ONLY IN THE SOUTH

     Incest is best when you put your sister to the test. Isn't that how that saying goes? Well, two Georgia siblings actually believed in that saying, at least three times. That's right! They admitted to police that they had sex three times in a tractor trailer parked outside a church after watching the chick flick, The Notebook starring Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling. Yes, ew!

     20-year-old Christopher Buckner of Guyton, Georgia and her brother, 25-year-old Timothy Savoy of Jackson, Georgia, were stopped by police around 4:30 a.m. Tuesday morning as they walked down Highway 30 in Effingham County after a resident called in a complaint about a possible prowler outside their house. By the way, that wasn't a misprint. Her name is actually Christopher. Not Christine or Chrissy. It's Christopher. There's a red flag right there! A girl with a boy's name. Only down south!

     Savoy told police that he was only walking the woman home before they learned that the two were brother and sister and they had just had sex in a Kentworth tractor trailer outside the Countryside Baptist Church, which sits across the road from South Effingham High School. After hours of questioning the siblings finally broke down and admitted to screwing three times after they watched The Notebook, which was 2004 romantic drama about a man trying to make his wife who suffered from Alzheimer's to remember their past. Yeah, that would totally make me want to bang my sister! What the hell do they feed these people from the south? 

     Police arrested the siblings and charged them each with incest, aggravated sodomy (I'm not sure why that word always cracks me up) and prowling. Savoy remains jailed on the felony charges and held on $13,400 bond. I mean how desperate do you have to be to want to bang your sister? Unless they didn't grow up together and lived in different houses, but still! Also, how can you not get past her name? Her name was Christopher! What kind of parents name their daughter a boys name? I have a feeling that the parents might be brother and sister as well. How does that joke go again? How do they circumcise the boys down south? You kick their sister's in the jaw? Well, there you have it! 

GIRAFFE MAN

     We remember the story of Elephant Man, right? By the way, Bradley Cooper will be playing Elephant Man again on Broadway this Fall. Anyway, back to my story; we remember the story of Elephant Man, correct? Well, a Chinese teenager, I assure you that I am not related though the guy on the left really looks familiar (Oh, yeah...We all look alike), with an unusual neck condition will be receiving corrective surgery to fix the unusual problem. 

     15-year-old Fu Wengui has 10 vertebrae in his neck, which is three more than the average person. This condition causes him pain, stress on his nerves and makes it difficult for him to walk with a super long neck. Personally, he looks like a giraffe, which is in no way a bad thing! There are many things you can do with a long neck. Then again, the more that I look at the photo, the more he reminds me of DC Comic superhero, Plastic Man. Am I being too mean? Sorry. 

     Anyway, the condition also means the young man was diagnosed with congenital scoliosis and abnormal chest frame when he was 6-years-old. This is pretty freakish to see, but was this a freak thing? I mean with beastiality as popular as it is, how do we know this kid, Fu, isn't the product of a mother having sex with a giraffe? I mean he has the characteristics of one. I wonder if he's a vegetarian? Does he just eat leaves from a tree when it's time to eat? What could be next after this in China? A child is born with two black eyes, black ears and black arms? In all seriousness, I'd like to find out how this kid was born with 10 vertebrae in his neck. Maybe he's really an alien and was able to extend his neck as a child, but forgot how to bring his neck back down? I'm sure my theories are furthest from the truth, but they sure are funny to think about aren't they? 


      I do feel really bad about young Fu, but a Beijing charity has come forward and announced that they will provide money for a surgical procedure while doctors in Chaoyang Hospital are developing a treatment plan. Fu says, "I hope I can have a normal neck, I'm sick of eating leaves from trees." Okay, that last part I added in. This is just too absurd. He also went on to say that he always attracts unwanted attention whenever he goes out in public. I really do feel bad for this kid, but come on! Dare I say penis neck? Okay, I'm done.

THE FULL FRONTAL TEACHER

     Most of my teacher-student sexcapade blogs usually include a female teacher and a male student. Today, I'm going to switch things around and tell you a story about a Brooklyn teacher who was recently busted for sending a full-frontal photo to a 16-year-old female student. Why would you do that? I never understood why anyone would send naked photos of themselves through a phone in this day and age of phones getting hacked. That's just dumb! 

     Anyway, 44-year-old, Sean Shaynak, who teaches math and physics at Brooklyn Technical High School, pleaded not guilty to a charge of disseminating indecent material to a minor, which actually carries up to seven years in prison. Shaynak was such a creeper that he even used a photo app called Snapchat, which supposedly automatically deletes images after 10 seconds, but the smart teen took a screen grab of the photo to preserve it for later use.

     The District Attorney said, "This is a disturbing allegation as schools should be safe havens for students where teachers should protect our children and not expose them to such disgusting sexual images." The exact contents of the photo was not disclosed, but someone who did see the photo commented, "I want to poke my eyes out." Prosecutor Janet Gleeson said that Shaynak was friendly with the teenager, whose name was not disclosed, and even used to smoke weed and cigarettes with her. Um, what? That's a red flag right there! He used to smoke weed with her too? When a detective picked Shaynak up on Tuesday morning, he blurted out some obscenities at the officer. 

      The girl alerted an adult about the full-frontal shots, which was allegedly sent on June 27. The prosecutor indicated that authorities have monitored the teacher's Facebook page, where he was a friend of the student since July. Shaynak is divorced and has a daughter who lives upstate and he holds a pilot license. The tall teacher, who lives in East Flatbush, stood quietly as he was arraigned and ordered held on a $100,000 bond or $25,000 cash bail. He's also barred from making any contact with the student including Facebook and Snapchat. He's been teaching at Brooklyn Tech for five years and will continue to collect his $53,000 a year salary while the case is being investigated.

     The way I see it; what the hell were you thinking? It's one thing to send a girl nude photos of yourself. It's another thing to send it to a 16-year-old girl, who is probably the same age as your daughter, you pig! Like I said earlier, in this day and age of phone hacking and kids knowing how to take a screen grab of their phones, I would say this was a dumb move on his part. Then again, he probably took the photo after he smoked weed with the girl, therefore; he may have not been thinking straight. Who are we kidding! This guy is a pig!

ICE BUCKET CHALLENGED

     Though, I've shared my thoughts publicly about the popular Ice Bucket Challenge, it turns out; the challenge actually turned out to be effective. I don't mean in raising awareness and all of that money because that was obvious. I meant in drawing out convicted felons. I mean everyone, besides me, and their mother was posting videos on Facebook and following like sheep. It was only a matter of time that a wanted felon was to follow suit because for the most part, felons have no brains. That's why they're felons. 

     Anyway, a convicted felon who was being sought out for violating parole was arrested after he posted an "Ice Bucket Challenge" video to Facebook, where it was spotted by a tipster who alerted Nebraska police to the ex-con's whereabouts. Again, he was probably one of those people who did the challenge without really knowing what he did it for. He probably did it to be funny like everyone else on Facebook. I highly doubt that he also donated to the cause. 

     Jesean Morris was apprehended Friday night by gang unit officers following up on a tip provided by a source who was aware that the 20-year-old Omaha resident was a wanted man. Morris was sentenced to six years in a state prison for two felony convictions for assault and use of a firearm during the commission of a crime. Morris, who was 16 at the time, was arrested back in April 2010, and charged as an adult for his role in a shootout that left two men wounded. He was released from custody in late March on "discretionary parole."

     After watching Morris's "Ice Bucket Challenge" clip, the tipster contacted Omaha cops with an address where the video appeared to have just been recorded by Morris. During police surveillance of the property, investigators spotted Morris being driven away from the home, which was later stopped by police and Morris was arrested. Many of Morris's Facebook friends were said to be displeased with the Facebook snitch, but hey, if you're going to put your stuff on a public forum, you have to be ready to suffer the consequences. I still say that Morris had no idea why he was doing this ice bucket challenge and that's unfortunate because he just wanted to be like everyone else. Well, in this case, being sheep got you busted, my friend!

SHOE BETCHA!

     Back when I was a young lad, I worked as a stock boy in a ladies shoe store named Dolcis in the Garden State Plaza Mall in Paramus, NJ. I was in only in high school when I worked there. So, we were young and had a lot of fun there. We used to have stock room brawls, our boss used to take us to strip clubs, and we just used to horse around because we were kids. I remember this one guy, Chuck, was such a pervert that he used to rearrange the floor mirrors in the perfect spot in the store so that we were able to see up the women's skirts when they tried on shoes, which at the time for us horny young guys, was like striking gold when a hot chick used to come in. Not every customer was gold, let me remind you. 

     Anyway, today's story about Paul Senzee, 40, from Florida, reminded me of Chuck. Senzee was recently arrested and charged with voyeurism after he used an iPhone hidden in his shoe to record "upskirt" images at a Walmart store. That is such a Chuck move! Senzee was nabbed in Sanford by store security guards after a woman began yelling at him for following her around the retailer giant and then sidling up next to her at the checkout line. What I don't get is how he his his iPhone in his shoe. How the hell do you do that? 

     Well, customer Lillie Kent told police the man had a hole cut in the top of his shoe. She first notice him in the toilet paper line, after he crept up behind her. When he kept following her and then stood close behind her at the cash register, she began screaming at him and demanded to have his shoes inspected. Security guards detained the man on Tuesday night. Police discovered an iPhone wedged into one of his black dress shoes. He tried to hide the device's lens by putting black tape around the hole in his shoes. Senzee was arrested on a felony of voyeurism. He was released on bail and is scheduled to be arraigned on September 30. 

     Seriously, is voyeurism such a crime? They make pornos about it. Yes, it's an invasion of privacy. Okay, I guess if I found out someone was taking upskirt shots of my fiancee, I may want to beat him senseless too, but what is Senzee doing that was any different than Chuck? I guess Chuck just never got caught and he left us with a barrel full of memories and laughs. 

GIVE IT TO MIKEY! HE'LL EAT ANYTHING!

     Are we still doing that ice bucket challenge campaign? Really? Aren't we over it yet? We're aware already! Just donate! Anyway, that may have been a really good campaign to bring awareness to ALS, or the Lou Gehrig Disease, but it seems Britain might have a campaign that might top the ice bucket challenge when it comes to awareness. 

     Apparently, a British council has been circulating a stomach-churning, eye-opening image of a little boy eating dog feces to convince owners to pick up after their pups. Yes, a little boy about my nephew's age picking up a pile of steaming dog crap and eating it. I would like to think that kids were smarter than that especially because of the smell of dog feces, but hey, I guess you never know. The child in the picture appears with canine waste smeared across his mouth, hands and t-shirt in a horrific photograph that's been plastered on posters across the Borough of Spelthorne with a caption that read: "No Messin'--children will touch anything." I have to admit. I'm not sure this will really bring more awareness than the ice bucket challenge, but the photo and the message certainly are funny. I mean if they wanted to take it a step further, they can videotape adults eating random dog poop off the street and then donating to bring awareness. Too far? But it's all for fun, though! And it brings awareness!

       The warning sign, which aims to get careless owners to scoop up their pet's poop, was first unveiled in 2013, but it went viral this week after being uploaded to image-sharing site Imgur this past Sunday. It's since been viewed more than 856,000 times. Many viewers have slammed the campaign, describing it as "disgusting" and "vile," while others praised the initiative, with one commenter saying, "This is horrible, but I bet it's effective." The council defended the campaign saying that it needed to be "hard-hitting" to work. A representative from the council said, "Dog waste, as well as being unsightly, is dangerous and contains a parasitic worm, which, if ingested, can cause blindness. Children are particularly susceptible because of their habit of putting fingers in mouths. We decided to concentrate efforts, therefore, on playgrounds."

     I'm not sure how effective this will be in Britain, but it may work here in the states. I mean, I have a dog and I pick his poop up, but I have taken him on walks where I see people not picking up after their dog and that is just plain rude to those who do. The rep was right. Dog poop does carry worms and other diseases. Can you imagine a kid who didn't know any better picking it up thinking it was chocolate an eating it? Then again, what kind of kid would eat a chocolate bar off the floor. Either way, after smelling my dog's poop, I would highly advise not letting your kids eat dog poop. Pick up after your dog. This is a public service announcement. My name is Tim Louie. 

SINGLE WHITE MALE

     During a break-up, isn't it best to sometimes just let her or him go? I mean there had to be a reason for a break-up, right? Why do some men, or women, continue to harass their exes after they've been dumped? In some cases, the break-ups are for the best. In this case, it was definitely for the best! 

     This is 34-year-old, Chad A. Monroe from Bay City, Michigan. He was recently arrested for allegedly posting nude photos of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook in an attempt to drive her to kill herself, but here is the best part; he claims his lawyer told him it was all legal. I definitely would not hire that lawyer!

     Monroe harassed his ex-girlfriend for months with calls, text messages and lewd Facebook messages, vowing to destroy her life until she killed herself. The psychopath's tormented ex got a protection order against him back in July, but it was never served, allowing the harassment to continue for weeks. Along with the calls and the text messages, Monroe posted nude photos of the woman on Facebook, labeling her a "whore", and even sent nude pics to the young woman's mother. One of the Facebook posts featured a "Wanted Dead or Alive" poster with her picture in it. Dude! Let her go already! You'll never win her back this way!

     Police eventually called Monroe in for questioning, but he cursed at them and taunted them, claiming his behavior was lawful and they'd never track him down. According to police, he told them, "I know about the protection order, but it's all bullshit and you won't find me to serve me. I talked to my lawyer and he said I can put naked pictures on the Internet and I am going to keep doing it until she gives my things back." Monroe then claimed that he was staying with his "crazy" aunt in Pinconning, a town about a half hour north of Bay City. He told police, "She will shoot anyone who comes onto her property." 

     Monroe was arrested on August 12 and charged with stalking and unlawful posting of a message on the Internet. Is that even a law? It sounds made up. He's due to appear in front of a judge on August 26. I have to admit, he sounds like a man-child. He threatened to keep posting nude photos unless she gave back his things? What are we? Five? Just take your losses and move on, man! People like this should not be in relationships. They just don't know how to act when the other one leaves. It hindsight, the girl made the right decision because it seems if she continued to date this guy, Monroe, she might've ended up in a body bag or on a news headline somewhere. This guys needs some heavy duty therapy.

...AND THIS IS THE "BATHROOM SWEET"

     Does anyone remember that scene in the Willy Wonka remake where Johnny Depp, who plays Wonka, builds a palace for an Indian prince out of chocolate? Do you also remember what happened after Wonka told him that he could only live in the palace for a short period of time, but the prince shunned Wonka and ended up having all of that chocolate melt on top of him and his wife. Well it seems life is getting to imitate art...sort of. And I must say, that if I had the money...Oh boy!

     Anyway, it turns out an interior designer and a chocolatier have teamed up to create a bathroom set that may not be practical, but sure looks delectable. A decadent chocolate bathroom set that contains 12 years' worth of calories looks like something Willy Wonka would have dreamed up is being sold online for more than $133,000. That's right! $133,000. For a bathroom set that you can essentially eat after you use it to bathe. I might have to second think my first thought of "If I had the money." On second thoughts that would be gross! And how do you clean it? 

     Bathrooms.com and Choccywoccydoodah, a U.K.-based team of designers and chocolatiers recently joined forces for the 100% Belgian chocolate fixtures. The unique and tasty bathroom set includes a bidet, a tub, a toilet and a basin. The idea was inspired by the common confusion of the words "suite" and "sweet" in Web searches. Bathrooms.com CEO Ian Monk said, "As a consequence of shoppers searching for 'bathroom sweets,' we decided to answer their search, literally. Our very own exclusive chocolate bathroom suite, based on our Maderno range, was initially a bit of fun, but once we realized it was possible to actually make, we knew we decided to buy Bathroomsweets.com and list the product." 

     The full set is made up of an estimated 9.4 million calories worth of chocolate and stays solid for at least six months as long as it is kept at room temperature. The pieces are also for sale individually and priced as follows: Bidet - $11,700, Sink $15,000, Toilet - $23,400 and the Tub - $83,600. This chocolate will melt if left by a radiator or in direct sunlight or if it gets splashed with a hot liquid. So, basically, you can't take a hot bath in this tub, you can't have any windows in your bathroom, and your bathroom needs to be ice cold to have this set for only six months. I think I will pass, however, I would love an opportunity to christen that chocolate toilet bowl if you know what I mean. Maybe add some of my own chocolate to the chocolate bowl. 

     The makers of the bathroom set say, "It's suggested that one shouldn't attempt to consume the entire suite in one session, and it's made clear that anyone inquiring about the set should expect a 2-3 month delivery time, as they are made fresh to order." Yeah, it does look very cool, but I couldn't justify eating a toilet bowl that I just pooped and peed in or a tub that I just laid my dirty body in to bathe. That chocolate would taste nasty. So, what happens when the six months is up? Do you have a "eat my bathroom set" party? Like I said earlier, this looks so cool, but what a dumb idea!

TALK ABOUT A DEAD LAY

     After causing quite a stir yesterday on Facebook with my thoughts about the ALS Ice Water Challenge, which again I thought was brilliant marketing to bring awareness, but after a week or two of seeing friends dump water on themselves just to put a video on Facebook is just stupid. The original idea was to dump water or donate. Then it became dump and donate. Why dump then? Just donate. I'll tell you why dump...Because people are always looking for attention and they want their 2 minutes of fame, so they act like sheep and follow everyone else. Anyway, that was yesterday's argument. Between my fiancee and I, we donated $200 without even getting ourselves wet! Back to writing about sex and other fun stuff!

     So, an Ohio mortician has admitted to having sex with up to 100 corpses. Yes, I said corpses. That means dead people. This guy was a necrophiliac. Kenneth Douglas, from Hamilton, Ohio, said he had sexually abused three corpses while high on drugs and alcohol in 1991 and 1992. He also admitted to having sex with up to 100 dead women over the period between 1976 and 1992, while he worked the night shift. He said in court, "I would just get on top of them and pull my pants down." Absolutely disgusting!

     The extent of his crimes have only come to light after it emerged that Hamilton County faces huge legal bills after the families of Douglas' victims were told they could sue by a federal appeals court on Friday. Douglas said in a court deposition that he would normally sexually attack these female corpses if he was high on drugs or drinking. He said, "If I hadn't had anything to drink when I went to work, it wouldn't happen." Man, he has to get his beer goggles fixed. At least, a beastly woman is alive. 

     Douglas' wife would complain that he "reeked of sex," and probably formaldehyde, when she picked him up from work. She said she told officials but nothing was done. His victims included 23-year-old Charlene Appling, whom he had sex with on the day she died after being strangled while six months pregnant. What the hell? Another victim was 19-year-old Karen Range. This was discovered when DNA from Douglas' semen was found inside Range's body. Okay, I literally just threw breakfast up in my mouth. 

     Douglas' crimes only came to light when the killer of Range appealed his conviction for rape and murder. In 2008, Douglas admitted his guilt in the Range case and was sentenced to 3 years in prison. He pleaded guilty to two more cases in 2012. I swear! This guy is the Wilt Chamberlain to the deceased. I mean what a pig, but seriously. He banged up to 100 dead women. That's definitely a surefire way not to get rejected for sex. They can't respond! Okay, I'm done and totally grossed out.

STAY CLASSY FLORIDA

     Keeping up with my theme of scandalous sex stories this week, I knew Florida wouldn't let me down. Don't get me wrong, I love visiting family and friends down there, but there is some real trash down in the Sunshine State. For example, the sight of a half-naked man thrusting into a woman against a parked truck in a Florida parking lot gave police more than "reasonable suspicion" that sex was happening! Only in Florida!

     I'm talking about 20-year-old Brandon Tinyes and 42-year-old April Newcomb. The Manatee County Sheriff's Office busted the fornicating duo with their pants down to their ankles after they were caught doing it in front of people who were going in and out of a Bradenton pub called Beef O'Brady's. By the way, yes, she is twice his age. Maybe he was Milf-hunting? 

     Anyway, witnesses saw Newcomb performing oral sex on Tinyes and when deputies arrived at the parking lot at around 6 p.m., they heard Newcomb moaning and saw her legs wrapped around Tinyes. Her only defense, as she told deputies, she and Tinyes "were friends and having sex." So apparently she wasn't trying to hide it. Seriously, though! Get in a car or take your sex home or to a bed or something. Why would you do it out in public like that? Oh, I forgot. They live in Florida and that's where trash lives. 

     The duo were arrested on lewd and lascivious behavior and exposure of sexual organs charges during their alleged sex act on August 12. This is actually the second publicized incident for Newcomb. She was arrested back in 2010 on child abuse charges after a video showed her cheering on her teen daughter fighting another girl over a boy, as opposed to pulling the girls apart to break the fight up. In the video, Newcomb screams at her daughter to not "f**ing stop" and "punch her in the F**king body!" The child abuse charge was later reduced to a misdemeanor. I mean come on! Can Newcomb get anymore Florida than this? When you think about it, the only good things to come out of Florida are Disney World, Universal Studios, oranges and some of its beaches. Other than that, it's such a trashy state. I'm sorry to my family and friends who live there, but these are the people you live with!

BUTTMAN: THE NAKED KNIGHT

     Okay, so in the past few years, I've written about some strange fetishes. Why should today be any different? Meet 26-year-old Lucas Leffel from Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. He's been dubbed locally as the "naked intruder." I like to call him "Buttman: The Naked Knight." It turns out; good ol' Lucas here is being accused of breaking into homes in the nude because he was attracted to women's buttocks. Yup! He was an Ass Man. 

     Leffel was said to have stripped down before entering a string of homes in Fond du Lac, or in his case, Fondle Lac, which is located about 60 miles north of Milwaukee, and he would sneak into women's bedrooms to fondle their butts while they slept. Here's what I don't understand; didn't any of these women have husbands, where they might wake up in the middle of the night only to find some strange naked guy groping their wife in the middle of the night and kick the living crap out of him? Or did he only creep after single women? Inquiring minds want to know. 

     Leffel was arrested after his mother spotted him wearing only boxers in the front lawn of their family's home on August 8. According to police, the creep had just bolted from a neighbor's home when a woman woke up from Leffel lifting her pajama pants as she slept in bed. What the hell? The suspect's mother, Mary Leffel, told a TV channel after she had him arrested, "I can't wrap my head around the whole thing. I just feel so bad for the families. And he needs to be punished." 

     Lucas told authorities that he has been addicted to pornography since he was 11-years-old and had been breaking into homes to touch women's buttocks ever since. How? How was he getting away with it all these years? Leffel was ordered to be held in lieu of $250,000 bail after he was arraigned on charges that included attempted second-degree sexual assault and burglary. Dude! I think every guy has been addicted to porn on some level, but breaking into houses just to fondle a women's ass? What the hell is wrong with people? He did it naked too! There are too many holes here! Why didn't any of these other women file a complaint? Unless they enjoyed it. And why did it take his mother to have him arrested? Unless she was jealous that he didn't molest her? Anyway, you look at this, it's just creepy as hell. My only wish is that one of these women farted on him. That would have made this story interesting!

THREE'S A CROWD

     What's with the sudden rise with threesomes in public places? A threesome in a hot tub was busted in Arizona a couple of weeks ago and now a threesome of tourists was busted up in the red light district of historic Pompeii in Italy. It turns out; a trio horny tourists climbed over a wall and broke into Pompeii after dark in an effort to engage in some group sex in an ancient communal bath house. 

     A Frenchman and two Italian women were literally caught with their pants down earlier this week by police, who were patrolling the inside of a former brothel in the ancient Italian city. I'm sorry. I know it sounds desecrating, but this is hilarious! The trio, who ranged in age from 23 to 27, climbed over a wall to get into the volcano-hit settlement when night fell. Then they made their way to the Suburban Baths, a building decorated with images of group sex where rich Roman merchants would go to blow off steam among other things. 

     Security guards, who were patrolling the perimeter, heard noises that included girls giggling and moaning, which lead them to the threesome with their pants down. The trio were later charged with "only" trespassing. Man, these three got away lucky. A Visit Pompeii tour guide said that horny intruders often try to make out in the ruins, which were engulfed in lava when Mount Vesuvius erupted in 79 AD.  He says, "It's ridiculous and vulgar, but young people are fascinated by this and sometimes try to play this game. They don't understand the cultural value of the frescoes at all." Then again, you find me young people who have respect for anything these days. Kids these days have sex anywhere they want to. They don't care if it's a historical landmark or not. I still do find it utterly hilarious that not only one couple tried to get down and dirty in this sacred bath house, but they tried to have a threesome, which makes this story just absolutely awesome!

DREAM ON....

     How many of you have woken up from a dream and thought it to be real? How many of you thought that it was so real that you needed to do something about it? That's what 27-year-old Carlos Gascon from North Miami-Dade, Florida, did. He allegedly spent an entire day beating the everlasting crap out of his girlfriend last Friday because he had a dream that she cheated on him. Sounds like someone has some serious issues here. 

     Gascon allegedly punched and slashed his lover with a knife before slamming her down onto a glass table, all because he woke up convinced that she'd been unfaithful. He also smacked her dog, threw it to the ground and then tried to choke it out with his foot ay her Summerland Key home last Friday. Gascon is also being accused of pouring scolding hot coffee all over her body, threatening to kill her and throwing her cell phone and keys into a nearby canal. What a douchebag! Not only is he hitting women, which makes him pussy, but he's taking it out on a poor helpless dog. Who does that? Gascon needs a beating or maybe for Big Bubba to take advantage of him in prison. 

     The victim suffered the vicious assault from early morning until 6:45 pm. When Gascon finally passed out from all of the physicality, she was able to dial 911 from his phone. She told someone at the Monroe County Sheriff's office, "He was angry at her because he had a dream that she was cheating on him." Even if she really was cheating on him, which she probably should have been to get a beating like this, did she deserve the torture she endured? No women deserve to be beaten like this. I don't care what they did to their man. The fact that it was just a dream makes it even worse. Then the whole thing with attacking the poor dog. This guy needs to be put in the system for good! He's a threat to society. This won't be the last time he does this either. 

     Gascon was arrested and faces a slew of charges from aggravated assault and battery to false imprisonment and animal cruelty. He is currently being held on $265,000 bail at the Monroe County Jail. Good! Let him rot there! I know when my fiancee and I have dreams about the other cheating, we're smart enough to know it's a dream and we'll tell each other about it. How can you not have enough sense to know something is a a dream? Was the dream that real? If so, why didn't you just beat her in your dreams? There definitely has to be more to this story. Either way, this guy is definitely a scumbag.

UNHAPPY ENDING

      Just for the record, I am in no way related to these women! Yes, I might look like them, but I guess you can say that it's just a bad case of "we all look a like." Anyway, that's not what this story is about. It's actually about another "Happy Ending" massage parlor that was busted in North Jersey. Don't you love how we find out about these places after the fact? I remember going to one in Fort Lee, but that story is for a whole different blog. 

     Anyway, a massage parlor in Rutherford, New Jersey was recently raided by police after a Rutherford wife, tailed her husband inside the storefront and got more than she bargained for. Two women (pictured) were arrested on prostitution charges at the Rose Spa last Thursday, only a few weeks after the wife reported she had seen sex acts being performed in the neighborhood business after following her hubby inside. 

     An undercover police officer went to the spa Thursday afternoon, posing as a massage customer. Midway through the rub-down, employee Mei Shu Jiang, 45, reached for his goods and offered him sex in exchange for $60. As this was happening, other officers forced their way into the locked spa. Jiang and another worker, Shanji An, 42, climbed out a second-story window and ran across a rooftop. They were captured in a nearby courtyard. 

     The unnamed Rutherford wife who discovered the establishment told police that she'd gone from room to room in the "warren-like" building and saw sexual acts being performed in each room. After she called police, the customers actually fled. She then posted fliers around the neighborhood, accusing the massage parlor of offering sex for money. The problem that I have with this is why is this "wife" ruining people's livelihoods as opposed to focusing on the fact that he husband went there to have sex with a prostitute? Last I checked prostitution was the oldest profession. Why did she have to go and rat these ladies out for providing a service, when the real problem is her husband and his infidelity. These women, prostitutes or not, were still trying to make a living. That's their problem that they are sluts. What's not their problem is the husbands that are coming to them for an extramarital fling. Yeah, I said it! The person who is wrong here is the wife, not the prostitutes!

MOMMY DEAREST

  Now, I've written blogs about teachers having sexual relations with their students and I've also written about children being abandoned while their parents went off to have sex with their lover. Well, this story just blows my mind.

     So, a very twisted British mother had sex with her own preteen son as her equally twisted lover watched and directed her over a webcam. Can you say, "Ew!" The 39-year-old unnamed woman carried out the sordid "sex lesson" in their Bristol family home while her partner watched online from abroad. Wearing earbuds, she followed her boyfriend's instructions, first having sex and then performing a sexual act on the preteen, who was 11 or 12 at the time. 

     The mother was put in jail for three years and three months this past Monday, while her partner remains at large. Details of the sordid tale emerged last October after the mom complained about her partner at a domestic abuse help center. After confessing to abusing her eldest son, the boy revealed what had happened while being interviewed by police. The mother admitted to engaging in penetrative sexual activity with a boy under the age of 13. Her two sons have been placed into the care of a foster family. 

     Is it me, or did I see this in a porn called Taboo? Mother has sex with son, while lover watches from afar. The only difference is the son in the movie isn't 11 or 12! Regardless, why is the mother having sex with her own son. That is absolutely disgusting! I have to admit, I would like to see what the mother looks like...No, I wouldn't! What am I saying! Yuck!

LEAVE A NEGATIVE COMMENT AND PAY A $500 FINE

     This past weekend, my fiancee and I drove up to a little town in upstate New York called Spencertown, where my uncle owns a weekend home, to spend time with my family. On the way up, we drove through what seemed like an amazing and quaint little town called Hudson, NY. I've never been to Hudson, but as we drove through, it seemed like a place that my fiancee and I would visit. That's until I read this story! 

     So, it turns out; a rustic New York inn has been under attack by Internet users following claims that the inn fines brides and grooms $500 for negative online reviews left by their guests. The now growing attacks against Union Street Guest House in Hudson followed a since-removed disclaimer on its website that issued the authoritarian-like rule against bad publicity for the inn. 

     The policy read: "If you have booked the Inn for a wedding or other type of event anywhere in the region and given us a deposit of any kind for guests to stay at Union Street Guest House, there will be a $500 fine that will be deducted from every negative review of Union Street Guest House placed on any internet site by anyone in your party and/or attending your wedding or event." WHAT? That is ridiculous! So, now they are bullying people into leaving good reviews? If the service is bad, the service is bad. There would be no bad reviews if these people knew how to treat their clientele. This is horrible!

     In an attempt for a sensible alternative, the policy stated that if the negative review was removed, their guest's $500 fee would be returned. Needless to say, when others found out about this policy from the hotel that bills itself as "an icon of the Hudson Valley," they've garnished extremely negative online reviews. By Monday evening, nearly 15-pages of one-star reviews has plastered the inn's listing on Yelp. Their Facebook page earned a similar amount of negative comments before being completely deleted from the site.

     One Yelp user wrote: "If you don't want bad reviews, provide amazing service. Having a policy that fines people for expressing their opinion of the service is unbelievable. The Internet is not controlled by your organization." According to a statement reportedly posted on their Facebook page, but has since been taken down, the hotel suggested that the policy, which used to be on the page, was all just a joke: "The policy regarding wedding fines was put on our site as a tongue-in-cheek response to a wedding many years ago. It was meant to be taken down long ago and certainly never enforced." What kind of joke is that? A review posted on Yelp about the hotel back in November 2013, appeared to suggest otherwise: "The manager of this hotel had the gall to email us twice to threaten us financially about the negative review!" No comment from the Inn regarding this post. 

     I mean really? What happened to "Freedom of Speech"? Did we forget that already? Did the British win the Revolutionary War, where we are still taxed on everything including bad Internet reviews? Because that's what this reminds me of. How dare this place charge a fine for people who express their opinions about their establishment. They can either respond to the negative comments or fix what's broken in your shop because if you're receiving negative reviews, you're obviously doing something wrong! Needless to say, now it seems like a good idea that we didn't choose to get married up there because Union Street Guest House might have been one of the Inns that our guests might have stayed at. 

A BONER CREAM TAINTED HIS DRUG TEST? WHAAA?

     With all of the child abandonment stories this week, I figured I would end this week with a nice laugh about a police officer and his boner cream. Yes, I said boner cream. Shall I say it again? Boner cream!

     Anyway, a Miami Beach police officer, who was fired last year when his random drug test came back positive for cocaine, has recently been reinstated. The officer claims to have never touched cocaine in his life and the test result had been caused by a cream that he rubbed on his bat and balls. 

     Homicide detective Reinaldo Casas said that he got the sex aid cream from a friend, who, he even testified, told him that the cream "would help him in his sexual liaisons." The friend claimed to have bought the jar of cream from "an old Cuban guy." According to one news source, the cream was a homemade Vaseline-like concoction packaged in unmarked purple containers and according the friend who gave it to Casas, the cream worked. None of the witnesses admitted to knowing what was in the magical boner cream, but come on! Isn't it obvious now? Mix an 8-ball of cocaine with some Vaseline and rub it on your junk. You're the king!

     Casas said in his grievance filing, "Having never knowingly used cocaine, I was baffled, perplexed and confused." Wait! Isn't "baffled, perplexed and confused" the same exact thing? This guy has to be on drugs! Despite the city's argument that the detective should have had some idea what he was putting on his package, arbitrators ruled in Casas' favor. He's been given permission to rejoin the department and will even receive back pay. I have to admit that this is a little embarrassing. Even for a police officer. I can imagine everyone on the department decorating his desk with penis toys and what not. I'm also a little confused as to what this cream was supposed to do. Is it supposed to make you last longer? Keep it harder for longer like Viagra? Or is it supposed to make it bigger? If that's the case, wouldn't the cream make his hands bigger as well? Also, as a detective, how could he not be leery of the unmarked purple containers? There are a lot of holes in this case. I wouldn't have given him his job right away.