VAGINA COOKIES!!!!

     My friend Brendan, also known as Golden Rod, knows what kind of sick and warped mind I have. So, yesterday morning, Brendan texted me this awesome story about a mother who baked vagina cookies for her second grader's class, but freaks out when the teacher says NO to them. By the way, yes, I said vagina cookies! Just look at them. They look amazing! I heard the only way to eat these cookies is by licking them. Okay, I made that part up and should be spanked for that. 

     Anyway, the story is about a woman who wanted to teach her second grader that vaginas come in all shapes, colors and sizes. Some might say this is also a story of questionable parenting. I'm sorry, every time that I try to continue writing, I get distracted by these colorful vagina cookies. So, back to the story; Autumn (not her real name) looking to empower female children, signed up to bring baked goods into her child's second grade class. When Autumn (not her real name) arrived, tray in hand, the teacher noticed that every single cookie was shaped like a vagina. The teacher noted that every kind of vagina was represented, including "small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald and even a fire crotch." They were all frosted accordingly. Sorry, I'm still a little distracted and to be honest, a little aroused. 

     When the teacher told Autumn (you get it by now) that the cookies were inappropriate, the mother began yelling about the importance of young children learning about sexuality. Autumn left the cookies and stormed out. Now, I'm not sure that second grade is the time for children to learn about sexuality, but that's just me. Then again, I learned about it by sneaking into my uncle's closets and reading their Playboys and Penthouses, but like I said, that's just me. 

     Later that night, the teacher received an email rant that may go down in history as one of the most anti-feminist pieces ever written. I guess you have to read it to believe it, especially the part where Autumn wishes domestic violence on the teacher. No word on how Autumn was dealt with, but here are a couple of excerpts from Autumn's email, so you get an idea how epic it was: 

     --"You are one of the most closed minded women I know. You settled for less when you became a teacher because that is known for a women's job. Why teaching because you are a woman?"

     ---"We as women should stand together and inform people about the vagina and how to please it. I will no longer be participating on Fridays due to the lack of respect I was shown today. We should celebrate the vagina not be embarrassed by it."

     --"I will be taking my child out of your class due to your cliche role in life in being a teacher and not wanting to empower women. I hope you end up with an abusive husband that beats on you every night." 

     Okay, so she might have been out of line on that very last line, but come on. Is she wrong? We really should be celebrating the vagina. If it wasn't for the vagina, women would really have no power over us. Think about it. All you women out there reading this might think my comment as sexist, but try getting your man to do something just because he wants to. Not going to happen. Then try getting him to do something and coaxing him with sex as a reward. It will done sooner rather than later. This lady isn't to far off her rocker, but second grade might be a little too early. Unless you were me.