THE MAGIC MUSHROOM....FOR WOMEN?

     Are you ready for the roller coaster ride of emotions in today's blog? I have bad news, then I have good news and then I will have bad news again. First, the bad news.....So, Playboy mogul, Hugh Hefner has decided to add more articles...of clothing to his centerfold models moving forward. That's right! The magazine that got many of us through our manhood is putting clothing on their models and putting an end to their era of nudity. According to Hefner, you can see so much nudity and porn for free on the Internet. There's no longer a need to see the nudity in a magazine. Wrong! There's nothing like making those pages stick together! Hugh Hefner is so old, he just doesn't care anymore. Playboy Magazine has, unfortunately, signed it's death certificate.

     Now, for the good news.....Why do I have a picture of mushrooms in today's blog? Well, scientists have discovered a special species of tropical mushrooms in Hawaiian lava that can make women orgasm just through it's odor. That's right, my brothers (and sisters?)! All your girl needs is a whiff of this mushroom and she is taken to her happy place. You don't have to do a thing. Half your work is done!  The bright orange-colored mushroom can be found in recent lava flows dating from 600 to 10,000 years old. The orgasm triggered by the fungus, or "fungasm," comes from hormones in the mushroom that are close in similarity to the same ones picked up by our own neurotransmitters. Basically, the smell of this shroom makes the female body think it's having sex. Unfortunately, it's thinking of the wrong mushroom and not the ones on our bodies. 

      The peculiar female aphrodisiac has been put to a smelling test conducted on volunteers. According to researchers John C. Holliday and Noah Soule found that about half of the female participants experienced instantaneous orgasms when smelling the fungus. The findings indicate that the chemical compounds of the mushroom, an unnamed Dictyophora species, mimic the types of human neurotransmitters that are released during sexual encounters. Is anyone else finding it funny that they fit the word "dick" into this somehow? Dick-typhora?

     And here comes the other bad news, fellas!.....The mushroom helps your lady friends, but is of no use to us. Unfortunately, it smells like week-old horse shit to men. The research showed that all male test subjects were repulsed by the fetid smell. Hey, look at the bright side, because there is always a bright side; if you're skills in bed a pretty weak and you can use a little help, you can go pick some of these mushrooms in Hawaii and hide a bunch under your bed. I shouldn't look weird at all that your wearing a clothes pin on your nose during sex!