CHOPPED!!! WHAT A B**CH!!!!!

For those of you who can remember 1993, Lorena Bobbitt was known for severing her husband, John's penis with a kitchen knife while he was sleeping and then tossing it off into the woods as she drove away. Do you remember how painful of a story that was for us to hear, guys? Well, Catherine Kieu had the same idea back in July 2011, where she drugged her husband, (brace yourselves, my brothers) cut his penis off with a kitchen knife and tossed it into the garbage disposal, so that it can never be reattached like Bobbitt's. Kieu made Bobbitt's attack look like child's play! She was convicted this past Monday, which makes this story current and relevant because it's absolutely disgusting that this still happens! You never hear stories about guys cutting women's boobs off or their private parts down below because as me, those are things we cherish. You, women, are just sick!

Jurors in Santa Ana, California, found Catherine Kieu guilty of torture and aggravated mayhem for the July 2011 attack with sentencing scheduled for June 28. She faces a maximum sentence of life in prison with possibility of parole, according to the Orange County district attorney's office. Screw that! She's better off taking the guy's life with what she did. He won't be able to pee or have sex ever again. I say give her the chair! Do they even say that anymore?

According to Deputy District Attorney, John Christi, "This woman went to extreme lengths to destroy this man's manhood by placing it in the garbage disposal. She did this out of vengeance, vanity, and jealousy." During the trial, the 60-year-old victim testified that his penis could not be reattached and that he felt as though he had been murdered. Didn't I just say that? And wait a minute! This guy was 60? Does he even really need his penis anymore? He probably couldn't even use the thing without some Viagra. That's beside the point. What she did was still wrong! Christi told the jury that 50-year-old; Kieu drugged the man's tofu with sleeping pills and screamed "You deserve it!" before attacking him with a 10-inch kitchen knife. I'm sorry, but I don't care how much of a monster a man can be, no one deserves to be castrated. Apparently, she was jealous and angry about her husband's plans to divorce her because he was seeing his ex-girlfriend. I still say that there is still no excuse for her actions! Just leave the guy then, no need to lop off his manhood! Sicko!

Audio of the whole incident was captured by a voice-activated recorder Kieu had hidden in the bedroom. The husband, whose name was never released, married Kieu after they met at a gym but according to Kieu, soon after their marriage, she was subjected to verbal and sexual abuse from him. Kieu claims to have had mental health problems caused by a childhood full of molestation and other trauma caused by a war-torn Vietnam. She also claims that her husband constantly demanded sex in ways that caused her pain. Well, she certainly got him back as far as pain goes, huh? During the trial, there was no evidence presented regarding her mental health or sexual abuse, so the prosecutor discounted the argument.

In my opinion, Kieu is an absolute psycho! Okay, you have mental problems from being molested as a kid. Okay, your husband verbally and sexually abused you. Okay, your husband wants a divorce to go back to his ex-girlfriend. Did you really need to cut off his penis? Pick up the pieces and move on with your life! If he was with another woman, why would you still want to be with him anyway? Now, you have to spend the rest of your days in a prison. Was the three inches of flesh worth the rest of your life? I guess maybe she did have mental problems because she didn't seem to think this one through! Ladies, in the future, just think before you chop!

WHY DIDN'T I EVER THINK OF THIS?

Here's another one of those stories that are 'oh so wrong', but 'oh so funny!' I just want to preface this blog with the fact that I don't condone this type of behavior from kids by any means. Okay, that being said, do you remember when you were younger and your parents told you that you couldn't do something, but you always found a way to do it anyway? Well, what I'm about to tell you, takes that to a whole new level!

You see, a couple of Rocklin, California teens recently wanted to surf the web after their 10 p.m. Internet curfew so badly that they drugged one of the girl's parents with a spiked milkshake to have their way. That's right! The parents woke up last Saturday morning with an unexplained hangover and a new suspicion about their 15-year-old daughter and her friend. According to Rocklin police, the 15-year-old told them about a computer policy imposed by the parents and called the policy "too strict". The police also said that the girls wanted to use the Internet so bad that they'd go to whatever lengths they had to, to do so. I wonder what they wanted to see so bad that would make them do this though. Was there a Justin Bieber or One Direction online concert after 10 p.m. or something? Was it boys? I'm a little curious to find out what was so important.

The trouble started when the parents' daughter offered to pick up milkshakes for them from a local restaurant. The teen is being accused of filling the shakes with prescription sleep medication allegedly supplied by the friend, who is also involved. The parents didn't drink much of the shakes because of a funny taste to them, but they did drink enough to pass out. They woke up around 1 a.m. with hangover-like symptoms, and went back to bed. When they woke up the next morning with the same symptoms, they went to the police station to pick up a drug test kit, which parents usually buy to have their kids urine tested. Authorities realized that the test was actually for them, who tested positive. The girls were later arrested and will probably only get a slap on the wrist. One police officer said that if the girls were adults, they could've faced some prison time. 

I know that we all have wanted to do this to our parents, but are the punishments when you get caught worth all the trouble? Is being on the Internet that important that you really need to drug your parents? This is a little much! Our future is really starting to look out of control. 

THIS IS WHY YOU NEVER LEAVE TWITTER ACCOUNT UNATTENDED!!

When does this popular Philly weatherman get a break? First, I remember hearing a story back in 2010 through my friend Elliot on Elliot in the Morning in Washington DC, that his friend John Bolaris, a weather anchor for the Philadelphia FOX affiliate, was drugged while on vacation and robbed by beautiful women in Miami, Florida. I know. The story sounds very fishy! Well, he's in the headlines again! It turns out; his fiancée drunkenly took over his Twitter account while he was sleeping and unleashed a barrage of racy messages promising nude photos of herself for his fans.

The former Playboy model, Erica Smitheman, started her Twitter binge on Sunday night, writing, "Hello this is Erica...love John, he loves you all, I guess it's ok if I send you all a naked photo or two...don't tell my love." Is this girl crazy? Doesn't she know how many perverts are out there? And why didn't I see these tweets sooner? Dammit! Smitheman continued to write suggestive tweets referring to her modeling past and hinting that she'd taken over Bolaris's account behind his back. This guy can't catch a break! First his credit cards and money are stolen by beautiful women and now his fiancée is breaking into his Twitter account! Hilarious! Another tweet read: "This is Erica; I did pose in Playboy...so what? I will post my naked pictures...John has no clue." She then posted sexy pictures of herself for those who didn't believe she would do it while bragging how great the sex is with Bolaris. 

 Bolaris made headlines last May when he revealed that he'd been the victim of a scam by an Eastern European crime ring, which used beautiful women to take advantage of him at a club in Miami. Bolaris said he was drugged twice in March 2010 by two "bottle girls" who pressured him to do shots and go out with them, and then charged over $43,000 to his credit card. He claimed to have no memory as to what happened on either of those nights spent with them, but the FBI says he was one of nearly 90 victims of the same scam. Bolaris was recently called to testify against the organizers. He was fired from his job at FOX over the scandal, but ultimately won back the money he lost in the scam from his credit card company American Express, as well as damages. Since losing his job, Bolaris made occasional appearances on Howard Stern's Sirius XM radio show, where he proposed to Smitheman earlier this year and thanking her for her support through his ordeals of the past few years. 

Bolaris stood by his woman this week in the wake of the Twitter mayhem she caused, making light of the situation and defending her against those who criticized her behavior. Hey, who wants to be critical when a hot chick is threatening to post nude photos of herself? Anyway, Bolaris defended his fiancée by writing: "Obviously my fiancée had a little party on Twitter last night, she has been by my side through everything, and I love her. (Hmm interesting tweets)" To the disappointment of many of Bolaris's fans, Smitheman did not follow through on the naked photos and Bolaris said none would be forthcoming either. Having already weathered his share of public storms, Bolaris doesn't seem interested in hiding anything and left all the tweets Smitheman posted visible on his account. Let this be a lesson to you men out there with Twitter accounts! It can be dangerous to leave your smart phones unattended. Luckily in Bolaris's case Smitheman wasn't a woman scorned. She was just looking to have a little fun. Unfortunately, it was at his expense...Like he hasn't already been through enough!