MEAN GIRL BUT OH, SO FUNNY!

When you're in high school, practical jokes on fellow classmates can sometimes go a long way. If the joke is laugh out loud funny, you'll become somewhat of a legend in your school. If your joke bombs, well, you'll become less than legendary. That's what happened to 17-year-old Kaitlyn Booth from Columbia, Missouri. She pulled a practical joke at her high school that I'm not even sure she should be blamed for and now she is facing possible criminal charges for it. 

So, it turns out; Miss Booth took the liberty to change her friend's name in the school's yearbook to a sexually suggestive word as a practical joke, but her joke has backfired and now she faces criminal charges. Booth was arrested on May 14 after teachers at Hickman High School in Columbia, noticed she'd altered her friend Raigan Mastain's last name to read "masturbate." Am I the only one who finds this hysterical? Now, police are saying that she could soon be charged with first-degree property damage, which is a felony, and harassment. What? Property damage? It's not like Booth took every single yearbook and wrote in the word "masturbate" in every book! If anyone is to blame here, it's the staff that has to proof the book. A good editor would have caught the error or joke before the book went into the printers. I find it hard to believe that a junior in high school was the last line of defense when this book was shipped out to be printed. If you ask me, the wrong person is being blamed here. Yes, she played a joke and it was funny, but criminal charges? Really?

Mastain responded on her Twitter page: "Wanna get bold? Say it to my face! Lol Not sweating it though, last time I checked I'm not in high school anymore." She also told a local newspaper, "When you're in high school, you do stuff that is not necessarily the smartest, and this was an example of that." Um, so who is pressing charges on Booth? Apparently, the victim saw it as a silly little high school prank and is willing to let it go. Teachers at Hickman High School noticed the unauthorized change on the day 700 copies of the book were being distributed. Again, they noticed it the day the books were to be distributed as opposed to the day the proofs were shipped out. Teachers spent more than 12 hours putting stickers on the page to correct the name. Principal Tracey Conrad said the "unfortunate incident" was just "the act of one student" and that they are eager to put it behind them. Then why don't you? Was this so big a deal that you had to have a girl arrested for it? Conrad went on to say that cost was the biggest factor and that they didn't know how much it was going to cost to rectify the situation and that it was defacing property.

Okay, I'm sticking to my original thoughts and Principal Conrad should listen to me because I usually know what I'm talking about. Booth might've been the one who changed the name to "masturbate" but there is a high school yearbook staff with an editor, who should have caught this blunder. Defacing property? This is clearly not defacing property because nothing was damaged or defaced. In fact, the whole problem could have been fixed with the few simple key strokes if the editor of the book caught it. I still say that the editor is at fault for this and it shouldn't have taken the teachers the day of the yearbook release to find the error. It should have been found way before this. Personally, I think that the editor saw it there and let it go through thinking it was funny as well and now that they got caught, this girl Booth has to take the fall. Yes, this whole thing is messed up, but it's so damn funny!

PAPA JOHN'S ACCIDENTAL BUTT DIALIST

This is the second butt-dial story I've written about in a week! Is this becoming the new teacher sex epidemic? I doubt it! Anyway, it seems Papa John's is in hot water again with their racist ways. Wasn't it last year when one of their shops wrote "Lady Chinky Eyes" on a customer's receipt to describe the customer? Well, this time two Papa John's delivery drivers were canned after accidentally butt-dialing a customer and leaving a racist voicemail. Are you laughing yet?

The duo, who remained anonymous and worked at the Sanford outlet in Orlando, Florida, was heard mocking their customer for not leaving a tip. The offended customer posted audio of the voice message via YouTube with proof of his receipt revealing that he actually left a 21% tip. I think it's hilarious that these drivers can't read! That's why they're pizza delivery drivers! On the audio, you hear the first man ask, "Did he tip you?" to which the second man reply, "Nope, not at all." He then replies using the "N" word, saying that being the "N" word must be the only requirement to live in Sanford. The first man then replied, "Yeah, they give me five bucks! They're fine outstanding African American gentleman of the community." Then they start singing Mozart's "The Marriage of Figaro," but repeatedly substituted the actual lyric with the "N" word to rhyme with Figaro. Not nice!

Papa John's Chairman and CEO John Schnatter apologized for the incident via the chain's Facebook page and revealed that two fine young chaps have been fired. He wrote: "Friends, I am extremely concerned to learn about the reprehensible language used by two former employees in one of our restaurants. Their thinking and actions defy both my personal and the company's values, and everything for which the company stands." 

I have to admit that I'm not sure that I believe you, Mr. Schnatter! Like I mentioned earlier, last year, one of your employees used racial slurs to describe an Asian lady and now this? Don't you think maybe being a bit more thorough with your background checks before hiring, might be able to avoid situations like this? Besides, how dare these guys even complain about a tip? A tip is never guaranteed! It's gratuitous! Tips are given at a customer's discretion. What I don't understand is why do we even need to tip delivery guys? Not that I don't; I just don't understand the practice. They bring food to your house so you don't have to go out. It's not like they make the food. Don't get me wrong, I guess delivery guys are like waiters in a sense, but they bring the food one way whereas a waiter is constantly back and forth to your table, so I would say that a waiter is deserving of 15-20%. Why would a delivery guy think they deserve more than a $5 tip? If that guy gave them a 21% tip, that was more than generous and those guys should've kept their mouths shut! Then again, learn how to luck your phones to avoid butt-dials, you morons!

HOLY CRAP! THERE'S A BABY IN THE TOILET!!!

I don't get this at all! So, I'm sitting here eating my breakfast as I scroll through today's news stories when I stumble upon this one that almost made me vomit. I just don't understand how this could've happened. Let me explain and see what you think. By the way, this happened in China and all I could think as I read this was..."Only in China!"

Anyway, a newborn Chinese baby was recently rescued from a toilet pipe after he was flushed away by his parents. What? Okay, how do you flush a newborn baby down the toilet? That toilet hole would have to be humungous! The two-day old boy was found lodged in a sewage pipe in a block of apartments in Junhua, Zhejiang province of China, this past Saturday afternoon after neighbors reportedly heard crying in the walls. Firefighters had to remove the pipe and take it to a nearby hospital, where doctors cut around it to pull the abandoned infant out of it. The baby's placenta was still attached. I hope most of you are reading this after you've eaten your breakfast. The two-day old infant is now in care of the hospital and is said to be in stable condition. Police are currently hunting down the baby's parents. 

The incident has obviously sparked outrage in China's version of Twitter with one user writing, "The parents who did this have hearts filthier than that sewage pipe!" Well, they're right! What the hell is wrong with people? I'm still trying to figure out how this couple was able to flush this baby down a toilet. Then again, why would they want to? I mean, I know that China has this one child law and everything. Is it possible that this couple was shooting for a girl and when they realized that they had a boy, they decided to flush him? And what's worse? Flushing him down a toilet or throwing him down a garbage chute? Because that's what they do here in America! Either way, this is one of the saddest things that I've seen because this baby was covered in human waste and that's pretty disgusting! Some people are just not meant to have children. I hope they catch this baby's parents and as punishment, let them swim in human sewage for six months. They'll never survive! Then again, they say Chinese people will eat anything! I think I just vomited again!

HYPER WHAT? THAT WORKED?

We've heard all of the stories about killers or wrongdoers getting their sentences lessened because they would claim temporary insanity, but this is something I've never heard before and it actually worked! So, this is Kathleen Cawthorne. She's a 33-year-old Virginia high school teacher, who, believe it or not, slept with one of her students. Here's the kicker, though; she will only be spending four months out of her 11-year sentence behind bars after she was diagnosed with hypersexuality. WHAT? Does that mean she's a sex addict? What the hell is hypersexuality?

The Wikipedia definition of "hypersexuality" is extremely frequent or suddenly increased sexual urges or sexual activity. Mental health problem such as bipolar disorders can give rise to hypersexuality. So, wait a minute, this teacher got away with statutory rape because she was diagnosed with this disorder? Then why can't all the other teachers who had sex with young boys get away with the same disorder? I mean, I'm sure they were going through the same thing. Rapists too! I'm sure they too were suffering from hypersexuality because they too have sudden increased sexual urges. I'm not saying rape is good! My point is that she committed a crime and should serve out here term. It shouldn't be cut down to four months because she has this disorder. The judicial system is really messed up!

So, Cawthorne will be freed more than a decade early after a judge ruled she could not control the sudden sexual urges that took over her body. Whatever! A court heard how the bipolar teacher seduced a 17-year-old boy at William Combined School in Rustburg, Virginia in March 2012. They texted explicit photos of each other before she picked him up and drove him to a field where they had sex. When officials at the school became suspicious, she was arrested. At a hearing in January, Cawthorne pleaded no contest to one charge of indecent liberties with a child and three counts of electronic solicitation of a minor. Then, last Thursday, Campbell County Circuit Judge John T. Cook sentenced her to a total of 11 years behind bars, but suspended all but four months of that prison time after she apologized for her actions and he heard of her debilitating condition. Cawthorne, whose husband stood by her throughout the hearing, will also have to register as a sex offender. 

So, her husband stuck by her even though he knew she banged a 17-year-old boy? He's an idiot! My other question is "was this 17-year-old boy blind?" Or was he really desperate? If I was going to bang one of my teachers, I certainly would've picked a better looking one. Then again, this never happened back when I was younger, so maybe you take what you can get when you're 17. Nah, I like to think I have some standards. Then again, who am I kidding?

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TOUCHED BY A BANANA

Who knew that being touched by a banana could be so daunting? Who knew that touching a student with a banana can get you suspended? That's what happened to Jonathan Hampton, a Florida high school teacher who allegedly in inappropriately touched a female student with a banana during class. Now, I didn't say with his banana. I said "a" banana. Hampton was banned from North Marion High School for three days after allegedly rubbing the girl's head and neck with the fruit during a lesson on Freudian symbolism. How ironic! 

 The lecture was supposed to focus on "cylinder objects, phalluses and sex symbols." The female student said she was humiliated by the incident, which she says happened three months ago, but only reported it earlier this month. Um, yeah! That's not too suspicious is it? Sounds like this young lady had three months of plotting behind her. Anyway, Hampton, an English teacher from Citra, Florida, who teaches college-level courses as part of the school's magnet program, denied any wrongdoing. Personally, I don't feel he did anything wrong either. 

Mark Fiedelholtz, Hampton's attorney stepfather, said that there was no evidence of any sexual connotation or physical harm. In fact, Fiedelholtz says, "According to my son, which has not been reported, he doesn't recall ever touching the student with a banana, but if he did it would be to her attention." Now, that I believe! I can't picture a teacher fondling a banana sexually on a female students face in front of a whole class, especially, a respected one like this one. The school district has also backed Hampton's lesson on Freudian psychology, which they say was not inappropriate and followed the curriculum, but in a letter sent to the teacher, who has since returned to work after his three-day suspension from May 13, it warned him that his topics may "often cross the line." What? It's Freud! I'm sorry. Things are not adding up with this girl. It just doesn't make sense and if he really meant something sexual by it, wouldn't he have pursued it after class rather than rubbing a banana on her face and head? I swear kids control everything these days! I guess now we have to be careful of where we place our bananas.