobs" were involved because they do have the power to hypnotize. Unfortunately for Canda, two other female inmates have come forward and have claimed to have also had a sexual relationship with him. To me, that just sounds like two more women want to get released from jail earlier. Did he do wrong? I think so, but the court system has to remember, it takes two to Tango! These women never said they were raped by him. They did it for the cookies.