I
saw this story earlier in the week and it still cracks me up, so I figured I'd
share it with you. This is Chelsey Coutts from Oregon. She's not bad looking,
right? No, she's not another teacher who had sex with a student. Relax! Chelsey
recently had to make an embarrassing report to the police after her car was
broken into. Why was it so embarrassing? I'm glad you asked. The car thieves
made off with $500 worth of sex toys! That's right! I said sex toys! They
could've had anything else in the car or the car itself, but they chose to
steal her sex toys! I am dying over here!
It's
turns out; Chelsey had been squirreling her kinky sex toys away in the trunk of
her car to hide them from her family because she'd been preparing to celebrate
her friend's bachelorette party. Yup! I was going to say that! Chelsey says
that she's still in shock about her haul of sex toys being robbed from right
outside her home. Apparently, the thief had broken into multiple cars in the
neighborhood of Sandy, Oregon this past Monday evening. Chelsey said that she
began to squirm when she had to describe her stolen sex toys to the police in
detail. She said, "It was horrible. The officer kind of started laughing,
but he felt so bad so he asked me to describe everything in detail, and it was
just horrible!" Who the hell is she kidding? That police officer didn't
need a detailed description of those sex toys! He did it for his own
entertainment, as would I have done with a hottie like Chelsey!
Chelsey
admitted that she'd been stockpiling the items for months to hide them from her
two kids. She says, "I've been storing it in my trunk because I have two
little ones and didn't want them to see all the dirty things in there. Lots of
toys, blow-up items, and all kinds of goodies." Among the stolen items was
a 4-foot inflatable penis, penis necklaces, vibrators, dildos and penis straws
to drink from. That is gross!
The
bride-to-be, Haleigh Kirby, said that she was heartbroken by the theft and that
all her friend's hard work had gone to waste. She went on to say that she was
confused as to what the thieves can even use these toys for. Friends who felt
bad for Chelsey had already started donating money to replace the toys and she
vows the party will continue. I have to say, this car thief was an absolute
moron? That's unless he had a sex-crazy girlfriend. Then I can understand. Or
maybe the thief was a female? I mean, we never established that it was a
guy, right? The thing that would make this story absolutely more hilarious than
it already is, is if Chelsey goes and buys all new sex toys and her car gets
broken into again and sex toys stolen again right before the party! Now, that
would be funny!
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