BABY BOOMER OR BABY BANGER

 What I'm about to tell you will make you absolutely sick! If you don't wish to read on, I wouldn't blame you, but just know that I warned you beforehand. So, this is 25-year-old Natisha Hillard from Indiana and she's absolute pig! Yeah, I know she looks like one too, but wait till you hear this. It turns out; she's facing life in prison after she admitted selling her baby eight different times so a man could have sex with the infant. 

Should I go on? Hillard told a federal judge that she was in dire need of some money, so she rented the baby, which was between 4 months old and 16 months old at the time of the demented trysts, to 40-year-old Christopher Bour for sex. How is this even possible? How can a 40-year-old man insert his penis into a 4-month-old baby? That is impossible unless the guy is hung like a pimple. 

Federal officers first learned of the disturbing ordeal when Bour's masseuse found child porn on his computer during a visit to his Gary, Indiana home, where he later asked her to take pics of him having sex with the infant, which he told her the mother was okay with. He later sent a text to his masseuse saying, "I was just seeing if you would hold the camera. It's the best sex I ever had!" Okay, this guy is a fucking psycho and I seriously want to kick his ass right now as I write this blog. 

Hillard was in the room for seven of the sexual encounters, but relented one time and allowed the man to abuse and take photos of the baby without supervision. She told the authorities, "He didn't tell me what he was going to do with the photos." The two met back in 2011 through a dating service. Hillard introduced the pervert to her two kids: her 3-year-old and the infant. She let the deviant take sexual photos of the older girl at least once also. 

Hillard faces a minimum of 30 years to life in prison when sentenced. Bour is scheduled to appear in federal court on Thursday and is expected to plead guilty. He's been charged with buying a child to produce child pornography, producing child pornography and processing child pornography depicting a child under the age of 12. I seriously hope these two rot in prison. They are animals and don't deserve to be within 10 feet of any children. I hope these two get what they deserve! 

ARE YOU UP FOR A LITTLE SEXERCISE?

I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. I mean, I really wouldn't like it if my fiancee, Laila, was training with this guy. Then again, she's a personal trainer too, and I don't think that I would like it if she had to train someone using this new method, unless, of course, her client was a woman. That might make things a bit interesting from my perspective anyway. 

I'm talking about about the hot new workout in New York City called "Sexercise." Personal trainer, Jason Rosell has combined his two favorite things, sex and exercise, to create this heart-pumping new workout. Rosell, an Astoria native says, "Everyone loves to have sex, and it's a great workout when done right, but not everyone likes to work out." So, to keep his clients energized, he created an X-rated stamina-and-muscle building workout, which he says is part Kama Sutra and part "Fit For Life." It's something he likes to call "The Joy of Flex." Creative name, but really?

The 32-minute workout combines three rounds of 45-second cardio-based sexercises such as squats, lunges and booty pops designed to tone glutes, quads and calves so couples can keep going all night long. Rosell says of his workout, "It gives you that longevity on the dance floor, or even the bedroom. Most people get tired within the first four to eight minutes of intercourse if they don't have any workout regimen." Four to eight minutes? That's not long enough? 

Apparently, getting down to business with Rosell means working those erotic muscles and pleasure points. Squats, for example, go a little deeper (which helps ladies who like it on top, or so he claims). Rosell also has exercises to work the legs and core, where he would instruct a client to wrap their legs around him and crunch their abs to pull him deeper and deeper towards them. He says, "That move empowers women who want to take control in the missionary position." What? Is this called dry-humping? How does he not get a boner from this exercise? Better yet, how does this exercise not lead to actual intercourse? I bet you this guy Rosell bangs a lot of his clients. 

I don't get it. How does this guy get away with this? According to one sex therapist, "Vigorous sex can work just as well as a calorie burner as sexercising." Having sex burns about the same amount of calories as jogging on a treadmill, with men burning 120 calories during a half hour sex session, while women burn 90. Then again, you have to be able to last for a half hour, which is where "sexercise" comes in. All I have to say is to my brethren who live in New York City, be leery of this guy. If your girl is taking his sexercise class, she is definitely banging him. I don't see any other way around it. 

GOOD DEED? OR COMPLETE JERK-OFF?

I saw this story yesterday and cannot believe that this Ohio state trooper is actually going to get away with pleasuring himself in front of a kid. That's right! Apparently, it's okay in the state of Ohio to do things like this. 

So, apparently, an Ohio state trooper, Ricky Vitte, Jr., watched porn and masturbated with a young boy to teach him about sex will not be charged with any offense. In fact, his deed will go entirely unpunished and he'll be able to keep his cushy $83,000-a-year-job despite reportedly confessing to carrying out the self-love affair twice with the pre-teen five years ago. Vitte says that he even told his wife all about the seedy rendezvous because he saw it as a "good deed." He claims that he "did not want (the boy) to feel pressured on feeling the need to have to have sex with someone, when he can fix those needs by masturbating to porn." He also claims that there was a dresser blocking their view of each other as they pleasured themselves. Oh, then that's okay! No, it's not! 

I mean I can see where Vitte was coming from, but was this boy his son? Was it his place to teach the boy about masturbation? Isn't that the parents' job to teach their song about these types of things? The whole thing gives me the creeps. The county prosecutor even decided not to present Vitte's case to a grand jury because he said the trooper might have presented an explanation to justify his actions. Are these people nuts? The decision angered clinical counselor Marlene Boas, who asked whether it would have been the same outcome had the alleged victim been a girl. She went on to say that she "can't imagine a situation where that would be appropriate in our culture."

This is not the first time Vitte has been in trouble with the law either. Back in 2004, he was charged with domestic violence after spanking his then-girlfriend's 5-year-old son until his ass cheeks bled and then he turned around and head-butted his girlfriend for complaining. He's also in the middle of fighting a custody battle over his five children with his wife, who claims he punched holes in the walls and doors when he was angry. Sounds like someone has some anger issues, yet the state of Ohio wants to let this idiot keep his $83k-a-year job. I don't get it. He went from beating kids to beating himself in front of a kid. Not only should they wonder if he would've been prosecuted had this been a pre-teen girl; what if he wasn't a police officer? Would he be in trouble then? Something seems fishy here and I don't think that having a dresser in the way so that they didn't see each other should be the difference here. It wasn't his place to teach this kid about the birds and the bees! Why can't people see that? Am I the only one?

GOOGLE GLASSES SEX APP...WHAT?

What the hell will they think of next? Now, I'm not sure how into this I am, but it's a little intriguing. So, apparently Google Glass, the new new Google eye wear that allows you to surf the web while you wear the glasses, just introduced a new app that lets wearers see sex from a different point of view...their partner's. Not for nothing, but if we're I'm in the missionary position, the last thing that I was to see is my face during sex. Shall I take it a step further? What about doggy-style? Do I really want to see the pillow face first? Or even the head board of the bed? I'm not sure I like this too much!

Anyway, this is how it works: both people are equipped with the augmented reality specs, and obviously nothing else, and they can see what their partner sees during the deed, awkward angles and all. You can also connect your iPhone and watch yourself from a different angle of the room. Now, why would I want to watch that? I mean, I guess different things for different people, but do people really get off on watching themselves have sex? I prefer to watch other people...Oops! Did I just say that out loud? According to the app's creators, "It gives 'looking into each other's eyes' a less romantic meaning, but we're just trying to change the way people experience things."

Like I said, the Glance App, as it is called, films a video of the tryst so that users can watch it again when all is said and done. What is this? Like watching football films to see what you did wrong? "Oh, honey, you could have done the reverse cowgirl about 30 seconds in. Maybe, I could've lasted a little bit longer." What the hell?

To activate the glasses, you simply say, "OK Glass, it's time," and the app will begin streaming what your partner sees in front of your own eyes. If you don't like what you see, you just have to say, "OK, Glass, pull out." Pull out? Are they kidding? A website for the app, which isn't out yet but is accepting early sign-ups, also includes suggested commands like "play Marvin Gaye" or "lights off." Those who weren't crazy about the new app likened  it to amateur porn and suggested that it's just not necessary. Cosmo magazine compared  the new streaming app to taking a selfie, "but pornier."

What has this society come to? Are we that into ourselves that now we have to look at ourselves as we're having sex? Let's not forget that everything that is streamed also goes into some server somewhere, so there will be some sort of proof of your encounter and if a hacker gets into that, you'll be an Internet porn star. Yeah, this app does not tickle my fancy. I'm not that into myself that I need to watch myself have sex. Then again, if she was that interested in it, I might be able to be swayed. 

THE RESPONSIBLE DRUNK

This is Brielle Watkins from Gainesville, Florida. She might be the most responsible drunk any of us know. Why do I say that? Well, she was driving while completely intoxicated, but she turned herself in by pulling right into the parking lot of the Alachua County Jail. Was it an accident? Who cares? The point is that she turned herself into the authorities!

33-year-old Watkins tested nearly three times the legal drinking limit for alcohol. She drove her damaged car, which was also missing a tire, right onto the property of the county jail. No word yet on whether Watkins knew which parking lot she was entering, but she would later score a .222 and .215 on two Breathalyzer tests. The legal limit in Florida is .08. 

After seeing Watkins pull into their lot, jail officials called the police, who immediately detected a strong odor of alcohol emitting from her mouth. Two bottles of beer were found in the cupholders of her car. She was forced to take a series of sobriety exercises, but did they make her take these exercises for shits and giggles? I mean this woman was clearly obliterated. Wasn't the Breathalyzer proof enough? Watkins was charged with driving under the influence. I say that as long as she didn't hurt or kill anyone and she drove herself straight to the jail, that's okay with me. Sorry, I'm so short today on this blog. I have a crap load of snow to dig out of!

BABY SALE ON FACEBOOK

Seriously, what makes people do what they do? I mean, I've heard of selling things on the internet from home furnishings to a person's virginity, but selling an unborn child? I'm not sure who is sicker: the person selling the baby or the person buying it online? 

Anyway, a Chilean teen recently sold her unborn baby on Facebook for a measly $113. 18-year-old, Veronica Carrera Chaparro, was arrested alongside her mother and sister, who are being accused with actually helping her with the sale. According to police, Chaparro found out she was two months pregnant back in February 2013. She told her then 17-year-old boyfriend about the pregnancy and begged him to keep the news quiet, but like most men who can't keep a secret, he leaked it to her family.

Upon hearing the news, Chaparro's 42-year-old mother, Angela, and 24-year-old sister, Daniela Perez, reportedly gave Veronica three options: sell it, abort it or give it up for adoption. She chose to sell the unborn child on the popular social networking site Facebook, which attracted immediate interest from a couple in the city of Concepcion in Chile. The only problem was that both parties could not negotiate a deal. Then a family from the Santiago neighborhood of Puento Alto then got in touch and offered to the child's $1,870 formal registration fees. 

The baby was eventually born on November 4, and the following day, the husband of the buyers allegedly paid the sum to authorities. He then forked over the much-smaller amount to the birth mother, who lived in the Maipu district of the capital city. Chaparro, her mom and sister were all arrested and charged in connection with the sale of the baby and appeared before a court in Santiago on Sunday. A judge claimed that this case was "very serious," but it could also prove to be very complex because under Chilean law, it is not a crime to offer the delivery of a newborn over the internet, even if financial compensation is offered. The buyers were also detained and will appear before a court on Monday.

Here is my take on this: These people are absolutely sick! Put the baby up for adoption or something. At the time, Chaparro was only two months pregnant; she still had time to abort as well. Sorry, I'm pro-choice. It's just too weird selling your child on the internet, and on Facebook of all places. If I was going to sell my child, it would be more than $113. What were these people crack addicts or something? Reading these stories never seems to amaze me how stupid people are anymore. Being stupid isn't only a domestic thing; it seems to be an international phenomenon. 

POSITIVE DOUCHEBAG

This is 22-year-old Michael Johnson. He's a college student at Lindenwood University in St. Charles, Missouri. What's so special about him? Absolutely nothing! He's a pure douchebag! When I tell you why, I'm sure you'll agree with me 110 percent. 

You see, Mr. Johnson here has been tested HIV positive, so he decided to have unprotected sex with more than 30 people, just to infect them, as well, but here's the kicker; not only was he infecting people with the deadly virus, he was also secretly filming his sex romps on his laptop's webcam. So, I was saying....Pure Douchebag, right?

Johnson was charged with exposing sexual partners to HIV back in October, but prosecutors recently announced that a police investigation uncovered incriminating videos on Johnson's laptop. There were 32 videos in total that depicted Johnson with different individuals engaged in sexual acts. Most of the 32 recordings were done in Johnson's dorm room at Lindenwood University and allegedly show Johnson having unprotected sex with various people that he met through social media. Who does this? 

The St. Charles Police Department believes that his sex partners had no clue that Johnson had the deadly virus or that their actions were being filmed. No, kidding! I'm sure the unprotected sex would never have occurred had the participants knew that he had the deadly disease. If they had known, then I'm sure there might have been a few rapes caught on video as well. The prosecutor is hoping that anyone who has been infected by Johnson will come forward. He says, "It's not only a matter of individual safety, but public safety as well." 

Here's the best part: The St. Charles Police Department built a case against Johnson over the course of a five-month investigation that started a month after a MAN told police he was diagnosed with HIV and gonorrhea after having sex with Johnson in his dorm room. So, no mentions of Johnson's sex partners until now. It really doesn't matter who his partners were. The thing that makes Johnson a big douchebag is that fact that he is infected with this deadly disease and didn't even tell his partners he had it and then proceeded to have unprotected sex with them just to infect them as well. Then to add insult to injury, he decided to videotape each encounter. That is one psycho right there who needs to be put away. Let him live the rest of his HIV-infested days in a prison somewhere, so the rest of us can be protected from people like him. This is some pretty scary stuff and it makes you wonder how many other Michael Johnson's are out there.

ONLY IN AMERICA.....

Does anyone remember this girl? I wrote about her last year in one of my blogs. She is Samantha Hess from Portland, Oregon. When I last wrote about her, she was just starting her own company called "Cuddle Up to Me," where people would hire her just to snuggle up and spoon with. That's all! There's no sex involved, just some old fashioned cuddling. Does it ring a bell now? Well, Miss Hess' cuddling business is apparently booming so much that she lies in bed 80 to 90 hours a week. What's a girl to do, but start hiring some other full-time snugglers to keep up with the demand? Talk about fixing the unemployment rate one cuddle at a time. 

29-year-old, Hess says, "I'm working 80 to 90 hours a week. I literally can't keep up with it. I'm scheduling for February right now." Hess, who is releasing a book on the science of touch this February and is in talks on a reality series, has already been flooded with inquiries from people who like to snuggle. This professional cuddler is looking to expand her warm and fuzzy empire by adding an actual brick and mortar location and hiring six-full-time snugglers. The girl who gets paid by the hour to lay in bed in a completely platonic way says that she will put job applicants through a rather rigorous vetting process before she decides to hire them. She says, "It really requires a lot of intricacies. My training program is 40-hours long." WHAT? Who doesn't know how to snuggle or spoon? 

One key requirement is to be comfortable wrapping your arms around all walks of life. Hess' mostly-male clientele runs the gamut of old people, overweight people and even people with debilitating diseases. So, basically, you have to be okay with things like that if you want to snuggle for Hess' company. The job interview may be the only one of its kind where touching is not only allowed, but heavily encouraged. Hess says that she adheres to a daily regimen to make her body optimized for spooning. She shaves her legs daily and lathers her skin with coconut oil. If you ask this 5-foot, 115-pound professional snuggler, what separates her from the legions of amateurs who love to spoon? She would tell you her sense of touch is extremely well-developed and having the right pressure in the right place is a skill that many people have down really well. 

As I said earlier, Hess' comfort crusade started last year when she left her office job to start her own business. The certified personal trainer and physiology buff contacted a lawyer last April to make sure she wasn't breaking any laws and then her business was off and running and she hasn't looked back yet. She makes each client sign waivers limiting physical contact and if patrons push those agreed-upon boundaries, they get bounced. She doesn't accept tips because she doesn't want the wrong idea to be taken. 

Hess has a stable set of clients and she can schedule as many as five sessions on any given day. She either visits her customer's home or does house calls. This is a pretty strange phenomenon, but for some reason her business is being replicated throughout the country. Similar snuggle shacks have popped up in California, New York and Colorado. Well, in Colorado, they might need one for all of that legal marijuana they're smoking. They'll need naps after that and will need to snuggle up next to someone. 

Hess is expecting to open a full-fledged cuddle emporium, complete with four rooms for cuddling and an event space for seminars in the coming months. She says, "This is my life's work. This is just the beginning." Here's what I don't get; Does she go alone on these snuggle sessions or with a bodyguard? If she goes alone, what happens if one of her male clients get all-horned up and tries to molest her or rape her? Does she have a can a mace ready by her side? My point is that she's 5 foot, 115 pounds. How can she fight off an overweight man if he was to push himself on her? I guess there has to be some degree of respect before she can move forward with any client. I wonder if my blog had anything to do with her booming business. Or is she just that good of a snuggler?