HIGH! WELCOME TO CANNACAMP....

     Before I tell you about my favorite place in America, has anyone else read that McDonald's is about to re-release the McLobster? Wow! It's the McDonald's lobster roll! I love lobster rolls! They tried it back in 1993, but it was a total fail. Since there has been a new resurgence for the lobster roll, they felt it was the right time to bring it back for $10.99 a sandwich! Good luck with that Mickey D's! Anyway, I just wanted to mention that before I tell you about my next vacation visit. 

     So, for you non-travelers, Colorado is full of all-inclusive ranch resorts, where guests can hike, fish, play horseshoes and roast marshmallows. Well, this ranch has a new offering. You can smoke pot there without having to look over your shoulder. The 170-acre CannaCamp, which is opening tomorrow in Durango in sourthwest Colorado calls itself the nation's first cannabis-friendly ranch resort. Guests won't be given marijuana, because that violates state law. Instead, the resort allows guests to bring their own pot and use it while they're at the resort. Basically, you can walk freely with a joint in your hand. In addition to horseshoes and hiking, guests are offered yoga sessions and workshops on marijuana cultivation.

     I have to be honest; I guess my friends and I always thought every resort was cannabis-friendly because we just didn't care. We smoked openly wherever we went. That's why sometimes I wonder how I stayed out of jail. Well, happy I did, but the real challenge with this Colorado resort would be getting your weed there unless you drove out to Colorado. Flying with weed is a real risk for anyone.

     Joel Schneider, head of the management group opening CannaCamp, said in a statement, "We're bringing an element of luxury to that adventurous, exploratory vibe of childhood summer camp, in a beautiful setting where visitors can enjoy marijuana in a safe comfortable, social environment." That description really just sounds like my house. 

     Guests stay in cabins that allow smoking on porches but not inside. Rates start at $395 per person per night, with a three-night minimum. I will admit that seeing Colorado and being on a resort with like-minded people might be a lot of fun. What would knock this resort out of the ballpark would be clothing optional, but then again, we all know what these nudist colonies look like....Blubbery naked people. For more info on CannaCamp, check it out at www.CannaCamp.co. 

PILLOW FIGHT = HOT SEX?

     I'm hoping you guys are thanking me after reading this blog. Anyway, are you looking to spice things up in the bedroom with your better half? Have you flipped through The Joy of Sex book for new sexual positions? Have you bought a plethora of sex toys to see what will get her going? I have.....NOT! (How 80s was that?) Look no further! According to Men's Health Magazine, all you have to do is look back to your childhood, those carefree days when activities like pillow fights, truth or dare, Twister and tag ruled the world.

    Sex therapist, Nan Wise, Ph.D says, "Childlike play brings excitement to the relationship, relieves stress and boredom and builds intimacy. I'm talking about that rough-and-tumble play, like wrestling, running around like kids, playing games like touch football, or tag, or Twister." I'm sure she meant naked Twister. 

     For 41-year-old Tracy and her 42-year-old husband Chris, getting into an immature mindset worked for them. Tracy said, "We were in a bed on our computers, in a rut, so I just decided to start a pillow fight. He got a little mad, but he pinned me down, and the next thing you know we're having sex." I think I might need to see video proof of this actually working! Tracy claims that prior to their pillow fight, it had been three weeks since they'd last been intimate. "I'll definitely smack him in the face with a pillow again if needed," she says. Unfortunately, it can also turn into a domestic dispute. I guess it depends on how playful your other half really is. 

     Sex therapist Chris Donaghue, Ph.D, is also a huge fan of adults playing like kids. He says, "We know that working together is beneficial to relationships, so this idea of play is similar, but what play does, as opposed to exercising together, is it let's you be silly with your partner, laugh, let go, be vulnerable and escape a little bit with no rules, judgments or goals." 

     Many childhood games involve play fighting like pillow fights, chicken fights in the pool, tickle fights and water balloon or water gun fights, to name a few. Kait Scalisi, a sex and relationship coach and founder of PassionbyKait.com, relates this type of play to the stress response system: Fight, flight, freeze, feed and fornicate. Um, yeah...That sounds nothing like play fighting into sex. She explains, "If you get hit with a water balloon, for instance, the adrenaline starts running and it defaults to one of these Fs. When couples engage in play fighting like this, it's almost likely to lead to fornicating since there's a heightened sense of intimacy and closeness." 

     Yes, there is a science to all of this. According to Dr. Wise, "The play system is facilitated by our natural opiate neurotransmitters called opioids, which are released during play. The brain's own endogenous cannabinoid system, the naturally occurring marijuana-like chemicals in our brains, are also released during play." I must release that system a lot because I always feel like marijuana chemicals are in my brain!

     I guess there's only one way to test this theory out. Tonight when you're home with your wife or husband or partner, just scream....PILLOW FIGHT!.....And you're welcome!

     

THIS CONDOM WILL NEVER LIE

     I remember back in the day, we were pretty much playing Russian roulette when we were having one night stands with girls we didn't really know. A lot of those one night stands would end up in sexually transmitted diseases. I'm happy to say, I was one of the lucky ones who never had that happen to me. I wrapped that thing two or three times before I went in on a girl I didn't know.  Well, a bunch of British teenage boys have found a cure for that. They've presented an idea for a condom that changes color based on whether its wearer has an STD. So, basically, a condom can glow yellow if the wearer has herpes? That is fantastic!

     Muaz Nawaz, Daanyaal Ali and Chirag Shah from London's Isaac Newton Academy shared their concept for the shade-shifting sheath at Teen Tech London. The modern day science fair challenged students to create technology that would make life simpler, better or easier. The teens said that the condoms would contain molecules that attach to the STD bacteria and shine with a fluorescent glow. The concept is called S.T. EYE, a play on the abbreviation for sexually transmitted infections that it is intended to recognize. The finished product might glow green for chlamydia, yellow for herpes and blue for syphilis!

     The boys said, "We wanted to make something that made detecting harmful STI's safer than ever before, so that people can take immediate action in the privacy of their own homes without the often-scary procedures at the doctors. We've made sure we're able to give peace of mind to users and let people act even more responsibly than ever before."

     For now, the innovative condoms remain just a concept in the mind of three teenage boys. Teen Tech has said, though, that a condom manufacturer has expressed interest in bringing the teens' colorful idea into a reality. The only thing that wasn't addressed was dealing with that awkward moment when you notice a fluorescent glow under the sheets. "Um, yeah! These condoms glow in the dark when they know you're really good in bed!" Hopefully, you have a really dumb girl, or guy, who doesn't read the news, or this blog, in the sack with you.

ENDANGERED FECES

     I have a family trip to Disney World happening this November and after reading this story, I really can't wait to go! So, apparently, Disney World is "dropping" a new dish onto the menu of an Animal Kingdom shop....It's animal poop!
Well, it's chocolate animal poop anyway! 

     There are four varieties of the edible excrement for sale right now at the Florida theme park selling for $3.99 a pop, or shall I say a "poop"? The desert dung are not labeled as such at the park's new Zuri's Sweets Shop. Instead, the scat snacks are named after the animals they're based on. For instance, elephant is a chocolate peanut butter fudge with oats and coconut flakes. Hippo is a fudge caramel brownie with oats and peanut butter. Giraffe is pellets of chocolate fudge with caramel. And cotton-top tamarin is a chocolate-covered pretzel pearls. I swear I will never taste peanut butter, fudge and caramel the same ever again.

     One report noted that their receipt clearly called the item they purchased: "Poo, Giraffe!" Man, I love Disney now! Orlando travel bloggers Kim and Currie tried a few pieces of the feces and wrote in their post: "I can't say they are the best treats I've ever eaten at Disney, but they are a conversation piece." For Disney visitors who are less adventurous, Zuri's also serves Rice Krispies treats, lollipops and wine. How can you not want to try these? I totally cannot wait to get Animal Kingdom to put fake poop in my mouth! That really did not sound as great as it did in my head!

FEMALE MASTURBATION HAS A NEW NAME

     If you ask me, masturbation is masturbation. It has not gender. According to Sweden, however, female masturbation needed a new name and that name is "Klittra." It combines the words "clitoris" and "glitter" in an effort to encourage a positive outlook on women's sexual pleasure. Now, I'm not sure what glitter has to do with masturbating or pleasure, but that name is kind of stupid! Don't you think? Besides, masturbating with glitter would just be too messy!

     In 2014, the Swedish Association for Sexuality Education declared a need for more open dialogue about women and masturbation. They said, "When it comes to masturbation, people mostly think about just men doing it and we don't think of it as common for women. If we don't have a word in the language, how can we even talk about it?" That's where they're wrong! What about the phrases "Flicking the Bean" or "Finger popping"? Those aren't ways to describe female masturbation? Then again, if my wife said to me, "I was flicking the bean last night when you were out," I might spit out whatever was in my mouth when she told me that. 

     The association was referring to the fact that there is no Swedish word for female masturbation (nor is there one in English, for that matter). Sweden just happened to decide that it needed one. The association held a competition calling upon women to submit ideas for a new way to describe flicking the bean. They received over 1,200 responses, but "klittra" won the gold, pulling ahead of competitors like "pulla", "runka" and "selfa." No wonder why klittra won. These names are horrible!

     The association will be trying to induct the new word into the Swedish dictionary in hopes that Merriam-Webster will follow suit. God, I hope not! The word is stupid! I bet that we can come up with a better name than "klittra". Any ideas?

HERO OF THE DOGS!

     Originally, I was going to back to writing about teacher-student sex since there was a story out of Jersey City, NJ that really tickled my fancy, but as I read the story, it was the same old, same old! Married female teacher lures teenage female student to her house where they performed oral sex on each other. Haven't we heard that story before? Besides, I felt this story was much more appealing and worldly. 

     So, last week, I saw a petition floating around to stop some sort of dog meat festival in China. Being of Chinese descent, I kind of didn't want to believe this was true, but I am also a dog lover, so I signed this petition, but it seems this past weekend, the festival still went on. There was, however, a hero in the bunch! A retired school teacher and animal advocate saved the lives of 100 dogs on Saturday after she paid about $1,100 to save them from the annual dog meat festival in the southern Chinese city of Yulin. Let me start by saying, since I am of Chinese descent, I have never eaten dog meat to my knowledge. That is an incredibly disgusting tradition back in the motherland and growing up, I was a little embarrassed to know about it. I used to push it on the Vietnamese culture. 

     Anyway, 65-year-old Yang Xiaoyun traveled about 1,500 miles from her home in the city of Tianjin to secure the dogs. Yang has been rescuing animals since 1995, when she pulled an abandoned kitten from a river. In 1999, she founded a dog and cat sanctuary known as the "Common Home for All." She's taken in hundreds of animals and has even sold her home. She prepares meals for the animals and calls them her "children." Her shelter now houses almost 1,500 dogs and 200 cats. Well, I guess I found the Chinese equivalent to my wife. 

     Yang's selfless act in Yulin comes as international observers and activists continue to draw attention to the city's dog meat festival. According to Peter Li, a China policy specialist at the Humane Society International and associate professor at the University of Houston-Downtown, dog meat consumption does have a historical precedent in China, but the Yulin festival only dates back to 2009. About 10,000 dogs are killed each year for the Yulin festival, which coincides with the summer solstice. Some of the dogs that arrive in the city even have collars indicating  that they might be stolen pets. This is absolutely horrendous!

     Actor and animal advocate Ricky Gervais condemned the festival and said footage he saw from past years broke his heart. He said in a statement, "I will never forget the look of bewilderment and fear on the faces of these poor animals. The dogs and cats await a horrible fate. No animal deserves to be treated like this." He's absolutely right!

     Yang reportedly wants to open another dog sanctuary in Yulin. I would try to keep as many dogs out of Yulin as possible, those cannibals! Dogs are almost human-like when it comes to feelings. For people to even eat dog, you might as well eat a human too. It's times like this I am embarrassed by my Chinese heritage, but I can proudly say my family has never taken part in any of these traditions. I have aunts and uncles who had dogs and cats as pets. They definitely did not keep them around for food. Good for Miss Yang for standing her ground and saving at least 100 of these puppies! 
     

TASTES LIKE CHICKEN

     Since I've been with my wife, I haven't really eaten much fast food. She definitely has influenced that decision, but all for good reason. It's just bad for you. Plus, have you seen the element that work back in those fast food kitchens? Besides, how many times do you think that burger you just ate fell on the floor or was used as a hockey puck during a work hockey game when the employees got bored? How clean are those kitchens? Better yet, how do you know if it was really chicken that you ate? That's the problem in today's blog!

     A California man made waves on Facebook the other day after posting a photo of an oddly shaped cutlet that he claims he received in a three-piece meal from a Los Angeles KFC last Friday. As of yesterday afternoon, this photo had been shared by more than 121,000 users. Ah, the power of social media. 

     25-year-old Devorise Dixon said on Facebook that he bit into the unsavory-looking piece of meat and found it had a rubbery texture. He then claimed to have taken it back to the KFC restaurant where he'd purchased the meal. The manager told Dixon the fried lump was a rat and apologized and offered him a free meal. What? A free meal after he bit into a fried rat? What the hell is wrong with people?

     KFC is now claiming that Dixon is misleading the public and that the object pictured is just a piece of breaded chicken. Yeah, because every piece of chicken I eat comes with a tail attached to it! No, thank you, KFC! They said in a recent statement, "A customer has made a serious claim against KFC and refuses to cooperate in the investigation. Based on this, and the fact that he refuses to allow anyone to see the product, we are left to believe that he intended to deceive the public with this hoax and we are considering all options." The company said it made several attempts to get in touch with him, but he refused to talk directly or through an attorney. What about the fact that he brought the chicken in and the manager even said it was a dead rat? Did Dixon possibly make that up to?

     Rodrigo Coronel, a KFC spokesperson, wrote in an email, "Our chicken tenders often vary in size and shape and this just happened to be an oddly shaped one. He also emailed the image below, which zooms in on a photo from Dixon's Instagram account. Yeah, but if you fry a rat, wouldn't it's meat look like chicken as well? I mean, I think that KFC's PR department is doing a fantastic job in fighting back and covering this mess up, but if it is true, who cares? It all tastes like chicken anyway! Again, this is why I choose not to eat at fast food chains. You never know what your going to get! Coronel insisted that the hoax was not a viral marketing campaign and said the company is taking the allegations very seriously. All I can say is that pictures don't lie! That looks like a fried rat!

SELFIE LOVE....WITH A DOG?

     It seems I have a theme here this week and it includes these sickos having sex with their dogs. If this stuff makes you sick. Do not read forward because this one is pretty graphic. You've been warned. I guess with this blog it's either teacher-student love or bestiality. Yesterday, I wrote about a man who had sex with the family dog because his wife was paying more attention to the dog. 

     Today, I have a Florida woman who admitted to taking selfies as she had  sex with her pit bull inside her grandmother's house. 18-year-old, Ashley Miller was charged with two counts of sexual activities involving animals after Bradenton investigators found the graphic photos stashed on her cell phone. That's something I would be sorry that I saw and why are all the psychos from Bradenton?

     Miller coaxed her dog, 2-face, into her licking her vagina between 30 to 40 times over the past five years, according to what she told police in their documentation. She also admitted to making her previous dog, a pit bull Rottweiler mix named Scarface, perform oral sex on her, too. Miller told cops that 2-face lives at her grandmother's house in Bradenton. Each time she wanted to have sex with the dog, she'd lock herself in a bedroom, take her pants off and call 2-face over. Are you sick yet? Anyway, the pup would put her snout into Miller's va-jayjay all on her own without Miller forcing her into the act, claimed the teen. Of course, the puppy did that. It probably smelled some bad fish and thought it was dinner. Miller alleges that's where the sex ended and that she never touched 2-face sexually. Doesn't matter! It's still gross!

     One of Miller's family members was always inside the house, but they were unaware of the puppy molesting going on in the girl's bedroom. During at least two of the oral sex sessions, Miller snapped photos of the puppy licking her vagina. Police discovered the puppy porn in two hidden folders on Miller's phone entitled "2-face fun" and "Me." It hasn't been revealed as to why the cops were looking through the phone, but the sex had been going on for at least fuve years and less than 10 of the acts happened after Miller turned 18 in February. 

     2-face showed no signs of injury when a vet checked her out. Only her breath smelled a little fishy! Just kidding! Miller is scheduled to be arraigned next month. I don't know. I actually kind of speechless because my dog licks my balls. I had no idea it was illegal. Again, only kidding! People, why do we have to abuse our pets like this? They can't defend themselves. Yes, her dog might have licked on her own, but there had to be something there to coax her. Unless, I was really correct on the smell thing. In that case, no man would go near her either and its no wonder she needed a dog to have some sexual fun!

IT'S A DOGGY AFFAIR

     I never really understood the whole bestiality thing. I look at my dog definitely do not find him at all attractive. That being said; this is Jonathan Edward Medley from Geneva, Alabama. He is being accused of having sex with his wife's dog, Buster, because he felt she was paying more attention to the pet than him. Um, yeah...That's a tad bit disturbing!

     Medley was charged with animal cruelty after his wife caught him doing the deed with her 2-year-old shih tzu. Wait what? He had sex with a shih tzu? Those dogs are so small! What the hell is wrong with this guy? When I first read this story, I pictured Medley getting down with an American Bulldog or something. Not a shih tzu! He should be embarrassed. 

     Medley's wife made the disgusting discovery when she decided to spy on him because she thought he was sleeping with another woman. So she hid a recording device in the couple's apartment. Much to her surprise, he was molesting her dog. According to police, Medley was upset because his wife was paying more attention to the dog than him. I still don't get that. If that was the problem, why take it out on the dog? Just leave your wife or have a talk with her at the very least. Or, I'm sure I'll catch some flack for saying this, but he could have accidentally left the door open and the dog could have accidentally escaped from the house. There was no need to molest an innocent little shih tzu. 

     Buster, the shih tzu, suffered injuries from the alleged sex marathon with Medley and the police initially thought the injuries might have led to Buster's euthanization, but a veterinarian later said Buster was recovering just fine. Medley, who is 39, was held on $535 bail after his arrest Friday. He only faces a misdemeanor charge, as per Alabama's law on bestiality. That's a crock! Medley should be charged like a rapist! I'm sick of these states treating pets like a possession or an object. They are living beings and he violated one. A couple of years ago, a vet in Philadelphia killed my wife's beloved cat, Attila, by giving him a dog's dose of chemotherapy accidentally, where he died within two days. The vet did claim responsibility, but they took a life and all they could say was sorry. We contacted three lawyers about suing and they said it wasn't worth it because pets are considered property and we would only get what the cat was worth. It didn't make sense to have to pay for a lawyer only to get back $50 in court. Then again, we weren't suing for monetary reasons. My wife wanted to see the person who killed our cat suffer. Nothing ever happened because our family member is considered just property. Just like Buster, the shih tzu is considered just property. It makes me sick! 

&$%# THAT!

     Now, I grew up with a trash mouth. Every other word out of my mouth was an F-bomb or some other creative curse word. When I got into radio back in the late 90s, I had to train myself to curb those curse words if I was to be allowed on the air. That took a lot of work, but eventually training myself to use less curse words helped make me sound somewhat intelligent when I spoke. Today, they slip out every now and then, but it's all in context. 

     Well, in Arlington, Virginia, having a potty mouth will cost you pretty penny to put in the swear jar. Apparently, those caught swearing in public will now have to pay up to $250 in fines after the county passed an ordinance over the weekend that raises the penalty for profanity and public intoxication. The law, which was adopted on Saturday by the Arlington County Board, increases the fine for anyone "appearing intoxicated or profanely cursing" from the original $100 fine. 

     The crackdown on lewd lawbreakers comes after the Arlington Police Department reported arresting 664 foul-mouthed or drunken offenders in 2014. Several bar crawls ended up in brawls, public urination and wild antics, including one man who stripped naked and tried to flee from police. 

     The new ordinance changes unclear phrasing in the original law from "drunk" to intoxicated" in order to include those under the influence of drugs. The measure also decreases the penalty for repeat offenders. Those convicted more than three times in a year from $500 to $250. 

     I'm just fucking happy that they don't have that shitty law here in fuckin' New Jersey because I would be in some fuckin' trouble! All kidding aside; a law like this could cause a lot of problems here in New Jersey, but then again, it can also make New Jersey a lot of money because not only are we the Garden State; we're also the Foul-Mouthed State. My fellow New Jerseyans beware when visiting Arlington, Virginia. Don't say I didn't fucking tell you so! 

OPERATION DUMBO DROP COFFEE

     I know that I wrote about this last year, but apparently, it's come to fruition. If you remember (or not), I wrote about an Asian country that was planning on growing coffee beans in elephant dung. Well, in the lush, green hills of northern Thailand, a woman can be seen painstakingly picking coffee beans out of a pile of elephant crap, which is what she needs to do to make one of the world's most expensive beverages. 

     This remote corner of Thailand bordering Myanmar and Laos is better known for their drug smuggling than coffee, but Blake Dinkin decided it was perfect for a legitimate enterprise that blends conservation with business. That's one way to look at it. Dinkin, the 44-year-old Canadian founder of Black Ivory Coffee, said, "When I explained my project to the mahouts (elephant riders), I know that they thought I was crazy." Dinkin's coffee uses the digestive tract of elephants to create a high-end brew for coffee connoisseurs.

     The original idea was to use civet cats to make "kopi luwak" coffee, which uses beans collected from the droppings of Asian cats, but the quality of the end product was weakened as demand had grown in Southeast Asia, including Thailand, Indonesia and Vietnam. Civet cats are also often kept in cages and force-fed beans, which is different than what Dinkin's had in mind with his desire to support rather than damage the environment. 

     Lions and giraffes also made the shortlist of prospective coffee filters, but Dinkins settled on elephants after discovering that the creatures sometimes eat coffee during periods of drought in Southeast Asia. Dinkin also teamed up with an elephant rescue charity which saves the creatures from the tourist trade, but making coffee from their poop was harder than expected. He said, "I thought it would as simple as taking the beans, giving them to the elephant, and out will come great coffee." He also added that the initial result tasted like "shit" (no pun intended) and was undrinkable. Dinkin said, "It took me another nine years to actually succeed in doing what I wanted." 

     Apparently, the enzymes in the elephant's stomach function as a kind of slow cooker, he said, where the coffee beans marinate alongside the herbs and fruits the animals also eat. The beans work their way through the elephants digestive tract, which is a 17-hour process. The digestive acid takes the bitterness out of the bean. The mahouts' wives collect the coffee beans from the elephant dung, before washing and drying them in the sun, a division of labor that is helping boost the local community's income. To make slightly more than two-pounds of coffee, the elephants have to consume around 78 pounds of beans, along with their usual ration of rice and bananas. 

     The rarity of the drink is a key part of its branding. This year, their third successful harvest, Black Ivory produced 150 kilograms of coffee. At around $13 for an espresso-sized cup, it does not come cheap. Black Ivory coffee will soon be available at high-end establishments in Paris, Zurich, Copenhagen and Moscow. 

     I don't know. My wife and I love a good coffee and I even love a good poop, but if you ask me, they just don't go hand-in-hand. I mean, if it's helping the environment and creating jobs in Thailand? Then why not? I'm all for it! But as far as drinking coffee that is grown in elephant poop? Um, no thanks!

TREE OF LIFE?

     I saw this story on Facebook yesterday after I wrote yesterday's blog and thought, "I had to save this one!" When we lose our loved ones, typically, we have to buy a plot, a coffin, a tombstone, and then we have to pay for the funeral service. All-included the price can be pretty hefty, right? Well, what if I told you that you can put your loved one in a pod underground and they will turn into a tree. Wouldn't that be cool? It would almost be like the tree of life! 

       Coffins, tombstones, and normal funeral proceedings can be a thing of the past. This unconventional way of being buried just might be the future. This unique burial method originated in Italy and is called The Capsula Mundi Project was  created by designers Anna Citelli and Raoul Bretzel. They created an organic, biodegradable burial capsule that actually transforms the body of the deceased into a tree. As this occurs, the body would turn into nutrients for the tree that would allow it to grow.

     Basically, it works like this; first, the body is encapsulated in the fetal position and then buried, and either a tree seed or an actual tree is planted above the capsule. You could even pick the type of tree you want to become. It's almost like choosing your very own coffin for a normal funeral. I have to be honest, this procedure sounds cool as hell. You can almost give life in your afterlife. 

     The pods are mad from a starch plastic which does not prevent the natural decomposition of the capsule and allows the organic matter to transform into minerals that will provide the earth with nutrients and vegetative organisms. Eventually, these pods will transform cemeteries into forests. My only problem with this is that you'll be visiting your loved ones in a forest then, as opposed to an actual well-manicured cemetery. Also, how do you identify your loved ones without a head stone? Etch their name into the tree? Another thing I'm not too crazy about is putting the body in the fetal position. I know they wouldn't be able to feel it, but I ask myself, "Would I want to be in the fetal position for eternity or laying on my back?" Like I said, we wouldn't feel it anyway. I still think this is an interesting concept, however. 

     This procedure is still actually just a concept since Italian law prohibits this sort of burial, but if it does proceed, there would be an entire memorial park of trees rather than tombstones. You would be able to visit and care for the tree of your loved one. There are actual places in the U.S. and in England where this type of burial is legal. We'll just have to wait and see if this catches on in other places around the world. I'm most interested in seeing the first dog to piss on one of these trees. Would that be a sign of disrespect? 



Take a look right here: 

SEX IN OOOOOUTERSPAAAAAAAAACE!!!

     It's become apparent that you can literally crowdfund anything these days. The people at Pornhub, a wonderful porno site, are launching a $3.4 million crowdfunding campaign to take its craft to new heights in the first porno shot in outerspace. Who the hell runs that site because I'd like to try whatever they're on.

     According to their IndieGoGo campaign, the popular porno site wants to send two porn stars off for "Sexploration" in a shuttle miles above Earth. The site said in a recent statement, "We will not be changing the face of the adult industry, we will also be chronicling how a core component of human life operates while in orbit." 

     The $3.4 million will cover the cost of training the amorous astronauts and researching the difficulty of doing the deed in orbit, which is a little-studied subject. After about six months of training, the cast and crew will hopefully be ready to launch with custom film equipment in late 2016. According to Pornhub Vice President Corey Price, the film will begin upon takeoff, "and as the ship climbs, so too will the lovemaking." He continued that when the shuttle reaches its climax in zero gravity, so will his actors. 

     With the help of porn studio Digital Playground, Pornhub will "thrust" adult film stars Eva Lovia and Johnny Sins into history. Pornhub says that Lovia and Sins were chosen because they are "professional" and "fun to work with." Sins said, "I've had sex pretty much everywhere and every way you can imagine. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and who I do, but this is a really unique opportunity to break ground in the adult industry." Lovia says this film will allow her to work two dream jobs, porn star and astronaut. 

     Their dream job might be difficult to achieve, however, because zero gravity decreases friction and blood flow. It's not known whether the deed has ever been attempted in the final frontier. Pornhub is now comparing itseltf to "great explorers and adventurers" like Christopher Columbus, Thomas Edison and Henry Ford in this campaign....Um, yeah....I don't think so. Considering Edison and Ford were inventors and not explorers, that might be a hard pill to swallow. 

     
     Donors to the IndieGoGo campaign will receive rewards based on the size of the gifts. The largest prize, for the "Uranus" category of donor will receive the spacesuits and underwear worn by Lovia and Sins for "cosplay enthusiasts." So far, the site has only raised just less than $7,000. Why is Pornhub doing this? They say, "For the love is science and sex." I don't know what to say. I mean great if they can get this campaign going. I think what would really push this campaign over-the-top would be donors getting dates with Lovia and Sins. That would really grab more donors with big bucks. I will also admit that I would be on the first ones to watch when this video is released! That doesn't make me a bad guy, right?

UBER NASTY

     So, a couple of months ago, my cousin-in-law and her husband were telling us about Uber car service and how great it is. When they explained the idea to me. I thought it was kind of weird. So, normal people, not taxi drivers pick you up in their own cars if they are somewhere near you and they drive you wherever you want to go. There is a smartphone app that shows you where the closest Uber driver is to you, then you put in a request and they come get you. It sounds simple enough right? Well, taxi drivers are losing money from this I'm sure.

     Anyway, when we stopped at the New York City Auto Show a rep from Uber was there, so I asked what kind of a background check do they do on their drivers and the rep assured me that they do a thorough one. Well, this guy must've slipped through the cracks. This is 57-year-old Nayal Salem, a Philadelphia Uber driver who was arrested after he was caught on video fondling himself in front of a female customer. They must have some background check!

     Salem touched himself after driving the woman from Sea Isle City, NJ to her summer home in Avalon, NJ, over Memorial Day weekend. The Jersey Shore spots are more than an hour drive from Salem's Philadelphia home. When Salem and the woman reached her home, he got into the backseat, where the woman was sitting and began rubbing himself over his clothes. Can you say "Ew!" The woman said she could not open the doors to escape. 

     Salem said to the woman whole he rubbed his groin, "I love your body, my God I love your body! Your body is beautiful." There is an alleged video of the incident that was posted to social media. The woman tried to get Salem to stop, but he kept asking her why and what she wanted him to do. The woman demanded he let her out. Salem would eventually listen, exiting the car before saying, "Have a good night. Call me alright?" What the hell? This guy had to have been on some sort of medication or something. 

     Salem was charged with lewdness, false imprisonment and harassment. He is scheduled to appear in court on June 22. Uber said it fired the driver after the video surfaced and noted he was not licensed to operate an Uber in New Jersey. The company began ramping up its safety measures in December after a few drivers were arrested for sex crimes against customers. I still don't understand how Uber does a background check, yet guys like Salem can still get through. My wife uses Uber when she's away on business, so because of this, I'm a little weary. I would stick to a normal taxi. At least they come with medallion numbers. 

SEX TOY SELFIES

      What would you do for extra credit when you were in still in school? You would probably do anything to lift that lower grade to a higher and appealing one for your parents, right? Well, a teacher in Alameda, California took the extra credit offering and turned it up a notch...or two! Now, parents are up in arms about it. I guess they don't want their kids to get good grades. 

     The controversy concerns Wing Wah Leung, a tenth grade geometry teacher at Encinal High School in Alameda. Leung is said to have suggested students pad their grades by searching in their parent's draws for condoms, dildos, vibrators, and other adult toys and then taking selfie photos with the erotic items. Each item would earn the student ten points for each photo. 

     One student said that Leung allegedly added, "If you get caught, that would be funnier." Moms Kimberly Cobene and Evangeline Garcia took their concerns to Encinal High School administrators, who they claim implied that Leung's comments were supposed to be a joke. How is that a joke? If it's said in front of the students, it's clearly not a joke. According to Garcia, not every student took the extra credit offer as a joke either. 

     There are reports that one student went through with the assignment and showed his photos to fellow students as an example of what the photos should look like. Garcia told a news station, "If the kids took it as a joke, then why did one kid take it serious and actually did the extra credit work, and was shown as an example in class?" I mean she does have a point, but lighten up. It's not like Leung used any of these sex toys on the students or anything. He simply asked for students to take selfies with the parents' sex toys. No law has been broken. The only thing I see here are embarrassed parents, who didn't want the world to know that they use sex toys. Well, guess what? Because you had to bitch about it; now, the whole world knows. If you kept your mouth shut, only the classroom would have known. 

     Here's the best part; Garcia and Cobene believe Leung should be fired for this, but he is still teaching at the school. Alameda School District official Susan Gate said she couldn't comment on the case until the investigation is finished because of privacy reasons. The moms said they will act to protect their children and that they don't feel comfortable with their children in Leung's presence. I don't understand why? These kids are tenth graders, which makes them 16-years-old. If they don't know what sex toys are at the age of 16, then these parents really shelter these kids. I can understand if these kids were like 10 or something like that, but they were all teenagers. Leung probably thought he could joke with them and even if it was a serious extra credit offer, who cares? If my kid was teetering between an "A" and a "B", I would have handed him or her all of my wife's sex toys to take selfies with. I'm sure she would do the same. I think these moms were just embarrassed and wanted to make a big stink out of nothing. What do you think?

WHEELCHAIR ORGY

     Yup, I'm back! I originally wanted to rant about airport and flying etiquette, but I felt I would just be wasting a blog because some people will never get it. I just got back from Las Vegas for a Conference and some people are just so unaware of people around them and are just so rude. Like I said, it would be a waste to rant about it because the rant would go nowhere and people will remain assholes.

     Therefore, I bring you something that might bring a smile to your face because it has to do with sex. It may even be one of sex's final frontiers. In what could be the first of it's kind, Toronto will host an accessible orgy for disabled people. No, you read that right. An orgy for the disabled. 

     The "Deliciously Disabled" sex night will take place in a theater in the Canadian city. The capacity for the evening is 125 participants and open to disabled and able-bodied people. Admission costs $20, though caretakers can get in for free, and there will be an interpreter for the deaf and space for about 20 wheelchairs. I can't believe this is really a thing. 

     The orgy is the X-rated idea of disability awareness consultant Stella Palikarova. The 35-year-old said she thought of an orgy after becoming fed up with people assuming there must be something wrong with her libido just because she is in a wheelchair as she has spinal muscular atrophy. She went on to say that she also thought about an orgy because those who organize orgies do not cater to the disabled. She said, "The naysayers are just subconsciously hating the fact that people in wheelchairs are having great sex, better sex than a lot of people are having. By making this party accessible , we are saying openly that people with disabilities are sexual beings are not only in more conventional ways." 

     Fellow organizer, Andrew Morrison-Gurza was more kinky saying, "A wheelchair can become just a biog sex toy." What the hell? The orgy is set to take place on August 14 at the same time Toronto is hosting the Parapan Am Games, a multi-sport event held every four years for athletes with physical disabilities. I guess it only makes sense for the orgy to happen during this time period. This is insane! And they call Las Vegas the City of Sin? Then what the hell is Toronto for pulling this off? I will say, however, in a disturbing part of my mind, I kind of want to see the video of this. Am I the only one?

POOP SMEAR

     I'm not sure why I think this is so ridiculously funny because it's kind of sad. I mean all who know me, know I write about poop. That's just what I do. So, this story should be no different, only the woman involved suffers from a mental illness, which makes this story pretty sad. 

     Anyway, an unnamed Connecticut woman who smeared poop all over her naked body and trashed a motel room before begging police to shoot her has been hospitalized for a mental evaluation. The woman allegedly stripped off all her clothes and splattered herself in her own excrement inside her Motel 6 in Windsor Locks last Thursday. This story might have been a bit more disturbing if it was a Westin or a Hyatt or something, but it doesn't shock me that it was at a Motel 6. 

     Police were called to the scene and when she saw them at her door, she sprinted out the door and away from the building as she clutched small dog. She ran into a nearby Subway restaurant naked and covered in poop. I'm sure that Subway shop owner was ecstatic about that! Now, he had to sanitize the whole shop because of the poop that might have fallen off her body as she ran in. The distressed woman locked herself in the bathroom as officers arrived and tried talking her into coming out, but she refused. 

     Police finally managed to barge their way into the bathroom, where she lashed out and tried to kick the arresting officers and repeatedly asked them to shoot her. The puppy was also caused some pain as she'd placed it between her thighs and started to squeeze, but the officers eventually managed to free the pup, wrap the "incoherent" woman in blankets and remover her from the eatery. 

     The woman was loaded into an ambulance and taken to the hospital for evaluation. So, I'd like to say that my mom is doing fine. Just kidding! The current condition of the woman is unknown at this time, but what the hell? Something must've happened to this woman to really make her react like this. I mean who would want to smear poop all over themselves? I get scared to even drop my phone in the toilet after pooping, let alone smearing it all over my naked body. There's definitely something not right upstairs, which makes this story a sad one. Sorry if I ruined your day!.....Not really!

HOW DO YOU SHUT THAT DOG UP?

     Okay, I love my dog and I'm sure many of you out there love your pets too. That's why this story makes me sick to my stomach and something needs to happen to this guy! I don't care, how much a dog barks or how loud they are. You never tape their mouths shut. That's what this guy did! He allegedly taped his roommate's dog shut with electrical tape. What an asshole! This story only would have been worse if he proceeded to rape the dog too. 

     This is Antonio Furlow from Georgia and was he was charged with animal cruelty for the bizarre step he took to keep the pitbull, Bullet, from eating, drinking or speaking. The Snellville Police Department said on its Facebook page; this arrest was a rare occurrence when they enjoyed locking someone up in jail. They wrote, "Taking someone's freedom is not the fun part of police work...Well...we enjoyed taking this guy in. It's not surprising that our K9 Unit volunteered to assist detectives in the warrant service. Heartbreaking the way the dog was treated." The pitbull was found on Thursday severely dehydrated and malnourished. 

     According to police, the pup was found in very poor shape. His mouth was extremely swollen and he was unable to open it. His tongue was sticking out and bleeding. The responding officer wrote, "The sight of the dog was heartbreaking and disturbing to all involved." So, would anyone else like to see this guy's mouth taped shut to see how he likes it?

     Furlow was transported to County jail and he also may face a drug charge after authorities found marijuana in his apartment. The dog may have to undergo a lengthy recovery process. As far as the tissue damage, it may be a little more serious than they initially thought and the status of the dog is up in the air at the moment, which is heartbreaking. How can someone do this to a defenseless pet is beyond me. I'd like to know where the roommate was this whole time? Did he not have something to say about the treatment of this dog? This is ridiculous and if the state of Georgia had any sense, they would punish Furlow by seriously covering his mouth with electrical tape for the same amount of time the dog had it on his mouth. Yes, that's torture, but it's okay to do that to a dog? This guy is an animal too. I seriously would like to hear from the roommate.