BEND OVER BROOKLYN! THE DICEMAN COMETH HOME!

As I leave on a well-deserved vacation for a few days, I wanted to let you guys know that I won't be blogging again until next week, but while I'm away, I need to make my Brooklyn, New York friends aware that my friend, Andrew "Dice" Clay is coming home to perform at MCU Park, the home of the Brooklyn Cyclones, on October 1st.

I got a call from Dice wanting to promote the show a couple of weeks ago, and I wanted to share the interview with you. Growing up in the late 80s and early 90s, there was a rock star of a comedian who single-handedly changed the way me and my high school friends spoke to each other when we hung out, he changed the way we smoked our cigarettes, he changed the way we dressed, and he even changed the way that we read our nursery rhymes. His name was Andrew “Dice” Clay, and he didn’t only change our young and easily manipulated minds, but he also changed the face stand-up comedy to the way we know it today. Yeah, there was Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby, but Dice’s brand of comedy became legendary. I remembered memorizing Dice’s whole HBO stand-up special word for word when I was in high school, and my friends and I would laugh for hours repeating his lines, almost wanting to be him! This man was a comedic legend, but one question remained. What happened to Dice?

Andrew “Dice” Clay got his start back in 1978 when he auditioned at Pips, a local comedy club in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn where he was known for his comedic impressions of John Travolta in Grease and Jerry Lewis as The Nutty Professor. Dice started to make a name for himself on the NYC comedy circuit, but in 1980, he decided to make a move to Los Angeles to become a bigger star. It was there where he was "adopted" by Pauly Shore’s mom, Mitzi Shore, owner of the famed Comedy Store. Dice’s stand-up at the Comedy Store led to TV appearances on “M*A*S*H” and “Diff'rent Strokes”, and then eventually movies like “Making the Grade”, “Pretty in Pink”, and “Casual Sex”. Dice’s big break came in 1988 in the form of a seven-minute set during a Rodney Dangerfield HBO special, which would lead to his very own HBO special that would change the face of X-rated stand-up comedy and nursery rhymes forever. Dice would remain the undisputed king of comedy for years creating controversy wherever he went and selling out arenas like Madison Square Garden. In 1989, MTV placed a ban on Dice for reciting his famed adult nursery rhymes during a live broadcast of the annual Video Music Awards ceremony. 

            In 2002, real life stepped in for Dice, where he went through a really bad divorce, leaving him no choice, but to step away from show business to focus on raising his sons, Max and Dillon. Though, he was busy being a dad, show business was never too far away for Dice, as he became a regular on the Opie and Anthony Show, Sirius Satellite radio gave him his own radio show in 2005, and in 2007, he made his attempt at reality TV with Dice: Undisputed. Here in 2011, Dice is happily remarried to Valerie Vasquez, who is 24 years younger than he is. As most of you already know, he’s also landed a recurring role on the final season of Entourage playing a washed up version of himself. And on October 1, he will be making his return home to Brooklyn with a one night only show at MCU Park. The Diceman is back, and he was more than happy to talk about it…….

TL: So, Dice, I have to tell you that when I was in high school back in the late 80s, you heavily influenced the way my friends and I spoke to each other, the way we smoked our cigarettes, and the way we dressed…..

ANDREW “DICE” CLAY: I’ve always been the type to know what goes on in my life, almost like looking in from the outside, and I would see all of that. I would see the guys in motorcycle jackets, the Zippo lighters, and the attitude, and I was like, ‘That really affected people!’ In fact, when I went back to MTV (VMA’s) the other night, they were asking ‘why do you think they lifted the lifelong ban?’ I said, ‘You know what? You’ve had supermodels, you’ve had superstars, there was never a supercomic, and I’m that guy! I’m the first supercomic ever, and that’s why! I survived it all! The funny thing about show business is that they look at guys like me and say he won’t even make it through the rough times and I did! That’s what it is to be a supercomic! I said I’m gonna take on the world. I’m the guy who is gonna change things, and I’m the guy in the world that I was living in, stand-up comedy, who’s gonna really give people big bang for their buck! I wanted to create something really exciting for people and the effect is what you were just telling me; the way people smoke their cigarettes, the way they wore their jackets, the way they acted. That’s a pretty cool thing to have affected so many people like that, and now it’s come full circle.

TL: Everyone’s asking where Dice has been? And I feel like you’ve always been there. You were just a little under the radar. You were on shows like Opie and Anthony, you had your own radio show on Sirius, and then there was your reality show, Dice: Undisputed…..

ADC: I was under the radar, though, because that was like far and few between. I love O and A, I love Stern, I love all those shows, and I would do them when I can, but I was living a really stressful life at the time; me and my wife broke up, my kids were only seven and eleven years old. And I am from Brooklyn, and there is another side to me. There is that side of family and taking care of them! I’m not the Dice onstage when I’m offstage. I’m the guy that takes care of his family first, and they needed me, and I was there for them. I don’t want a pat on the back for doing what was the natural thing, and being the kind of father that kids can come to and talk to and hang with and share a million great moments and memories since they were babies. My son, Max, who goes by the name Max Silverstein as a comic; he’s doing the comedy now, and he just turned twenty-one yesterday, and if I wasn’t there for him all these years, I just would’ve felt like shit going ‘my kids like twenty-one, where was I all these years?’ That’s what I’d be thinking instead of how great it’s been and how close we are. Just at the house last night, he went out with his comedy friends. Of course, they went to The Rainbow in Hollywood, and this is how responsible he is, he told me, ‘I’m going to take a cab home tonight, dad.’ So I’m driving him to Hollywood, so he doesn’t have to drive himself, I go, ‘Just try to pace yourself, I know that your twenty-one and you’re gonna have your party tonight.’ Then I come into his room to see how his night was, and he was getting sick in a garbage can. (laughs) I’m like, ‘You ok?’ He was like, ‘It was a great night, but I’m a little sick right now!’ I said, ‘Well welcome to the real world!’ The fact that all these little things that you teach your kids when they’re growing up, and that they listened to me and they respect what I taught them, that’s what I’m happy about. So, yeah, I was under the radar. I never disappeared! I did the clubs, I worked on my act, but there was really no time for that if I was going to raise them properly, and that’s what I’ve been talking about a lot. Not that the parent thing ever ends, but now that my boys are a little older, I mean, my son Dillon, who’s not even seventeen yet, his body look like The Trepidation or The Situation, obviously not as developed, but the kid is on two water polo teams, colleges are after him to play on their teams, he just won a silver medal in the junior Olympics, and that’s because I was there to talk to about things they want to do and being at the games and supporting them. So, I never really went away, but I went away enough that in the public’s eye, I disappeared because I was just going out trying to hustle and make a living while I take care of my sons.

TL: Has the world, the way it is today, changed your act at all?

ADC: Definitely, between technology and what absolute slobs women have turned into. They’re the biggest whores ever since I’m alive, and nobody appreciates it more than me because I always understood sexuality, and I always understood that when you’re with a woman, let her be exactly like the pig that she really needs to be with a guy that she really fuckin’ digs! I’m not saying that every chick in the world digs me, but the ones that are with me, sooner or later they all learn to hate me because I’m a very creative and high-strung guy. I mean my brand new fuckin’ wife now that I just got, she’s the first girl to come along in many, many years that really just gets who I am, and she’s a lot younger, she’s like twenty-seven, twenty-eight years younger than me, yet I wasn’t looking for a young girl, it’s just the way it went down. The maturity in her, the street instinct, and she’s just really smart when it comes to what I do. She really helps me with my business. Her name is Valerie. We met at The Playboy Mansion, and I never gave a fuck about going to The Playboy Mansion. I’ve been there twice in all the years, so I go up there with my son for Super Bowl Sunday, and the minute that I laid my eyes on my wife, I was in love, and she was in love. That was that, there was the zebra thong, and I was hooked! Years ago, when I used to tell the audience, ‘Treat me like the pig that I am!’ There was always someone that would go, ‘Oh, I don’t like that!’ Today, if you don’t treat them like the pigs that they are, they get offended! Women, today, are the aggressors! I can’t even take credit for kissing my wife first because the minute we were in my house, she started making out with me! I’m like, ‘You’re fuckin’ kidding? This is how it is?’ I’m gonna marry this girl, and I did the following Valentine’s Day! I’ve been married to her a year and a half, and she’s always with me. That’s what I needed! I like that support, having my chick next to me! She’s my world! She’s gorgeous, she’s fun, and I’m with her 24-7! Every night we go to bed between 4 and 6 because my bedroom is an absolute nightclub at night! My son, Max, does a whole bit on me in his stand-up act, and he talks about the closet being the V.I.P. room. It’s fuckin’ hysterical! The music’s going every night, the look of the room changes from the lights I had installed. It’s crazy, but that’s the way life should be! I don’t like boredom. I get bored easy. I like my sex red hot! I like it on fire! I don’t like mediocre sex. I don’t like the ‘I get on top of you, oh ma ma ma, here’s a little kiss, a little insertion and then blast off!’ That bores the fuck out of me! It bored me when I was eighteen and it bores me now! I’ve been with my wife two and half years and we go toe-to-toe like Ali and Frazier! She’s the fuckin’ best thing to happen to me!

TL: So, you’re coming home to Brooklyn to perform at MCU Park, what are your feelings about this?

ADC: My feelings were, you see, Brooklyn never had a big place for me to perform. I started out at Pips, which isn’t there anymore, but over three hundred sold-out arena shows, obviously, The Garden, the most famous, and the biggest show that I ever did, but it wasn’t alone, was with Guns ‘N’ Roses and Metallica at The Rose Bowl out in L.A. My point is I played every arena over and over and over, but Brooklyn has never had a big place, and when this resurgence happened, I said that I want to play Cyclone Stadium. That’s my home, that’s where I’m from. I never lost my feel for Brooklyn. As a matter of fact, the last time that I had to come into the city, I took my wife into Brooklyn, and we went to Kings Plaza, we went to Coney Island, and Spumoni Gardens. I said that this is where I’m from. This is why I am the way I am! Brooklyn people are the best people in the fuckin’ world!  I thought why not just come back there and show them I’m still your Brooklyn guy! That’s why even in Entourage, I wore a sweatshirt that said ‘Brooklyn’s Son’! I always felt so connected to Brooklyn, and when I did the show, I wanted them to see that! My father, who is very sick now, said to me, ‘You’re going to climb up there again. It’s who you are. That’s why you call yourself the Rocky of stand-up comedy because no matter what’s been done to you, you don’t fall!’ Then I asked, ‘But how do you know I’m going to climb up again?’ And he goes, ‘Because you always had the talent! You just had no way of fighting back because there was no internet!’ Today, the fans will fight back for you! Years ago, I couldn’t fight back. What am I gonna do? Go to a newscaster’s house and give him a smack? Believe me, there were many times that I wanted to do that. Like the problem with the guy on CNN that time. I was playing a sold-out show at the Beacon Theater, and this guy wanted to ask me about a gym? I mean, the biggest news network in the world and this guy is not prepared to interview a comic that has sold more seats than most rock bands ever, and you’re asking me if I work in a gym, assholehead? What a stupid fuck! Forever, he’s the guy that fucked with Dice! Why would you do that? (It’s on youtube!)

TL: How did the Entourage part come about?

ADC: I got that through a guy who also started out in Brooklyn. His name is Bruce Rubenstein, he’s my manager, but I didn’t see him in fifteen years, he used to work for Mickey Rourke, and I run into him at Starbucks, after I went through a summer of living the movie The Hangover with my wife in Vegas trying to win money for bills. So we come back to L.A., I said, ‘Look I don’t want to know about fuckin’ bills, I don’t want to know about Hollywood, I’m going to Starbucks to meet Max and we’re gonna have coffee.’ Here’s comes this guy Bruce with muddy fuckin’ boots on, fuckin’ you know how construction workers dress with the hat on, and we start talking, and he’s like ‘Dice, the last time that I saw you, you were the hottest thing in the world and then you disappeared.’ All while he’s playing with his phone, and I told him what the last decade was like; I had a fucked up marriage, we got divorced, I brought up my kids, I gave him the Cliff Notes version, and he goes, ‘How come you never did a show like Entourage?’ I said, ‘It just never happened. That’s all! I wasn’t really chasing those things.’ He goes, ‘Well, all I can tell you is that Doug Ellin, who creates the show, thinks you’re absolutely the greatest comic in the world. He was actually at your last special fifteen years ago, and wants a meeting today!’ I was like ‘How do you know all that?’ And he goes, ‘Because I just emailed him!’ This is a guy with a construction company. He wasn’t managing anybody, he wasn’t an agent, and he gets me the shot of a lifetime again, and now we’re rollin’!

TL: It definitely put you back on the map, Dice! I gotta tell ya, people are talking about you again from being on that show….

ADC: You know every newspaper in the world is saying everything from ‘Dice Dominates the show!’ to ‘He should win an Emmy for it!’I mean, it’s just complete resurgence! It’s exciting and I’m thankful for it! Believe me! So, I really want to go out there and give the people what they want. I’m probably gonna do a special for Showtime because I only want to do one more stand-up special because I really want to get into movies. Maybe do another reality thing called The Real Entourage, using these characters that I’m friends with. We’re even talking about doing a Ford Fairlane sequel, and that’s it! That’s what’s going on. I’m not gonna make up shit. We’re talking to book publishers about my life story. There’s plenty going on for right now. So, to come to Brooklyn where Dice Rules again, I gotta do it! The best whores are in Brooklyn! You walk around and they got the white shorts creepin’ up their ass with the six inch fuckin heels with their fuckin’ tits stickin’ out with the lips on, the shiny lips, like ‘lips by MAC’ that it looks like they took four loads in the face before they even leave the house. Thank God I didn’t have a daughter! But first, it’s time to tour. It’s time to get back out there. We’re living in a world of chaos now, and that’s when people really need to laugh. To be the only supercomic ever, I’m the guy to go out there to make people laugh harder than any fuckin’ comic walking earth!

TL: Are you kidding me Dice? You’re the rock star of all comics, and as a fan of comedians, we missed you on stage!

ADC: And I’m looking forward to being there, and I am getting a Nathan’s hot dog! First, I wanna watch my wife eat one because it looks kind of sexy! (laughs) Remember, the only reason Dice can rule, is because Brooklyn rules!

Catch Andrew “Dice” Clay’s return to Brooklyn at the MCU Park, where the Brooklyn Cyclones play, on October 1. Log onto andrewdiceclay.com for all of your ticket info!



CROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME

All right, so the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame has announced this year's nominees for induction into the Hall, and once again, they seemed to have missed the boat! I mean, seriously, this is supposed to be a prestigious award, and kudos to the past inductees, but it's the 'Rock 'N' Roll' Hall of Fame! Can somebody please tell me what is so 'rock 'n' roll' about Madonna? Don't get me wrong, she is an Icon and all, but a Pop Icon. How do you keep rock 'n' roll pioneers like KISS, MOTLEY CRUE, and even BON JOVI out of the Hall? After all, KISS was one of the Godfathers of Theatrical Rock, while bands like Motley Crue perfected it. As for Bon Jovi, he redefined what Rock 'N' Roll was all about and even reinvented himself and his image to be taken more seriously as a rock 'n' roller.

After seeing this year's list, I have to say that I have mixed feelings about it because some really deserve to be in there and some really don't. For those of you wondering what it takes to even be nominated, a musician or band is eligible for the Hall 25 years after the release of their first CD. Knowing this, let's go through this year's list, shall we?

Eric B. and Rakim....Who? A Rap and Hip Hop group for the 'Rock 'N' Roll' Hall of Fame?

The Spinners....Weren't they a Motown group or something? Rock 'N' Roll?

Rufus with Chaka Khan.....Seriously? Chaka Khan? She was always on the dance station that I worked for. Yes, I said DANCE!

Freddie King.....Finally! A Rock 'N' Roller! A blues guitarist who was cited as an influence to Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughan and a lot of guitarists who shaped rock music. A perfect fit for The Hall.

Red Hot Chili Peppers......Duh? Totally, Rock 'N' Roll Hall worthy! This one is a no brainer!

Donna Summer.......How can you not love Donna Summer?....As a Disco singer! Not a Rock singer! Are we getting the hint yet?

Beastie Boys......Total pioneers who bridged the gap between ROCK and rap. Do they belong? Hell yes!

Donovan.......Ummmm....No!

Laura Nyro.......Again, who? I'm not familiar with her work, so I really can't make a judgement on this one.

Guns-N-Roses.......Growing up, I loved these guys! They were the new Bad Boys of rock, and are perfect candidates for the Hall, especially, with the success of their giant debut album, Appetite For Destruction! But to put them ahead of Kiss, Motley Crue, or Bon Jovi? I have a problem with that because if it wasn't for those bands, there wouldn't even be a Guns 'N' Roses! Plus, technically, they're not even a band anymore. It's really just the Axl Rose Project! The only good that can come out of this is a possible reunion with the original line-up! Now, that would be cool!

 Heart.......They're not already in the Hall? One of best female-led hard rock bands ever, and they're not in The Hall yet? Well, it's time to fix that oversight!

Joan Jett & the Blackhearts.......Once again! How is Joan Jett not in the Hall? Isn't she in with The Runaways? Joan Jett broke so many barriers as a solo female rocker. Finally, the committee woke up on this one, as well! It's about time! Especially, because she loves Rock 'N' Roll!

The Cure.....Alternative rock? Sure! Why not? But again, put The Cure in before you put in Kiss or Motley Crue? I still don't get it!

The Small Faces/The Faces.....I really have no idea about this one!

War.....The guys who penned the Mexican National Anthem, "Low Rider"? How are they not in The Hall already either? They belong in there!

So, after reading this list, what do you think? This Hall of Fame is Crock and they should really hire people who know Rock 'N' Roll to run the place because it's become a joke!

GOVERNOR CHRISTIE SAYS NO MORE FOR THE JERSEY SHORE!

For the past few years, with the exception of 3 cast members, we've watched these "Bennies" from New York and Rhode Island make a mockery of our Jersey Shore on the hit MTV Reality show, The Jersey Shore. When I say exception, though, it's because 3 of the cast members are actually from New Jersey. Trust me, the whole cast has made a mockery of our shores, and I, shamefully, watched every single minute of it, but now it seems they've been making a mockery of the state of New Jersey at our expense! Thanks to Governor Chris Christie's veto yesterday, it will be at our expense no more!

Apparently, the production company behind the hit reality show had applied for a tax-credit, which was intended to expand the filming in the state, and to help cover costs for it's inaugural season back in 2009. It was part of a $10 million tax credit program that grants eligible film and TV production companies a 20% tax credit on their expenses in New Jersey.

According to the conservative Governor, he was "duty-bound" to see that New Jersey taxpayers were not flipping the $420,000 bill for a project which does nothing more than perpetuate misconceptions about the state and it's citizens. And so he vetoed the tax-credit! Thank you, Governor Christie, for stepping up! The veto marks a reversal for the governor who is being pushed by some GOP leaders to jump into the presidential race. A couple of weeks ago, Christie said that he disliked both the show and the incentive program, but he couldn't veto it. I guess The Situation has changed!

In an economy like this, do we New Jersey tax payers really need that extra expense of $420,000 when it could be put elsewhere and towards a better use? Governor Christie, as well as, other New Jersey residents, especially residents with an Italian background, are right about these cast members really expressing a misconception about the state and it's citizens, and I, recently, learned that first hand on a trip to Costa Rica with my girlfriend. We were actually staying at a resort with some of the Chicago Bears, and while we were talking to them, we told them that we were from New Jersey, and back-up quarterback, Caleb Haney started doing the fist pump! I couldn't stop thinking, "Is this what the rest of America thinks of us, New Jersey residents? If it is, this is embarrassing!" The Bears superstar cornerback, Charles Tillman, saw the disgust on our faces, while his teammate was making an ass out of himself, and he asked us, "I have to ask you an honest question, does all that bother you guys being from Jersey and all?" My only answer to him was, "Do you remember that show 'Playmakers' on ESPN that made football players look like a bunch of drug addicts, alcoholics, and womanizers rather than actual athletes? Well, do you want us to believe that all football players are like that?" Charles Tillman looked at me for a second and said, "OK, I get it!"

So, my point is, I'm not saying that I hate the show The Jersey Shore, and I hope they do have many successful and drama-fueled seasons, but it doesn't need to be at our expense and for those of you who don't live in New Jersey, we don't walk around fist pumping, spray tanning, and we're not constantly going to the gym! In fact, I've never done any of these things and I've lived in New Jersey my whole life, unlike three quarters of the Jersey Shore cast!

NEW YORK CITY STILL PAYING THE DEAD?

Just when you began to believe in humanity......Okay, who am I kidding? I guess I just love stories about stupidity because this one might take the cake, especially on the heels of those two guys from Georgia who put their dead friend in the backseat of their car and went on a drinking spree using his ATM card. (Read last week's blog: "Weekend at Jeffrey's") This is just a prime example that New York City is just full of scam artists. Some, you wouldn't even expect!

According to the New York Daily News, the City has been paying approximately $12 million in rent subsidies to nearly 4000 people who have been dead for decades. That's right! Instead, landlords and relatives have been cashing in on the monthly checks. This shocking new discovery was made by city Controller John Liu in a recent city audit. Liu's office recently turned the findings over to the Manhattan District Attorney's office to determine if any crimes were committed? Ummmm.....How about FRAUD? I believe that's still a crime!

Anyway, city officials say that they've already recouped $3.3 million of the morbid profits, but that's not even half! Seriously, isn't it bad enough that tax payers are paying rent for people who can't afford it? Let alone, now paying the rent for people who no longer exist? This is ridiculous, but for some reason, I find it comical since I no longer live in the city! Apparently, the officials say that they spotted some of the errors even before Liu called them out, and began implementing safeguards to 'make sure that the dead are never again on the city dole.'

This problem emerged thanks to a popular city program called "Senior Citizen Rent Increase Exemption Program", which was set up to help low-income elders pay their rents. Tenants, 62 years or older, who live in rent stabilized or rent controlled apartments, and make less than $29,000 a year can qualify for this benefit. The program was supposed to freeze their rents and give their landlords a tax break to cover the lost income. Those landlords and/or family members of the deceased are given a 30-day leeway period to notify the city if the participating elder has moved or passed on. Instead, the landlords and relatives of 3,800 tenants, who have been dead for as long as a decade, continued to cash in on the benefit.

It seems that in most cases, there was a greedy landlord at fault, but in some cases, there was a friend or family member of the deceased who wanted to enjoy low rents, and never reported the death. I think that the landlords should definitely suffer because greed does not pay! I'm a little torn on the latter excuse because rent in the city is pretty high and I can understand trying to get a cheaper rent in this economy, but it's still not right to try to scam the system, though we've all tried. You just can't get caught! The only people that I really feel bad for in this scenario is the senior citizens applying for this benefit because now the city is going to crack down to make sure the money is going to the right place. Then again, if you're not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about. I still can't stop laughing about landlords succeeding with this scam after almost a decade. You gotta love New York City!



HOW CAN YOU HURT THIS FACE???

Sorry to end this week of blogging on a really sad note, but has anyone seen this story about little Samyah Bailey? As I was turning the pages of the New York Daily News, I came across this photo and my heart sank. My first thought was, "What could've possibly happened to this little girl?" I remembered skimming through a Facebook status last week mentioning a baby getting shot in the face, but never had a chance to look into the story until today, and the story actually runs deeper than the injuries suffered by little Samyah Bailey.

The story about little Samyah goes like this; she was sitting in her stroller licking a lollipop in a crowded courtyard of the Arlington Terrace Apartments in Staten Island, New York, last week when a melee over a girl broke out in gunfire. Little Samyah was caught in the crossfire and shot in the head. The 20-month-old toddler, who miraculously recovered from brain and eye surgery though losing an eye in the ordeal, was released from the hospital yesterday (9/22), but her family stated that they do not feel safe taking her back to their Staten Island home.

Samyah's father, Michael, said that the authorities, so far, have not made good on their promise to relocate his family to another city-owned facility if they helped point out the 19-year-old suspect who shot his daughter in the head. Bailey went on to say that for now, he and his family will be staying with a relative until they can find a safer place to live.

According to the District Attorney's office, officials are working on it, saying that Samyah's mother applied for relocation assistance this past Tuesday and that they were expediting the request due to the severity of the situation. I have to be honest, I don't think that's good enough! This family should have been put in a safer location right away, especially because they helped authorities point out the shooter. Michael Bloomberg, as the mayor of New York City, should've jumped in and helped this family because this poor little girl now has to grow up without an eye and probably, traumatized for the rest of her life! As for the 19-year-old supsect, I hope you go away for a very long time! I hate the the fact that kids are walking around with guns these days. Hell, I don't even like the fact that adults walk around with guns. Why can't there be a law where you have to take a really hard test in order to carry a gun? Trust me, if there was a really hard test to get a gun, more than half of the people carrying guns here in the U.S. will not be carrying one! Back to little Samyah Bailey, I hope that the city does the right thing, and finds your family a safer place to live soon!

Read this story in the NY Daily News here: www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2011/09/23/2011-09-23_future_for_samyah_let_out_of_si_hosp_but_not_in_safe_site.html 

Troy Davis, Mark Suckerberg, and The New York Yankees!

There were actually 3 Big News Stories that caught my eye yesterday. Some of you might not agree with their importance, but this is 'my' blog and are you really here for actual news anyway? You're reading this because it's entertaining, informative, and real! I'm not in the business of beating around the bush, plus I'm writing this to entertain you, the blog reader, and by the way, please feel free to comment on any of these blogs past, present, or future, as I value all of your opinions!

So, back to my 3 Big News Stories. The first one consists of the Troy Davis case, which had the AP Newswire alerts on my phone ringing all day long. Were they going to execute this guy or weren't they going to execute him? Was he wrongfully accused?

For those, like me, who weren't really following this case, or could pretty much care less, Troy Davis was convicted of murdering off-duty police officer, Mark MacPhail, in Savannah, Georgia, back on August 19, 1989.

Apparently, the off-duty officer was working as a security guard at a Burger King restaurant when he intervened to defend a man being assaulted in a nearby parking lot when he was shot and killed. During Davis's trial back in 1991, witnesses claimed to have seen Davis fire the shots at MacPhail, while two other witnesses testified that Davis confessed to them about the murder. Although, the murder weapon was never recovered, Davis convicted of murder and sentenced to death in August of 1991.

In giving you the Cliff Notes version of this case and fast forwarding 20 years, Davis escaped his fate on numerous occasions appealing the decision and having the execution dates pushed back in 2007 and twice in 2008. Apparently, a few of the witnesses recanted their testimonies and evidence was still not found to prove that Davis had even done this shooting. Prosecutors argued that it was too late to recant or present evidence. Well, just yesterday, Troy Davis was scheduled to be executed and once his supporters started to spread the word of his possible innocence through social media sites, protests all over the country began showing up to stop Davis's execution. When the witching our came, and Davis had not been executed, the protester cheered thinking they had won, but in actuality, the Supreme Court just delayed their decision as they mulled it over, and late last night, their decision became final and Troy Davis was put to death. Now, was he wrongfully accused? Was justice served? Did it really need to take 22 years to figure out if he should've been executed or not? Why couldn't the justice system just let this guy rot in prison with a life sentence rather than kill him if they weren't really sure he committed murder? I guess we'll never know, but I'm sure the family of Mark MacPhail feel that justice has been served, though Davis's execution still won't bring back their son and husband.

Big News Story Number 2 that caught my attention was the hatred of the new Facebook layout. I thought that it was hilarious how many people hated the new 'newsfeed' feature on the right side of your computer screen. I mean, when I first signed on yesterday, I thought that my eyes were playing tricks on me when the screen moved down, but it was just new statuses being piled on top of old statuses. Did we really need this? Or are Facebook users just disliking change? Trust me, I've been using Facebook from the very beginning and it's gone through many changes through the years. Maybe that's why I thought nothing of the new changes. I mean, it doesn't really make anything more difficult. The layout is just a little bit weirder to look at, but like everything else Mark Suckerberg does, I'm sure everything will turn out fine. As long as it doesn't follow down the road of a myspace, which by the way, also went through many changes and no one uses anymore. That might be something to think about, Suckerberg! No one likes change! Keep it simple enough for people to keep liking and using your product!

And Big News Story Number 3! My favorite sports team in the world since I was like 4-years-old, the New York Yankees clinced their 17th American League East title yesterday with a day/ night doubleheader sweep of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. After the day game, the Yankees had only clinched a playoff berth, but the combination of winning the evening game to sweep the doubleheader and our foes in Boston losing to the Baltimore Orioles (thank you, Buck Showalter), the Yankees captured the American League East title. The Red Sox aren't out of the picture just yet. They still lead the wild card race as they pull into Yankee Stadium for a weekend series, where the Yankees actually have an opportunity to put them out the playoff picture for good! This is just the first step towards number 28! Let's Go Yankees!!!

World's Largest Sperm Bank says NO to Redheads

Nothing can be more hilarious than this story that came across my desk a couple of days ago. Apparently, the world's largest sperm bank, Cryos, has officially stopped taking sperm from red headed men. According to Gizmodo.com, despite the overall increase in donations the demand for red headed sperm just isn't that high. Sorry, Carrot Top, being a 'Ginger' is just not the 'in thing' these days!

It turns out, sterile couples just don't want to make red headed babies anymore, but did they really ever want to? I mean I always thought that red heads were made on accident or were only adopted or even inherited, hence the term 'beaten like a red headed stepchild!'

Cryos director, Ole Schou, went on record to state that 'unless a woman's partner was a "ginger" or she had a preference for red hair, he didn't see many people choosing red hair over other types of hair.' In fact, Schou says, "The only country where the specimens are flying off the shelves is Ireland." Which makes sense to me since many of the "gingers" that I know are predominantly Irish, and any red head who isn't Irish is usually a fake red head, but then again, why would anyone want to fake being a 'ginger'?

Cryos ships sperm to more than 65 countries around the globe. Donors can score up to $500 a pop for their semen. Schou also noted that men with brown hair and brown are are their top-sellers. Hmmmmm....$500 a pop? I have brown hair and brown eyes. This might be something to think about when things get really tough financially. Sorry, redheads! Once again, you're S.O.L.

Read this story here: http://gizmodo.com/5841329/worlds-largest-sperm-bank-says-they-dont-want-your-ginger-sperm

or

http://www.inflexwetrust.com/2011/09/18/worlds-biggest-sperm-bank-tells-redheads-we-dont-want-your-semen/

Charlie Sheen Roast vs. Two and a Half Men season premiere

 Ok, I admit it! I fell for it! Last night, I was suckered into the whole "Charlie Sheen Roast" on Comedy Central versus the season premiere of "Two and a Half Men" with Ashton Kutcher on CBS. It wasn't so much a curiosity as to which show would do better, rather than 'how was Charlie going to be knocked off on "Two and a Half Men"' or 'how many drug and porn star jokes will they be able to fit in an hour and a half?'

I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised with both shows! First on "Two and a Half Men", the show opened with a funeral for Charlie Sheen's character on the show, where various women at the wake, like Jenny McCarthy  and Jeri Ryan, pretty much enjoyed a roast of their own shouting out that Charlie gave them STD's and there were even drug jokes here and there. By the way, they killed Charlie off by saying that he ran off and married a woman named Rose, cheated on her during their honeymoon, and accidentally slipping off of a train platform in front of a train, insinuating that his wife had pushed him to his death. I was starting to think that the writers knew that the roast was happening on the same night and decided to roast Charlie in their own way. Anyway, after the funeral, Jon Cryer's character, who happened to be Charlie's divorced brother, was put into a situation where he could no longer afford the mortgage on Charlie's house. After being denied financial help by their mother, Cryer's character decided it was time to sell the house, which their mother did agree to help with so she can get her commission. This created a few cameos as John Stamos took a look at the house, but wouldn't buy it because he remembered a night where he and Charlie double-teamed some girl on the couch, then Dharma and Greg, remember them? They came to look at the house and actually started arguing about the house, so they were out. In the next scene, Jon Cryer received a package that contained his deceased brother's ashes, so he opened the package and shared a moment with his late brother. He decided to open the urn and release the ashes onto the beach, where he thought his brother would've wanted him to do, but as he turned to do it, there was a soaked Ashton Kutcher standing in the window, scaring Cryer to scream like a little girl and throw the ashes all over the place.

Welcome Ashton Kutcher's new character, Walden Schmidt, who happened to be this billionaire trying to drown himself in the ocean when his wife left him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it because the water was too cold. Cryer asked Kutcher to go out with him for a few drinks to get to know each other better and Kutcher agreed, but needed dry clothes, so he took off all of his clothes and handed them to Cryer, exposing his alleged enourmous piece of manhood. Yeah right! In the next scene, the two were at a bar drinking Appletini's when a couple girls pulled up to the bar. After some coaxing, Kutcher began talking to the girls and they felt sorry for his marriage woes and decided to go back to Charlie's house to sleep with him, where Cryer stated, "There's something familiar about this." At the end of the episode, a joyous and naked Kutcher hugged Cryer and told him that he would buy the house, and so it begins. Bye bye, Charlie Sheen, and hello, Ashton Kutcher! At first, I thought that the show might jump the shark because of this, but in my eyes, the show might do alright as long as the writers keep Kutcher's character as innocent as it was last night. There was some chemistry between Cryer and Kutcher, so this could work.

Now, as for the "Charlie Sheen Roast", I couldn't stop thinking, "Really? This guy needs a Roast to boost his ego even more?" I mean, he was a warlock from Mars who drank tiger blood with many Goddesses. Why does he need a roast? Anyway, Roast Master and "Family Guy" guru Seth MacFarlane opened the show introducing Charlie Sheen, who came out on the front of a 'crazy train' with Slash above him shredding on his signature Les Paul. As they say, let the madness begin. I know you might want to hear more of a review of this show, but I feel that it was really uneventful. It was the same 'drugs, hookers, porn stars, Two and a Half Men, domestic violence, and mental health' jokes over and over again, but in different variations for about an hour and a half. The sad thing was that it seemed that none of the roasters seemed to even like Charlie Sheen, although I know it's a Roast and they're not supposed to, but it seemed these roasters only accepted this invite to boost their sad careers. For instance,  I had no idea who Anthony Jeselnik was, nor was he even funny with his I have no personality delivery. Sorry, pal, it's already been done. And Amy Schumer? Who? Seriously, did you have to rip on the late Ryan Dunne, you stupid bitch? Your joke wasn't even funny and the look on Steve O's face said it all, and speaking of Steve O, why were you a part of this roast? How are you, at all linked to Charlie Sheen? What'd you guys meet in rehab or something? I think Steve O should stick to shoving things in his ass or taking beatings from machines or whatnot.

Not all of "Charlie Sheen's Roast" was painful. Seth MacFarlane's opening monologue was very funny. I was always a Jon Lovitz fan and loved his delivery, as well. I had no idea who Kate Walsh was, but I kind of got the idea that she was on "Grey's Anatomy", and even she was funnier than the three aforementioned no-names. I even thought that William Shatner was very funny in a 'crazy-old-uncle' sort of way. He offered his advice to Charlie, while cracking racist jokes on Patrice O'Neal, who, by the way, was freaking hilarious! I've met Patrice a number of times down at Carolines on Broadway in New York City and love his sense of humor, so I knew he was going to kill it, but so did Roast staple Jeff Ross, who was dressed up like Mommar Khadafy which was kind of odd. Jeff opened for Charlie Sheen on his road show, when it seemed that Charlie's road show was starting to fail. Jeff Ross delivered once again for Charlie during his roast. The pleasant surprise of the evening was Mike Tyson. He was hilarious and was a great sport when taking some shots himself, but when it was time for him to deliver, he nailed it, speech impediment and all.

Finally, it was Charlie's turn to bite back, and I have to admit, that he did it very tastefully. He busted some balls, and for the most part, he did not seem crazy at all. He actually seemed like he had his head on straight, he seemed focus, and to be quite honest, I was really surprised at how good he looked compared to the cracked out skeletal look he portrayed on "20/20" a few months back. Charlie might've had a melt down, and he might just be crazy, but for now, I think that Charlie Sheen will be okay. It totally seemed like he knew what he was doing, and as far as his popular "winning" quote, Charlie stated last night in his closing statement, "I'd already won!" Though, I think that "Two and a Half Men" might've won me over for the night, I feel that Charlie Sheen has won. He got to publically tell of his boss, and he's still standing. Looks like he won to me!

Weekend at Jeffrey's?

In one of the most hilarious stories of the weekend, two Colorado men, Robert Young and Mark Rubinson, were apparently arrested last week in Denver for putting their friend, Jeffrey Jarrett, who died earlier in the night from unknown causes, into the backseat of their car, and driving around from bar to bar using his ATM card to finance their drinking binge. That's right! It was like a scene out of the old 80s hit comedy movie "Weekend at Bernie's".

According to Denver police, Young and Rubinson loaded an unresponsive 43-year-old, Jarrett, into their vehicle at around 11 PM, and drove to a local bar/restaurant called Teddy T's. They left Jarrett's carcass in the car, while they used his ATM card to drink for about an hour. From there, the dynamic duo ventured off to another bar/restaurant called Sam's Number 3, still with their dead buddy in tow, where they drank some more on Jarrett's tab before finally returning to his home and lugging his body inside. The two men, still armed with Jarrett's ATM card, were apparently hungry after all of that drinking, so they left Jarrett's body at his home on the couch, and headed to a place called Viva Burrito to grab a bite to eat. The duo's night was still not over, as after their quick nosh, they were off to a strip club called Shotgun Willie's where the pair withdrew $400 cash from the ATM  machine at the 'pole-dancing palace'.

Finally, at around 4 AM, Young and Rubinson decided to call 9-1-1 to report that they thought their friend my be dead. The cops quickly responded and indeed, found Jeffrey Jarrett's deceased body in his home. Needless to say, both men were taken in on suspicion, and were not charged with Jarrett's death, but they do face charges of, get this, abusing a corpse, identity theft, and criminal impersonation. 

Now, I can't condone ever doing this with your dead friends, but now that you know the story, how can you not laugh. Do I think that it was the wrong thing to do? That's an obvious yes, but the hilarity in what these guys did cannot go unnoticed. Why do people think that they can get away with stuff like this? What makes people act the way that they do? Stupidity really makes me laugh, and this is a prime example of it. It's almost like watching my own hilarious reality show! Thank you, Robert Young and Mark Rubinson for making me laugh this weekend, you idiots!

Read the whole story here: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/09/16/2011-09-16_colorado_men_busted_after_driving_with_dead_friends_corpse_and_using_his_atm_car.html

Frankly, my dear I don't give a .....WOAH!!!

So, earlier in the week, I received a text message from a friend with a link to a couple of nude photos of, what seemed to be, actress Scarlett Johansson. A little skeptical about the pics being real, I started to to do a little research about possible nude photos of Miss Johansson being leaked on the Internet, and as most of you know by now, her iPhone was indeed hacked, which included naked pictures of herself. She's actually been working with the FBI to track down the hacker, who's also hacked the phones of Demi Lovato and Selena 'Bieber' Gomez.  Scarlett's also hired a legal team to take down the photos everywhere.  (The photos I've posted are covered, so they should be OK.) I guess my question was answered! These photos were legit!

Now, a couple of days later, "Friends with Benefits" star Mila Kunis reported that her iPhone had also been hacked, and that there were pictures on her phone that she hoped to stop from leaking onto the Internet. I haven't seen these photos yet, but from I hear a lot less provocative than Scarlett Johannson's. Sorry, fellas! But, and this is a big 'But', Miss Kunis, did have shirtless (and possibly bottomless) pics of "Friends with Benefits" co-star Justin Timberlake wearing her pink panties on his head. The reason why this is a big 'But' is because the two have denied any reports of any sort of a romantic relationship and that they're relationship was strictly as 'friends'.

The reason why I chose this story to be my last blog of this week is because stupidity is hilarious! First, Scarlett Johannson, why would you leave the nude pics of yourself on your phone? The story never mentioned if she took the pics to text or email them to her boyfriend, but even if she did, which might've been worse for her, but wouldn't you just delete the evidence? I mean, God knows, at one time or another, we've all lost our phones, whether we misplaced or simply had it stolen. So, why would you keep something so private on your phone if you didn't want anybody to see them? Unless, you enjoyed looking at the nude pics of yourself often, I feel that you wanted to get caught. Or is this just a publicity stunt since Miss Johannson's career is really going nowhere? She might be a star, but can you name any good movies she's starred in?

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that, at one time or another, we've all sent something provocative to our other halves, but use your brain and delete the photos because if we've learned anything at all from celebs like Tommy Lee, Pam Anderson, Paris Hilton, and Kim Kardashian, nothing is sacred! As for you, Mila Kunis, does anyone really care that you and Justin Timberlake are together? Why hide it? To save your career? If you like each other's company and you like seeing your pink panties on his head, who cares? I feel horrible that your phones got hacked, but it's your own stupidity for keeping these photos on your phones and you deserve any negative publicity that you're receiving. Unfortunately, Scarlett Johannson's case is a bit worse than yours, Mila Kunis! We get to see her naked, and from you we get to see a naked Justin Timberlake? Yuck!

Check it this story:  http://www.metro.co.uk/showbiz/875674-scarlett-johansson-v-mila-kunis-naked-photo-celebrity-face-off

or read this:

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1670846/scarlett-johansson-nude-photos.jhtml

Too Sexy For His Dog?

After reading this post, you might want to cause physical harm to the man in the photo above. Yes, I'm talking about the idiot who thinks he's "The Situation" from the MTV hit reality show, The Jersey Shore, who I'm sure doesn't speak a lick of English and is complete Eurotrash! I know this because I too lived in Astoria, NY for over a year, and the popular Queens area is full of Eurotrash, whom are probably illegal!

Anyway, the man, or shall I say dimwit, in the picture above, his name is Milan Rysa. He's a 30-year-old Astoria, Queens resident who recently tossed this (also pictured above) adorable 50-pound Chinese Shar-Pei, Brooklyn, out of his third story Steinway Street apartment building window to it's death. That's right! According to witnesses, there was dance music pumping, and I'm sure there was fist pumping, from the third floor window of the apartment building when all of a sudden a flying object flew out of the window with a yelp and hit the ground almost hitting a woman walking by. Another witness claimed that after the Shar-Pei hit the ground, the music was suddenly turned off and so were the lights in the apartment. Just writing this is making me sick to my stomach right now.



Finally, arriving on the scene, cops weren't sure what to expect as they armed themselves with a battering ram and bulletproof shields upon entering the apartment complex. Apparently, Rysa opened the door without any resistence, pretending that he just woke up and claiming that he was trying to catch up on some sleep. Is this guy a jackass or what? Did he really think that in a city like New York, no one was going to notice apartment lights and loud music suddenly going off after a dog was tossed out of your window and almost hitting pedestrians?

Rysa was immediately arrested for aggrevated animal cruelty and reckless endangerment, though he played dumb the entire time the cops questioned him. He was taken to Elmhurst Hospital Center for psychiatric evaluation. I'm thinking he's going to need more than that!

According to the New York Daily News (nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2011/09/14/2011-09-14_cruel_lunkhead_tosses_dog_plays_dumb__cops.html), Rysa's Facebook pages mainly contained shirtless beefcake pictures of himself, typical of self-indulged Eurotrash, but one photo album was titled 'My Lil Bad Boy' with pictures of Brooklyn as an adorable little puppy. According to Rysa's neighbors, the psycho has a history of abusing poor Brooklyn. For instance, he would leave the pup out in the public hallway fenced in by toddler gates right outside his apartment door. He would also let Brooklyn relieve himself on the roof of the building and would fling the feces on other apartment bulding rooftops, then he would leave Brooklyn on the hot rooftop during the day unattended for hours. Now, my question is if neighbors saw this going on, why wouldn't you call the ASPCA on this guy?  What is wrong with people? I know that people in New York tend to mind their own business, but when a life is being tortured like this, isn't it only human nature to try to save a life? In my eyes, Milan Rysa is no better than Michael Vick. This man needs to be put in prison for murder. A dog is a living being just like a human, and the crime should be treated accordingly. Better yet, maybe someone should make this imbicile crap on his own rooftop and stand on the hot rooftop barefooted for hours at a time! Or maybe someone should throw him out of a three story building window, and see how he likes it? Reading this story made me sick, and animal lovers worldwide should somehow get back at this guy, though I can't condone something like that publicly. You can read the story in the link above, and in case, you were wondering, yes, that is Brooklyn's body underneath the little body bag on the sidewalk. So, do you want to cause physical harm to this guy now?