THE NUTELLA PROFESSOR

     Who would have ever thought that Nutella would land a man in jail? I mean that creamy, hazelnutty, chocolaty taste is enough to drive any man crazy, but this is absurd! 

     This is 48-year-old, Andrew Victor Willson, a British drama teacher who was given 20 months behind bars after smearing Nutella all over the naked body of a 14-year-old girl and then licking it all off. Um, 20 months is a pretty light sentence for something like this, wouldn't you say, Britain? 

     The prosecution described Willson as a "trendy, young teacher" who was popular with the female students. Willson singled out one 14-year-old and kissed her and groped her in an office at the school. Eventually, he pulled her out of science class so they could have sex at a friend's house. I have to admit, even typing this story is giving me the creeps.

     The couple rubbed Nutella all over each other's bodies and licked it off, though Willson made sure the girl was back at school in time to catch the bus home, so her parents wouldn't suspect a thing. To make things even creepier, Willson also befriended the girl's parents over a shared love for the sport of soccer. What the hell?

     Willson pleaded guilty to five indecent assault offenses from the mid-1990s, when his victim was 14 and 15. Wait! This happened in the mid-1990s? That would have put Willson in his mid-20s, which is still bad, but much better than a 48-year-old molesting a 14-year-old. Again, still unacceptable and how is he only getting 20-months in jail for this? He molested a child and totally misused a jar of Nutella! I'll never look at Nutella the same again! Thank you, Mr. Willson!