DUDE, WHERE'S MY WEED?

     Here's a story to end one hell of a white week here on the east coast! I'm sure all of you have donated to the Salvation Army or Goodwill at one time or another. But have you ever donated something you didn't really want to donate? Or did you ever donate the wrong thing?

     Well, this isn't your typical Goodwill donation. Five large bags of marijuana were found in a donated cooler in Monroe, Washington, this past Monday. Though, it's legal in the state of Washington for people over 21 to possess one ounce of cannabis, this stash was 60 times over the limit. 

     Employees at the store discovered the marijuana while sorting through donations Monday morning and called the cops. Debbie Willis of the Monroe Police Department said, "We went over there and they opened the lid and in there was five large bags of marijuana. Normally, when we go there, it is for a shoplifter, but not anything like this."

     Police tried to track down the owner of the cooler, but they're unsure if it was donated at this location or at a Goodwill trailer that parks in another town. Willis continued, "However, there are many people on social media claiming it's theirs, but we have yet to have one walk through the door." That is hilarious! You know what? That cooler does look familiar. Dude! Where's my weed? 

     It's common for employees at Goodwill to find money in pockets of clothing or purses that haven't been emptied when sorting donations, but not 60 ounces of Mary Jane. That's almost 4 pounds! A spokesperson for Goodwill said, "This is a reminder to check your purse, pockets, or cooler to make sure you're donating the items you mean to." Then again, is it possible that the person who donated the cooler was stoned off his rocker and forgot it was in there? 

     Believe it or not, this wasn't the most unusual item employees have come across while sorting donations. In 2014, three human skulls were found. Two that had been used for medical research, and one Native American skull that was more than 100 years old. The spokesperson from Goodwill said, "We worked with authorities to track down the origin of the Native American skull for the proper burial." 

     What's to happen with the 60 ounces of donated weed? Willis said, "It's just sitting in our evidence room, awaiting yearly burn of that type of evidence." Man, I'd love to be around for that ceremony. They should have it near some sort of food truck festival. Those food trucks would make a killing that day!

TWO BROTHERS AND A BAG OF SHROOMS

     What can go wrong after you eat a bag of magic mushrooms, right? You giggle a lot and you see some strange things. Well, that's what a "friend" told me anyway. Not the case for these two brothers from Indianapolis! They must be growing some terrorizing mushrooms up there!

     It turns out, 24-year-old Noah Batz and his 21-year-old brother, Timothy Batz ate some magic mushrooms, got naked and then wreaked havoc around an Indianapolis apartment complex. The Batz brothers pleaded not guilty on Wednesday to a combined 17 charges including public nudity, battery and resisting arrest. This all stems from events at the Lighthouse Landings Apartments on Indy's south side on Sunday. 

     One witness said, "We knew it was something beyond just drinking or high. It was something heavy duty. Not a good batch of whatever he got." According to court documents, one neighbor came outside her apartment to find the men naked and on tip of each other. She told police that they yelled to her, "Hey look at us, look at us." I have to admit, I might have laughed at these two idiots! 

     The one witness said that as she walked to her car, Noah Batz ran after her and punched her in the face. She said, "He was extremely aggressive and then to hear later he punched somebody, it wasn't surprising with how agitated he was and he continued to get more agitated." The brothers are also accused of threatening to kill the apartment complex's assistant manager. She told police that she went to tell other residents to stay away from the two men and when she did, one brother began banging on her car screaming, "I'll kill you!" She also told police that she saw the brothers, "grab onto each other's head and passionately begin making out with one another in front of the dumpster." Okay, now that is gross because they're brothers. 

     Several other neighbors told police that the men had damaged their cars. They are accused of breaking into several open vehicles, getting inside and damaging items and getting blood on the seats. The Batz brothers due back in court in May. 

     I have to agree with that one witness in saying that there had to be more than magic mushrooms, because I took.....I mean a "friend" of mine took them when we were younger, and it mellowed them out. It just made them laugh so hard their stomach would hurt the next day. They would also see some weird things. I've never heard of someone eating magic mushrooms and becoming violent....ever! There was either something wrong with these guys or they were on something stronger than mushrooms. Or, here's a long shot, but since magic mushrooms are picked out of cow dung (I know gross, right!), is it possible that the cow whose poop their mushrooms were picked from suffered from mad cow disease? Just a thought. Either way, these brothers went "Batz-shit" crazy!

TRAGICALLY DELICIOUS!

     "They're always after me Lucky Charms!" said the little animated leprechaun back in the day. Now, he says, "They're magically delicious!" I mean, who doesn't love a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms with their favorite marshmallows?  

     Well, apparently, a Nevada woman is on the run because she made Lucky Charms that were magically poisonous! She laced her then-husband's bowl of Lucky Charms with drugs. Why? Well, 49-year-old Andrea Heming confessed to investigators in 2015 that she drugged the cereal to prevent her husband from having sex with her while she slept. She told investigators about the boric acid in her husband's breakfast, "I wouldn't use that much to kill him, but just enough to make him not have an erection. Um, there are other ways to prevent that, no?

     Heming pleaded guilty to contaminating the food, but then she skipped town after paying her $50,000 bail. Authorities have not been able to track her down since she failed to attend her sentencing hearing. Heming's ex-husband, identified only as "Ralph" for the sake of this story, is now calling authorities to find his fugitive ex. He said, "I was very surprised. I thought we had a better system of keeping track and holding people responsible."

     Authorities believe that Heming might have gone back to her native Mexico. If she's caught, she could face 15 years in jail. Ralph said he wasn't shocked by her behavior because she's been acting odd for a while. He said, "She did reveal to me a story where she was a flight attendant at one time, and she had a customer, you know a passenger who was unruly, and she actually put sedatives in her drink." The bottom line is don't eat Heming's house ever. That's if they ever find her. 

IS THE CUSTOMER ALWAYS RIGHT?

     The customer is always right....until the customer is caught on video doing something they shouldn't be. This story is enough to leave a bad taste in the mouth of any restaurant owner. A customer recently intentionally put a hair in their food and used it as an excuse not to pay the bill. Then, said customer attempted to blackmail the restaurant by threatening a bad review on TripAdvisor. 

     The unappetizing encounter allegedly happened Saturday night at the Casa Nostra Ristorante, an Italian eatery in Brisbane, Australia. A customer at the restaurant claimed there was a hair in her pasta and demanded her dinner be comped. However, the waiter noticed the hair did not match that of any of the employees. Co-owner Sarah Biuso said, "We all have short dark trimmed hair, and this was a strand of dirty blonde curly hair. The pair threatened to post a bad review (on TripAdvisor) if the meal wasn't taken off the bill."

     The woman lived up to her promise and wrote a bad review on TripAdvisor. But based on surveillance video posted by the restaurant on Instagram, it looks as if the complaining diner has dirty blonde, curly hair, and is putting it into the pasta. In their Instagram post, the restaurant noted that TripAdvisor has a "no blackmail policy for reviews" and complained that the review has "posted on TripAdvisor for all the world to see."

     The negative review was later removed, and Casa Nostra Ristorante has a 4.5 star average based on 67 reviews. Since the video was released, TripAdvisor has released this statement to the media: 

      "We take very seriously allegations of blackmail or threatening behavior by guests against business owners. It is absolutely against the terms and spirit of our site to use TripAdvisor's name to try and claim discounts, compensation or freebies that would not be available to other guests. We strongly encourage owners who have experienced blackmail to proactively report such threats before a corresponding review is submitted by using our free Management Centre."

     This is pretty pathetic for a customer to try to accomplish. I mean there are people out there who actually find things in their food, but when you have to fake it, it really discredits when things like this really happen. Then to blackmail the restaurant using TripAdvisor, I'm just surprised it happened in Australia rather than Florida. 

WHAT DO YOU CALL A HOTTIE AND A FOOTBALL TEAM IN A ROOM?

     Many of you come here to read my blogs about teachers having sex with their students. Well, today, I will not let you down! It turns out, this hot 42-year-old California woman has been arrested for allegedly having sex with three high school football players. It sounds like someone never got rid of her high school fetish of banging the jocks. 

     Mary Frances Fletcher, known to her students as Debbie Fletcher (not sure why? Debbie is short for Deborah last I checked!), was arrested Tuesday on charges of unlawful sexual intercourse after being accused of having sex with three players from the Mount Shasta High School football team after meeting the boys while working with a team photographer. 

     Fletcher was caught after an unidentified caller informed police of the matter back in December. The investigation was recently completed. After speaking with the victims.....wait....what? The victims? Based on this photo, those boys were not victims. They were the "lucky ones"! So, after speaking to the "lucky ones," whose exact ages have not been disclosed, District Attorney Kirk Andrus said the case was expected to be complicated because it involves youngsters. You know this D.A. secretly wanted to high five these boys. Come on now!

     According to the Sheriff's department, there's not evidence the alleged sexual encounter occurred on school grounds or involved school employees. Andrus stated, "Ya know, these cases are always challenging. I mean especially for a young person that are by definition not prepared for this kind of relationship. Relationship is probably the wrong word, but they're not prepared for this kind of interaction with an adult." What the hell is he talking about? When I was these boys' ages, this was the kind of interaction we dreamed about. This D.A. is clueless!

     Sheriff Jon Lopey believes text message history will determine that Fletcher attempted to keep the boys silent on their sex meetings. The bleached-blonde criminal.....wait.....what?....
She's more of a sex educator, if you will. This sex educator faces four counts of unlawful sexual intercourse, with single counts from two alleged victims and two counts with a third alleged victim, as well as trying to keep a witness from cooperating with law enforcement. 

     Fletcher was released after posting $10,000 bail. She's due back in court to be arraigned on March 22. You know what? Boo Hoo! The boys had sex with a hottie! These are things we dreamed about when we were teenage boys. So, what? I'm sure these boys didn't fight her off and the sex was consensual. Yeah, they were young and she's in her 40s and I get that if she was a man and these were young girls, the man would become a sex offender, but come on. These are boys who fantasize about this stuff. If any of these boys wanted to press charges on this woman, they are absolute morons. If anything, she turned those boys into men! And she should be commended for that. Not put in jail!

WORST EXCUSE I'VE EVER HEARD

     It's no secret how I feel about Floridians, but this guy right here has an excuse for downloading child pornography that makes Floridians look smart! And trust me, that is hard to do! 

     This is 54-year-old Ronald Martin from Elizabethtown, PA. On Monday he was sentenced to 3 to 6 years in state prison after claiming that, now get this, an insect possessed him and caused him to download child pornography. It sounds like someone watches too many movies. Martin was charged in May with 77 counts of possession of child pornogrpahy. 

     Authorities found him in possession of material including children who appeared to be as young as 7 or 8. Other images were of children who appeared to be under the age of 13 involved in explicit sexual acts. 

     Martin admitted to possessing the images on his computer, after initially suggesting he was the victim of a hack. His wife was the one who called authorities, saying she was frustrated that her husband repeatedly viewed the pornographic material. It also sounds like someone was not getting some from her husband. Just saying.....

     The couple told state police that, at some point after he was confronted about the material, Martin was crying and crawling on his hands and knees, stood up, and when he fell back down, a 6 to 8 inch big with a million legs came crawling out of his mouth. Martin implied to the investigating state trooper that the bug possessed him and it was the bug's fault that he downloaded the child porn. If anyone was to believe this, they better get their heads examined. There is no such bug with a million legs! 

     In court on Monday, however, Martin expressed remorse for his crime and told the judge that he was disgusted by his crime and takes full responsibility. For all 77 counts? I mean Martin is only getting 3 to 6 years for a child porn lover. What is wrong with this picture? He touched himself looking at kids. He should have gotten more than 3 to 6 years! And does he look like he's smiling in this mug shot?