WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!

     Trust me when I tell you that I love me a good poop story. I even wrote a book about it called S**t Happens available now on Amazon.com. Anyway, I draw the line when schools start checking kids underwear for poop stains in school. That's what happened in Gustine, Texas, whose population is only 457 people. 

     11-year-old, Eliza Medina said, "I felt uncomfortable, and I didn't want to do it. I felt like they violated my privacy." She was one of about two dozen elementary students who were rounded up in the small town of 90 miles southwest of Fort Worth, Texas. Eliza's mother, Maria, said that the boys were taken to one room, while the girls were taken to another, and they were ordered "to pull their pants down to check them to see if they could find anything." You might be scratching your heads as to what can these 11-year-olds have possibly done wrong to warrant this action, right?

     Well, that's when my favorite part of the story comes in to play; according to Eliza's mom, educators "have been finding poop on the gym floor." She said she can imagine the frustration, but said even for feces on the floor you don't partially strip search a group of students to find the culprit. I'm still floored by the fact that one of these kids crapped on the gym floor. That is AWESOME! Medina went on to say, "I was furious....I mean, I was furious. If you can't do your job or you don't know what you're doing, you need to be fired. You shouldn't be here." If you ask me, I think the teachers did feel they were doing their jobs and they felt that they wanted to get to the bottom of who was shitting on the gym floor. I mean, I'm sure there were other means to attain that information, but they felt checking the kids' underwear was a surefire way to attain it. 

     Gustine Independent School District Superintendent Ken Baugh acknowledged that making kids drop their drawers goes too far. He said, "That's not appropriate, and we do no condone that. So you would take disciplinary action." But Baugh said early into the investigation, his understanding is that the children were told to lower their pants just a little. Medina insists it was more than that. She said that their pants had to be lowered to where their butts were, which I believe to be true because if you're checking someone for poop stains, you're checking by the ass crack and not the rim of the underwear. Eliza's mom contended that even if it were just a little, having kids line up and expose their underwear for inspection is simply unacceptable. She said, "Wrong is wrong!"

     The superintendent is hoping to have his investigation into this incident wrapped up by Wednesday, after he has heard from all parties involved. He may still get an earful, as there are some angry parents planning to show up at the school board meeting to demand that someone be held accountable. Superintendent Baugh is hoping that they can find a better way to solve the situation. To be honest, the only thing that can make this situation any worse is if you told the parents that Jerry Sandusky was in charge of inspecting the children. Otherwise, this looks pretty bad on the teachers.

COM DOWN! THEY SAID THEY WERE SORRY!

     Someone at Comcast should be out of a job today! Let me just say that I've had Cablevision, Time Warner and Comcast and Comcast's customer service is by far the worst. Their reception comes in and out every now and then, but after five years, we've grown to accept it. This story, on the other hand, is unacceptable.

     The giant cable provider was recently forced to apologize after its mailings referred to a customer as an "Asshole" after the man's wife canceled part of their service. Ricardo Brown, a Comcast customer from Washington state, received billing statements that referred to him as "Asshole Ricardo" following the call his wife made to reduce their monthly payment. Lisa Brown said she thinks the insulting bill could have been a retaliation for her decision to change part of her contract. The 2-year customer said, "I was never rude. It could have been that person was upset because I didn't take their offer." This was no accident. You don't change someone's name to "Asshole" on a bill on accident. It's no different than those restaurant workers leaving racial slurs on customer's receipts. I think Mrs. Brown was right. This was an act of retaliation because the salesperson did not make the sale. Yet, I'm sure that person still has a job. 

     Comcast confirmed the name on the Brown family's bill had been changed, but a representative said he had no idea how it happened. I can tell you. One of your reps, who are always "know-it-all" rude scumbags who can barely speak English, changed the name because they didn't get what they wanted from The Browns. Comcast's vice-president of communications for the Washington region, Steve Kipp stated, "We have spoken with our customer and apologized for this completely unacceptable and inappropriate name change. We have zero tolerance for this type of disrespectful behavior and are conducting a thorough investigation to determine what happened." 

     The cable giant waived a $60 fee imposed when Lisa Brown canceled part of her account. The company also refunded Brown the full bill for two years of service. To be honest, Comcast should be kissing the Brown family's asses right now. I think two years of free cable should do the it, but how about a lifetime of free cable? I mean, I have gotten pretty rude with the Comcast reps when I call. I wonder what they put in their notes about me? "Dickhead Louie"? "Douchebag Louie"? "Shithead Louie"? I mean all would be accurate, but according to Mrs. Brown, she wasn't rude to them at all. I'm just waiting for the day that we get "Dickhead Louie" on our bill. I could use free cable for a while since these bills keep getting more expensive every month. It might be time to just switch to Internet only and rely on Apple TV since you can get all the shows on their anyway. Just saying...

WHAT THE PHUC?

     You ever wonder what happens in the stockroom of a store? This story might make you wonder a little bit. So, a Bay area man recently got busted for running a fake furniture store as a front for a $2 million marijuana operation. Yup! And this photo is what the stockroom looked like! I don't think even Cheech and Chong could have drummed up this plan! 

     Phuc (Um, what? Really?) Nguyen, 39, ran the Gilroy Furniture and More store and filled it with couches, tables, chairs and flower vases, none of which was for sale, according to the Santa Clara County Sheriff's Office. The real moneymaker was stashed in the back of the sham shop with more than 1,000 pot plants and 50 pounds of processed weed. Oops! Sorry, I started drooling on my keyboard. That is insane!

     Police investigated Phuc (I will only refer to him by this name because his name is awesome!) for a month before arresting him in the store. Police said the store was never really open for business, but they gave Phuc's furniture front an "A+" for creativity. Police said, "We don't see a lot of storefront operations with a large-scale illegal enterprise going on in the back. In the movies and on TV, they like to think it happens all the time, but in reality, we just don't see that level of sophistication." 

     Phuc is being held on $200,000 bail. Besides his massive pot pla, Phuc was also allegedly stealing $80,000 of water and light for the plants, creating a massive fire hazard that could have destroyed his real and fake products. I have to admit that I am impressed. Not only with his name, Phuc, but also with the fact that he was able grow all these greens without the police ever really noticing. The fact that he never really sold any furniture gives me a nice chuckle too. What did he do when customers came into the store? Tell them that those pieces were out of stock? Or did he just never open the store for people to even come in? Either way the best part about this story is his name. How do you go through life with a name like that? Imagine his last name was Yu or something like Dat? I can go all day! 
 

MILE HIGH CANADA

     This story took place last January, but trial only started this week, so it's still so relevant and still so appropriate for this blog! You have to love this.

     Anyway, according to a flight attendant, a Canadian couple on a Toronto-to-Halifax flight tried to hide their mid-flight sex acts by putting a coat over their laps. 39-year-old, Jason George Chase and 25-year-old, Alicia Elizabeth Lander were each charged with indecent acts after the alleged January 2014 mile-high incident on an Air Canada flight. 

     Lander's trial began this past Wednesday after she pleaded not guilty to the charges. Chase, on the other hand, changed his original not guilty plea to guilty, is due in court on March 27. After a year of investigating the incident, it's still not clear if the two knew each other before the frisky flight. The service director on the January 24 Air Canada flight, John Dunn, gave a graphic testimony of the whole encounter during Lander's trial on Wednesday. 

     He testified that about halfway through the two-hour flight, another passenger told Dunn that there was a couple going to "join the Mile High Club." The flight attendant found Lander and Chase in their seats with a coat covering their laps. Lander's hand was in Chase's lap and making an up-and-down gesture. He was went on to say that Lander's thighs and pink thong were also exposed. He said in court, "Her pants were down around her ankles. I said, 'I want you to stop this now. It's inappropriate.'" Dunn then demanded Lander to get dressed and asked her to put her breasts back inside her bra once she pulled her pants up. Dunn had to separate the couple for the rest of the flight. Un-be-lievable! 

     When the captain found out about the lovers' shenanigans, he had Mounties meet the landing plane at the gate. When police tried to escort Lander through the airport to an interview room, she became violent, which I'm sure did not help her case any. She knocked down a sliding door, hit a police officer and knocked some holes into the wall. The Mountie said she also reeked of alcohol and at one point even lunged at him as if to bite him. I have to say, I have no words on this incident except for AWESOME! I love ending the week with stories like this. 

     On top of the indecent acts charges, Lander was charged with assaulting an officer, committing an act of mischief and causing a public disturbance. Her trial will continue on March 3. From the sounds of it, the couple might not have known each other and I'm sure after Lander sobered up, she probably asked, "I did what?" That's what makes stories like these so awesome! 

STORAGE WARS.....IN HER VAJAY-JAY!

     My friend Scott sent me this story via Facebook yesterday saying, "I thought this story was right up your alley." Sadly, Scott was 110% right! I mean I was going to write about the Bridgeton, NJ police officer who shot a man to death even though his hands were raised in the air, but why give in to the media telling the public that our police forces are not safe. Some might be total pricks, but I have lots of friends who are those total pricks and I would trust my life in any of their hands. Why this officer shot him? Who knows? Besides, this story is so much more entertaining! 

     So, a red-faced Texas woman ended up in an ER after a meth pipe she tried to hide in her vagina during a drug bust got stuck up there. This is Christina Searcy and she stuffed the tube into her vajay-jay after the van she was traveling in with three pals was pulled over by a Montgomery County deputy on Friday night. 

     The quartet, all from Cleveland, Texas, were arrested after a coin bag containing several baggies of cocaine and a marijuana joint were discovered inside the van. According to reports, they'd been stopped after reports that they'd committed some sort of fraud. Those allegations were later dropped due to the drug treasure the police found. 

     Searcy, driver Kevin Gene Hales, and other passengers Kimberly Kinn and Melinda Robertson were all taken into custody. They were warned while they were being booked into jail that they'd face additional charges if they didn't declare all of the drugs on them. Kimberly Kinn revealed that she had a pipe in her bra, which later tested positive for methamphetamine. Searcy would admit to having a pipe hidden in her vagina, but when she tried to remove the apparatus, she realized that it was lodged into what is normally her "love canal." Aren't those pipes usually made of glass? Wasn't she afraid that it would break in her vajay-jay? Nasty!

     The 36-year-old was rushed to Kingwood Emergency Room where doctors successfully took out the tube, which later tested positive for meth as well. It should have tested positive for dirty snatch too! According to a police report, all four suspects are facing drug possession charges. I have to admit though, even though this is freaking nasty; woman are lucky that that have that hole to hide things in. What do we have as guys? The only thing we can hide down there is doughnuts or rings or anything that can wrap around that thing. My point is there is no hiding things when you're a guy! So, this experience might have been nasty and embarrassing for Searcy, but she is pretty lucky that she had the ability to even do it. Just saying!

LET'S GIT IT ON!

      Typically, I try to stay away from politics and real world stuff with my blog because I feel that you can get those stories right from newspaper headlines, whereas I'd rather write about entertaining stuff for you. So, when I saw this story about Guantanamo Bay, I was a little skeptical to read on until I saw the word "SEX." The word makes everyone slam on the breaks no matter where you are, plus this prisoner's description of his sexual encounter was pretty entertaining. Let's see what you think. 

     So, a dramatic first-hand look inside the life of a Gitmo Bay detainee (member of Al-Qaeda) has been revealed in a newly published diary, detailing allegations of sexual abuse and extreme torture during the man's 12 years as a prisoner. Do I feel sorry for him? Hell no because of all the brothers and sisters we lost fighting in his country and not to mention the loved ones we lost on 9/11. Any sympathizer for this scumbag should be tortured alongside of him. Anyway, I'm starting to get derailed here. 

     In passages of Guantanamo Diary, Mohamedou Ould Slahi claims he was regularly roughed up, interrogated for false information and even forced to engage in a threesome with female guards. That's the part I was most interested in. In one jarring entry that detailed the allegations of sexual abuse, he wrote, "I have never felt as violated in myself as I had since the (U.S. Department of Defense) team started to torture me to get me to admit things I haven't done."

     The 44-year-old is one of the detention camp's longest-held prisoners after his 2002 arrival following allegations of his involvement in a 1999 plot to bomb Los Angeles and ties to the perpetrators of the September 11 attacks. Though, he admits he swore allegiance to Al Qaeda in Afghanistan in the 1990s, the Mauritanian national claims that he left the group in 1992. His attorney also argues that he has never been charged with any crime and hasn't even received a trial. Um, he was involved in a plot to bomb the whole city of Los Angeles and he had ties to attackers from 9/11? If he did go to trial, he'd end up in the same place because he would have been nailed with conspiracy. He still may get charged with that if they do decide to put him on trial. 

     Anyway, his 460-page, handwritten journal was eventually seized by prison guards before a judge cleared its release following a seven-year legal battle and now it's available for sale at nationwide bookstores. And now for the good part......The SEX! In the excerpt where Slahi describes his forced threesome, he recalled the guards' alleged orders to him, "Today we're gonna teach you about great American sex. Get Up!" He wrote, "As soon as I stood up, the two female guards took off their blouses, and started to talk all kind of dirty stuff you can imagine, which I minded less. What hurt me most was them forcing me to take part in a sexual threesome in the most degrading manner." Screw that! This sounds awesome! What guy in his right might would fight this off or think this was degrading? I'm sure they FORCED him into a threesome!

     He continued, "Both female guards stuck on me, literally one on the front and the other older guard stuck on my back rubbing her whole body on mine. At the same time they were talking dirty to me, and playing with my sexual parts." Is it getting hot in here or is it me? Anyway, during the abuse, Slahi said he prayed out loud, inducing anger and eventual punitive repercussions from his guards. "'Stop praying, Motherfucker, you're killing people,' the one guard said, and punched me hard on my mouth," he remembered. His entries became more violent when he details beatings that left him bloody, swollen and choking for air. 

     US Army Lt. Col. Myles B. Caggins III confirmed Monday that Shahi wrote the entries while at Gitmo Bay before the pages were given to his lawyers. The Department of Defense allowed the release of the Slahi manuscript after it completed an extensive, interagency classification review to ensure that the information released would not harm U.S. personnel or damage U.S. national security. Slahi's allegations of abuse are currently under review. Screw the review! Let's see the surveillance video of the sexual abuse. I can't be the only one who wants to see that! Right? That is for the two female guards sake and not Slahi's. Who cares about him? Let him rot for all I care!

DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL

     I originally wanted to write about that transgender soldier that hid her sexuality for years and has recently come out as a woman, but this story pulled me in like a night train. I didn't even scroll down any further to see if there was any better story because this one was taking the cake no matter what! 

    Anyway, a Great Lakes teen loves her father so much that she is allegedly going to walk down the aisle with him...as his bride! WHAT? The story was actually in a tell-all interview with New York Magazine. The 18-year-old, who chose to remain anonymous, dished out how a rekindled relationship with her once estranged biological father led to an almost two-year love affair with plans to wed and have children here in New Jersey. I'm sure it will be down here in South Jersey, where the inbreeding is second to none. She told the magazine, "There's a reason I lost my virginity to him....Because I'd never felt comfortable with any other man." Um, hello? That's because he's really your DAD!

     It was after 12 years of separation that the teen says a Facebook friend request led to the pair uniting at the age of 17. Her parents had only dated for a few months when she was conceived during their high school's prom night. After she was born, her father was scarcely in her life before being cut out all together when she was only 5. When they finally reunited, she explained that it was like they never spent a day apart. She went on to say, "The idea of 'getting to know him' seemed strange because we were so much alike." Um, hello? That's because he's really your DAD! Even stranger, she admitted, was the fact that she found her father "attractive." Yeah, that's not supposed to happen when you reunite with your parent. They're just supposed to be parents and that's about it!

     The father was living with his girlfriend in a town about 30 miles away when she went to spend a week with him. At first she said she slept on the floor, and he slept on the couch. But after a few nights, he got on the floor with her. In the interview, she said, "When we woke up, we were spooning. I didn't know this but later, after we admitted our feelings, he told me he had 'morning wood' and had gone to fix it." Play wrestling between them led to biting and eventually both admitting their unusual feelings for one another. She said, "We discussed whether it was wrong and then we kissed. And then we made out, and then we made love for the first time. That was when I lost my virginity. It was insanely sexual. It lasted for about an hour and there was a lot of foreplay. We both had orgasms. We are so similar, so it's so easy to sexually please each other. For example, we both love neck-biting. I've never been in a more passionate, loving, fulfilling situation." Um, hello? That's because he's really your DAD!

     Here's something coincidental and screwed up; so, their relationship only grew stronger from that moment. She even took her father to her high school prom, the very event she was conceived at. I have no words after that. The father eventually moved out of the girlfriend's house and moved into a home with an ex-girlfriend of eight years and the daughter moved in with him. The older woman didn't know about the father-daughter relationship until she overheard the two having sex one night in the bedroom. Instead of freaking out, the woman "really didn't mind," according to the teen. 

     One person who has yet to learn about this disgusting relationship is the teen's mother. The teens said, "She acts like there's something up, but doesn't know what the hell it is." The odd couple plan to keep it that way, at least until they're able to move to New Jersey, where adult incest is apparently legal, just not the father-daughter marriage. WHAT THE HELL? I lived in Jersey my whole life and never heard that incest was real! Then again, that explains a lot down here in South Jersey! All I have to say is, "Ew!"

     She says once they reach the shores of New Jersey, she will tell everyone....At least those who don't already know. That excludes her grandparents on her father's side who in her words: "can't wait for us to have babies." That's one goal she said they plan to get to work on, never minding fears of genetic problems their kids could inherit. Okay, I've had enough. I am totally grossed out right now. There is a Chicago-based organization for adopted children who says that this happens more often than we expect, but I'll just let you Google that one. The father is a child-molesting psycho and the daughter has some really daddy issues. That's what I see here! The whole thing is just absolutely SICK! I guess she'll always be DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL!

FIRST TEACHER SEX STORY OF THE NEW YEAR

     Since writing this blog, I seemed to have gained this reputation of writing about teachers having sex with their students. To be honest, these stories write themselves! The best part is that you, the readers, actually like these stories. So, who is the the sick one here? Anyway, here is the first one for 2015 and it's a hot one!

     So, two California high school teachers were caught having sex with high school students at a beach party that they helped put together. That's right! Again, I will ask, "Where the hell were these teachers when I was in high school? And why are these dumb little boys telling their parents about it?" Morons! As I was saying; both Melody Lippert, 38, and Michelle Ghirelli, 30, teachers at South Hills High School were arrested over the weekend after allegedly seducing students at a boozy beach party, according to a statement made by the Orange County Sheriff's Office. Detectives are saying that at December's San Clemente State Beach Party, Lippert provided several high school students with alcohol for the overnight campout before have sexual relations with one lucky student. I have to admit; I'm not sure I would have fought off Lippert either if she came on to me and I was the student. 

     It's believed that Ghirelli, the one who looks like she's about to burst into tears in her mugshot, joined the gathering, which was not sanctioned by the school, and had sex with an underage male student. The allegations about the two teachers surfaced on Friday when Covina-Valley Unified School District officials learned of the teachers' possible activity and called the West Covina Police Department. But how did school officials learn of the possible activity? Is it because these boys couldn't keep their mouths shut? They just had to blurt out to their family and friends that they banged their teachers? What's wrong with high school students these days? Back in my day, which was a long time ago, this was more a notch on the belt and you would only tell the friends you trusted. I just don't get it. 

     Lippert's charges do not reflect any sex crimes since the boy she allegedly banged was a student who was over 18 years of age. She's also, however, being accused of having sex with a student at a party in November as well. Lippert is charged being charged with conspiracy and contributing to the delinquency of a minor, but Ghirelli is definitely being charged with oral copulation and unlawful sex with a minor. Both women are expected to be arraigned next week. I mean, unfortunately, for these girls; I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time? I still don't get how these boys are telling people about it. Wouldn' they want to bang these teachers some more? I'll never understand this.

URINE SOME DEEP S**T!

     When you're a tourist, you never know what you're going to get from the natives or who you can even trust when you're visiting a foreign land. Last week, my new bride and I were in St. Lucia and the natives were asking her to try their rum. Luckily, the natives in St. Lucia know that the majority of their income comes from tourism, so most of them would not mess with that. So, the rum that she tasted was actually rum. 

     If we were visiting the Blackpool area of England, we wouldn't have been as lucky. You see, this British con man sold bogus bottles of booze that were actually just water laced with urine and human waste (otherwise known as shit!) His name is Nicholas Stewart and he told tourists visiting Blackpool that the one-liter bottles he was selling for a bargain $15 were only filled with a new concoction of Jack Daniel's whiskey and Smirnoff vodka. First of all, ew! Second of all, the bottles were, in fact, filled with pee and excrement, making that a double ew!

     The 35-year-old was arrested and pleaded guilty to fraud at Blackpool Magistrates' Court on Friday. Prosecutor Victoria Cartmell said that the lab tests proved that the bottles contained no alcohol at all. She said, "They were purported to contain whiskey and vodka, but were water laced with urine and feces, probably to give the so-called whiskey color. They were totally unsuitable for public consumption. They were hazardous and contained dangerous E. coli bacteria."

     Stewart ended up getting a 70-day jail term suspended for 12 months. Prosecutors are now trying to prevent him from selling anything in the Blackpool area and have applied to subject him to a Criminal Anti-Social Behavior Order. To be honest, Stewart is getting away with no real punishment at all. He tried to sell people piss and shit as a drink for crying out loud. That would not fly here in America. At least I hope that it wouldn't. It also scares me to know that their are some really sick people out there. I mean, what if St. Lucians hated tourists? My wife would have drank this same concoction after being told it was rum. Like I said, we got lucky that those islanders really rely on tourists to live. The lesson here is to be careful when you travel and trust no one! 

THERE GOES THE MANHOOD!

     As I was driving home from work last night, I received a text from my brother, Scotty O, with a link to this amazing story. All I can say is that after reading this story with crossed-legs; Lorena Bobbitt has nothing on this woman. I will try to relay this story as best I can without making my fellow man vomit or even cry. 

     So, a scorned wife who chopped her cheating husband's penis off twice is now finally facing time in jail. As the story goes; two-timing father of five, Fan Lung, had used his wife's cell phone to send his 21-year-old lover, Zhang Hung, some sexy emails from his home, which he shares with his wife, in the city of Shangqiu of central China's Henan province. Can I just say that stories like these really make people from my culture look absolutely ridiculous? Anyway, after forgetting to log out of his account, Lung' s stunned wife, Feng, came across the messages and flew into a blind rage, where she grabbed a pair of scissors and stormed into the couple's bedroom, where Lung was sleeping and she snipped his manhood off. What......The......Hell? 

     After being taken to the hospital, where Lung had the snipped member sewn back on, the still simmering Feng sneaked into his hospital room and cut it off again before throwing it out the window. I'm sorry...This is till absolutely disgusting, but the part where she sneaks into the hospital to cut it off again? Incredibly hysterical! Come on! I can't be the only one who thinks so.

     A hospital spokesperson told the story like this: "The first we were aware of what happened was when someone came into the reception area to say a naked man was beating up a woman outside the hospital. Staff rushed out to see what was happening and found the patient with blood streaming down his legs hitting the woman. He was stopped and the woman was taken in for treatment, and then we discovered she had chopped his penis off again." This story is too much!

     Doctors and police officers combed the area outside, but failed to find the man's missing member, and they believed it may have been stolen by a stray dog or cat. Um, hello? Are we forgetting he was Chinese? They may have not have found it because it was teenie-tiny. I mean the stereotype, which I can personally tell you I do not fit in, is that Asian men were cursed with small members. Like I said, I'm tall and long....Wait! How did this turn into a defend Tim's manhood moment? Anyway, you know what I'm saying, but let's just stick to the stray dog and cat taking it. 

     The hospital spokesperson went on to say that the man had lost a lot of blood and needed emergency surgery. He is currently in stable condition, but is said to be "extremely emotionally distraught." How could he not be? He just lost his best friend! Lung's lover, who arrived at the hospital, said she planned to marry him as soon as she could and that "It doesn't matter that he's lost his fertility. He has five children already." Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts, honey! His little friend, when attached, I'm sure can go a long way. There's only so much you can do with fingers and mouths. By the way, don't they have a cap as to how many children you can have in China? How did this guy father five children? Anyway, if anyone really cares, Lung's psychotic wife was finally charged for the gruesome attacks. Thanks for this amazing story, Scotty O!   

A PLANE ALL TO HIMSELF

     Anyone miss me? I'm baaaaack! It's a new year of buzzkill ramblings! I am now someone's husband and eventually, I see myself writing a blog about the whole wedding planning process, but for now, I want to get back to writing and entertaining those of you who actually read my silly ramblings.

     So, upon returning home from my honeymoon Monday morning spending all day Sunday traveling on a plane (and missing the Cowboys game, which I'm still upset about), I'm sure many of you can relate to the trials and tribulations of flying from screaming babies to the passenger in front of you having no manners whatsoever and just pushing their seat back to knock your drink over to people behind you talking the entire flight in your ear. That is why you fly first-class any time it is available. 

     This is why I chose to write about Brew York editor, Chris O'Leary today. He had the opportunity of a lifetime to fly on a commercial Delta flight with only one other passenger. So, basically, he had the whole entire plane to himself. You cannot get anymore first-class than that! How jealous was I after reading this article?

     Anyway, hours of delays on a New York-bound Delta flight from Cleveland led to O'Leary and another passenger getting the entire plane to themselves, with O'Leary happily live-tweeting the desolate departure. Chris O'Leary, editor of the beer news site Brew York, tweeted with a smiling face a selfie from the empty 76-seat plane around 2 p.m. Monday with this explanation: "They rebooked everyone but me on another flight to LGA, so I am literally the only person on this plane."

      After two hours and a few more Tweets like "No, I'm not joking. I'm the only one on this plane," the Brooklyn resident tweeted his update with a crying emoji at the end: "The thrill is gone guys. Just as we were about to push back, they reconnected the jet bridge to let a second passenger on the flight." According to O'Leary, the other passenger slept all the way to LaGuardia and the two didn't even speak. He explained that he left the airport for several hours due to multiple delays on his flight home,  and when he returned later in the day, all of his would-be passengers were already rescheduled on an earlier flight. 

     Before being treated to the travel-for-two flight, O'Leary fired off several Tweets complaining about his 7:15 a.m. flight getting repeatedly rescheduled. He wrote three hours before boarding, "I'm sure @delta's doing all they can, but this still sucks." After the flight became a personal one for him, he was singing a different tune! What a lucky guy! A flight from Cleveland to New York was probably only two and a half hours, but still, to have that whole plane to yourself? That must've been something else. I was wondering if the flight attendants actually gave him the hot food they normally give the first-class passengers or did they just give him a bag of nuts like they give you in coach? Again, either way, who cares? This must've been awesome!