ONCE YOU GO BLACK....

     I can't believe the Neo-Nazi's are even still around, but apparently, this Nazi porn star is in trouble with her extremely racist party for filming a sex scene with a black man. That's right! And you know what they say, "Once you go black...." Well, you know the rest.

     Anyway, German porn star, Ina Groll, has been dropped by the national neo-Nazi party after her latest film features her having sex with a black man. The National Democratic Party of Germany had no problem making Groll the face of its right leaning party, until her latest movie unveiled her in a multi-racial sex-a-thon. 

     The blonde tattooed Nazi spokeswoman, who encouraged men to join the cause by wearing seductive outfits outside of polling places, was deemed a poor representation of its organization due to her latest film, "Kitty Discovers Sperm." That's a pretty dumb title. The controversy over the film has caused an online Facebook campaign to kick her out of the party and shortly after, the party's members agreed with the motion. 

     One poster posted, "Those who sell their body for money and disgrace their race have no place in our party." Groll does not address her banning on he Facebook, but her latest post last Thursday shows her feelings have not changed about the party. She wrote, " We want to preserve Germany as a land of Germans, want to to retain our identity and fight against mass immigration. It is enough! Criminal aliens and social parasites out of our country and back to their homes." The only thing that I can deduce from this is that the black man she did have sex with was from Germany. That's the only thing I can think of. 

     It also appears that Groll, whose porn name is "Kitty Blair," is not only unwelcome at Nazi functions but also faces a boycott by German pornographers. John Thompson, head of a Berlin porn film company said that there had been a unanimous decision to boycott the blonde actress. He says, "In the porn film industry, we welcome participants with all skin colors and all nationalities, but we don't welcome Nazis. If we had known about her political activities, we would have sent her home straight away." 

     Like I said earlier, I was unaware that the party even still existed anymore and the fact that they do, so be it. If this girl, wanted to be a porn star, she should be able to have sex with all colors and nationalities. Her political beliefs should not played a part to her lifestyle. I mean if she was a democrat or republican, would she lose her job just because her employer didn't agree with who she voted for? That is just silly, but I can understand that these companies want to have no ties with the Neo-Nazis. Who would? 

ROAD RAGER GONE WRONG

     Nobody had suffers from road rage more than I do. I think that everyone on the road are horrible drivers (especially in South Jersey) and they drive too damn slow! Yes, this is coming from a Chinese dude, who doesn't fit the "I can't drive" stereotype. I've been known to flip a bird or two. I've even pissed people off on the road to get back at them that I've even been flipped the bird. Don't you wish, however, when someone flips you the bird that something bad happens to them? That's what happened to a grinning, tailgating bozo who flipped off another driver on a Florida highway and seconds later, crashed into a light pole. Yes, the whole incident was caught on video. 

     Jeffrey Travis White, of Tampa, was arrested on Wednesday for leaving the scene of an accident on U.S. 41 near Gibsonton. He was tailgating Tracy Lynn Sloan, of Lakeland, who said the buzz cut goon followed her for several minutes on Monday morning, so she took her phone out and recorded him. Isn't that just as dangerous? Taking your cell phone out to record while your driving? I hope the police gave her a ticket too for reckless endangerment. Anyway, as he zoomed past her, he flashed a wicked grin and gave her the finger. Within seconds, White spun off the rain-slicked freeway onto a median and smashed into a light pole. 

     Sloan crackled as she drove away, "That's what you get, all on video buddy!" White's battered 2008 Ford pickup was lurched backwards across the grass. According to police, White fled the scene, but was arrested on Wednesday after Sloan turned the video over to police. He was facing charges of leaving the scene of a traffic crash, careless driving and failing to wear a seat belt. Records also showed that White had quite a rap sheet, which included busts for battery and pot possession. 

     Sloan wrote on YouTube that she would have moved out of his way to let him pass, but there were trucks in the lane next to her. She said, "I've recorded circumstances like this before, catching idiots doing stupid things, but never ever had this happen. Needless, to say though, I've never seen Karma come back so fast." Not for nothing, she should pay a fine too for driving while filming. She could have easily caused an accident as well. Regardless, it was funny to see this guy get his in the end.

HERE' THE VIDEO FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: 

THIS IS SOME SCARY SHIZZ...

     For city residents who are pet owners, this might be one of the most horrific nightmares that anyone can face. To this day, I think about this whenever I take my dog, Yankee, into an elevator and if this ever happened to him, I'm not sure if I'd be able to live with myself. 

     So, anyway, some terrifying video footage showed the moment a dog's leash got trapped in an elevator door and he was nearly choked to death. Is that scary enough for you dog-lovers? The shocking surveillance video sees owner Tamara Seibert struggling to save her 110-pound Rottweiler, Vado, as he flew to the ceiling of her Toronto condo elevator. Desperately pushing emergency buttons, she broke two finger and shredded her hands as she tried to free Vado from his collar. When the elevator plunged from the 11th floor down to the parking garage, Seibert managed to sound the alarm. Luckily, Vado's leash snapped and the doors opened just in time throwing Vado, who is only 5-years-old, to the floor, and saving him from what Seibert was almost-certain the last she would see of her beloved pet. 

     Seibert told a local newspaper, "I thought I was going to watch him die. He was picked clean off the ground. I just panicked and was going to do whatever I could to get him down. We just kept going down until his nylon leash ended up snapping." The 25-year-old Ryerson University student, who was also pet-sitting a friend's pit bull (also seen in the video clip), asked the block managers for a copy of the minute-long footage so she could use it to warn other pet owners about the dangers of elevators and their pets. She uploaded the video onto YouTube and the video's been seen over hundreds of thousands of times already. She says, "I just want people to be careful, I've heard so many horror stories from different people. It could be a child's scarf, a leash or a long dress." 

     I couldn't imagine the horror. I remember hearing from our friend, Betsy, that this almost happened to her dog, Baby. Again, I would absolutely die if I saw my little buddy get killed in this manner. You have to check out the surveillance video to really get an idea of Seibert's horror: 

SHE FAKED HER PREGNANCY FOR NINE MONTHS

     I don't condone ever hitting a woman, but I might have to make an exception here because this one deserves a beating and more. Before you call me an animal, listen to what she did to this poor guy. 

     This is Paul Servat and Barbara Beinvenue from Quebec. Well, Barbara thought it would be a great idea to dupe Paul into believing she was going to have quintuplets right up until the ninth month of her "pregnancy." Servat said he was devastated when he found out that Bienvenue had never been pregnant when they went to the doctor last week. The thing that I don't understand is did this guy not see her naked within those nine months? I mean, when you're going to have a baby with someone, wouldn't you think that you might see them naked at least once or twice in the nine months? Then again, maybe Bienvenue had a big enough "spare tire" to make her look like she was pregnant. Servat says, "I lost everything, it was my whole life!"

     Servat says that Bienvenue told him she was pregnant about one month after they met through an online dating site last summer. She told him they were expecting twins, and somehow, the baby number swelled to five. Um, wouldn't that be a red flag right there? Bienvenue not only fooled Servat, but the Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu community showered the couple with gifts. Servat is said to feel embarrassed by the whole situation. A local mother of triplets said, "I gave her tips on how to handle it, where to get financial support, where to get sponsors for diapers, etc." 

     Believe it or not, this wasn't Bienvenue's first time doing this, but you would think, "who the hell is sick enough to try this again?" The 37-year-old Bienvenue is said to be suffering pseudocyesis, which is "the belief that you are expecting a baby when you are not really carrying a child." Women who suffer from this condition have many of the symptoms of pregnancy except the actual fetus itself. I'm sure that I understand this. So, she showed the symptoms of being pregnant, but she wasn't pregnant? So, did she fool the doctors too or did she just steer clear of them since she knew she wasn't really pregnant. 

     Bienvenue is currently undergoing a psychiatric evaluation. Servat said on Facebook that he is no longer seeing Bienvenue (no shit!) and that he is returning all gifts from the faux pregnancy. He said, "She let me choose the names and everything! We were so happy. Even my parents, they were looking forward to having grandchildren." Okay, so after really reading into this story, maybe Bienvenue isn't the only one who needs to be slapped. Servat needs a slap in the face to for being so stupid! I mean no sonogram picture? Nothing? As a guy, how can he be that dumb? Think about all of the money he probably spent for her too! Okay, I'm back to slapping her, but he definitely needs his ass kicked too. 

THREE'S A CROWD

     For those of you who can't get enough of these horny teacher stories. I'm about to kick your week off on the right foot! It turns out; a married Georgia high school teacher had a threesome with two students in a classroom, then met up with one of the students again at a Waffle House for another encounter because she couldn't get enough of him the first time around. What? Yes, every boy's fantasy, but this woman is nuts! 

     This is 41-year-old, Lori Quigley. She is facing several sexual assault charges in this case and authorities fear that there may be other victims. Wait! "Fear" that there may be other victims? I hope there are more! I mean these are boys that she apparently had these encounters with, right? It doesn't sound like they were exactly fighting her off and they were boys! Couldn't they fight her off if they really wanted to? To "fear" that there were others really makes Quigley sound like a monster. The sheriff's office is saying that these charges are pretty serious felonies.

     Quigley resigned from her position as a math teacher at McIntosh County Academy earlier this month and was arrested at her home in Brunswick last week. She first seduced her students during sex sessions in a classroom in September and October of 2012. Then she met one of the students again at a Georgia Waffle House in January for another sex encounter. According to police, all of the students were at least 16-years-old. At 16, isn't that consensual? 

     Anyway, Quigley is being held on a $50,000 bond. If she's released, a judge ruled that she cannot have any contact with any of the students and she must stay in the county where she lives. She must also ask for permission before leaving the state of Georgia and she's not allowed anywhere near anyone under the age of 18 without supervision. Okay, aside from all the legal stuff, this teacher had a threesome with two students. That is awesome! I still feel that at the age of 16, these boys should've been able to fight her off if she was forcing sex on them. Being that they didn't fight her off, leads me to believe that they wanted it just as much as she did. If it was consensual, how is it really a felony? Am I the only one disagreeing with this arrest?

ANOTHER USE FOR VASELINE?

     These days, having a nice shape to your boobs is something all women want. So, what do they do? They go to a cosmetic surgeon and get a boob job, right? Well, what if you can't afford a boob job? Would you inject your boobs with Vaseline? That's what Sonia Perez Llanzon from Argentina did and it cost her her life. 

    

     39-year-old, Llanzon, who was an amateur runner, died after she injected Vaseline into her breasts in an attempt to boost her bust. She reportedly suffered a fatal blood clot in her lung several weeks after carrying out the dangerous Do-It-Yourself procedure. According to local reports, she started enduring breathing problems and was rushed to Lucio Molas Hospital in Santa Rosa. Even though she had injuries on her breasts, she initially denied any knowledge of what had happened, but later confessed to doctors that she'd injected the petroleum jelly solution into her boobs to make her chest look bigger. Does that really work? I doesn't sound like it would. I mean, there's really only one good use for Vaseline....T.M.I.?

     One doctor said, "I've never seen a case like this. The human body has antibodies to remove bacteria and viruses, but it hasn't got any mechanisms against this type of product. Other people using Vaseline like this are putting themselves in danger." Tributes have been paid to Llanzon on Social Media. Her police cadet son posted on his Facebook page, "I will love you forever. The 20 years I spent by your side were  beautiful." 

     Okay, now that I've told you the story; who in their right mind will ever inject Vaseline into there body? I mean, at least, that one fake plastic surgeon injected fix-a-flat into that girl's ass, which definitely was not a good idea either. I hate to talk about the dead after the fact, but come on. Are people really that stupid to think that they can survive after injecting Vaseline into their bodies? Everyone knows that Vaseline is an exterior rub and last I checked Vaseline looks nothing like silicon or saline, so why would you even attempt something like that? Like I said, there's stupidity all around us! Always!

DON'T MESS WITH THE THUNDER FROM DOWN UNDER

This is hilarious! Now, you don't mess with the Thunder from Down Under. That's what they say in Vegas anyway. For those of you who don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Thunder from Down Under is an all-male strip tease show with Australia's "Hottest Hunks" at the Excalibur Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. I only know that because my fiancee and I have joked about it on our many excursions to Sin City. It's not because I've been to one of their shows. I swear!

Anyway, some meth-head chose the wrong night to mess with these Aussie Hunks when he broke into the backstage area of their show and stole some of their belongings. Well, obviously, the as yet unidentified man received quite a beating a bunch of the muscle-bound dancers. The suspect, who according to reports may have been under the influence of methamphetamine, fired a shot during the struggle on Tuesday evening with the Thunder from Down Under dancers. One of the dancers suffered a minor injury from the residue from the bullet.

The men, who are billed as "Australia's Hottest Hunks," spotted the suspect with their items later that night at the hotel and confronted him. He then fired a shot in the air to scare of the men, but one of the bullets ricocheted off a wall and one of the dancers was injured by gun powder. Okay, I don't get that. Does gun powder irritate oily skin or something? Did the powder get in his eye? I'm not sure I quite get the gun powder injury thing. 

The suspect is said to have been treated for minor injuries from the scuffle, but from the looks of this mug shot, it looks like homeboy got his ass kicked! He was later transported to county jail. Police have yet to positively identify the man, who has been charged with attempted murder with a deadly weapon, attempted robbery with a deadly weapon and burglary with a deadly weapon. Am I the only one who finds this funny? The whole time as I wrote this blog, I kept picturing a bunch of male strippers beating this guy with their shlongs. I mean they never did say how this guy got those bruises, but then again, why was I think about shlongs? Okay, we're done here, but it's still kind of funny.

THE CRAIGSLIST BARTER

     Say hello to Stan Syring. This sicko did something on Craigslist that I have not been able to stop laughing about all morning. First, I'd like to explain the term to barter. Back in the day, bartering was a system of exchanging goods or services to obtain other goods and services without using a medium of exchange, such as money. Now, that being said; Syring, who's from Iowa, was in need of a 16-foot trailer for a flat-bottom boat, so he went on Craigslist and posted an ad proposing a "barter" deal on the site's "For Sale/Wanted" section. 

    What Syring offered to barter is what got him into trouble and still has me cracking up over here. The 37-year-old married father's Craigslist post, noted that the boat trailer was needed asap and that he "will trade sex if need be." What? Apparently, Syring could not afford the boat trailer outright, so he decided to offer himself as an extra bonus. My apologies if you just spit your breakfast all over your monitor. 

     After the Marion Police Department learned of the online ad, they exchanged emails with the Craigslist poster (Syring) discussing whether the offered act would be oral or anal sex. The parties agreed that that detail would be discussed in person when they met. During the alleged meeting with the undercover male officer, Syring offered his services as a partner in a sex act in exchange for the boat trailer. It was never uncovered if he was going to allow oral or anal, but the officer did say that Syring also agreed to give him an extra $25 in addition to the sex act for the used 16-foot boat trailer, which typically sells for several hundred dollars.

    Needless to say, Syring was arrested and charged with prostitution, which by the way is my favorite part of this story. This big husky guy was arrested from prostitution. That is hysterical! He was booked on Monday at the Linn County jail on the misdemeanor account and was released the following day. Seriously, though; Can you imagine this guy offering sex for a boat trailer? Can people be that desperate? All I have to say is be careful with that Craigslist. You never know what kind of sicko your going to find out there.    

MICROWAVABLE KITTY

     Originally, I was going to write about another teacher who was caught having sex with one of her students in a classroom out in Pennsylvania, but decided against it because I feel like we've been there and done that. Today, however, I'd like to introduce you to this psychopath, 23-year-old, Laura Cunliffe. This British sicko killed her pet kitten by cooking it in the microwave. Don't worry! She was arrested and will spend the next 14 months behind bars for confessing to the horrendous crime. Wait. What? Only 14 months? She takes a life and only gets 14 months? Where is the justice in that? In 14 months, she'll only get another kitten and do it again. Unbelievable!

 

      The court heard how the 23-year-old blasted the innocent 4-month-old black and white kitten, Mowgli, with radiation for 5 minutes. That's 5 minutes in a microwave! That's a pretty long time! After removing the kitten from the radiated oven at her Barnsley, South Yorkshire home, the animal still lived through the 5 minute cooking, but it's internal organs were cooked. It struggled to breathe and eventually died 90 minutes later. Am I the only who wishes nothing but harm on Cunliffe right now? 

     Cunliffe claims to suffer from depression and reportedly condemned her kitten to the horrific death after thinking she'd attack her beloved goldfish. Um, can we condemn her to some sort of horrific death for harming a helpless animal? This story gets sicker by the minute. Cunliffe was jailed at Barnsley Magistrates' Court last Thursday after pleading guilty to "causing unnecessary suffering to an animal." She's been banned from keeping animals for life and confessed to the crime three days later during a visit to her local hospital. 

 

     According to the judge, this was an act of utterly horrendous cruelty on Cunliffe's part on an animal that he was able to see that trusted and relied on her. A member of the RSPCA said this was one of the worst cases of animal cruelty she'd ever come across. She said, "It is a horrific case in the fact that the death of the cat would have been prolonged and it is unimaginable what it would have gone through, taking some time to die." That being said, I have to say this Cunliffe chick is a real sicko! You have to be psychotic to want to put anything living into a microwave. The thing that is making me nuts as I write this is that she is only getting 14 months in jail for this horrific killing. Yes, I know it's only a cat, but it's still a life and this girl needs to have hers taken for her. What a waste!

 

A MORE SANITIZED POISON?

Okay, most of us look at this bottle as a hand sanitizer to keep our hands clean from germs and other bacteria. Would you believe it if I told you that drinking this was the latest fad for teens? Yeah, I just threw up in my mouth too. I'll get back to teens drinking this for fun in a minute.

One Florida student took it a step further and dropped a few pumps of the hand cleaner into his teacher's soda as a joke when she wasn't looking and now that unidentified 15-year-old has been taken to the Walton County jail in northwest Florida and is being charged with a felony count of attempted poisoning. The South Walton High School student was described as a "prankster" who wasn't really trying to harm his teacher, but then she became physically ill and had to be taken to the hospital after drinking from her Diet Coke can, which had been laced with Germ-X hand cleanser. 

According to the school's Superintendent, "It actually wasn't an attempt to poison the teacher even though that's what he was charged with. According to the school administration, he likes to joke around." The boy has been suspended pending an expulsion hearing and was booked into county jail Wednesday night following the arrest. Good! He might've been joking, but why would you even think for a second that it was okay to play a prank on a teacher like this? If I was the teacher, I would be pretty pissed and I would be looking to press charges. I don't care if this kid was 15 or 50. That is just stupid!

Then again, as I said earlier, drinking hand sanitizer has become a recent fad among teenagers who guzzle the liquid as way to get high now. Is that what we've resorted to? Smoking pot and drinking beer illegally isn't enough for these kids. I remember when I was younger, sniffing Duster was a big thing too. That's the stuff you spray on your computer keyboard to clean it. I thought that was nuts! Anyway, the alcohol content in a regular-sized bottle of Germ-X can contain as much booze as five shots of hard liquor. Drinking the hand cleaner can cause diarrhea, memory loss and internal organ damage. Oh, well, in that case I'm in! Are you nuts? How can this be appetizing to anyone? I mean when you drink, you just end up acting like an ass. When you smoke a little pot, you end up laughing and eating your ass off. What fun is having diarrhea, losing your memory, and having your organs damaged? I swear, sometimes kids deserve to get beat. DYFS needs to lighten up on some of their rules. Dude! They're drinking hand sanitizer!

LORENA BOBBIT HAD NOTHING ON THIS CHINESE LADY!

For the moment, my head is in Austin, Texas with all my friends who are in bands that are performing at the SXSW festival. For those of you who don't know, some idiot decided to go on a drunken joyride throughout the streets that the festival was being held on. So far, two fatalities and 23 severely injured. I had many close friends who traveled from here in Jersey to perform at the coveted festival, so I'm hoping they're all okay. Most of them have checked in, so I think we're good. 

Though, my head is elsewhere, I could not help to catch this silly story about a Chinese woman who chopped her husband's goods off not once, but twice! That's right! Psycho jealous, 30-year-old, Han Zhang initially sliced off her husband Han Mou's mini-Mou when he asked for a divorce, fearing that he had another love interest. So she crushed some sleeping pills into his drink, she went to work after he passed out, but flushed his penis down the toilet before he woke up. She was arrested by police in Anhui, China, where she was actually released on bail and was able to return home to look after her member-less husband and children while she awaited trial. What the hell? How does she get released on bail and get the chance to return home to her husband after she chopped off his goods? What a load of crap!

This story doesn't even end there! Three months after the first alleged slicing, she again became angry after her husband insisted on the separation. Um, duh? Did she really think he was going to want to stay married after she cut off his penis? Han Mou actually started looking for a woman to act as stepmother to their kids in the case that Zhang was sent to jail, which prompted the jealous wife to slip him some more sleeping pills. Mou woke up the following morning to find "everything" was gone. He was pretty much a woman. How the hell do you fall for the same trick twice? "Oh, here honey. I have drink for you!" (Chop) Then, three months later, "Hi honey, I have another drink for you!" (Chop) Mou should have taken his kids while she was in jail and gotten out of Dodge! China is a big country. He could have gotten away from her easily. I'd have to say here that the first time was her fault, but the second chop was definitely his fault. Either way, he doesn't have to look for a stepmother for his kids anymore. He can be the stepmother now!

THE KITTY TERRORIST

Besides this Malaysian plane missing, which to me just sounds like an episode of the show Lost, this might be the biggest news story of the day. Okay, maybe not the biggest news story of the day, but definitely one that I can relate to. I mean how many of you have been terrorized by your cat? Yeah, I have!

Anyway, it turns out; an Oregon family were forced to dial 911 after their 22-pound pet Himalayan cat went berserk and held the family hostage in their own home. Okay, I may have been terrorized by my late cat, Attila, whom I miss dearly now, but he was a CAT! He would never have the power to keep me hostage in my own house. This is a little ridiculous. 

So, Lee Palmer and partner Teresa Barker were holed up in their Portland bedroom on Sunday after Lux the cat scratched their 7-month-old child in the face before seriously freaking out. Even their pet dog fled for safety, terrified that the puss would cause more harm to everyone. The couple phoned for help at around 7:55 pm. Palmer told dispatchers that the cat had attacked their child and was no trying to force its way into their room. I have to be honest, if I was the dispatcher on the other end, I might have chuckled a few times while Palmer was telling me what was happening. Palmer says, "I kicked him in the rear and he just went off, over the edge. We are not safe around the cat. We're trapped in the bedroom. He won't let us out of the door." Um, that might be because you kicked him! No matter how misbehaved your pet is, you have no right to kick him! Idiot! The black-and-white Himalayan screeched in the background, as he warned cops to be on their guard if they stormed the property. 

Palmer added to the dispatcher, "If I leave the bedroom, I'm going to have to fight the cat. Tell the police to be careful." Sounds like Lux wasn't the only pussy here. It's a CAT! No matter how terrorizing Attila was, I always showed him that I had the upper-hand and in his remaining days, he wasn't as much of a terrorist. We eventually had a better relationship, but this guy is a big puss! 

With the dispatcher remaining on the line, police finally arrived and managed to trap the badly-behaved beast. They saw him dart into the kitchen, attempting to flee custody. Officers were able to outwit the witty Himalayan, who climbed on top of the refrigerator, and get a snare around him and safely get the cat behind bars in its crate. There's been no word as to whether the family will keep Lux, but it's highly unlikely. I swear, if they put this cat to sleep, they better consider putting one of the owners to sleep for animal abuse! The funniest thing about this story is that these idiots actually called 911 for help! Morons!

BITE THIS!

Don't you hate it when you're at the mall and looking for a parking space, you find one, and then someone else swoops in and steals that space from you? You want to kick that person's ass, don't you? Of course, you do! Well, what if that other person bit your fingers off? That's what happened to Tonya Knight-Joseph!

According to police, there was a race for a parking space recently at the Cherry Hill Mall in Cherry Hill, NJ that turned ugly when an angry woman bit off another driver's fingers. Police were called to the mall's parking lot Saturday afternoon shortly after the bloody dispute between the motorists. Knight-Joseph claims that she had just parked her car up by Aisle 18 at 4 p.m. after circling several times when the two women approached her. They accused her of stealing their spot. Knight-Joseph said that as soon as she got out of her car, one of the women started calling her all type of B-Words. I mean how many times can you use the word "Bitch"? Knight-Joseph added that the woman got so close to her face that their noses touched. The other woman continued yelling and screaming at her, and then hit her in the face. 

A little scratched up, Knight-Joseph put her hands up in defense, but that was when one of the women bit her fingers off. She said it was just hanging there by a piece of skin. I seriously want to throw up as I am writing this. Who the hell would do this to someone over a parking space? Is the zombie apocalypse really coming or am I watching too much Walking Dead? 

After dialing 911 with her remaining digits, she was advised by dispatchers not to chase the suspect, but instead report to Cooper University Hospital, where she was treated with tetanus shots and tested for HIV. She is still waiting to find out if part of her finger will need to amputated. In the meantime, police have released an image of the suspect, whom they are saying are desperate to track down. According to the Cherry Hill police, "This is a very big deal, beyond assault. She went through to the bone, the bone is actually fractured and the finger was nearly severed. This is an aggravated assault and it's something very serious. You're always concerned with bites with infections."

The suspect is described as a black, heavy-set female in her mid-30s with bushy hair. Queen Latifah? Nah, she's too young to be Queen Latifah! The woman was also driving a dark-colored Audi sedan. Anyone with information should call the Cherry Hill Police Department at (856) 488-7828. There might even be some sort of reward for reporting this big black zombie. I mean, seriously! Who does that? So, much for the sausages I just ordered. I'm not hungry anymore. 

LUCKY FORTUNE COOKIE!

Let's end this week on a happy note. So, how many of you have opened a fortune cookie that you received at a Chinese restaurant after your meal and just took a quick look at the lucky numbers on the back of the fortune? We all have, right? Now, how many of you have thought about taking those number and playing them on a Powerball or Mega-Millions lottery ticket? I'm sure we've all thought about it, but felt that was a one in a million chance even though it does say your "lucky numbers."

Well, 75-year-old, Emma Duvoll from the Bronx did exactly that and today that great-grandmother is $1.2 million dollars richer! That's right! Mrs. Duvoll decided to buy a Powerball ticket after after dinner at a Manhattan noodle shop using the numbers that she got inside her fortune cookie and she wound up hitting the jackpot. Duvoll said after picking up her winnings on Thursday, "It's unbelievable! I plan to invest it and save it. Maybe I'll go see family in Switzerland." Screw that! Does this lady know how old she is? Save it? I would go on a spending spree and live the rest of my years in style! She might only have a few years left. Otherwise, she's going to have to leave the rest to a family member after she goes. Save it? What is she thinking?

The retired deli owner is the mother of two, grandmother of eight and great-grandmother of one. Her lucky meal and fortune cookie came from the popular Sammy's Noodle Shop and Grill in Greenwich Village. Five of the six number that came with the cookie hit during the February 1st Powerball drawing. Before giving her "lucky numbers" a shot, Duvoll used use birthdays, anniversaries, and other "lucky' numbers, but none of them were as lucky as her fortune cookie numbers. She opted to collect a one-time lump sum of $1,246,085 for her prize.

Duvoll said, "I don't play that often. I was home when I saw my numbers. I was very excited. 'That's crazy, ' I thought." She bought her winning ticket at the Hannaford Pharmacy in upstate Pine Bush, NY. That is such an awesome story! Let this be a lesson to those of you who just shun those lucky numbers in your fortune cookies because they might actually be your "lucky numbers!"

TIME TO MOVE TO MASSACHUSETTS...UPSKIRTING IS LEGAL!

I can't even believe these words are coming out of my mouth since I am a huge Yankees fan, but it sounds like it might be time to spend more time in Massachusetts. Why you ask? Well, apparently, taking snapshots up women's skirts is not illegal. That's according to the state's highest court as of Wednesday. That's right, ladies of Massachusetts! You might want to keep those legs crossed from here on out. 

It turns out; the state's highest court ruled on Wednesday that "upskirting," the practice of taking photos under a woman's dress or skirt, is totally legal. The shocking decision overruled arguments that a state law prohibiting voyeurism does not apply to women who are fully clothed. So, basically, if these women are fully clothed, it's okay to snap photos of them at any angle whether it is above them, below them, on the side of them or behind them and it won't be considered voyeuristic. Okay! I'll take it! 

According to the court's unanimous ruling, for the law to apply to "upskirting," the subjects would have to be completely nude. According to Justice Margot Botsford, "A female passenger on a MBTA trolly who is wearing a skirt, dress or the like covering [private] parts of her body is not a person who is 'partially nude,' no matter what is or is not underneath the skirt by way of underwear or other clothing."

House Speaker Robert DeLeo was outraged by the decision blaming it on a legal loophole that he plans on closing. What? He's a guy, right? Or is he outraged because one of his daughters can fall victim to one of us perverts? He said, "The ruling of the Supreme Judicial Court is contrary to the spirit of the current law. The House will begin work on updating our statutes to conform with today's technology immediately. 

On Twitter, the ruling sparked some criticism with one woman writing: "Not all assault is physical. 'Upskirting' is a disgusting violation. And it's been given the green light by a court." Another woman was a little bit more suggestive in writing, "I still wouldn't want to be *that guy* who gets busted upskirting. Saying 'It's legal tho!' is not gonna protect you from a boyfriend's fist. lol."

With Wednesday's legality of the creep-shots, the decision exonerated a man previously charged with taking unauthorized photos of a women on a MBTA trolly. He was charged back in December 2011 with the act. To be honest, I really don't see the excitement of taking photos up girl's skirts. You really need to be desperate to want to do that. Though, I joked about moving to Massachusetts so I can do this legally, I have to admit, if I ever caught anyone taking a snapshot up my fiancee's skirt or my sister or my niece, for that matter, I will beat that person within an inch of their life. The sad part is that beating won't be legal and I might end up in jail for it. If I know New Englanders, they never walk away from a fight, so it should be pretty interesting to see how many boyfriends or husbands get thrown in jail for protecting their other halves from this law. 

THIS HAPPENED.....AGAIN?

As a person who loves to travel, I needed to share this story. I mean, this isn't the first time I've heard of this and the fact that this time it happened so close to home is pretty disturbing. I don't know about you, but when I fly, I either like to watch a movie or take a nap. Luckily, my fiancee is usually right next to me, but what if she wasn't and I woke up to someone literally molesting me? Well, if she was hot, I guess I would pretend to be sleeping and this whole point is moot, but what if she or he wasn't someone that I wanted to be groped by? What would I do? I would kick their ass! That's what I would do. 

It went down quite differently for a woman who was flying from Houston to Newark Liberty International Airport via United Airlines recently. It turns out; an Indian sex mongrel molested this unidentified woman as she slept on board the flight from Houston to New Jersey. The victim woke up only to find 61-year-old, Devender Singh kissing her face. That wasn't all! His hand was allegedly inside her shirt and his other hand was down his own pants touching himself. Isn't this a crime in India. This guy would be in some deep you know what back home! Anyway, the woman pushed Singh off before walking to the back of the aircraft to report the incident to a crew member.

She also asked that police be present when the plane landed. She told the crew member that she had no idea who the creeper was. Singh, from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, was met by FBI agents after the plane landed on Sunday night. So, I guess he missed The Oscars and Walking Dead because he was arrested and charged with abusive sexual contact and appeared in U.S. District Court the following day. He was represented by a federal public defender, a judge ordered him to be detained and now he's facing two years in prison if he's convicted. 

Okay, what is wrong with people? What makes them think that behaving like this is normal? Did this guy really think that it was okay to just start groping a total stranger while she slept? Not only did he do that, but he was also touching himself in front of everyone on the plane. This guy is a total mental case.

A REAL LIFE CINDERELLA STORY

Everyone knows the story of Cinderella and her wicked step-sisters, right? Well, if you ask me, this story kind of sounds like something similar. It turns out; a 14-year-old Florida girl was slapped, kicked and choked, and then forced to take off her clothes so she could be beaten by belts after she was suspended from school. Three women, whose relationship is unknown to the girl, were arrested in a graphic report of child discipline by the Volusia County Sheriff's Office. 

Police responded to the house on Friday after a passerby saw the women chasing the girl outside their Deltona home. When police arrived the girl was only wearing her bra and panties and was severely beaten. The 14-year-old girl was treated at a hospital for multiple cuts and welts and was turned over to the Florida Department of Children and Families. 

Ishiyah, Janine and Moriyah McGhee, were all charged with child abuse with intent to cause bodily harm. Ishiya and Janine were holding belts and breathing heavily when officers arrived. You mean they didn't even have the decency to drop the belts when police arrived? Morons! The three suspects were taken to Volusia County Branch Jail in Daytona Beach and have since been released. The three were said to have taken some unusual mug shots where they were smiling when officers took their pictures. What a bunch of sick bitches! Did they seriously think they were at J.C. Penny taking a family photo? I hate these three women right now. 

Police did not release the relationship of the suspects with the victim, but it sounds like it could be three wicked step-sisters. The three women went to the girl's school Friday morning for a meeting about the girl's suspension. Think the girl was suspended for chatting with talking mice? Anyway, after the meeting, the discipline began with a beating in the parking lot of the school as they drove off. The women slapped the girl, shoved her against cars and choked her by grabbing her necklace. When they arrived at the house, the girl jumped out of the car and ran away with the three suspects right behind her and chasing her down. They caught her and dragged her to the house by her sweatshirt hood and choking her in the process. The incident got more violent when Janine demanded to fight the girl. The suspects then took off her clothes and began kicking, punching and beating the victim until police arrived. 

I would like to know where the wicked step-mother or mother was when all of this was happening. There is no excuse for this type of abuse, but the real question is how are these women related to this girl? None of this makes sense. The real thing that pisses me off is that these girls are smiling in their mug shots. Who the hell is happy to be wearing the color orange? These are some psychotic women! Why would they release them?