TOUCHED BY A BANANA

Who knew that being touched by a banana could be so daunting? Who knew that touching a student with a banana can get you suspended? That's what happened to Jonathan Hampton, a Florida high school teacher who allegedly in inappropriately touched a female student with a banana during class. Now, I didn't say with his banana. I said "a" banana. Hampton was banned from North Marion High School for three days after allegedly rubbing the girl's head and neck with the fruit during a lesson on Freudian symbolism. How ironic! 

 The lecture was supposed to focus on "cylinder objects, phalluses and sex symbols." The female student said she was humiliated by the incident, which she says happened three months ago, but only reported it earlier this month. Um, yeah! That's not too suspicious is it? Sounds like this young lady had three months of plotting behind her. Anyway, Hampton, an English teacher from Citra, Florida, who teaches college-level courses as part of the school's magnet program, denied any wrongdoing. Personally, I don't feel he did anything wrong either. 

Mark Fiedelholtz, Hampton's attorney stepfather, said that there was no evidence of any sexual connotation or physical harm. In fact, Fiedelholtz says, "According to my son, which has not been reported, he doesn't recall ever touching the student with a banana, but if he did it would be to her attention." Now, that I believe! I can't picture a teacher fondling a banana sexually on a female students face in front of a whole class, especially, a respected one like this one. The school district has also backed Hampton's lesson on Freudian psychology, which they say was not inappropriate and followed the curriculum, but in a letter sent to the teacher, who has since returned to work after his three-day suspension from May 13, it warned him that his topics may "often cross the line." What? It's Freud! I'm sorry. Things are not adding up with this girl. It just doesn't make sense and if he really meant something sexual by it, wouldn't he have pursued it after class rather than rubbing a banana on her face and head? I swear kids control everything these days! I guess now we have to be careful of where we place our bananas.