PRICASSO?

     I've heard of artists using different media to create their artwork, but have you ever heard of artists using their anatomy as tools to create their artwork? And I don't mean people putting paint on their naked bodies and rolling around on a canvas. I mean there is an artist from the U.K. who uses his penis to paint actual portraits. Funny enough, they call him Pricasso! 

     It looks like Pricasso, whose real name is Tim Patch, will be returning home in all his glory. The penis painter has never exhibited his talent in his native U.K. until now. Patch will appear at London's Sexpo November 13 - 15 and says he's thrilled to visit friends and relatives. Is this guy for real? Painting with his penis? As I'm writing this, my head keeps shaking in disbelief that I'm actually writing about this.

     Patch said, "I am pretty sure I am the first person to be naked in the Olympia venue in London as they have a no-nudity policy, but I have to thank Sexpo for getting a special art concession license from the powers that be." Organizers say that they hope his portraits will be "well-hung." Um, what? Sexp managing director Lee Schofield told the Mirror Magazine, "There are no other artists in the world like Pricasso and even I'm suffering from a very serious case of penis envy right now." Again, I say, "Um, what?"

     Patch, who is an art school reject from London during the 1960s but relocated to Australia, discovered his "special talent" of painting with his penis and his testicles many years ago. He said, "The idea popped into my head after seeing Puppetry of the Penis. I did try it but found it really hard in every sense of the word! It took a couple of years to get good enough to perform in public." His talent caught the attention of his eventual benefactor, Sexpo Australia, where he featured his work and the making of it, leading most to call it performance art. He sometimes has to masturbate to get the best out of his paint brush and keep it stiff. 

     How does he do it? Patch says, "First, I grab my penis and testicles and plunge the whole lot into a pot of paint. The combination of balls and dick holds a lot of paint, so then I just scrub them them all over the canvas, which I hold in one hand until the canvas is sufficiently covered." I don't even want to tell you how he signs his name to the artwork because it's too painful. I will say, however, I am not opposed to him doing a portrait of me and my wife for our living room. His portraits are actually pretty good! I can only do color by number with my penis at home. If you want to see how he does it, take a look: