THE PROPOSAL THEY'LL NEVER FORGET

     Why does this couple's engagement photo look like a couple of mugshots? That's because they are a couple of mugshots! This is  what is wrong with America.....Stupidity! I'm not a conspiracy theorist by any means, but I'm starting to think that drugs were put here in America to really dumb us down and make us weak, so another country can take us over. I guess that does make me sound like a theorist. Okay, we're just really dumb as a society! 

     This is 25-year-old William Cornelius Jr. and his 20-year-old fiancee, Sheri Moore from Bay City, Michigan. The couple celebrated their engagement at a Walmart (how romantic!) with a $29.62 ring and a dramatic proposal over the PA system. Unfortunately for them, they spent the night in separate jail cells after allegedly shoplifting some sex toys at a Spencer's Gifts close by on December 30. According to authorities, the couple stole a "Bride-To-Be" thong, an edible thong, oral sex candy (in case they got hungry later) and a vibrator (for the real fun to happen).  

     According to investigators, Cornelius purchased the ring right before popping the question. Surveillance footage shows Cornelius dropping to one knee as Moore says yes to the applause of fellow customers. I don't know about you, but that sounds like one of the most romantic proposals I ever heard. No one was applauding at Spencer's, however, as an employee called the Bay County Sheriff's Department with a shoplifting complaint a short time after. The two suspects fled the scene before the police arrived. 

     A woman later ID'ed as Moore was apprehended near a Taco Bell. Man, you can't get any more trashy than Walmart, Spencer's and Taco Bell! Anyway, she was followed there by a Spencer's employee. Deputies searched Moore and found a pair of gold earrings and a silver necklace with a star pendant. Moore denied stealing anything from Spencer's. Where was Cornelius when all of this was going down? Apparently, Moore's fiancee nodded off in the mall's food court. According to witnesses, he fell asleep at the table while tying his shoes. Again, I say, "Drugs are bad! MMkay?" 

     Deputies say they work Cornelius up, searched him and found a watch and a variety of items from Spencer's worth $80.93. He was arrested for retail fraud and Moore was charged with larceny. I mean, seriously, you knew this engagement was doomed the minute you read that he bought the ring at a Walmart. We get trashier and trashier and dumber and dumber as a society as the days go by. Sometimes this stuff doesn't even shock me anymore. It's not only global warming we need to worry about. We should also worry about the global dumbing! 

     Before I close, I'd like to take a minute to pay my respects to the man who made glam rock and music, cool. Yesterday, David Bowie lost his 18-month battle with cancer. Bowie left behind a legacy of music, style and art. He was an icon in the music industry and just like Lemmy from Motorhead, they will be missed! R.I.P. David Bowie and Lemmy Kilmister and Fuck You Cancer!