APPLE MADE ME DO IT!

Have you ever gotten caught looking at porn while you're at work? Back in my old Z100 days, I used to have a pretty bad reputation as the porn watcher on the staff. It was so bad that even actor Jay Mohr would come looking for me to look at bestiality porn every time he came in for an interview. Oops! Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Anyway, eventually, I was told to curb my porn watching at work because all computers were being monitored by Big Brother. Had I known that I can just blame Apple for my porn addiction, I would've done that! 

Yes, I said Apple! That's what 36-year-old Chris Sevier from Nashville, Tennessee is doing! He's an army vet who is now a lawyer and is suing Apple for getting him addicted to porn. This is so ridiculous, I can't even believe this is even a news story, but that's what I do here! Make you aware of ridiculousness! So, Sevier is claiming that he became obsessed with porno sites after he accidentally typed FaceF**k, rather than Facebook on the Safari Browser. Yeah, that sounds like a simple mistake, right? Well, now the 36-year-old has filed a 50-page complaint against the tech giant at the Tennessee Supreme Court. Is that nuts? Basically, he accidentally typed in a wrong word, landed on a porn site by accident and became addicted. WHAT? Did Apple make him addicted to masturbating too? What the hell? Last I checked, to enter most of these sites, you have to be the one clicking the buttons to enter and pay. I don't think Apple was the one clicking the mouse. This guy is nuts!

In the complaint, he blames his addiction and subsequent breakdown of his marriage on the lack of a porn filter. Hey buddy, your porn filter should be your brain, you idiot! He claims he began "to find the younger, more beautiful girls featured in porn videos more attractive than his wife, who was no longer 21." I still don't get how this is Apple's problem or fault? It sounds like a user error to me. The paperwork adds, "The plaintiff is a victim of Apple's product that was sold to him without any warning of the damage pornography causes." What damage does pornography cause? The only damage it causes is abuse on yourself! That's it! You decide if you want to watch it or not. Apple is not forcing you to sit there with some lube and your penis in your hand while watching some hot, young women go at it. Give me a break!

Sevier is seeking unspecified damages from Apple, but Apple has not yet commented on the suit. To be honest, I wouldn't even bother if I was Apple. The suit is absolutely ridiculous and I'm sure the guy is representing himself because what lawyer in his right mind would take this case. Sevier is obviously taking some delusional pills. Apple would just be wasting a few minutes of their time with this stupid case. They should be spending more time coming out with a better iPhone because the Samsung Galaxy Note is blowing it out of the water. That's just my two cents though.