PENIS BITER!

     First of all, cut the crap about that stupid dress already! Who the hell cares what color that dumb thing is? Have we become that stupid of a society that we care about a dress that none of us is wearing? Not that I wear dresses, but the fact that every news outlet and social media page in America this morning is dedicated to figuring out what color this stupid dress is, makes me question my faith in humanity or at least the human brain. 
   
     That being said; I have the best story of the day right here, but I have to ask you first....Would you date this girl? Because you might not want to after I tell what I'm about to tell you. So, it turns out, an Oklahoma amputee woke up only to find his girlfriend allegedly trying to bite off his penis. WHAT? First of all, ouch! Second of all, what a bitch! What color dress do you think she was wearing when she tried to bite his penis off? Anyway, the amputee, Robert Lowery, 36, has secured a restraining order that bans 32-year-old Amber Ellis from being within 100 yards of him. Screw that! I'd rather have her 100 cities away from me. 

     The terrifying alleged attack took place at his Tulsa home on February 19. He told police they'd argued following a night of drinking. I'm sure it had to do with another girl or something. Aren't most drunken arguments over another girl? Apparently, not this time. Ellis reportedly became unglued when he said she was "too needy." Yup! That would do it! After a night of drunken arguing, Lowery ended up sleeping on the couch, but woke up when he felt something gnawing on his penis. When he looked down, he found Ellis with her teeth locked around his manhood like a rabid dog! Allegedly, she was trying to tear his junk off of his body! 

     Lowery wrote in a handwritten District Court petition, "Then she tried to bite my finger off. Then she hit me over my head with a laptop. I ran out, called my mother and went to the hospital." Lowery needed several stitches at the base of his penis following the alleged assault. He was also treated at St. John Medical Center for injuries to his fingers, head and neck. Okay, the story said Lowery was an amputee, but never said what part of his body had been amputated. Unless they meant his penis was amputated? 

     A judge agreed to issue the temporary court protection order, which also bans Ellis from having any form of contact with her ex. It could be made permanent on March 15. She is currently being held in a Tulsa jail on a $45,000 bond, facing felony assault and maiming charges. So, I ask you again.....Anyone want to date this 'penis biting' witch? What if she was wearing that dumb dress that many Americans are wasting their time thinking about?  

NUDE SOX

     By now, most of you know, I'm not one to write about celebs, but I guess sports stars are okay, right? I mean who doesn't love a good scandal? Especially, when the athlete's wife is smokin' hot! Take Boston Red Sox pitcher Clay Buchholz for example. Yes, he might have made a few of my Yankees' lives a living hell on certain nights with his pitching, but in this story, it's his wife, Linsday Clubine, who's been thrown a curve ball. 

     This past year, we saw the likes of celebs like Jennifer Lawrence, Anna Kendrick and Kate Upton grabbing headlines in the iCloud hacking that saw a slew of nude photos of the celebrities hit the Internet. Well, we can add the pitcher's model wife to that list of hacked nudies, which after seeing this photo of her with Buchholz, I kind of want to see now. 

     Buchholz told a newspaper in Fort Myers, Florida, where he's in Spring Training, "Lindsay was pretty shaken up. I just told her to try and forget about it. Everybody knows stuff happens. That's my wife and it's our business, but at the same time people are going to use you for whatever they can." Oh, gee! Thanks for the words of wisdom, Clay! Stick to pitching! Again, another reason not to send nude photos of yourselves to each other. Once that stuff is documented, it's out there for good. Look what happened to WWE superstar Seth Rollins a couple of weeks ago. He wasn't hacked, but he had a jealous and scorned fiancee who wanted to get back at him. She held nothing back at posting nude photos of the superstar. The point is; once you take those pics, they will be found or put out there one way or the other. So, why even bother? I mean, I really don't care. Personally, it's entertaining for me. 

     When the photos first came out, Clubine, a former suitcase girl for the NBC show "Deal or No Deal", told TMZ that she was 'devastated" but admitted that some of the photos were of her. Back in October, she told TMZ, "Clay and I are good. I send him pictures on the road." There's you're mistake right there! The blonde beauty was irate that she was being linked to some "hardcore" images from the hack telling the gossip site that those were images that a teammate sent to her husband and were also taken off his phone. Now, I'm confused. So, Clay Buchholz had photos of a teammates wife doing hardcore stuff on his phone when it was hacked and she's okay with that? Hmmm.....The plot thickens!

     Buchholz told the Fort Myer paper, "It was pretty shocking. It was one of those things. There's always (someone who's) looking to get somebody. It just happened to be me. There were multiple other people that it happened to, obviously. Seriously, it took five days and we really didn't hear about it anymore." WRONG! You're hearing about it again....Right now!
  
     Buchholz, who is coming off one of his worst seasons with the Red Sox, said that he and Lindsay sought legal action against the hackers, but were told it was impossible since the hackers were located in the Netherlands and as far as laws go, those hackers could not be prosecuted. They even had a few lawyers look into it and came up with the same results. Buchholz didn't say if he and Lindsay are giving up the practice of exchanging sexy photos while he's on the road, but he did say, "We'll definitely be more careful. I try to keep everything as secure as possible." What a dummy! If people want to see those pics, they will get out there.

These are allegedly the pics, but it doesn't look like her: LINDSAY CLUBINE

DATE BRANDON SCOTT WOLF

     I'm sure based on my headline, many of you are asking yourself, "Who?" Don't worry. I have no clue who this dude is either. He's just a guy trying to find love. Everyone knows trying to find love online can be difficult when you are just one of millions actively seeking a partner. Not to mention, what is the success rate of actually finding love using online dating?

     Anyway, this guy, Brandon Scott Wolf has found a way to increase the odds in his favor. He's created DateBrandonScottWolf.com, a dating website where he is the only dating option.....Brilliant! The website claims to be "America's Number 1 Online Dating Site for Brandon Scott Wolf." I am literally dying as I type this. 

     Women interest in dating the 25-year-old Brooklyn-based bartender and comedian simply need to create a profile and write an essay between 500 and 1000 words about "an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community or family." I think that's a pretty interesting topic and question to ask a prospective date. 

     In return, Wolf promises to be the perfect partner for a woman seeking a serious relationship, which he defines as "being able to lay on a couch together while wearing pajamas and watching 'Bob's Burgers'." So far, Wolf has received more than 45 applications including one all the way from India, but he's cautiously optimistic he might find lasting love from one of the applicants. He says, "Only half of them seem real and a quarter of them seem VERY real." 

     Since Wolf is a known comedian who contributes jokes to the "Weekend Update" segment of "Saturday Night Live," you are forgiven if you're not sure he's even serious because neither is he. He says, "People have asked me, 'Are you serious? Is this a joke?' And my only response is 'I'm not even sure.' There's a part of me that's hoping someone is going to get this 100 percent, and won't catfish me, and then I'll ask them out on date." I have to be honest; there's a part of ME hoping Wolf does find love this way because whether it's a joke or not, it takes a lot of balls to pull something like this off. There has to be some woman out there who has to see that. I guess we'll see! Good luck to you, Brandon Scott Wolf!

GREY'S ANATOMY

     Okay, first of all, I'm not jumping on any bandwagon regarding this movie. Second of all, what happened in this story was inevitable based on the content of this movie. I just assumed it would be a man, not a woman. Then again, are guys really going out to see Fifty Shades of Grey in the movie theaters? Not a chance! Basically, this was bound to happen and it was going to be a woman all along....and I'm glad my buddy, Scotty O brought this story to my attention.

     So what happened? Well, one rather excited Fifty Shades of Grey movie-goer was so into Sam Taylor-Johnson's adaptation of E.L. James' novel that she was caught masturbating in her seat at the movie theater. That's right! I can't believe it took almost a week to find the female Pee-Wee Herman! Rather than being celebrated for truly demonstrating the spirit of Fifty Shades of Grey, the woman was actually thrown out of the theater and arrested for her actions, which was probably what she deserved anyhow. 

     One source reported that the incident unfolded in Sinaloa, Mexico, and the 33-year-old woman who was found guilty of inappropriately pleasuring herself in such a crowded location was immediately ousted from the theater for her actions. It was also reported the women sat in the 12th row of the theater, which suggested that she didn't plan to get so carried away on herself when she took her seat to watch the film. Wait! I just thought of something. She saw this in Mexico. Does that mean she saw Cincuenta Tonos De Cinza? Anyway, other moviegoers in the theater soon alerted staff of the woman's actions, and after she was taken away by police, she was charged with public indecency. 

     A lot has been made of the Fifty Shades of Grey erotic sex scenes. Before the film hit theaters, protests were organized by several religious groups who were prepared to be offended by the sexy melodrama, while the studio also made sure to release information that teased how much nudity the film actually possessed. However, once the movie was finally seen by critics and moviegoers, it soon became clear that Fifty Shades of Grey was actually rather tame. Its erotic scenes, which found Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson as Christian Grey and Ana Steele, were lambasted for being timid and far from sexy. 

     The masturbation incident isn't the first time there's been chaos at a recent screening at Fifty Shades of Grey. During a showing in Glasgow, a witness admitted that an almighty scuffle broke out which resulted in a group of women attacking a man with a glass. Other drunk women were caught vomiting in the aisles too. What the hell does this movie do to women? My wife is going to see this movie with my sister and her cousin this weekend. What can I expect? Hopefully a horned up wife!

     Anyway, these mishaps have not stopped Fifty Shades from being a huge success at the box office. Over its opening weekend, the movie took in a ridiculously impressive $248.7 million across the world, which beat Avatar's opening in 2009. They won't be getting my money, though! I'll be masturbating watching Hot Tub Time Machine 2 this weekend!

THE SMALL PENIS PARTY?

     Believe me, it wasn't my intention to write about the penis two days in a row and it wasn't my intention to write about a small penis party on Chinese New Years. The stories just fall into place that way and God has one hell of a sense of humor.

     So, anyway, for those of you who have small penises; it's not a big deal anymore! A group of men in England, who are of slightly smaller stature in one area than the average guy, are planning to hold a party to support one another on their small, but important issue. The "Big Small Penis" party, as they are calling it, is being organized by 48-year-old Anthony Smith, who encourages other men to talk about and become more accepting of their situation. He said, "I think it's really important to maintain a balanced sense of fun. That's why I'm creating a celebratory party. I've got various thoughts on what is good and what is a bad small penis joke. And I do think humor is a great healer. So, I'll just say 'keep laughing.'"

     Smith admitted his fully erect penis measures up to about 4 inches, but he's been open about his struggle for the past few years and even released a comedy poem about his situation called Shorty. He said, "If 6-inch as an average can truly be believed. Someone here in this room is twice the size of me. If you can do your algebra, already you will know. Four inches is the maximum my dick will ever go." Poor guy! 

     It was finally speaking about his perceived problem to others that finally helped him feel better about it, which is funny because this is how I became more open about about shitting in my pants. I wrote a book about it called S**T Happens after I realized I wasn't alone. Maybe I should create a shitting in your pants party?

     Smith went on to say, "My life is so much easier now that this issue is in the open. For me, one brave step, one very small brave step can change completely the shape of your life." Male attendees will pay a little less than a dollar per inch of their manhood to attend the party, which is also open to women. I'm not sure opening it to women is a good idea because these men will become the laughing stock among the female community. 

     The average length for men is about 4.7 inches to 6.3 inches, but many men feel insecure when they see pictures on the Internet of much larger sizes or boasts from friends. Smith said, "You very often read that 5-7 inches is average and that's a broad range. People walk away thinking that 7 inches is average. It isn't. I wrote a poem in the first place partly inspired by the fact that one of my friends also told me that they suffered anxiety. They were 6 inches. There's absolutely no reason for them to (suffer anxiety). A lot of what I'm doing is talking to the average man and saying it's perfectly fine." 

     Smith has been married for 17 years and said the love of his supportive wife helped him become comfortable with his body. He said, "Women tend to say things they think will make a guy feel better, 'It's not small it's big' or they'll just say, 'It's fine, don't worry," but the guy will think, 'I know it's not fine, I know it isn't big.' I think openness and honesty is the number one thing, if a woman sees a guy who is under-average she should say, 'Yes, it is under-average but that's not what is important to me." Yeah, okay! That will happen! Women here in the States want a man who can satisfy them. If they say that size is not important to them; they'd be lying! Anyway, good for Anthony Smith and his band of small penised men standing up for themselves. I have nothing else to say on this matter. For once, I am speechless!   

A TEEN WITH A PENIS REDUCTION?.....WHAT?

     When I first read this story, I thought what is this world coming to? A teenager wanted a penis reduction? Yeah, right! If he did; he's a moron! Then, as a I read on, I kind of felt sorry for the boy because it sounded like he really needed it. I might not have done a thing if I had this kid's problem. Maybe a little shave off the sides of the shaft, but let's see what you think.

     So, surgeons in Florida have given a 17-year-old boy what is being called the "world's first" penis reduction surgery. Is that right? There's never been one of those before? Anyway, the teen came to the doctor's office complaining about his penis being "too large for intercourse," which is something I do often. The doctor always slams the door in my face for some reason. The teen went on to tell the doctor he was unable to play sports or even wear most clothing without his phallus showing through the fabric. Is this kid nuts? No pun intended. Some guys my age would call that a blessing when their phallus is showing through the fabric. Some wives (like mine) will also call that a blessing! 

     The boy's penis was 7 inches long (not bad), but had a circumference of 10 inches. This is where I start to feel bad for the boy. His penis was 10 inches...around, which kind of makes his junk look like a mayonnaise jar. So, then I started to think about myself walking around with a mayonnaise jar in my pants and then I really started to feel bad for this young man.

     The shape and massive size of the penis was the result of his sickle cell anemia. Irregular blood cells would block penile blood vessels and lead to swelling and priapism, a long-lasting and painful erection. Rafael Carrion, a urologist at the University of South Florida, who treated the patient, said, "His penis had inflated like a balloon." This happened to the boy three times since he was 10, which "progressively led" to a deformed penis.

     Carrion said he couldn't find any precedent for penis reduction surgery and his team ended up opting to slice along the patient's circumcision scar, unwrap the skin and then remove chunks of tissue from each side. He also added that the teen is "very satisfied" with his newly shaped penis, which is still "generous" in size, but now more standard in appearance.  I need to ask my fellow men out there. Would you have done the same? Or would you have just let it go and walk around with a mayonnaise jar in your pants. My question to my women readers is would that even be pleasurable? Ten inches in circumference sounds like that could be a bit painful. I mean I'm more a Coke bottle kind of guy. A mayonnaise jar might be even too big for me to even walk around with. Then I wondered if a penis like this would effect a man like gigantic boobs effect a woman. Women have back problems when their boobs are too big. Do men get hernia problems? Just a thought.     

APPARENTLY, IT IS A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!

     Some might look at this story and think it's just silly, but the headline alone pulled me in and I think it's absolutely amazing! I'm just going to get right to it and you tell me what you think.

    So, on Valentine's Day, two lovers, Michael and Diane Greening decided to visit three Disney theme parks in one day. Sounds impossible, right? Wrong! They did it! They started with the park in Tokyo then flew to Anaheim and finally ended up Orlando right before the park closed on Saturday. The trip was a 28 hour, 7,900-mile global jaunt to celebrate their love for one another at the "Happiest Place on Earth."

     49-year-old Greening said, "It's completely insane and that's why we did it." Greening has been hooked on Disney since he and his wife, Diane, celebrated their first wedding anniversary at the California amusement park. The childless (which really makes no difference) San Diego couple returns to the Anaheim amusement park every year to mark their big day with Mickey and Minnie. With their 17th Anniversary approaching this past January 17th, the Greenings considered shaking things up this year, but couldn't decide whether to hit the Tokyo Disneyland or the Walt Disney World in Orlando. Then Michael proposed doing both the same day with a stop in Disneyland in between. Michael knew it could be done, but only on days when the Magic Kingdom in Orlando was open until midnight. That ruled out January 17, but Valentine's Day could work if the air-transport Gods played along. 

     The Greenings started at Tokyo Disneyland at 9:50 a.m. Saturday. They took a photo in front of the castle and got things in motion, catching a 10-hour flight to Los Angeles. Even though the plane was an hour late, the Greenings reached Disneyland just after noon, posed for a picture in front of the castle there (which seems to be under renovations) and raced to Orange County's John Wayne Airport. They got there just in time.....to miss their Orlando-bound flight. The air-transport Gods must have been watching because luckily for them, a U.S. Airways attendant booked them on another flight and they even made up 30 minutes of lost time. Greening said, "We were so lucky!"

     The Greenings posed for their final photo at Disney World on Main Street with the castle in the distance at 11:40 p.m., 20 minutes before the park closed. Yeah, the total travel time was nearly 28 hours, but they technically visited three Disney parks on Valentine's Day, because Tokyo is 14 hours behind Florida. See? It really is a small world after all. The "physically brutal" trip isn't for the faint of heart, but it was surely a Valentine's Day to remember for the Greenings and it would be for anyone for that matter. Michael said, "The best thing was doing it with my wife and my best friend. Having her by my side for the whole thing made it special."

     Disney officials did not comment on the stunt yet, but if I worked for Disney, I would be hooking this couple up with lifetime passes for any of their theme parks. Their story was amazing and their adventure can't be compared to anything else that I've heard in recent memory. Plus, who even thought it was even possible to do this? So? Stupid? Or pretty f'n amazing? I still choose the latter.

NEW YOGURT FLAVOR....IT'S CALLED VAGINA!

 

      

     Okay, so between yesterday's blog and today's blog, you're going to start to realize that I have an obsession with body parts. I don't really, but you're going to start to think that. This story has already made my wife cringe, but I think it will make most men wonder because without sounding vulgar, what real man doesn't like to go down on his woman? By the way, Happy Valentine's Day! 

     Anyway, get this; a med student has come up with a way to make yogurt with her own vaginal secretions. That's right! She turned her own vaginal secretions into a yogurt! Yum! Cecilia Westbrook, an MD/PhD student the University of Wisconsin, and her friends wondered why there are so many semen-based recipes and nothing on Google about cooking with vaginal juices. Wait a minute! Rewind! There are semen-based recipes? That is gross! Then again, now I know why my wife cringed. The semen-based recipes must be popular in the gay community. Just saying. 

      Westbrook knew the most common bacteria in a healthy vagina is lactobacillus, which is the same bacteria found in yogurt, cheese and dairy products. First of all, hearing the word cheese and vagina just doesn't sit right with me. Second of all, if I saw cheese in my woman's vagina, I'm out of there! So, Westbrook decided to see if she could make yogurt. Her buddy, Janet Jay chronicled her findings in a blog titled, How to Make Breakfast with Your Vagina on Motherboard.vice.com. 

     Jay wrote, "She grabbed a spoon, a pan and a candy thermometer, and set out to create yogurt from her vagina, the ultimate in locally-sourced cuisine." The recipe for traditional yogurt starts with milk and a "yogurt starter." The concoction is allowed to stand overnight and in the morning, you should have yogurt. 

     In what is best described as her 'scientific experiment,' Westbrook harvested healthy vaginal fluid using a wooden spoon. In a control group, she used real yogurt as a starter. In a negative control group, she just used plain milk as a starter. For the third group, she used vaginal fluid as her starter. Westbrook left the mixtures to stand overnight. 

     Fast forward to the next morning. Westbrook did the taste test. She described the vaginal yogurt as "sour, fresh and tingled a bit on the tongue." She said "it reminded her of Indian yogurt and they ate it with blueberries." Yeah, I was just about to ask if they at it with blueberries. (sitting here shaking my head!) As healthy as it may sound (or not), Jay's blog explains there are real reasons why one should not eat yogurt made with vaginal secretions. 

     A Michigan State scientist, Larry Forney told them, "When you take vaginal secretions. You're not just taking the lactobacilli. You're taking everything." And it's possible that, from day to day, or woman to woman, "what you're using in your yogurt is no longer dominated by lactobacilli but other bacteria, some of which could be pathongenic." Forney went on to say, "It's a bad idea in general, but there is an element of it that has some appeal; She's using bacteria from her own vagina."....And finally, the man in Larry Forney comes out! Personally, I don't need to eat vagina as a yogurt! I'd rather just eat it from the tap, myself. 

     So, in conclusion; YES, you can make yogurt with vaginal secretions, but NO, you probably shouldn't eat it. By the way, on a side note, Westbrook's experiment was in no way associated with the University of Wisconsin. I have to admit, as I sat here and wrote today's blog, I couldn't help wondering what that vaginal yogurt would taste like with wheat germ and chocolate chips? Then I also wondered; there's semen-based recipes?

WANT A PIECE OF ASS FOR VALENTINE'S DAY?

     Love is in the air! It's February and we're two days away from Valentine's Day! Who doesn't want a piece of ass on the day of Love? Though, I'm not sure what I'm about to show is what you're thinking what I say a piece of ass. In fact, this gives new meaning to Chocolate Starfish even for me!

     Anyway, for those of you still looking for a last minute Valentine's Day gift for the one you love and unless you fell like risking your prospects of getting laid on overnight shipping, you'll probably want to get this out of the way. We all know that Chocolate and sex are both Valentine's Day staples, but if you really wanted to think outside of the heart-shaped box on Saturday, there's really only one option and I'm talking about....Are you ready?....The Edible Anus!

     Yes! The best gift ever! For just $38.95, plus the cost of expedited shipping since Valentine's Day is on Saturday, the company will ship you five boxes of white, milk and dark chocolate sphincters that no reasonable person wouldn't enjoy receiving as a gift! I think this is amazing! The minute that I saw it I was sold! Will my new bride like it? Probably not! She may even think that I'm psychotic for getting this for her, but she'll have a box of chocolate that is unique and that no one else has. Now, this is out of the box thinking! 

     The man behind the Edible Anus is Magnus Irvin and he first started Edible Anus by casting his own anus and making chocolate with it. BRILLIANT! The process, however, wasn't without any setbacks as Irvin said, "I poured the stuff in me bum and it all run past me nuts into my face!" Does your girl prefer jewelry over chocolate? Then you're in luck! Irvin doesn't only stop at chocolate starfishes. For an extra $1900, his company also offers custom bronze molds of your anus! They even wrap in a nice jewelry box to wrap as a gift. 

     I have to be really honest. I'm not sure if I should be really disgusted or really blown away with Irvin's creation. The chocolates are a brilliant idea for Valentine's Day, but to Bronze my anus for my wife? Yeah, I don't know. In fact, I'm not even sure that I can eat one of these chocolate anuses for real. It's a great gag gift, but the thought of eating one really makes me gag a little bit. Do you think they make them with nuts also? Okay....I just threw up a little. But I still love this idea. Take a look at the video below to see how it's all done:

 

F**K A** MORON!

     I still don't understand what possesses people to do what they do sometimes. Don't people realize that social media has become the norm in our society? Do people really think that co-workers and upper management aren't using social media because they are typically older? Guess again! Upper management is even using social media to stalk their employees. Wait till you hear this story, even though, I think upper management handled this just right if you ask me. This girl is a moron!

     So, a Texas teen was fired from her job at a pizza shop before she even started because she complained about the "fuck ass" gig on Twitter, as she called it. First of all, what the hell is a "fuck ass"? The last time I heard that phrase it came out of my mother's mouth when I was a kid because she was so pissed at me, every curse word known to man came flying out of her mouth. What was this girl's excuse? I have no idea what a "fuck ass" even is. Anyway, the teenager, who was only known as Cella on Twitter, was getting ready to start her first day at Jet's Pizza in Mansfield, Texas on Saturday, when she tweeted that she was less than thrilled about it. On Friday, Cella tweeted along with seven thumbs down emojis, "Ew I start this fuck ass job tomorrow."

     The best part about her tweet was the shop boss, Robert Waple, saw her message and swiftly booted the rookie pizza maker. See what I mean? They're always watching! In this case, it was a good thing that Waple was watching because his response was priceless. Waple, who hasn't used his account since 2009, responded to Cella's tweet with "@Cella And...No you don't start that FA job today! I just fired you! Good luck with your no money, no job life!" He explained that he would have preferred to call her to give her the axe, but since he wasn't in the office, the tweet would have to do. If you ask me, the guy is a hero for firing her through a tweet!

     One of Waple's current employees snitched on Cella and showed the manager the tweets. He also tweeted that the teen was hired to work the registers, take phone orders, make subs and salads, and eat free pizza. I have to say that it sounds like Waple might have dodged a bullet by firing this Cella girl because it sounds like he would have had his hands fill with her from a manager's perspective. He then asked, "How hard would that have been?" It sounds to "fuck ass" to me! I still don't even know what that means.

     Cella didn't seem to take the news too hard: "I got fired over Twitter," she tweeted later in the day with three laughing emojis. What a moron! Other Texas teens said she dodged a bullet because the job isn't as cushy as Waple made it sound, they tweeted. One former employee tweeted, "That was literally the worst job I've ever had and at one point I was dropping pizzas in hopes of getting fired!" There was no comment from Waple regarding these tweets. All I have to say about this is that kids today are way too attached to Twitter and Facebook. I mean, why must everyone know your business? So what you have to start a "fuck ass" job today? Why do you have to post it? Keep it to yourself! It's no wonder why our unemployment rate is so high. People are just dumb! I love using social media as much as the next person, but don't let it ruin your life. This might have been just a pizza job, but can you imagine she tweeted this working for some Fortune 500 company? She would never work in America ever again and a pizza job might be all she would be able to obtain. 

ROYAL 'NUDE' RUMBLE

     Those who know me, know I am a rabid WWE wrestling fan. I've been watching since the days of Hulkamania and through The Rock and Stone Cold eras. Even today, though I don't think the WWE isn't what it used to be, I still find myself tuning in on Monday nights to watch Monday Night RAW. Basically, I still know all of the wrestlers and the storylines. I guess I still love the product that the McMahon family puts out there for us. 

     Now, there is a new star in the WWE named Seth Rollins and when I say star, this kid is one of the top guys in the industry right now. He's on every one of their televised shows and in the main storyline in the WWE right now. The last thing this kid needs is controversy in his life right now because his life is good! Fans love to hate him and that's a good thing when you're a WWE Superstar. Just look at The Rock. Fans started out loving to hate him chanting "Rocky Sucks" at live events. Now, he's one of the biggest action stars in the movie industry.

     Anyway, back to Seth Rollins; so, a social media melee broke out between WWE newcomer, Zahra Schreiber and Rollins' fiancee, Leighla Schultz yesterday afternoon. Naked pictures of Rollins and the WWE Model and developmental wrestler, Schreiber, surfaced on several social media accounts in what appears to be an accident or a hack followed by a revenge post from Rollins' scorned lover. 

     First, a nude selfie of Schreiber, who's a wrestler for WWE's developmental branch NXT, popped up simultaneously on Rollins' Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. The pic also appeared on the WWE's website, which automatically picks up posts from wrestlers' accounts. Soon afterwards, Rollins' fiancee, Leighla Schultz, retaliated by uploading naked photos of the former SHIELD leader's naked body...penis and all....on her own Twitter account, and wrote "Zahara?" misspelling the name of Rollins' alleged mistress. 

     Before Monday, Schultz hadn't tweeted since December 2013. She also wrote several posts on a friend's Facebook page mocking Rollins and quoting things he may have said to Schreiber, such as: "I hate my life and my fiancee; I just wanted to run away with you." All of the photos as well as Schultz's tweet and Facebook posts, are now deleted. (But if you'd really like to see them Click HERE.) 

     Once the pics disappeared, Rollins tweeted on his account: "I would like to apologize to all the WWE fans and my family and friends for private photographs that were distributed without my consent." Rollins did not mention how Schreiber's pictures surfaced, but I think it's pretty obvious! It's a shame too because his fiancee is way cuter than this Zahra chick. To be honest, who really cares? As long as it doesn't effect the storylines that he's in now, but as Triple H and Stephanie McMahon would say, "This was not BEST FOR BUSINESS!"

CAUGHT WITH THEIR PANTS DOWN....IN A CAMBODIAN TEMPLE!

     Okay, now when I'm visiting another country, I try to be on my best behavior because you never know what local police are like. Then again, if I walked into a house of worship in another country, I'm not sure I would've done what these two sisters from Arizona did either. 

     So, 20-year-old Leslie Adams and 22-year-old Lindsey Adams were sentenced on Saturday to be deported after they took naked pictures of each other in Preah Khan Temple in Cambodia's Angkor complex only the day before. The sisters, who are from Prescott, AZ, were arrested after they were caught snapping pictures of each other mooning the camera inside the World Heritage site. What possesses people to do certain things? What made the Adams sisters think it was okay to take their pants down in a place of worship? Would they have done this in their own church? My guess is NO! 

     The Siem Reap provincial court sentenced them to a suspended six-month prison stint and ordered them to pay 1 million riel ($315 USD). They were deported yesterday and have been banned from returning to the country for four years. One statement said the sisters admitted to making a mistake by taking the nude photos. But were they really nude? I mean, it was just their asses. Plumbers show their ass cracks all the time. I could understand if they were caught taking their tops off or something, but I'm sure it was just a quick mooning. Then again, I still would not have done it in a place of worship. 

     Their antics apparently offended locals because Angkor is considered sacred ground. The archaeological park housed the ruins of the Khmer Empire, which dominated the region from the 9th to the 15th centuries. A spokeswoman said, "Perhaps they did not know Angkor is a holy site, but their inappropriate activities affect the sanctity of the place."

     The funny thing is this is not the first time Cambodian authorities have had  to content with visitors showing off their assets. Three French male tourists were deported last week for taking a nude photo shoot at a nearby temple. Earlier in the same week, the Aspara Authority threatened to take legal action after photographs of topless women in Angkor went viral the weekend of January 24. What is happening in Cambodia? Is it the in thing to go there and take nude pics their temples? I don't get it. I mean the U.S. isn't immune to tourist attraction naked pictures. The Empire State Building management had to file a $1.1 million lawsuit against a photographer who took a picture of a topless woman on the skyscraper's 86th floor observatory back in August 2013. I mean, I guess this has become the latest fad! You can expect to see my penis at the Great Wall of China next! 

IT'S A CRAPPY JOB, BUT THEY PAY YOU $13,000

     No one loves pooping or pooping stories more than me. It's no wonder why this story my be my favorite story of the year! Not to mention, I may even partake in the study! 

     Anyway, here's your chance to turn your brown body waste into some serious green stuff! A Massachusetts health company is buying healthy stool samples and paying people up to $13,000 a year for them to make sure there is a steady stream of fecal matter to treat a nasty intestinal infection. I know $13,000 might not sound like a lot, but dude! All you have to do is poop! You can no supplement any salary by doing what people love to do most besides have sex! 

     According to Carolyn Edelstein, an executive with the OpenBiome lab, "It's definitely something curious and funny about being paid to defecate, but it's a simple idea of being able to help patients." The patients Edelstein is speaking of are suffering from Clostidrium difficile infection and fecal transplants have proven to be a very effective treatment. The hardest part is getting enough poop.

     Donors between the ages of 18 and 50 must first pass 27 blood and stool tests just to qualify. Plus, they need to live or work near OpenBiome's Medford, Massachusetts offices and be able to poop at least four times a week. Man, I can go at least four times a day if I ate or drank the right stuff! Hello, lactose! Donors are re-screened every 60 days to make sure their cowpies remain up to snuff.

     The non-profit's co-founder James Burgess said, "It's a pretty invasive thing having an incentive program helps insure we can keep our donors." There are currently 16 donors. They can receive up to $250 a week or $40 per sample and extra $50 if they show up five days in one week. Edelstein added, "It's such a big commitment that it makes sense to pay donors."
 
     Donating your dung isn't simply a matter of producing it because only 4% of would-be stool givers are approved. The First National Bank of Guano may make you wrinkle your nose, but Clostidrium difficile is no laughing matter. The pathogens cause diarrhea, fever, nausea and abdominal pain and antibiotics don't work for about 20% of patients. Fecal transplants can put them out of their misery. OpenBiome processes and ships the crap to hospitals around the country. Burgess said, "We view it as filling a gap in the public health system." Plus you make cash for crapping! It really doesn't get better than this, people! You can save a life just by pooping! It's a crappy job, but somebody has to do it! Might as well be me!   

OOPS! PULL THE SHADES DOWN NEXT TIME!

     I never understood the whole cheating thing. If you're going to cheat, why bother committing yourself to someone? Maybe I'm just cut from a different cloth, where I was taught cheating was bad. Before I met my wife, I was in a 10-year relationship, where I never wandered off. I can't say the same about my ex, but that's a whole other story. Did I look at other women? Sure? And I still do! Last I checked, I'm still a breathing human being. Will I ever act on it? Never because I committed myself to this woman for the rest of my life.

     That being said; two New Zealand workers were caught having sex in in their office by a pub full of patrons who watched, took photos, videotaped and even Tweeted the public sex show. One Tweet even read: "Congrats to the gentleman who made a deposit at Rabobank this evening." The wife of one of the workers been crying "non-stop" since the romp became public. The encounter between the two colleagues at Cristchurch insurance company Marsh Ltd. was photographed and filmed by scores of people at the busy Carlton Bar across the street, who then posted the images online, which has since gone viral. 

     One source said the man was a manager at the company and was married with children. His devastated wife was no longer speaking to him and had been crying since she learned of the sordid affair. The woman, who was a lower employee on the totem pole probably looking for a raise (well, it looks like she got the raise!), was newly engaged and has since deleted her Facebook page. Neither the man nor the woman was at work the next day. Calls to their office lines were answered by colleagues and the man wasn't answering his cell phone. Wow! Some journalists went as far as trying to call this guy on his cell phone? That takes some serious balls. 

     A spokesperson for Marsh Ltd. said that this was "an internal" matter and wouldn't comment on the situation. One Facebook witness posted alongside photos of the man and woman, "Opposite the Carlton Bar where the whole pub knew about it and was watching, while they were totally oblivious to it. And afterwards celebrating with wine." Marsh Ltd. did say on Monday that an investigation in the matter had been launched. 

     Company chief Grant Milne said in a statement, "Marsh is very disappointed by the conduct of the two colleagues at our Christchurch premises. The inappropriate actions of those individuals are not representative of the many professional colleagues we have at Marsh." Wait a minute! Didn't they say this was "an internal" matter and didn't want to comment? That sounded like a comment to me!

     It is understood that the horny couple thought the tinted windows in the office would stop anyone from looking in. I guess the joke was on them, huh? Sometimes when I'm in New York City and I see office building lights on, I have a tendency to take a look in hopes see something naughty happening. No such luck yet on that, so these guys hit the jackpot! One witness stated, "Everyone knew about it! The band that was playing at the time stopped because everyone else was more interested in watching the couple. We all had a good laugh. It was the highlight of the night. 

     The fate of the unnamed lovers is not yet known. Personally, I would allow them to keep working there. They're living in their own personal hell now with him having to figure things out with his wife and she has to figure things out with her fiancee. The only punishment at work I would make to them is that I would take his managerial status away and I might put her in the mail room or something low like that. Again, I just don't get the cheating thing. Is it worth the hurt you cause other just because you can't control your animal instincts?   

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN KYLE

     Can you imagine waking up one day and not knowing who you were? What you did for a living? Who your family was? And then still never recouping that memory even ten years later? That's what happened to this guy, Benjamin Kyle. He's been living his life in an information void. He doesn't know his last name, his hometown, or his occupation. He can't name a single friend or family member. 

     The mystery behind this guy who calls himself Benjamin started when police found him naked and unconscious near Savannah, Georgia. On August 31, 2004, Burger King workers called Richmond Hill Police when they found a naked man sleeping near their dumpster just off of I-95. According to a police report from 6:30 that morning, the man was semi-conscious, but couldn't respond to officers. EMS arrived minutes later. Their report says stated that no trauma was noted, but redness to the shoulders, face and head with total body covered in sores and rash. Paramedic thought the man may have received blows to the head from a blunt object. They transported him to St. Joseph's Hospital.

     The man recovered, but never recovered his memory. He decided to take his initials from the restaurant where he was found: "B.K." for Burger King and now calls himself, Benjamin Kyle. It's been more than 10 years, and Benjamin's story has been told in a documentary on the Dr. Phil and by numerous news organizations. Despite the exposure, no one has come forward to say they even recognize him. I have to admit, however, if you take a little off of the sides of his mustache, the guy looks like Adolf Hitler. Can it be? He traveled to the future? The guy is way too young to be Hitler, but come on; doesn't he look like him?

     When he appeared on the Dr. Phil show in 2008, he said, "Even though I don't know who I am, there are some things that seem right. Benjamin. That popped right up; I just knew that was my name. I'm 10 years older than Michael Jackson, to the day. And he was born on August 29, 1958. So that makes me August 29, 1948." How the hell does he remember that, but nothing else? Despite these vague memories, none of these leads have led to an answer as to who Benjamin Kyle really is. So, the mystery remains: Who is the man who calls himself Benjamin Kyle? If you think you might know this man, call the GBI tip line at 1-800-597-TIPS.