LEAP YEAR FATHER AND SON

     In honor of this year's "Leap Year," I wanted to share this pretty cool story. I'm sorry that it has nothing to do with teachers having sex with their students. It really is a story about a father and son, who celebrate their birthday on leap year, meaning this year, the guy on the left is technically, 15-years-old and the boy on the right is really 5-years-old. My former boss was married on Leap Year and I asked him how the hell he celebrated his anniversary and he told me on February 28 or March 1, even though technically, their anniversary is every four years. Ever since, I thought this concept was truly amazing, but extremely silly!

     This is Fred Shekoufeh and yes, he looks much older than 15 years old, but then again, his son, Eric, doesn't really look like he's 5 either. The Shekoufeh's, who live in La Mesa, California, share a unique bond that goes even beyond genetics. They were both born on February 29. As if sharing a birthday with a family member wasn't weird enough, it had to happen on one of the weirdest days of every four years. I share my birthday with two other family members, but that's only  February 16. Anyway, the calendrical quirk means that even though the senior Shekoufeh will celebrate 60 years on Earth today, it will only be his 15th official birthday. His son Eric is celebrating his 5th official birthday the same day. Both father and son were born on February 29, an event that has 1 in 2.1 million chance of ever happening. 

     Shekoufeh, a native of Iran, didn't realize his birthday was unusual until 1979 when he moved here to the U.S. and immigration officials commented on it. Shekoufeh said that he found it confusing at first. Since then, Shekoufeh says he celebrates when he can, but admits that it's hard to top 1996, when he turned "10" in a hospital delivery room when his son Eric was born. He said, "My ex-wife was in labor and said, 'This is your birthday present.'"

     Eric said sharing such an unusual birthday with his dad is "pretty incredible," but admitted that being born on February 29 has had some challenges. Eric said, "I get  a lot of jokes about whether I should celebrate on February 28 or March 1. It's a weird day. People don't recognize it on social media, but when they find out, they never forget." Eric said that his favorite February 29th birthday was in 2012, when he turned "four." He said, "Everyone and their mother made a joke about me turning four, and that four-year-olds shouldn't be able to drive cars. Well, evidently I could. I was glad to have an actual birthday on such an emphatic year: getting a license. No confusion at DMV. I hope I can say the same when I'm going out for my 21st birthday." 

    I thought this story was fascinating and pretty funny. He's right in saying that when you find out someone's birthday or anniversary are on the 29th, you never forget. As I said earlier, my former boss's anniversary is on this day and I still have not forgotten. The best part of the Shekoufeh story is that he gets to share it with his dad. 

THE NUTELLA PROFESSOR

     Who would have ever thought that Nutella would land a man in jail? I mean that creamy, hazelnutty, chocolaty taste is enough to drive any man crazy, but this is absurd! 

     This is 48-year-old, Andrew Victor Willson, a British drama teacher who was given 20 months behind bars after smearing Nutella all over the naked body of a 14-year-old girl and then licking it all off. Um, 20 months is a pretty light sentence for something like this, wouldn't you say, Britain? 

     The prosecution described Willson as a "trendy, young teacher" who was popular with the female students. Willson singled out one 14-year-old and kissed her and groped her in an office at the school. Eventually, he pulled her out of science class so they could have sex at a friend's house. I have to admit, even typing this story is giving me the creeps.

     The couple rubbed Nutella all over each other's bodies and licked it off, though Willson made sure the girl was back at school in time to catch the bus home, so her parents wouldn't suspect a thing. To make things even creepier, Willson also befriended the girl's parents over a shared love for the sport of soccer. What the hell?

     Willson pleaded guilty to five indecent assault offenses from the mid-1990s, when his victim was 14 and 15. Wait! This happened in the mid-1990s? That would have put Willson in his mid-20s, which is still bad, but much better than a 48-year-old molesting a 14-year-old. Again, still unacceptable and how is he only getting 20-months in jail for this? He molested a child and totally misused a jar of Nutella! I'll never look at Nutella the same again! Thank you, Mr. Willson!

THAT'S MR. CHEESEBURGER TO YOU!

   

     Changing your name is one thing, but changing your name to something you like to eat is something that is pretty insane. It turns out, a British man, formerly known as Simon Smith, has legally changed his name to something a bit more carnivorous.... "Bacon Double Cheeseburger." That's right! He changed his name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger! That's like me changing my name to Linguine with White Clam Sauce! Who the hell does that? I mean Simon Smith is a pretty basic name, but Bacon Double Cheeseburger? Come on!

     The name change was inspired, like many bad ideas, by an evening of heavy drinking. Cheeseburger told one news sources, "It was the culmination of probably too many drinks in the pub where there was a conversation about names. Bacon Double Cheeseburger was pretty much the first thing that came up. Everyone loves bacon don't they?" Cheeseburger went on to tell the newspaper that his new moniker is "the most ridiculous thing" he and his friends could think of. He said, "My friends were quite supporting of anything that makes me look silly, as good friends are." Hey, I'm all about making my friends look silly too, but to legally change my name to Bacon Double Cheeseburger? That's so stupid! Besides, wasn't there a way to stop this moron from legally changing his name? Couldn't they tell he was drunk? 

     Cheeseburger said his new name hasn't affected his career as a consultant in the oil and gas industry. He says, "My work speaks for itself and people keep hiring me." What a liar! He later acknowledged that he uses the name he was born with on his resume and doesn't inform employers of his real name when he's applying. He said, "I usually drop the bombshell after the contracts have been signed." 

     Once the word got out that a man really named himself Bacon Double Cheeseburger, fast food outlets came calling, including Byron Hamburgers, a British-based burger chain. They tweeted, "Hello, Mr. Cheeseburger. If you come down w/proof of your name we'd be delighted to serve you a double bacon cheeseburger on us."

     Cheeseburger's fiancee is said to have a "beef" with her future new name. He said, "My fiancee is fairly reluctant about marrying a Cheeseburger. That's something we're discussing a lot. No girl ever dreams of spending her big day marrying a man called Bacon." Hey, if that's his name, then that's his name, right? My wife wasn't all too thrilled about changing her last name to Louie, but it grew on her. So, get use to it Mrs. Cheeseburger! I'm suddenly getting hungry!

     Cheeseburger is one of 85,000 Britons who legally changed their name in 2015. Other unusual names adopted by people included "Happy Birthday," "Sarge Metalfatigue" and "Simply MyLove Poet." These are some pretty dumb names. I always felt my name was pretty weird too considering people always commented that I had two first names. I always wanted to legally change it to Bruce Lee, but then I would have a lot to live up to. What would you change your name to if you legally changed your name? 

SHE THOUGHT IT WAS POOP, BUT IT WAS A BABY!

     I can't even pretend to know what it feels like to give birth to a baby, but I have to ask any women reading this blog, does it feel like you're taking a poop? My other question when it comes to this story is how the hell don't women know when they're pregnant? This is not the first story I've seen where the girl had no idea she was even pregnant. How is that remotely possible? Okay, before I get ahead of myself, let me tell you what the hell happened here. 

     You see, this is 20-year-old Charlotte Bryant and she had no idea she was even pregnant. I still don't get how, but anyway, Bryant told one news source, "I'd had really bad backaches and I'd gone to the doctors. I'd be diagnosed with inflamed muscles and given painkillers and Diazepam." I'm sure those meds were great for the unborn child, and where did she get diagnosed? A biology class? What the hell? 

     Bryant claims she visited three doctors in the 9 months leading to her son's birth and not a single one told her she was pregnant. When it came down to show time, she was absolutely surprised. She said that one of the doctors prescribed her a big box of powder laxatives. When she went home and took one, she felt the urge to take a poop within minutes.

     While she waited for this large turd to drop, she was blessed with the gift of life? She said, "I sat on the toilet and I felt something really odd between my legs. It was like a poop, but it felt like it was coming from the wrong place. I felt the urge to push and then as I looked down, I saw a face looking at me. It was absolutely surreal." I am sitting here shaking my head as I am typing and still wondering how a woman cannot tell she is pregnant or carrying a baby in her belly for the past 9 months? Also, how can you not tell the different between a labor pain and a shit pain? Only you ladies can answer this for me. 

     Anyway, just hours after swallowing some laxatives, little baby Joshua came into the world. Bryant said, "I screamed for my brother and told him I'd just had a baby. He told me to stop being stupid until he came downstairs and saw a baby in my arms." They immediately called an ambulance who came to help the newborn. 

     Bryant sent a photo of the baby to her 25-year-old boyfriend, Daniel, who took a long time believing what was going on. He is still asking how this happened since the two hadn't even had sex yet. The plot thickens! Okay, I made up that last part. But we'd all like to know how it happened as well. I think it is impossible to not know you are pregnant. Ladies, can anyone answer this? 

ADDICTED TO GAMING

     It seems I'm not the only one noticing the decline of our society when kids no longer have an imagination to go outside and play because they are too hooked on playing video games. I remember when I was younger, my video games consisted of actually going outside and playing Wiffle Ball or a game of touch football. It wasn't MLB The Show or Madden Football. Today, my sister even makes her kids go out and play, so they don't lose that imaginative and creative spirit. 

     Well, in New Delhi, a Stanford psychologist, Philip Zimbardo, suggested that online gaming would prove to be the fall of man some day. Though, most experts scoffed at his theory, which he laid down in his book, Man Disconnected, addiction to online gaming certainly seems to be taking a toll on the mental health of adolescents and youths. 

     There was a case study on two brothers who were addicted to gaming and required months of rehab in the psychiatry ward of Ram Manohar Lohia Hospital in New Delhi, should serve as a warning that his theory could be true. The elder son, aged 22, was in his second year of college majoring in engineering, while the younger son, 19-years-old, was just finishing senior year in high school. By the time their parents brought them to the hospital, they were socially, and to a large extent physically, dysfunctional. Hooked to gaming, they had no time for studies, meals or bathing. Ew!

     The worst symptom they exhibited was the habit of urinating and defecating in their pants while playing their games. They became so engrossed in the gaming, they had no time for studies, meals, bathing, changing their clothes and apparently, relieving themselves. They slept a fair share, ignored phone calls and the doorbell, and twice they turned a blind eye to robbers cleaning out their house. 

     A psychiatrist who treated the boys posted that the brothers' condition had gradually worsened over two years. He said, "Many parents come to us with complaints of children spending excessive time surfing the Internet. But his case was a shocker indeed. We had to admit them for over a month to reduce the craving for online games and prevent a relapse." 

     Hey, I love video games as much as the next 40-year-old, but I do have responsibilities as an adult and gaming has become more of a hobby (when the wife's not home). To defecate and urinate in my pants, that's a little bit nutty. I have to be honest, though, this behavior can be attributed to poor parenting. If my children acted like this, no matter how old they were, the gaming system and anything you can use to access gaming would be locked up until responsibilities were taken care of. That's what good parenting consists of....DISCIPLINE!

DWI FOR FISH BREATH?

     I'm sure every police officer has heard every excuse in the book when they pull people over from "I had to go to the bathroom really bad" to "My wife is having a baby" to "An elf made me drink all those beers," but this story might take the cake. 

     This is 76-year-old John Przybyla from Wisconsin. Yes, another drunk driving story from Wisconsin. It's like they're becoming the new Florida this week. Anyway, Mr. Przybyla was convicted on Monday for his tenth OWI, Operating a Vehicle While Intoxicated (they even have a weird name for it up in Wisconsin), but according to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, he blamed his high Blood-Alcohol level on the beer-battered fish he earlier in the evening. Um, what? Beer-battered fish can get you drunk now? That's almost as bad as letting your 9-year-old drive you home because you're too drunk to drive.

     Przybyla was arrested back in October 2014, after a deputy noticed his truck crossing the center line of a state highway. The deputy stated that Przybyla's breath wreaked of alcohol, so he administered a field sobriety test that the suspect failed. Przybyla denied drinking any alcohol that night, but he did admit to eating beer-battered fish earlier in the evening. He stuck to that story in court this past Monday. If his statement were true, there would have to have been a lot of beer in that batter.

     According to police, Przybyla's blood-alcohol level was .062, which is below the state's normal legal limit of .08, but the legal limit for Wisconsin residents with three or more drunken driving convictions is only .02 percent. As weird as the beer-battered fish defense may be, jurors did not fall for it hook, line or sinker. He was found guilty of operating while intoxicated, his tenth offense. No sentence date has been set yet, but Przybyla could face up to twelve and a half years in prison. So, basically, this old guy is going to die in prison because there is no way he is living another 12 years. Just sayin'! 

     I have to say, though, it was a nice try, but unless the office smelled fish on your breath as well, the whole beer-battered fish excuse is really hard to believe. But hey, you can "A" for effort, old man!

LOVE ON THE FERRIS WHEEL

     The last time my wife and I were in Las Vegas back in June, we noticed this enormous Ferris wheel in the middle of the city. When we met up with my friend Eric and his beautiful wife, Julianne, we asked about this gigantic Ferris wheel and they told us it was the High Roller Ferris wheel at The Linq Hotel and it fits parties up to 20 people in each pod. They told us people throw parties in these pods, where you can drink and dance throughout one fill rotation of the wheel, which lasts around 30-minutes and costs around $40. Sounds cool, right? 

     Well, one couple's Ferris wheel ride in heaven landed them in jail after the trip came back down to earth in the City of Sin. 27-year-old Philip Frank Panzica (who looks like Adam Levine from Maroon 5) from Houston and 21-year-old Chloe Scordianos from Long Island were charged with committing sex acts in public on the High Roller on Friday afternoon. 

     The couple were in a car by themselves going at it and smoking cigarettes around 3 p.m. when they refused two intercom requests to put their clothes back on. The couple continued to engage in various sex acts. According to court documents, the riders in a nearby glass pod took video of the encounter during a 30-minute ride above the famed Las Vegas Strip. Not for nothing, but I think I need to check this footage out to really believe that this happened. 

     It's not clear how the Vegas visitors even met since once was from Houston and the other is from Long Island, but my guess is Facebook or Tinder? Then again, with all the bars in Vegas, who knows? My wife thinks she's a hooker in Vegas since it's legal out there, but the story would have stated that she was a lady of the night. This escapade, however is not the first time that the 550-foot Ferris wheel, billed as "The Happiest Half Hour in Vegas," had been used as a not-quite-so-secret spot for intimacy. According to officials, there has been an increase in patrons "rolling the dice," so to speak, on getting caught at the ride. One website (bit.ly/1SIweNM) even offers tips for having sex on the wheel, such as bringing a blanket and waiting until your pod reaches the attraction's apex. 

     Scordianos' lawyer told a Vegas newspaper that the sky-high hijinx could not be called public sex acts because riders expect to have privacy in their pods. Um, no...These pods are built to have more than two people in them, which means they're not so private. Panzica and Scordianos were released on $3,000 bail and have a court date set for March. In the state of Nevada, public sex is a class D felony punishable by and between one and four years in prison and up to a $5,000.

     I have to say that I can't even call these two morons because I give them an "A" for effort. I mean in Vegas everyone gets promiscuous. That's why they call it Sin City! That's what their slogan is "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!" Unfortunately, for Panzica and Scordianos, it could mean they might have to stay in a Vegas jail for up to four years. If you want to learn more about the High Roller, click here. 

BUT SHE'S OUR DESIGNATED DRIVER......

     So, what happens when you're too drunk to drive home from the bar and you can't afford an Uber, or they don't have Uber where you live, or you can't afford a Taxi? You have your 9-year-old drive you home! That's what this Wisconsin couple did! 

     Jason Roth and Amanda Eggert were charged after allegedly allowing their 9-year-old daughter to drive them home because they were too drunk to drive. The couple were arrested after police responded to reports of a pickup truck driving erratically. When the police caught up with the truck in Polk County, they were shocked to discover the little girl had been driving and the couple's 11-month-old baby had been strapped to a car seat. Unreal! These guys deserve the "Best Parenting of the Year Award" so far for 2016! 

     Roth and Eggert pleaded not guilty to a number of felony charges including child neglect and second degree recklessly endangering safety. According to a Polk County deputy, "As the 9-year-old exited the truck, it was still running and in drive when Mr. Roth was sitting in the truck by himself. He turned the ignition off and the truck began rolling backwards down the hill towards the river. I jumped into the truck to hit the brakes and put the truck in park." The little girl apparently drove the truck for miles in Balsam Lake, weaving in and out of oncoming traffic and somehow avoided a serious accident. This story is so ridiculous! I'm surprised that it didn't happen in Florida. 

     According to police, both adults were highly intoxicated when they were arrested. with one of Roth's preliminary breathalyzer tests reading more than three times the legal limit to drive. The two kids are now staying with extended family as the couple remain in jail as they await trial.

     These people are ridiculous. First of all, unless you were at a party or family function, what were your children doing at a bar or at a function where you were drinking? What kind of parents are you? Secondly, I don't car how drunk you are. Why would you allow your 9-year-old drive your pickup truck? What child can see over the dashboard of a pickup truck? I definitely nominate these two for "Parents of the Year". Better yet, "Morons of the Year!"

URINE TROUBLE NOW, MISSY!

     The first rule of robbery is not leaving behind any evidence, right? Well, this Florida shoplifter took more than $2,000 of designer duds from a beachside outlet, but lost her cell phone at the scene of the crime and apparently lost her control of her bladder in the process, as well. 

     This is Brooke Amber Sutton. She was arrested on Friday after an Ann Taylor outlet employee found several removed security tags, a cell phone and a puddle of pee in a dressing room. Okay, so she left a way to contact her and some DNA in case the cops wanted to be sure it was her. I'm guessing this blonde thing is not a bleach job and that she's the real deal. Then again, I see roots, so she's basically just another Floridian moron!

     The 27-year-old also raided the Saks at Miramar Beach's Silver Sands Outlets, stealing six pairs of jeans by draping them over her arms and hiding them under a men's coat, before she finally got caught. Sutton's spree began after she allegedly took several pieces of Ann Taylor merch into a fitting room, ripped off the security tags and waltzed out of the shop. An employee found the left-behind tags and a cellphone and called deputies. This was also when Sutton peed on the floor before exiting the store undetected. Did she pee from the pure adrenaline rush of stealing something? Or does she just have bladder problems? Either way, the moron alert should have went off as she left the store. 

     Anyway, Sutton then made her way to the outlet's Saks Off Fifth shop where she hauled in 15 to 20 pairs of jeans into a dressing toom and slipped six on her arms and covered them with a men's jacket and fled the shop. In the meantime, deputies at Ann Taylor used Sutton's cell phone to call her husband and get a description of her car. That's when deputies found $2,100 worth of stolen goods, including a trove of necklaces, tops and $1,000 worth of jeans, in the car. She was arrested on two counts of felony and retail theft. She has since been bonded out of jail on Saturday and is currently awaiting trial. 

     I can't help wondering if she would have gotten away with this robbery if she didn't leave her cell phone behind or pee in the dressing room? Because in all reality, she only got caught because she left her cell phone behind and the pee, they didn't really need but could have used it if the phone wasn't there. Either way, WHAT A MORON!

TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE

     This might be the greatest thing I've ever seen! I mean, we've seen it done in cartoons and The Little Rascals, but I have never seen this done in real life and it is awesome! Not to mention, fully documented on video!

     So, two jokesters recently squeezed into one pair of pants to sneak into a movie theater as a single person with one ticket. In the Little Rascals, they would sit on each other's shoulders under a long overcoat to create a tall man. It's the same idea, but that was a TV show. How could this even be possible. 

     Well, best buds, Bo and Matthew filmed themselves carrying out their elaborate transformation in a YouTube video that documented their hilarious "waistgate" scheme. The video showed a couple of failed attempts at putting the larger man together. One of the two men manages to cling to the other's chest, wrapping his legs around his buddy's waist. A large shirt and track jacket were then placed over the two men, creating this giant bulge resembling a massive belly.

     Once they mastered the look, it was time for them to practice their walk and talk before heading to the theater. The video showed the face of the operation practicing, "We'd like one ticket for The Avengers, please." A voice on the other side of the camera asked, "What do you mean, 'We'?" Good point! 

     The guys' clever getup fooled the theater's staff and earned them a spot on Reddit's front page this past Monday. Their video has since been viewed more than 17,000 times. The place of the action and the names of the culprits are unknown, which makes this feat even more brilliant than you know, but these guys get an A+ in my book for creativity! This was awesome. My writing does this no justice. You need to see this for yourself!

 

CANNABIS TAMPONS.....HMMMM

     It's no secret that throughout history, women have turned to dark chocolates, bubble baths, heating pads and pain killers to ease their monthly period pains. Well, ladies, a new remedy has hit the market! You can now add weed tampons to your growing list of "monthly friend" remedies. I know this might be a little weird since I just posted a survey on my Facebook about the period, but I assure you this is totally coincidental. 

     Thanks to the geniuses at Foria, you can now get cannabis-infused vaginal suppositories to put your uterus at ease. It's called Foria Relief and each suppository contains 60 mg of THC and 10 mg of CBD, which will get your vagina stoned without it going straight to your head. Does this mean your vagina will get hungry then too? i.e. The Munchies? The new tampon-sized pill is part of a bizarre modern trend of women placing items such as herb balls and Japanese vagina sticks into their private parts. What the hell? 

     The revolutionary capsule is made from a mixture of cannabidiol and cocoa butter infused with THC (the hallucinogenic chemical found in marijuana), the "Foria Relief" pill has been created to "maximize muscle relaxing and pain relieving." And just for the record, the creators say it will not get you high, so you can forget that. 

     Foria has previously released a cannabis infused lubrication product to "increase female sexual pleasure." Considering the side affects are reportedly minimal, the 84% of women who experience cramps and pains during their period may eagerly turn to this modern day solution. Unfortunately for women in the U.K., the pills can only be bought if in the 23 states of the United States where marijuana has been legalized for medical purposes. The tablets are priced at $43 USD for four capsules and requires the buyer to have a medical marijuana card. 

     I have to say that this is a pretty interesting concept. I mean, I have no idea what it feels like to have a period. I do remember when I was younger, hearing Arsenio Hall say on his show, it felt like getting kicked in the balls repeatedly. To this day, I'm not sure how he knew that, but I equate my wife's monthly friend to feeling like that. Therefore, I am as sympathetic as possible to the cause. Add a little weed to it and now you really have my attention. I have to admit. I'm a bit curious as to how it feels to only have your vajay-jay feeling high. Again, I would worry about the munchies....Then, again, does munchies equal horny? I guess there's only one way to find out...

LOVE AT FIRST INSTAGRAM?

     With Valentine's Day right around the corner, here's a crazy love story that is out of the ordinary. The question is how long will it last? 

     This long-distance couple went from Instagram lovebirds to Insta-marriage lovebirds. Taking a gamble on true love, Erica Harris married a man just seconds after meeting him for the first time at an airport in California. The two randomly connected a year ago on the photo social media app, Instagram. The long-distance relationship between Harris and her new husband, Arte Vann, grew with love poems and songs over social media.

     The couple lived on two different coasts across the country. Harris lives in California and Vann is a New Yorker. When the couple met for the first time on Friday, Vann got straight to the point and got down on one knee and proposed immediately to the woman he had only seen in photos and videos from their budding online romance. He told her, "Don't listen to your thoughts. Don't listen to your head. Follow your heart. Follow your soul."

     Harris' Instagram profile now says she's married "to the man of my dreams," while Vann called her "the love of my life." The two met last March after Vann posted a poem with the hashtag #7deadlysins, where Harris commented, "you had me at lust." The two had used the same hashtags for the poetry and writing community on Instagram when chance encounter happened. 

     Harris said, "You don't drag your feet with real love. You leap into that like there's no tomorrow, and that's what we're doing." Well, I have to say that this was pretty risky. I mean, yeah, you know each other from Instagram, but you don't really KNOW the person. What if he's nice and romantic on Instagram, but has a record of domestic violence? Too late! You just married the guy. What if she was single because she killed all of her previous lovers? Too late! You just married her. I know these might sound like silly scenarios, but how can you marry someone you've never met before? Social media can be your best friend or your worst enemy. I guess the only way to see if this lasts is keep an eye out in the news to see if either of them shows up dead somewhere.