WHO NOSE?

When I first saw this story, I thought it was a Photoshop job, but the further I read, I now realize that Chinese people are absolutely sick! By the way, thank you, Jen, for this story! Anyway, surgeons at a hospital in China's Fuzhou City, a Province in east Fujian, will transplant a new nose that was grown on a patient's forehead to his nasal spot. Yes, you read and saw right. I have to say as I write this; I can't stop looking at this photo. It's just so creepy looking.

The patient, nicknamed "Xiaolian," suffered a severe nasal trauma in a serious car accident back in August 2012. He chose to receive a basic medical remedy than plastic surgery out of financial concerns following the accident. After months, however, his condition was infected due to the absence of surgery and his nasal cartilage started to become corroded, making it impossible for surgeons to do nasal reconstruction.

That's when surgeons came up with the idea of growing a nose on Xiaolian's forehead, a medical practice never tried in the world. Screw the world! I'm sure it's a medical practice never practiced in the universe. The way they grew the nose, they places skin tissue expander onto Xiaolian's forehead, cutting it into the shape of a nose and planting cartilage taken from his ribs. What the hell? Now, after a nine-month growth, the surgeons said the nose is in good shape and transplant will be performed soon.

Guo Zhihui, the Director of Plastic Surgery at Fujian Medical University, stated, "We have gone through the hardest step and now it is not difficult to carry out transplant surgery. Xiaolian will start a normal life once the successful surgery is done." What the hell is he talking about? He didn't have to walk around with a nose on his forehead for nine months! The hardest part is over? I have another question; when they take the nose off of his forehead, how do they plan to fill the gaping hole that will be left there from the nose? I don't think his life will be back to normal just yet. Who are these people kidding?

Another thing I kept on thinking about was what if Xiaolian had this problem with his penis instead of his nose? Could they grow him another penis from his forehead? They would make him a real dickhead! Sorry, I had to! I'm off to Vegas to rock out with Motley Crue for the weekend, which means no blog tomorrow! Sorry! Have a great weekend!

GET A ROOM!!!

Have you ever been in a situation where you were just all horned up and ready to go with your partner, but you had to drive some place to do it? Or at least find some place secluded so that no one sees you? Well, this Chicago couple apparently didn't care who saw them as they "did it" in the middle of the day while driving down one of the busiest highways in Chicago, the Eisenhower Expressway. Now, this must be one classy lady! Worst of all, they put many lives at risk doing this while they were driving. It's one thing to receive oral sex while driving, but to have a woman bouncing up and down on you while driving, must be so much more dangerous! What were these two thinking? And in broad daylight, no less! 

So, in an attempt to explain this story; this daredevil driver was recently busted by passersby giving his lover the ride of her life as they drove down one of the busiest highways in Chicago. Astonishing footage shows the couple doing the dirty in their mini-van as it sped west of Chicago along the Eisenhower Expressway.  Shocked drivers in a passing car caught the woman straddling the man who was in the driver's seat and decided to film the sordid antics. 

The stunned voyeurs can be heard on the video checking whether they've got the shot of the horny motorists. You hear one woman on the video say, "I want to get her bouncing again," while her friend responds, "I'm not looking. I've got the shot. I'm not looking. I'm done." It's not clear when the video was first filmed, but it's gone viral with hundreds of thousands of views. I guess that's what I'm hoping for too as I write this blog about it. Just kidding!

The couple was never identified, nor were they caught by police and the best part is, they caused no accidents. It's still insane to see something like this, though. I mean, I've seen it all. I've seen oral sex while driving. While in Arizona, we saw a couple in a parked car having sex. I saw a woman pleasuring herself while stuck in traffic. Trust me; I heard this happens all the time. Just ask a truck driver. They'll tell you! I've also seen sex at rest stop bathrooms. Sex while driving? This is a first! The video has to be somewhere on YouTube!

OUCH!

I received this story from a friend yesterday and am floored that it's actually true! So, a 66-year-old man from Gigante, Colombia had to have his penis amputated after he allegedly took too much Viagra and overdosed trying to impress his girlfriend. How the hell do you overdose on Viagra? Doesn't one pill keep you hard for like 6 hours? Why would you take more than that? 

The 66-year-old man, who name was never released, told news sources that he intentionally overdosed on the erectile dysfunction medicine, which led to an erection for several days before seeking medical attention. The penis enhancing drug caused the man, who is said to be a farmer and a former politician, to develop signs of gangrene. 

When he sought medical help, doctors in Gigante referred the man to a medical facility in Neiva, where medical staff noted that the man's penis was inflamed and fractured. Ouch! How? I'm sitting here typing this with my legs crossed! Why would you do this to yourself? The doctors informed the patient his only option was amputation so the inflammation and gangrene would stop spreading to other parts of his body. One of the doctors stated that the patient showed bruising on the testicles and penis, and was treated and recovering well. As a result, the hospital issued a warning for men to not use the penis enhancing drugs or erectile dysfunction medication without prescription from doctors. 

Here's what I don't get. Why would you take so much Viagra? It's not like one pill won't do the trick. Did this moron think that by taking more than one blue pill, his penis will get larger? Well, now that his penis has been amputated maybe he can opt for a penis transplant and get that 12-inch penis he was striving for. Can we all agree to file this away in the “what's wrong with people” file?

EATING HIS WAY THROUGH COLLEGE

I think I've mentioned before that I am back in school to earn another degree. Well, being back in school also means more school loans to pay back. Well, if you ask Eric Dahl from the University of Wisconsin how he's paying his tuition, he'll tell you that he is paying his way by eating. That's right! I said eating! Eric, here, is a competitive eater and has earned more than $180,000 just from eating competitions.

This computer engineering student, who has been nicknamed, "Silo", now ranks third in the world of competitive eating as determined by All Pro Eating rankings, though he once held the top spot. Wait a minute! There's actually an All Pro Eating ranking? What the hell? I love to eat and all, but seriously? Dahl has earned more than $18,000 in prize money or merchandise to help pay for his education. He says, "I'm eating for my education. It helps me get through." 

Silo was drawn to competitive eating back in 2011, at the former Big Red's Steakhouse in Madison, Wisconsin. Not wanting to pay for his meal, he signed up for a challenge that read: "Eat a three-pound cheesesteak sandwich in less than 10 minutes and skip the bill." Silo finished in 5 minutes and 50 seconds. Wow! He says that it just started rolling from there. Silo's first paycheck came from Dickey's Barbecue Pit in suburban Minneapolis, where he earned $250 for inhaling nine pulled-pork sandwiches in six minutes. 

The former high school athlete found the competition and its over-the-top atmosphere reminiscent of the WWE. He says, "I really get pumped when the crowd starts cheering. I'm friends with the other competitive eaters, but once I'm on stage, I don't have any friends." Am I the only one who finds this hysterical? The 6-foot-3 Silo said he walks a few miles a day, lifts weights twice a week and plays intramural soccer and hockey to maintain his 220-pound weight. According to reports, Silo eats no more than 3,100 calories a day, mostly vegetables to avoid increasing his waistline and stretching his stomach by eating 10 pounds of cabbage or broccoli in a single sitting followed by a lot of water. I would hate to be his roommate. That room must stink like some bad farts!

Silo's next scheduled contest is this Saturday for $1000 at a national pizza-eating contest on Library Mall at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. This story is absolutely amazing! Like I said, though, with all the cabbage and broccoli intake, that dorm must smell lovely. What about the food intake? This guy must crap like an animal! Aaaah, to be young again and to be able to eat whatever the hell you please in abundance. 

THEY PICKED THE BLUE PILL

What the hell is wrong with teenagers these days? Are we this doomed as a society that our teens are trying to kill out of pure boredom? They say if you hit your kid, its considered child abuse instead of discipline. I'll tell you what; there are many adults that I know who turned out fine and we all grew up in an age where we were spanked or smacked in the face out of discipline. This needs to come back; otherwise we will keep having crimes like this one. 

So, two teen boys from Spokane, Washington were arrested after allegedly attacking one of their mothers with a sword and actually talking about eating her liver. Again, what the hell is wrong with these kids? Deputies found the bloodied woman sprawled out across her bedside with two knives and a sword with a bent handle early Tuesday morning. The unidentified woman was hospitalized and is in stable condition. There was no sign of forced entry in her Spokane home, so the deputies turned to those with access to the home, which led them to her 13-year-old son and his 14-year-old friend. 

It seems the suspected duo fled the scene in the Dodge Durango SUV that belonged to the 13-year-old's father.  The police finally tracked the boys down at the end of the alleged crime spree that included crashing the Dodge into the side of a trailer home and breaking into a house to hide out in. Bizarrely, the boys caused around $2,000 in damages to the trailer home by throwing hammers at the windows, walls and doors. Is this a growing trend or something? This is the third time in a month that I read a story like this where kids were trashing a home. I would ring these kids’ necks!

According to the sheriff's office, the 13-year-old admitted that he encouraged his friend to murder his mom with the sword and ear her liver while under the influence of "blue pills." He said he never would have considered committing these acts had he been sober. What kind of blue pills did these two consume? It couldn't have been Viagra. They would have been stabbing the mother with another sword. Did they take Aleve? Did that possible make these idiots go nuts?

Anyway, authorities say they booked both teens in juvenile detention on suspicion of second-degree assault, taking a motor vehicle without permission, hit-and-run, burglary and malicious mischief. WHAT? How about attempted murder? Was the life of the woman who gave birth to one of these monsters not worth it? These kids would be getting away with murder if they get off on these charges. We need to be able to start beating our kids again when they are out of line! That's the bottom line!

MY MOM RAPED MY BOYFRIEND

Since you guys seem to love stories like this, you're welcome! So, this is 36-year-old aspiring actress and singer, Algaia Cloud. She is being accused of having a sexual relationship with her 15-year-old daughter's ex boyfriend. Yup! Cloud pleaded not guilty in court on Tuesday to four counts of third-degree child rape and one count of communication with a minor for immoral purposes. 

The alleged victim, who had ended a relationship with Cloud's daughter, was confronted by his own mother about why he kept returning to the girl's home in Lacey, Washington, even though the two had broken up. The 15-year-old boy then confessed that he was sleeping with Cloud's mother and claimed he was doing so because she promised to introduce him to a talent agent who could help him with his aspirations to become a dancer. Oooooh! It all makes sense now. I was wondering how a 15-year-old boy could complain about being raped by someone who looked like this? He's apparently gay! No straight boy aspires to become a dancer. So, instead of telling his mother he was gay, he told her that he was being raped by his ex-girlfriend's mother. It's all clear now!

Cloud, an aspiring singer and actress in he own right, is believed to have had sex with the boy on multiple occasions since September 2012. The boy's mother contacted police, who launched an investigation that uncovered a sex video the couple made at a Holiday Inn Express, as well as taped phone conversations that prosecutors say implicate Cloud. Police discovered conversations about their relationship confirming her knowledge of his age and the fact they had a sexual relationship. In one taped conversation, the victim asks Cloud, "Did we or did we not have sex before I turned 16?" Where she replied, "Yes." The age consent in Washington is 16. Cloud entered her plea and was released on bail but must return for her criminal trial in December. I think the case is clear here. She might've molested that boy, but he would not have said anything if he was straight. Trust me!