LORENA BOBBIT HAD NOTHING ON THIS CHINESE LADY!

For the moment, my head is in Austin, Texas with all my friends who are in bands that are performing at the SXSW festival. For those of you who don't know, some idiot decided to go on a drunken joyride throughout the streets that the festival was being held on. So far, two fatalities and 23 severely injured. I had many close friends who traveled from here in Jersey to perform at the coveted festival, so I'm hoping they're all okay. Most of them have checked in, so I think we're good. 

Though, my head is elsewhere, I could not help to catch this silly story about a Chinese woman who chopped her husband's goods off not once, but twice! That's right! Psycho jealous, 30-year-old, Han Zhang initially sliced off her husband Han Mou's mini-Mou when he asked for a divorce, fearing that he had another love interest. So she crushed some sleeping pills into his drink, she went to work after he passed out, but flushed his penis down the toilet before he woke up. She was arrested by police in Anhui, China, where she was actually released on bail and was able to return home to look after her member-less husband and children while she awaited trial. What the hell? How does she get released on bail and get the chance to return home to her husband after she chopped off his goods? What a load of crap!

This story doesn't even end there! Three months after the first alleged slicing, she again became angry after her husband insisted on the separation. Um, duh? Did she really think he was going to want to stay married after she cut off his penis? Han Mou actually started looking for a woman to act as stepmother to their kids in the case that Zhang was sent to jail, which prompted the jealous wife to slip him some more sleeping pills. Mou woke up the following morning to find "everything" was gone. He was pretty much a woman. How the hell do you fall for the same trick twice? "Oh, here honey. I have drink for you!" (Chop) Then, three months later, "Hi honey, I have another drink for you!" (Chop) Mou should have taken his kids while she was in jail and gotten out of Dodge! China is a big country. He could have gotten away from her easily. I'd have to say here that the first time was her fault, but the second chop was definitely his fault. Either way, he doesn't have to look for a stepmother for his kids anymore. He can be the stepmother now!

WHY DIDN'T I EVER THINK OF THIS?

Here's another one of those stories that are 'oh so wrong', but 'oh so funny!' I just want to preface this blog with the fact that I don't condone this type of behavior from kids by any means. Okay, that being said, do you remember when you were younger and your parents told you that you couldn't do something, but you always found a way to do it anyway? Well, what I'm about to tell you, takes that to a whole new level!

You see, a couple of Rocklin, California teens recently wanted to surf the web after their 10 p.m. Internet curfew so badly that they drugged one of the girl's parents with a spiked milkshake to have their way. That's right! The parents woke up last Saturday morning with an unexplained hangover and a new suspicion about their 15-year-old daughter and her friend. According to Rocklin police, the 15-year-old told them about a computer policy imposed by the parents and called the policy "too strict". The police also said that the girls wanted to use the Internet so bad that they'd go to whatever lengths they had to, to do so. I wonder what they wanted to see so bad that would make them do this though. Was there a Justin Bieber or One Direction online concert after 10 p.m. or something? Was it boys? I'm a little curious to find out what was so important.

The trouble started when the parents' daughter offered to pick up milkshakes for them from a local restaurant. The teen is being accused of filling the shakes with prescription sleep medication allegedly supplied by the friend, who is also involved. The parents didn't drink much of the shakes because of a funny taste to them, but they did drink enough to pass out. They woke up around 1 a.m. with hangover-like symptoms, and went back to bed. When they woke up the next morning with the same symptoms, they went to the police station to pick up a drug test kit, which parents usually buy to have their kids urine tested. Authorities realized that the test was actually for them, who tested positive. The girls were later arrested and will probably only get a slap on the wrist. One police officer said that if the girls were adults, they could've faced some prison time. 

I know that we all have wanted to do this to our parents, but are the punishments when you get caught worth all the trouble? Is being on the Internet that important that you really need to drug your parents? This is a little much! Our future is really starting to look out of control.