S**T HAPPENS!

No, I'm not talking about the book that I wrote about crapping in your pants, which is available on Amazon.com by the way. I'm talking about an Arizona restaurant who was forced to close down because of a "horrific bloody diarrhea outbreak" back in August is back up and running and to win their customers back, they're handing out free burritos to new diners! Okay, am I the only one who would never trust a place again after I got the big "D" attack?

Anyway, Federico's Mexican Food branch in Litchfield Park decided the best way to move forward from the E. coli epidemic that sickened dozens would be to give away servings of the popular sloppy Mexican dish. In fact, it’s the exact same meal that is being blamed for sparking the outbreak in the first place. Their flyer screams, "Come back on us! Celebrate Mexican Independence Day September 16th Free Food!" to promote Monday's special giveaway. I don't know. I think once I got the big "D" from a place, that would be all I would be able to relate it to. For instance, I can’t eat at a Taco Bell anymore, Pizza Hut is out, and actually any fast food turns my stomach even looking at it these days.

The restaurant reportedly voluntarily closed in August after 74 customers fell ill and some 23 customers became so sick, they needed to be hospitalized. Maricopa County health officials believe E. coli bacteria O157 allegedly found in the eatery was to blame. Food-safety law firm Marler Clark has filed three separate lawsuits on behalf of those who became ill. One includes a five year old girl, who underwent half a dozen blood transfusions in the hospital after eating at the restaurant, and a 15-year-old who suffered pancreatitis, brain swelling and a possible stroke. Both children developed hemolytic uremic syndrome, a complication that can lead to kidney failure and have racked up hundreds and thousands of dollars in medical bills. No way would I even considering eating at this place ever again.

Another one of the lawsuits claims a man ate tacos and burritos at the restaurant on July 27 and July 29. He must've really loved this place. Anyway, he's been subsequently hospitalized on August 1 with "grossly bloody bouts of diarrhea." This is totally not funny, but am I the only one who gets a chuckle out of the word "diarrhea?" The free-food flyer, which has been mocked by many online, present company included, reveals that bosses have hired a TV personality called "The Queen of Clean" to attend and consume the free grub. This place can hire whomever they want. I, personally, would never eat at a place that got 74 customers sick from their food. Besides, after all of the lawsuits and free food giveaways, this place won't be around too much longer. Just hearing they want to give away free burritos is giving me a stomach ache.