FLATULISTIC ROMANCE

If you're a real man, you love to pass gas, right? But do you love it, when you're other half breaks wind? Okay, if you're a gay man, you might. Some might call it a mating call. I mean, for my hetero male readers; does it turn you on when you're wife or girlfriend, or in my case my fiancée, farts in front of you? I have to be honest; I don't even look twice anymore. That's how common they've become in my household between me, her and the dog. 

Well, women of the world who break wind beware! A 22-year-old, Illinois art graduate has this fetish that is like nothing I've ever heard before. He confessed to being turned on by females who fart. He told British researchers that he first got all horned up when a girl at school tooted during a class. He said, “I knew by simple biology that girls farted, but hearing the girl I had been fawning over was capable of such a thing sparked a strange interest in me."

It's the person releasing the flatulence and not the actual fart itself that gets this guy all worked up. This unidentified student, who is now believed to be the world's first case of "eproctophilia", says he's addicted to hooking up with women who pass gas. Can you imagine being on a date with this guy? Then accidentally letting one slip out and getting all embarrassed until he looks at you and says, "That was so hot! Wanna go mess around? That made me so horny!" That would be absolutely insane! I remember on my first date with my fiancée, I had to fart so badly because something I ate for dinner made me so gassy, but like a true gentleman, I fought it back all night and suffered the next day. 

 A Nottingham Trent University lecturer wrote about the case in his "Archives of Sexual Behavior" journal. He wrote: "Eproctophiles are said to spend an abnormal amount of time thinking about farting and flatulence and have recurring intense sexual urges and fantasies about them." How can this be a real fetish? Then again, this is 2013! Nothing shocks me anymore! You've been warned, women! Be careful who you toot in front of. It might actually turn them on! Before you know it, you'll have some strange guy's face right up against your ass sniffing your farts. How's that for an image?