SNOW ON YOUR CAR AND RECEIVE A FINE!

     For many of us, it's my least favorite time of the year. It's snow season. With that comes shoveling, snow blowing and plowing. It means we have to clean off our cars of all the snow that fell the night before....or do we? Many of you are too damn lazy and don't clean your cars off at all, which is a danger to many others on the road. We get sometimes you're in a rush and don't have the time to clear it off, but it needs to be done. Especially, when it hardens up and turns into a sheet of ice. I had a friend who was driving behind a truck who didn't clear off their car, the wind picked up that sheet of ice and it slammed on her windshield and cracked the whole entire thing. 

     That being said safety groups are warning drivers to make sure they clear the snow and ice off of their vehicles before driving on roadways in Virginia, and one state lawmaker has even proposed a law that would fine drivers who fail to do so. I think that's brilliant, but also thought it was already a law. 

     HB 207, introduced by delegate Mike Mullin from Newport News, VA, would allow police to write a $100 ticket if a person drives a vehicle "with any amount of accumulated snow or ice on its exposed surfaces where, were the snow or ice become dislodged from such vehicle, such accumulated snow or ice could interfere with the operation of another motor vehicle or cause injury to persons or property." Mullin said, "Every person I've spoken to said, 'thought this was a law already.' It's what they teach you when you go and get your license to begin with. It's what VDOT and DMV recommend. This is something that is just common sense."

     A personal experience on Interstate 64 during the first snow storm this winter led Mullin to file the legislation. He said, "I had a car in front of me didn't clear off the top of the car at all, didn't clear off the back, and when it all came off in a big sheet, it darn near killed me." 

     Several northern states, like Connecticut, New Jersey, and Maine, have laws that fine drivers for not clearing snow off their vehicles. I thought we had that law here in Jersey! In Virginia, cases of body damage done to vehicles by sleets of ice flying off other vehicles have been reported. In other states, snow and ice flung from vehicles have resulted in traffic fatalities. Then again, does Virginia get as much snow as we do up this way? They might now with this Global Warming!

      Bottom line is it's bad! This is your public service announcement for today! Clean your cars off when it snows. It literally takes 5 minutes. You could be a danger to someone else and you wouldn't even know because you're just driving. You don't care what happens behind you. Clean that crap off!

WHAT BAGGAGE FEE?

     My wife and I, we travel a lot. More so my wife, since she travels for work, but when we travel, we like to pack light. We'll travel with one carry-on and a backpack, which never incurs any extra charges since most airlines allow that as a minimum per person. 

     Well, this is my new hero because he attempted something that I've only seen Joey Tribbiani accomplish on an episode of Friends! So, this British man was prevented from boarding a British Airways flight from Iceland to London after he attempted to wear 10 layers of clothes to avoid paying a baggage fee. Yes, 10 layers of clothing! I'm sweating just thinking about it. 

     This is Ryan Carney Williams. He goes by the name Ryan Hawaii on social media. Ryan put on every article of clothing that was in his luggage while at the airport in Reykjavik last week after he was told he'd have to pay $125 to check his bag. Williams said on Twitter that he didn't have the funds to pay for his bag. So, we did what any intelligent poor person would do! He tried to beat the system and eliminate the bag and put on all of his clothes. Brilliant!

     Ryan Tweeted, "I couldn't afford the fee as a result of being left homeless in Iceland for over a week." In a video he posted online, Williams said that the airline employee told him he'd be able to get on the flight if he put on all of his clothes, which he did. Williams said in the video, "They're really having me dress like this to go on, and they won't even let me go on." It turned out, bundling up didn't get him on the flight either. 

@British_Airways hi being held at Iceland Keflavik airport because I had no baggage put all the clothes on and they still won't let me on. Racial profiling? Or..... pic.twitter.com/NKgpe1cPFP

— Ryan Hawaii (@RYAN_HAWAII) January 10, 2018

     The next day, Ryan tried to board a flight on easy Jet, which normally charges fees for carry-on and checked bags, and they didn't make an exception for Ryan, even when when he again tried to wear all of his clothes. An easyJet spokesperson said in an email, "The Captain and the ground crew were concerned about reports from the previous day, so we provided a refund and he traveled with another airline." 

     Okay, so what did we learn here today? We learned to always have money on us when traveling, so we can pay our baggage fees. And we cannot  wear 10 layers of clothing on an airplane. They get really mad! I have to commend Ryan for even attempting this to beat the system! Bravo!

THE TIDE POD CHALLENGE

     I know this story was released a couple of days ago, but the stupidity has to come to an end. I mean its hit an all-time low with this new challenge among teens. For those of you who don't read or watch the news, teens have found a new way to entertain themselves. They're challenging each other to eat Tide Detergent Pods online in what they're calling the "Tide Pod Challenge." WHAT? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard!

     So, a government watchdog is expressing concern over the dangerous misuse of the laundry detergent. In this latest social media fad, teens are putting the detergent pods in their mouths for the challenge. The ingredients in the pods include ethanol, hydrogen peroxide and polymers, a highly-toxic mix of detergent meant to wipe out dirt and grim. Manufacturers have been concerned about toddlers mistakenly ingesting them, but now teens are popping them on purpose and posting videos of the results online. I mean, when we were younger, I remember getting my mouth washed out with soap for cursing, but this is way more dangerous! 

     According to 19-year-old, Marc Pagan, "A lot of people were just saying how stupid I was or how.....why would I be willing to do that? No one should be putting anything like that in their mouths, you know?" Acting chairman of the Consumer Product Safety Commission, Anne Marie Buerkle, says ingesting any of the liquid carries a deadly risk. She continued, "This is what started out as a joke on the Internet and now it's just gone too far."

     The pods are bright and colorful and to children, they look like candy. At least 10 deaths have been linked to ingesting these pods already. Two toddlers, and eight seniors with dementia. Okay, toddlers, who don't know any better, and seniors with dementia, who don't know any better. Teenagers, who know better equals stupid, stupid, stupid! 

     Procter and Gamble, the maker of Tide products, told one news source, "They should not be played with....Even if it's meant as a joke. Safety is no laughing matter." More than 62,000 children under the age of six were exposed to laundry and dishwasher detergents between 2013 and 2014. The next year, Consumer Reports said it would no longer recommend detergent packets, citing "the unique risks" while urging the "adoption of tougher safety measures." Buerkle says her group has worked with manufacturers to make the packets less attractive to children." She said, "Making that laundry packet opaque, less attractive, less colorful, reducing the toxicity and the strength of the laundry detergent." 

     This is so silly that we even need to call attention to this, but anyone concerned about the dangers of laundry pods can get more info from the American Association of Poison Control Centers. If immediate help is needed, you can call 1-800-222-1222, or text "poison" to 797979 to save the number in your phone. The fact that I even need to give you that information for laundry detergent pods is plain stupid. Anyone who even attempts this challenge seriously needs to get their heads checked. The stupification of America continues!   

NOT IN MY TOWN

     Now, I'm not sure this is even legal, but leave it to New Jersey to find a way to scam more money from it's fellow statesmen. The sad part is I used to drive through this town all the time when I lived in Teaneck. Curious yet? 

     So, beginning next week, driving through Leonia, New Jersey could cost up to $200 as the jurisdiction tries to prohibit drivers from using apps like Waze and Google Maps to help drivers get around traffic. Um, hello! That's what GPS systems do. They try to get you around traffic. 

     For you non-NJ people, Leonia, a small suburb, sits just west of New York City and near the entrance to the George Washington Bridge leading into Manhattan and the Bronx. Because of the effect of GPS apps rerouting commuters through the town, it adopted an ordinance in November that effectively bans non-residents from driving through the town. How can you do that? What if I had family in that town and I used to live there, but changed my driver's license address because I live somewhere else now. So, now this prevents me from visiting my family? Wait! This might be brilliant! 

     The prohibition of the town's roads is from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. until 9 p.m. on weekdays. In order to access the roads, the driver must prove that they are residents of the street, needing access to their home or can demonstrate or document a need to access a residence on the street or parts of streets as described. According to NJ.com, this law has drawn anger from neighboring town and drivers. It also attracted questions to its legality. 

     Jeanne LoCicero, deputy legal director of the ACLU-NJ (American Civil Liberties Union) says, "This plan gives enormous power to police officers. People who are traveling safely down the street should not be subject to law enforcement. It's intrusive. It's hard to imagine that Leonia could enforce this in a way that didn't discriminate."

     Town leaders said something has to be done to calm traffic in the area. Police Chief Thomas Rowe said, "We have a lot of vehicles that leave the highway to the bridge and use Leonia as a bypass or to cut through up to Fort Lee. This is a public safety issue." Rowe continued to blame the influx of traffic-avoiding apps, which has caused traffic within town to snarl. Seriously? Blame the people who built the roads way back when. Why should people trying to avoid traffic be penalized? I bet if Police Chief Rowe was late for an appointment in the City, he wouldn't want to be sitting in traffic and would try to find a quicker way. GPS app or not, it's only natural to find a quicker way to avoid traffic. No one....and I repeat....No one likes to sit in traffic!

     Leonia is currently working with app developers like Waze to try and help enforce the new statute. If you ask me, this is one of the silliest things I've ever heard, and those who voted this in back in November, I can't wait until they're stuck in traffic and are looking for a quicker way out.  

THE FART TRACKER

    My partner in crime, Kevin, at work introduced me to this amazing little gadget. Okay, it's not amazing, but it is a little interesting, especially, for someone who loves to fart. Scientists often hope to break ground with their research, but a group of researchers in Australia would be happy with breaking wind. 

     The team of researchers developed an ingestible electronic capsule to monitor gas levels in the human gut. When the gadget is paired with a pocket-sized receiver and a smart phone app, the pill reports "tail-wind" conditions in real time as it passes from the stomach to the colon. The researchers reported their invention this past Monday in Nature Electronics.

     The researchers are optimistic that the capsule's gas readings can help clear the air over the inner workings of our intricate insides and the multitudes of microbes they contain. Until now, collecting such data has been a challenge. Popping the electronic pill is a breeze comparison, while early human trials have already hinted that the pill can provide new information about intestinal wind patterns and gaseous turbulence from different foods. One of the researches concluded, "Our pilot trial illustrated the significant potential role for electronic-based gas sensing capsules in understanding functional aspects of the intestine and its microbiota in health and in response to dietary changes." The researchers are currently setting up a commercial company to further develop the test capsules. 

     I'm not sure if I wants something in my body and tracking the gases I've produced from the foods I eat. Why can't I just enjoy farting? I am, however, a little bit interested in the study process. So, the researchers beefed up a prototype they had previously tested in pigs. The capsule is around 26mm in length and 9.8mm in diameter. Basically, the size of a large vitamin. In the trial published this past Monday, researchers tested the capsule in six healthy people. For the first, researchers monitored the pill's intestinal trek using ultrasound and linked locations with gas profiles. Overall, it took 20 hours to get from one end to the other, spending 4.5 hours in the stomach, 2.5 hours in the small intestine, and 13 hours cruising through the colon. In that time, the pill took continuous gas measurements, revealing potentially useful information in addition to gut position. 

     There were also problems in the low-fiber scenario. The pill took a little more than three days to work its way out of the body. It spent 13 hours in the stomach, 5.5 hours in the small intestine, and whopping 54 hours in the colon. In fact, about 36 hours after taking the pill, the subject was given a high dose of fiber to try to move things along. It picked back up 12 hours after the fiber treatment, according to the pill's data. 

     Well, that's your science lesson for today. No teacher sex with students. No sex dolls. Today, we discussed something we all do, and secretly love to do, but now we can learn what it all means. It's all in THE FARTS!

FOR THE LADIES....YOUR BIONIC MAN IS HERE!

     I really don't understand these sex robot fascinations. I get that it can be lonely, and for men, I get it, but at the end of the day, it's women who have the prize that us men fight for every day! That being said, why do women need a sex doll? Isn't it easier for them to go out to hook up? Plus, same for men, isn't banging a robot a little creepy? 

     I got this story from my friend Chrissy, who thought this would be perfect for my blog! Well, she was right! So, apparently, male sex robots with bionic penises will be rolled out this year according to the pioneer of pleasure behind the popular female versions that dropped last year. 

     Matt McMullen, founder of Realbotix, is the man who created Harmony, an artificial intelligence app that syncs up with a robotic head system. The app enables users to match an A.I. personality with a humanoid robot head, to create the most realistic sex doll imaginable. Again, I ask why? And how many of you really would buy one of these? 

     Harmony allowed the android companions to talk, learn and satisfy customer's sexual desires. Currently, there are only female versions of Harmony avatars and robotic heads available and they cost around $15,000, but Matt thinks there is a demand for the male versions. He said, "We're working on a male version of the robot A.I. We'll eventually have a male and female platform."

     McMullen, whose firm is based in San Diego, previously revealed he had blueprints to create a male sex robot with a bionic penis. He said customers will be able to plug the robot in so that it can go as long as the user wants. I'm going to leave room in this blog for all of those poor souls who will be getting electrocuted because they're plugged into something that is plugged into a wall where there will eventually be moisture. Anyway, that's a future blog waiting to happen. On the size of the manhood of this robot, Matt said the male sex robots will come in all shaped and sizes. So, if she wanted a square one, she can get one? 

     McMullen says, "There's rebuilding that need to happen on both fronts to create a male platform. We're working on that and that's one of the next big things we're looking to get up and running." The world's leading A.I. researcher, Dr. David Levy says that the male erotic cyborgs could be more popular than sex toys like vibrators and dildos. How? Who would do this? 

     Levy stated, "I'm sure women will find robots equally appealing as men. If women are that interested in getting satisfaction from a vibrator, imagine how the same women will feel having a robot they can put their arms around them and having the robot squeeze them." Am I the only one who finds this creepy? 

     McMullen was scrutinized for objectifying women after he created a female sex robot with "big breasts" and "porn star features." No kidding! What do people think men are masturbating to? The every day women? Yeah, right! The CEO said he considers his creations more than sex dolls, and refers to them as companions. Well, I guess it takes a psycho to create something so psychotic and creepy!

BAD CASE OF BLUE BALLS?

     This is a very sad, yet disgusting story, but am I evil from getting a chuckle about it? Anyway, this is 59-year-old David Worsley. He was recently left in agony when his privates swelled to ten times its normal size before his left testicle (be prepared for this, fellas!) "exploded like a volcano" as he took a bath. That's right! Yuck! But Haha! 

     Worsley caught African salmonella, a strain of the infection which was confined to his genital area, in Tunisia, North Africa. This grandpop was in agony as his privates swelled to ten times their normal size when he got home. His left testicle then burst as he bathed, and he is now taking legal action against tour operator, TUI. 

     Worsley said, "I was told that I had a rare form of salmonella called African salmonella. After the holiday, my testicles had swollen to the size of a grapefruit and it was so heavy it was like it was made of glass. The pain was so bad I thought I was going to die. When it finally exploded I felt fantastic. It was such a relief. The doctor said I was highly contagious and that I wasn't allowed to sleep with my wife. I was walking around holding them all the time, it was so heavy. A few days later, I woke up at about 5 am with the most excruciating pain in my left testicle. I could barely move and I was in tears from the agony."

     I know this is such a horrible story, but is Worsley sure that this just wasn't a bad case of Blue Balls? Maybe Mrs. Worsley didn't put out as much as she should have while they were on holiday! David, who is from Bolton, England, went on to you say, "It literally went bang. When the doctor saw it later she said that it was like a volcano exploding. But it was such a relief because the pain had been so bad. It has definitely affected me psychologically. It's a big part of being a man that was gone." 

     The security guard was with wife, Joanne, at the Rui Marco Polo Hotel in Hammamet when David fell ill. Despite sickness and a high temperature, he claims a TUI rep said he was only suffering from sunstroke. Back home, he spent ten days in hospital but the burst came a day after he was discharged. Wait.....So, he discharged after he was discharged? How is this not funny? 

     Representing Worsley, Hannah Crosby, of law firm Slater and Gordon said, "This is one of the worst holidays from hell I have ever seen." TUI said it would be "inappropriate to comment" because of the legal proceedings. 

By Dr Carol Cooper, Sun Doctor 

AFRICAN salmonella is a newer type of bacteria.

It’s not clear where it comes from in the first place. It spreads easily to other people.

It is more resistant to antibiotics and it’s also more liable to pass from the gut into the bloodstream and cause sepsis.

So it can easily be deadly, especially to older people.

PUT A RING ON IT?

     What age do you stop experimenting when it comes to sex? Or self-love for that matter? I mean, I guess there is no real age limit to it, right? It seems these days men are always up for some weird experiments with their junk (not me!). I'm not sure why, but one such incident includes a laser procedure for whitening their genitalia. Yeah, no! 

     This particular incident took place in Lanarkshire, Scotland, and had a disastrous outcome. A 67-year-old man, who remained nameless, had seven curtain rings stuck on his junk, needed to be rushed to a hospital. It was revealed that the retiree had taken some Viagra and was apparently experimenting with the plastic rings as sex toys. Unfortunately, for the old man, when he decided that there was nothing fun about the curtain rings, he found that they were "jammed" on his privates and he found himself trapped. I guess he forgot to use some sort of lube like Vaseline? 

     Although, the ambulance was called, the paramedics failed to remove the rings. The fire crew was also called to try their luck with their special cutting equipment, which also sadly failed. When the crew arrived on the scene, the Viagra was at full strength according to one of the crew members, who stated, "He was in a lot of distress as he couldn't get them off!" Get it? He couldn't get them off or himself! The crew reassured the man that these things happen, but the 67-year-old was terribly freaked out. His penis was swelling and turning purple. People feared what would happen next. 


     The man was taken to the Wishaw General Hospital and the rings were removed using lubricants. Neighbors witnessed the whole episode and claimed that the man was indeed in pain, but as per reports, he wasn't hurt too badly. How do you face your neighbors after that? I would move out of the neighborhood! He's going to be known as the "Cock-Ring King" around Lanarkshire now! Forget going to a local pub! He is screwed! 

     These tales of woah are not the only incidents to happen recently. In November 2017, a 31-year-old man was rushed to the hospital after a small lock got stuck in his bladder when he tried pushing it up through his urethra. Ouuuuch! He had to be operated on, but he deserved that one! Moron! In London on December 2017, a man tried jumping over barriers to avoid paying and his genitals stuck, which left him in a compromising position. The man was eventually rescued by police officers. And in Germany, a man got his penis stuck in the hole of a 2.5 kg dumbbell plate in his gym. Firefighters used a hydraulic saw to actually cut the plate. Um, yeah, no! The point is, men (not me!) have some weird fascinations!

FLYING THE S**TTY SKIES!

     Happy New Years, everyone! And with that I give you my first buzzkill of the New Year for those of you who love traveling like myself! It turns out, passengers on a United Airlines flight from Chicago, or shall I say "Shit-cago", to Hong Kong, will probably say they had a "crappy" flight....Literally! 

     The United Airlines flight from Shit-cago to Hong Kong had to be redirected to Alaska because one of its passengers was "smearing feces everywhere," according to a report on KTVA. United Airlines flight 895 was diverted to Anchorage on Thursday when an adult male passenger smeared poop within a couple of bathrooms on the plane. The man also took off his shirt and tried to stuff it into one of the toilets. What's that saying? If you see something, say something? In this case, if you smell something, say something! And quick!

     Following the incident, the man was reportedly pretty co-operative with the flight crew and remained seated when the flight touched ground in Alaska. He probably couldn't stand the smell of himself. I want to throw up just imagining the stench!

     FBI agents and airport police met with the passenger, who had to be interviewed by both agencies. No charges have been filed against the "crappy" passenger, but he was taken to the hospital for a psych evaluation. The incident is under investigation by both airport police and the FBI. The flight was unfortunately grounded overnight for maintenance. No shit! 

     I have to admit that I might have started a chain reaction of vomit on the plane if I was on this flight. Though, I love writing about poop, the smell of other people's poop, makes me want to vomit. And if it were smeared all over the walls on an enclosed plane for a long flight, forget it! I'd be done! The flight crew would be cleaning up feces and vomit. What a crappy way to end a vacation!